I just had to post this, to get it out of my head. Also for those who don't know, I updated Chapter 7 of Turning Over a New Green and the New P.E. Teacher. So please read it! This is a one shot story, unless somebody wants more.
(Does anybody like the little tidbits I put in about the show or should I stop doing them? Let me know by reviewing!)
DYK:In the Crush episode, Drakken says ninja makes more noise than Shego does, but in the Sitch In Time movie he says Shego is a ninja. I'm guessing he's saying that normal ninjas make more noise, but when has a ninja ever been normal? Especially since Drakken is the one who hired a Sumo Ninja.
Disclaimer: Sadly, I do not own KP and company. What, do I look like Disney to you? Whatever.
"Kim, could you come downstairs for a minute? Your father and I need to talk to you," Mrs. Dr. Possible yelled up the stairs.
"What up, Mom?" Kim asked, climbing donwn the stairs.
"Kim, we need to tell you this, it's quite important, but we've been putting it off for long enough," Mr. Dr. Possible, "Kim, we aren't your biological parents."
"What!" Kim screeched. "You mean I'm not even related to you? Then how do you explain me looking almost exactly like Mom?"
"You know how some people look like people they are related to, but aren't their parents? (This is true, as I look almost exactly like my aunt, and everybody always thinks she is my mom.)" Mrs. Dr. Possible explained. Kim nodded. "Well, I'm your aunt. And your father is your uncle by marriage."
"What about the Tweebs?" Kim said, recovering from the shock.
"They're your cousins." Mr. Dr. Possible stated.
"Okay, so who is my real mom?" Kim asked slowly. Mr. and Mrs. Dr. Possible sighed. Kim wasn't going to like this. (The stuff after here is what they figure she will do, not what she will do.)She would probably go up into her room and scream into her pillow about how it just had to be her. And then scream some more about having him for a brother. Then she would meet Ron at Bueno Nacho as usual and rant about who her real mom was and her brother. Then, if worst came to worst, they would have to go on a mission or two and find out even more about her family tree. Then, she probably would bang her head against the wall about a hundred times. Next, she would find out the thing she probably would hate the most and then the thing that would make her think this whole thing was a cornucopia of disturbing concepts. Indeed, Kim was in for a weird day. (I am so sorry about ranting here, I got carried away. Still, when you find out who it is you probably are going to A:scream in horror and hide under the couch, B: burst out laughing in vindictive spite, C: pity Kim and her bad luck, or D: pity me and my runaway imagination.) "Come on you guys, it can't be that bad, can it? It's not like Shego is my mom." Mr. and Mrs. Possible gulped nervously. "Right? Mom, Dad?"
"No, Shego isn't your mom, but you are her aunt," Mrs. Dr. Possible said, bracing for the impact Kim's scream would make on her eardrums.
"What! That's impossible! She's like seven years older than me! I can't be her aunt! It simply isn't possible!" Kim was screaming at the top of her lungs.
"It's true Kim. You're the sister of Shego's dad, who is my nephew, Dr. Drew Theodore P. Lipsky, son of my sister Matilda Lipsky (I made this up.), " Mrs. Dr. Possible persisted.
"This goes deeper than sick and wrong, it's wrong-sick. Drakken's my brother? Oh, I think I'm going to bang my head on the wall about a couple hundred times until this goes away. It won't though, because this is all true. Man, my life just keeps weirder by the day. I'm going to have to up my weird scale so that it shows out of one hundred, because this is definitely 56.3 on it," Kim wailed, "I'm going to meet Ron at Bueno Nacho." Kim stood up, deep in thought, and walked towards the door. She ran into it though, because she was to busy thinking to open it.
Later- Bueno Nacho-
"Ron, I just found out something that is too weird," Kim said sadly.
"What is it, KP?" Ron asked, his mouth full of Naco. Kim looked up at him and sighed. "You're not going to break up with me, are you Kim?"
"Of course not! But you better swallow the rest of that Naco because I don't want to have to use the Heimlich manuever to keep you from choking," Kim stated. Ron gulped down the rest of his food. Same old Ron.
"What's the sitch, KP?" Ron said jokingly. Kim glared at him.
"Okay, first off, this isn't a joking matter. And second, that's my line, so don't use it," Kim said, "Ron, I'm Shego's aunt and Drakken's sister."
"Get out!" Ron said, as he eyes bugged out of his head. Rufus, who had been finishing off Ron's Naco, spat it out.
"Yuck!" Rufus added, staring at Kim like she was crazy.
