Hello to all reading this pointless text that only wastes your time. By the time you are well into reading this, you will see that this is just another attempt in the typical self-insert/original character/whatever archetype, in the shadow of Carrotglace and the fabled Insertion. Basically, I just felt like writing this after reading other fics too many times. It's nothing special, and I certainly don't claim it to be as such. I wrote this for fun, and I hope that's the reason you're reading it, if you do. Anyway, here it is; read and enjoy.

Oyaji

"Oyaji"- a term in modern Japanese, meaning "old man". While it can be comical (as it usually is), it isn't very respectful.

As Max sat at his desk, his computer flashed its slide show screensaver. This was because, even though he sat at his computer, he wasn't using it. At least not at the moment.

He sat, reading a manga graphic novel. He'd been borrowing books from a friend of his, not wanting to pay seven dollars a book to read a 38-book series. His friend, a die-hard anime and manga otaku, owned several series in full, and was lending him his volumes of one particular series at the moment. The book in question was Volume 36 of Ranma ½.

Max had not always been a fan of the phenomenon from Japan. While he had always had a soft spot for samurai and martial arts films, he had originally held back at the sight of manga and anime, having only had exposure to less appealing shows aimed at younger children, or badly-translated versions. His friend had changed all that, introducing him to different material, starting with a three-day Cowboy Bebop marathon. Max had been converted almost overnight. Other series soon followed, as did manga. Ranma ½ had looked rather appealing in its printed form, and, after reading the first book, Max was hooked; within two months, he was already almost finished.

He was just about finished with the book, with one chapter remaining. Still, it was late, and he didn't feel like reading anymore, so he put the book down. As he leaned back in his chair, thoughts of the story he had just read raced through his mind.

Man, he thought,that kid's father really comes off as a jerk in this series. This last book really pushed the envelope! I wish they would cut the guy a break. It's not like he's the worst adult in the series. The kids' mother's pretty messed up in the head…and I fucking hate that twat Nabiki…I don't know why she's so damn popular...

He thought back to the other books he had read. Well, the guy's an idiot, but, then again, who in the series isn't? And besides, it's funny to watch the old man make things hard for his kid. Damn funny. He thought back to Volume 21, where the old man was able to defeat his son by simply wrapping him in embrace. He laughed as the picture surfaced in his brain.

He also remembered the story about the Nekoken, the Martial Arts Take-Out story, the entrances of Ryoga, Mousse, Ukyo, and several others. The early books in the series had easily been the best, except for the pathetic "Martial Arts Dining" story. That had been about as funny as Jar-Jar Binks. Also, the "Martial Arts Tea Ceremony" story was a real sleeper…

He decided that he was not too tired to read the final chapter, and picked up the book again. Oh, good. This one features Ukyo. This should be interesting…The Okonomiyaki Chef had earned the honor of being his favorite character in the series, so he would finish the story after all…

Max was having trouble sleeping, although that wasn't a surprise. The central air system in his house had broken a few weeks earlier, after someone had messed up the wiring in the basement with a washing machine malfunction. And, since it was the middle of June, it was hot as hell. It was very hard to sleep in such heat.

Max shifted in his bed constantly, wearing only boxers, and no bed covers. His bed was still moist from the sweat, which showed no signs of letting up. His loin felt the worst because of this. He was about to reach down to pull off his boxers when he noticed something out of the corner of his eye.

His computer was on. That wouldn't have surprised him, had it not been a lot brighter than it usually was when on sleep mode. It was flashing blue for some reason.

He sat up slowly, wiping the sweat from his forehead. "What the fuck is that?"

He got up, and slowly walked over to his computer, rubbing his eyes. The screen was still flashing a bright, blue color. "What's with this flashing? It's never done this before!" He looked around the back. "Something wrong on with the circuits?"

All of a sudden, the vents on the machine came with a small burst of air, blowing open the manga book on his desk. He didn't notice the book, though, keeping his attention on the machine in front of him.

"Shit. I'm just gonna unplug the damn thing." He reached down to switch off the power strip, when the computer stopped flashing. He noticed, and stood back up, looking at the screen. Now, it had gone to a bright white.

"What now?"

Faster than he could fathom, the screen emitted an enormous amount of light, so much that it completely enveloped the room. Max threw up his hands, shielding his eyes.

