Sanji lifted his head, abandoning the damp spot on Zoro's neck that he had been gently biting.

"What do you mean, 'what'?

"I mean, Shitty Cook, what the hell do you think that you're doing?"

Sanji snickered, and bent his head back to the drying skin. "Idiot." he muttered, before taking it between his teeth once again.

A strong hand pushed against his chest, sending the distracted cook sprawling across the soft mattress. He sat up quickly and glared at the other man sitting on the bed.

"What the fuck is your problem, Asshole?"

"You're my problem! I'm not in the mood right now, so why don't you just fuck off, and leave me the hell alone."

"Not in the mood?" Sanji asked in disbelief.

"Not everyone in the world walks around led by their dicks all the time like you do."

Sanji's eyes narrowed as he leaned closer to the swordsman.

"Yeah? Well, listen, Asshole. We've been out at sea for months on that small ship with little or no privacy. We finally find a town to stop and rest, with no marines looking for us, no rival pirates to fight, and no wars to get mixed up in. So you know what? I want to have sex. I want to have sex right now. I want to have sex right now in this nice comfortable bed as opposed to being screwed up against the wall, or a railing, or dangling over the side of the crow's nest. So fuck your mood, shut the fuck up, and enjoy the goddamn ride."

He leaned in, and when a hand came up to push his face away, he seriously considered biting it off.

"Can't you take a hint, Cook?"

"No. No, I can't. Take off your pants."

"Forget about it! If you're that hard up, why don't you just go and find Nami? Its late, and she was at the bar with Robin earlier, so she may be drunk enough at this point. But just to play it safe, bring a little extra cash with you."

Sanji froze, and he pulled back. All color drained from his face.

"What the fuck did you just say?" he asked in a deadly whisper.

"You heard me. She's the one you really want here, anyway. So stop wasting your time with me, and get the fuck out!"

This was it. This was the end. The time had finally come for Sanji to kill Zoro. Nami's honor was at stake, and if blood had to be shed to defend it, then so be it. But first, there was a question to be answered.

"Are you jealous?"

Zoro's eyes opened wide and his mouth gaped.


Sanji laughed, despite the murderous look that he was receiving.

"You heard me. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm going to have to kill you over what you said about my dear lovely Nami-san. But, I mean, I'm right, aren't I? You're feeling a little green?"

"I'm not green!"

Sanji couldn't help himself. He pointed at the top of Zoro's head and smiled.

"I'll kill you, you asshole!"

"No, Idiot, I already said that I'm going to kill you. I would just like for you to admit to the jealousy thing first."

"Get this though those shitty brains of yours. I am NOT JEALOUS!"

"You are SO jealous. You're so jealous, that you can't even get it up."


"Yeah? Then why aren't you in the 'mood'?"

"I'M IN THE MOOD! I want it! I want it real bad, you dumb FUCKER!" he began tearing at his own clothes, in some cases ripping them off of his body. When he was naked, he threw himself backwards on the bed and glared at the cook. "Stop sitting there looking every bit like the girly asshole that you are. Come over here and give it to me! Now."

Sanji looked at the other man, who was scowling at him and practically foaming at the mouth like the inbred idiot that he was. Zoro's chest was heaving in anger, his skin was flushed, and goddamnit if Sanji wasn't completely turned on. With a sigh, he pulled his own clothes off and crawled over so he was kneeling above the other man. He comforted himself by making a mental note to kill the swordsman the second his orgasm ended.

"I'm not jealous."

Sanji smiled, before biting down on Zoro's lower lip. He chewed for a moment, before pulling back to admire the subtle red swelling.

"I'm not." Zoro insisted again, his voice slightly lower than it was before. "What's so great about that woman, anyway?"

"Ah, Nami-san." Sanji ran his hands across the tensing chest, kneading the hard muscle with the flat of his hands.

"She smells good, for one thing." the blonde teased, bending close to the other man so he could place his head comfortably between the taunt juncture of neck and shoulder. He breathed deeply, and smiled.

"Its nothing at all like this stink."

He pulled his head from its hiding spot, and drug his face, nose pressed against flesh, across the sharp breastbone. The scent of tangy sweat and musk was powerful.

"She smells like sweetness and intangibility." Sanji whispered. "Something that's not quite real."

He drug his fingernails down the softer sides of Zoro's torso, liking the way the swordsman's body arched at the action, pressing the flat of their bellies close. Close.

He licked against a stray jagged scar, mapping its edges with his tongue. He shifted to find echoes of other lacerations, drawn deep into the trained determined body.

"She's smooth and perfect and looks so soft."

He lapped greedily across the prominent slash that was cut roughly, purposely, from heart to hip. Zoro gasped at the contact, and shifted his groin closer.

"Kinky little fuck." Sanji muttered , before sliding down and taking the tip of Zoro's damp erection into his mouth.

He laughed nastily around the other man's dick when Zoro grunted low and wild. He swallowed deeper, and sucked in the slow unhurried way that he knew drove the swordsman crazy.

"Get on with it, you Shitty Cook!"

He smirked and pulled away, ignoring the aggravated groan from the body beneath him. He stretched up, and thrust his tongue deeply into Zoro's panting mouth. His hands hooked beneath each of the swordsman's knees, and pulled them up and then over his sweat-tensed shoulders. He leaned forward quickly to snag the bottle of oil from where he had placed it earlier on the small table beside the bed. Zoro's hands gripped the twisted sheets as he was bent nearly in half at the sudden movement, and he glared up at the blonde.

Sanji almost apologized, but figured that he was forgiven a moment later based on the appreciative gasp when the first slicked finger slid into the welcoming and familiar circlet of muscle. Zoro pressed against him, impatiently, demandingly, wantonly. Sanji did not think of the other man as beautiful, but he was utterly captivated by the twisted feral semblance of want and carnality spread open beneath him.

"She's smart, and clever, and patient." he said, dragging out the final word before pressing into the taut body.

He started off slow, as he always did, knowing that the gentleness really rankled the swordsman. He loved watching the other man's impatience conquer him, until he was straining and pulling and pushing back against Sanji like some backwater whore.

"Fucking move!"

Sanji adored the desperation and wanted to draw it out, to tease him further, but the sight of Zoro sliding beneath him lost in lasciviousness was already increasing his rhythm.

"Come on, bastard. I'm not some fucking woman. I'm not your Nami-san."

The blonde thought it wrong in so many ways that he should feel pure heat at the words, but he hissed through gritted teeth, and started driving ruthlessly into the swordsman. It had been too long, and this was too good with the two of them here, fucking fast and angry and annoyed. As soon as he felt Zoro's release hit him messily across his abdomen he knew that he was going to lose it, and then he was over the edge, pumping erratically, before falling exhausted beside Zoro on the ruined bed.

Sanji laid there, panting and exhausted, and knew there was no way he was moving for the rest of the night.

"I'll kill you tomorrow." he muttered against Zoro's shoulder. The other man grunted in reply.

Sanji closed his eyes, but before he drifted off, Zoro spoke quietly.

"You know, if you didn't act like an idiot all the time, she might take you more seriously."

Sanji was too tired to kick him.

"You're an asshole. And she's too good for me."

Zoro snorted close to his ear, and Sanji decided not to remark on the arm that reached out to pull him closer.

"Damn right."