"It's true Ron," Kim said exasperately, banging her head on the table.
"No, I was talking to him," Ron said pointing at Rufus, "Rufus, get out of my Naco! You had your own! Are you sure about this, Kim? I mean, isn't that a little far fetched or too much of a coincidence?"
"I wish it was. But my mom, well, the one I lived with all my life, is the sister of my mom, who is Drakken's mom. And the Tweebs are my cousins," Kim sighed.
"Wait, how can you be Shego's aunt too unless...," Ron started.
"Unless Drakken is Shego's father. He is. I wonder if they knew. And if they did know, why didn't they tell me? And why did my aunt take me instead of my mom?" Kim said, finishing Ron's statement, "Let's go Ron. I need to ask my aunt a few questions."
Even Later- The Possible Residence-
Kim and Ron waked into the living room of the Possible home. It appeared to be quite deserted. A loud explosion, however, assured them that they were not alone. It came from the Tweebs room. Ron hid behind Kim as the whole house shook. Rufus wiped his forehead with his paw when it stopped shaking. He had stayed in Ron's pocket for safety. Mrs. Dr. Possible startled them as she burst from the kitchen heading to the boys' room.
"Jim, Tim, you know the fire department said 'No more fusion experiments.' Or were you using your father's 'borrowed' J200 rocket fuel again?" Mrs. Dr. Possible scolded.
"Mom, we weren't doing fusion experiments. And all of Dad's J200 rocket fuel is in our rockets on Ron's scooter still. We're building a chronal manipulator," Jim and Tim said, you could tell they were both speaking.
"No time travel in the house, boys," Mrs. Dr. Possible warned.
"Ah, Mom, this is totally safe," they answered.
"So I gathered from the sonic boom while ago," their mother muttered. A loud boom resounded from the the boys' room once again. "Outside, now!"
"Fine," Tim said putting on his red jacket. His twin followed.
"We'll work on it in the garage," Jim finished. The twins passed Kim, Ron, and Rufus on their way out. "Hey, it's cousin Kim!"
"Hello cousin Kim," Tim snickered. Behind him his twin, Jim, was trying not to laugh.
"Don't make me hurt you," Kim threatened.
"Go on, out you two," Mrs. Dr. Possible said as she shooed them out the door. "Back so soon?"
"I have some more questions," Kim responded. "So, did Drakken know that I'm related to him?"
"Yes," her 'mother' responded. "I thought he would have mentioned it, though. Are you sure he didn't?"
"Yeah, I would have remembered if he had said something, I'm sure of it. Can you remember if he did, Ron?" Kim asked.
"Nope, not a word I can remember about it," Ron said, after a minute of scanning his brain. "I don't think they mentioned it KP." (This story is probably getting boring to those of you who have low attention span. No offense meant, just stating a possiblility, though the story is going to perk up.)
"We're going to see why they never told us Mom. We'll be back by ten tonight," Kim said, " Come on Ron, let's jet." Kim turned on the Kimmunicator to contact Wade. (Hey, it may be a tricked out MP3 player, but that is its primary function.) "Wade, we need a location for Drakken's latest lair. We're going to pay him a little visit."
"I've got the location, but he hasn't done anything wrong yet except break out of jail. What are you going there for?" Wade asked, sipping on his soda.
"I'm going to have a family reunion," Kim said bluntly. "Apparently I won't see Drakken and Shego the same anymore."
"Did they kidnap your dad again?" Wade questioned.
"No. Wade, my mom is really my aunt and my real mom is Drakken's mom. Drakken is also Shego's father, so that makes me her aunt," Kim groaned.
"Drakken's Shego's dad?" Wade said, spitting out his soda. "Get out!"
"It's true. That surprises you more than me being Drakken's sister?" Kim asked.
"No, I was talking to my mom's dog. Get out of here Sparky! I already knew you were Drakken's sister," Wade said, shutting the door behind the intruding dog.
"How did you know that I was related to Drakken and Shego in the first place?" Kim asked.
"And since when did your mom get a dog?" Ron asked, interrupting in on the conversation.
"My mom got a dog a month ago, Ron, and it drives me crazy. It's always scratching on my door and when my mom comes and gets my laundry, she leaves the door open and it gets in here," Wade said.
"Really? What breed?" Ron asked. Kim sighed.
"Wade, focus. How did you know about Drakken being my brother?" Kim persisted. (No matter how many times I write in this fic that Drakken and Kim are siblings, it still feels weird. And Kim being Shego's aunt? Freaky!)