"What the hell's going-!"

That was as far as he got before he was taken from his room by an unseen force. After a few more seconds, the light finally subsided. When it did, Max was nowhere to be found. His computer finally shut off, and the manga book fell closed.

Max slowly regained consciousness, feeling like he was enveloped by something. He couldn't move at first, but later moved his head around. When he opened his eyes, he saw nothing but a bright light at the end of a long, dark tunnel. He tried to figure out what was happening, when, suddenly, he realized he couldn't breathe.

Scared out of his mind, he did the only thing he could do: he ran into the light. Maybe he was dead, and needed to pass into the light. Or, maybe he was still alive, and heading back to life. Whichever, he knew he needed to reach the light soon, or he was gonna suffocate.

As he got closer to the light, he felt things change, both about him, and around him. He felt himself getting bigger and heavier, and the area around him was much harder to move in, as though he were underwater. Still, he kept moving.

He felt something else happen to him as he ran: his face had gotten itchier, as if he were pressed against a fur coat or something. Or, rather, as if he was the fur coat! He had fur on his face! He pushed the thought aside, feeling as though he was about to burst.

When he was right before the light, he felt the ground disappear, leaving him floating in the air. Or was it water? It sure felt like he was floating in water. He shut his eyes as he ran into the bright light.

He breathed in deeply as he burst through the surface of the light, finally tasting sweet air. He leapt into the air, going rather high, landing on a something thin. He opened his eyes, and gasped at what he saw.

In front of him, not twenty feet away, was a tall, black-haired teenager in a martial arts gi. His hair was tied back into a pigtail, and he stood on a tall bamboo pole. The teenager stared, open-mouthed, at Max.

Max just stared as well. Who the hell is that? Wait a minute…where am I?

He looked around, taking in the scenery. It was a place made up of hundreds of small springs, all with tall bamboo poles dug into them. The land was surrounded by mountains.

Something clicked in Max's mind. The land did look familiar. That means… He looked down at himself.

He saw the large, black-and-white body of a panda bear. He then looked back to the shocked teenager in front of him, who was now talking to someone on the ground.

You! You did this to me! You're gonna bleed, punk!

He leapt towards the teen, who was still too shocked to move. Max knocked him off his pole, and sent him flying into one of the springs. Another man ran up to the spring.

"Ahh! You fall in Nyannichuan! That spring hold tragic legend, very tragic legend indeed, of girl who drown in spring one thousand five hundred year ago! Now, whoever fall in that spring…take body of young girl!"

The teen emerged, though this time, he looked different. He felt something weird on his chest, and opened his gi…only to find a pair of breasts.

"Eeeeyaaahhh!"

"You see what I mean?"

All this came running at Max light a freight train. It all rang an enormous bell in his brain. He could only ask himself…why was he in the manga of Ranma ½? And why was he in the body of Genma?

All this was immediately pushed aside when he noticed that the boy-turned girl was now looking at him with utmost dread, and was running after him. Not seeing any other option, Max ran in the opposite direction.

My house has no AC, my computer may be busted, and now, I'm in the body of a panda, being chased by an aqua-transsexual punk. He sighed as he ran. Looks like it's gonna be one hell of week…

And so ends chapter one of our crazy adventure. Chapter two will be up soon enough. Please review, and tell me what you think.

There are some things I'd like to say: this fic is for all you Genma-bashers out there; those of you who pointlessly waste your time hating a fictional character who just so happens to be one of the funniest characters in the series; for all those who write serious-themed crap to bash characters like Genma and Akane, and shamelessly promote idiots like Ranma. You know who you are!

For the record: yes, I like Ranma, but he's not my favorite; plus, I don't think he's untouchable. Don't worry: this won't be a Ranma-bashing fest (though, don't expect any mercy for Nabiki), but he won't get the God-like treatment he gets in other fics.

Please, don't waste your time bashing fictional characters. Go read the manga, or watch a movie like 300 or Grindhouse or a series like Bebop or Outlaw Star instead (that's what I do); you'll feel better!

My favorite characters are as follows (I'm abstaining from thinking about couples):
Favorites: Ukyo, Ryoga, Genma, Happosai (recent addition!)
Least Favorite: Nabiki, Shampoo, Nodoka, Picolet, Cologne