"When I first pulled up Drakken's profile, it said he had a sister named Kimberly A. Lipsky. Naturally I wanted to see if she had a criminal record so I looked in the national database to see if she had served any time. Finding nothing, I Googled the name Kimberly A. Lipsky and found that she had been adopted by her aunt, Dr. Anne Kimber Possible. (Again, I made this up, since the show for some reason, has yet to give her a name.) I also found that you had been given your aunt's last name shortly after she married, Possible," Wade said.
"And you never told me Drakken was my brother...why?" Kim asked angrily. Wade gulped.
"Three reasons. One, you never asked. Two, I thought you knew. Three, if you didn't know I thought I would only tell you if you asked," Wade said sheepishly into the screen.
"Whatever. Just get a ride for me and Ron to drop us off at Drakken's lair," Kim said.
"Your ride will be there in ten minutes," Wade said.
"You rock Wade," Kim said. Wade signed off.
"Uh, actually KP, I can't," Ron said slowly.
"Why not Ron?" Kim asked.
"My older brother Eddie is coming to town from New Jersey this week and I have to visit with him. I'm really excited about seeing him again. I haven't seen him since I was ten," Ron said excitedly, "Sorry KP."(Once again, I made this up, but you will later see how this fits into the story.)
"Okay, Ron, I'll just have to do this on my own," Kim said.
"Later KP," Ron said as he walked out the door.
Way Later- Somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean- Aboard a private jet-
Kim was talking to the only other passenger on the plane, and one of the people responsible for her dating Ron. (Not that she was complaining, mind you. But this is partly true about him being responsible. At least from my opinion he is.) He was happy to give Kim a ride after all the trouble she went through.
"Thanks for the lift Mr. Bortel," Kim said.
"Ms. Possible, it's the least I can do after all the trouble my Moodulators caused for you and, uh, Rob Probable," Cyrus Bortel said.
"Mr. Bortel, it's Ron, Ron Stoppable," Kim said. No one ever remembers his name.
"Oh, sorry," Mr. Bortel said.
Drakken's and Shego's Latest Lair- Some Once Nice Island in the Atlantic Ocean-
Kim crept in through the ventilation shaft. Why was it always so easy to get in through there anyways? Using the laser lipstick to remove the cover of the shaft was easy, she dropped down behind a large crate labeled Particle Disentegrator Ray. (This version is not handheld like the one in Turning Over a New Green and the New P.E. Teacher. Also, from now on, it will be referred to as PDR, if I ever mention it again.) Surprisingly, she had entered the main room of the lair on her first try. (Okay, maybe not surprising for her, it's not like she's Ron Stoppable, she's Kim Possible!) Shego was filing her nails and Drakken was, uh, working on a chronal manipulator. (For those of you who haven't notice, I seem to have an obsession with the chronal manipulator, as I've mentioned it at least twice in this story and once in the other.) Kim decided that it was best to act now and surprise them. This might hopefully get some answers out of Drakken. Kim shot her grappling hook across the room to the wall above Drakken.
"Yo, bro, how are you?" Kim asked as she swung across the room. Shego and Drakken looked up in surprise, Shego in the fact that Kim somehow got in, and Drakken in the fact that Kim had called him her brother. Shego looked at Drakken expectantly.
"Ah yes. Shego, I believe you have already met my little sister, Kim," Drakken said nervously. He wondered if the girls would take it good or go full combat.
"Hi there niece!" Kim said cheerfully.
"Hold up! You're my aunt? Get out!" Shego said, obviously surprised.
"It's true Shego," Drakken said grimly.
"No, I was talking to Commodore Puddles. Get out of the bag of dog food, Puddles! So she's the goody two shoes sister you're always complaining about, huh?" Shego said smirking and flinging Puddles into the broom closet.
"Er, um, yeah," Drakken said sheepishly.
"Listen, I just came here to ask why you never told me you were my BROTHER!" Kim practically screamed the last word at Drakken.
"It's simple. There are two reasons why I never told you. One, you never asked. Two, if I pretended that I didn't know you were my sister then I could have a guilt free conscience about killing my sister. However, now I just have to pretend that I don't know that you're my sister when I kill you. Eventually," Drakken said, sighing at the last part. Shego gasped. (This next part might be really weird for Shego, but this story does have weird in it.)
"You can't kill her! She's family! Even if she is your mortal enemy... who just happens to be your sister... and my aunt... who is about seven years younger me... her niece... never mind what I just said about her being family," Shego said. Kim glared at her.
"Oh, well thanks for almost giving me immunity from your guys' death rays...not," Kim said spitefully. Kim glanced at her watch. Her date with Ronwas in a few hours and she needed to get ready. "Well, I got to go get ready for my date with Ron."
"Ron? Is that your partner in crime fighting?" Shego asked. Kim nodded. "Well, why he isn't here?"
"His brother Eddie came back to town to visit this week from New Jersey," Kim said. Drakken paled. (If that was even possible for his blue skin.) (I think I know why his skin is blue, I think he accidentally ate nitrates, which if anybody has watched Medical Investigation, turns the skin blue. Though those that survive don't stay blue, but this is just my wild guess.)
"You can't date Don Robbable," Drakken said.
"It's Ron Stoppable, and why can't I date him?" Kim asked defensively.
"He's our cousin," Drakken said flatly. (To quote Falsetto Jones: Shocking isn't it? I told you this would be weird. Don't worry, it gets better. Way better. Also, does anybody know why Monique had Wade on speed dial so when she pushed 1 on her phone it called Wade? Well, later on is my reasoning about it.)
"What? Hold up. Ron's brother Eddie... Motor Ed! Oh, up my weird scale to 76.9, this is worse! I can't be with the man I have had a crush on since forever," Kim rambled, punching the chrome wall of her brother's lair. "What's next, Wade being my uncle?"
"Is Wade your trusted techno buddy that I impersonated?" Drakken asked.
"Yeah," Kim responded, not liking how timidly Drakken asked the question. Drakken looked at Shego expectantly.
"I took the last question, it's your turn Shego," Drakken said. Shego sighed.
"Wade is my half brother," Shego said dejectedly. (Hey, don't blame me, I just came up with this from a dream I had. A very disturbing dream that woke me up at 12:34 in the morning. But this is better than the Kim Possible dreams that I have been having since before the show came out. I just didn't realize they were Kim Possible until this year though, and I've been having these terrifying dreams since I was eight.)
"What? How?" Kim said, not wanting to believe a word of this.
"Drakken got a divorce from my mom after the twins were born and remarried a month later to Wade's mom. (I am using this on the assumption that Wego twins would be thirteen after So The Drama, but Wade would only be twelve.)
"This is a 88.5 on my ever growing weird scale. What's next, you going to tell me that Monique is his sister?" Kim snapped. Drakken and Shego exchanged looks. "No, I don't want to hear another word out of you Shego."
"Your turn Dr. D.," Shego said as she walked over to her armchair and began reading the Want ads in her magazine, Villianess. A large picture of Kim and Ron were on the cover, complete with a reward amount of two million for Kim and one million for Ron.
" If you are talking about Monique Load, then she is Wade's sister," Drakken said quietly, afraid that Kim might have the temper of her niece. Kim growled, then pulled out the Kimmunicator.
"Wade, is Monique your sister?" Kim asked, fighting the urge to locate his house and strangle him for not telling her that her brother was a megalomaniac. Wade spat out his soda rather violently and beat his fist against his chest several times. He glared at her for almost making him choke to death.
"Who told you?" Wade asked darkly. Kim grinned sweetly.
"Your dear half sister Shego and my brother Dr. Drakken," Kim said.
"Oh, right. Hey, aren't you going to be late for your date with Ron?" Wade said.
"I can't date him, he's my cousin," Kim said somberly.
"Eww, you've been kissing your cousin on the lips? Gross!" Wade said.
"Why are you trying to change the subject Wade?" Kim asked.
"Probably because he doesn't want you to know that his mom was having an affair with Drakken even though she was still married and that's how Monique came about," Shego butted in. Wade glared at Shego.
"Not cool to blab about your half-brother's mom's affair," Wade spat. Kim looked confused for a second.
"So am I your aunt too? Ah, man!" Kim sighed.
Drakken rose and answered the door. Standing there was Ron, the tweebs, and her 'parents.' Motor Ed came in after Ron followed by Wade and Monique. They all stood next to Shego and Drakken in front of Kim.
"We have a surprise for you Kimmie," Mrs. Dr. Possible said.
"Yeah Red, it's like totally ferociously awesome," Motor Ed. Ron chortled. "What?"
"You sound like one of those girls who says stuff weird," Ron responded. (They're called something but I can't remember what. Valley or something.)
"Anyways, this is really important!" the tweebs shouted.j
"What is it?" Kim asked. Everyone looked at one another.
They all yelled at the same time," APRIL FOOL'S!"