Just a short lil' ficlet containing much Fuu-ocity because Fuu's my bitch, we do it all night long. I'm gonna make another one with Mugen later, woop woop. Spoilers for episode 11 I think, that's the one where Jin falls in love with the brothel chick, right? N.E.wayz, I'm still working on the next chap for The Electra Complex, for all those who r worried and wut not. Its coming so fear not.

Much luv

The Deni Pie


W h e n T h e B o u g h Br e a k s


You're just like him, you know. Maybe that's why I can't seem let you go. I could never let him go either. You run from me too, just like he did. I'm staring at the hidden muscles of your back as you walk away. What is it that makes her so much better? What is it that makes you willing to sacrifice your pride and honor for her, but you can't even bare to tolerate being with me? I wouldn't ask you to forsake all that you are, not like her. I never asked him for anything more, either.

You're face is bruised and dirty, but you smiled. You smiled at me like a man in love, and my heart splits open because I know it's not for me. I look at your dirty moonstruck face and I'm three again. My first memory of him was smiling too. My mother had dressed me in fancy silk and arranged my hair until it hurt. But then he was waiting outside for me, with a horse he borrowed from a friend. It was white, and might as well have been a dragon for the way it towered over me. He smiled and I reached for him as my mother handed me into his arms.

He held me the entire way there and I fell asleep against him, feeling his large hands moved up and down my spine. I felt protected in his strong arms, as if the entire world could open up and all hell could flood through, but as long as I was in his embrace, I would be safe. I think, at the time, I really believed that too. I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I know he's waking me up and carrying me up to a large house with beautiful sakura trees all around.

A family is waiting in front for us and they greet him warmly, their eyes dancing delightfully when they notice me. There was a wife, a husband, and a boy who looked older than I was. They commented on how beautiful I was, with my pale skin and rosy cheeks. They said I would make a fine wife. He said the older boy was to be my groom when I grew up. I don't remember the rest of the day, but I remember the ride home. He told me he loved me and he was proud of me. I couldn't sleep that night. I kept replaying his words over and over in my head and desperately wanted him to say them again. I wanted him to say them always.

Its raining, you're limping back to someone that's not me, I cant tear my eyes from your back even after you've just thrown my friendship back in my face and broke my heart. It's raining, I can't see you anymore, and I'm six again. I'm listening to my mother yell at him and I'm angry with her for it. They don't see me behind the door but he continued to calmly tell her how he had to do this. That's all he said whenever she screamed 'Why!' I wanted my mother to go away and not say mean things to him anymore; but then she asked him something he couldn't answer. She started crying and asking if this was worth abandoning his family over. I froze, he didn't reply but I knew he held her then because her crying grew vague and muffled.

You're leaving, he left, and I'm still six. I snuck out my bedroom window when I heard the doors slide open. The sun was just peeking over the horizon and I could see the rays gliding over his powerful shoulders. I ran towards him and he must have heard my footsteps because he stopped. I thought he would come back, come back and say he wasn't really leaving; maybe that he return in a few hours. But he didn't even turn around.

"Go home, Fuu."

His voice was cold and rigid. And my feet wouldn't move. I was stuck, like a key in a lock that could turn neither left nor right, forwards nor backwards. I couldn't do a thing as he faded away. No hug, no kiss goodbye, just an icy dismissal and a chilling draft on my heart. I was trying so hard to run but my legs wouldn't work. I keep screaming at his back, 'Don't go, Tou-san! I'll be better! Whatever I did, I won't do it anymore!' I screamed it until my throat was dry. It took me a long time to realize I had never said those words out loud.

I stood there forever, thinking maybe he would feel guilty and come back, come back and take me with him. But it was my mother that came and got me, that took me in her arms and kissed my cheek. I felt her soft lips press against my skin, and there was a wetness on my face from tears that weren't my own. He's gone, my mother's crying, and I'm fifteen again watching you become him.

My legs didn't work then, but they're running faster than they ever did now. You're gone, but I'll follow you. I waited nine years to follow him and I won't make the same mistake. You are the same, you two. Noble, strong, honorable. I won't just stand here as you walk away from me all over again. Maybe I can do now what I couldn't do then.

You're my second chance, Jin. She doesn't need you like I do. It doesn't matter though; I won't give up on you. I'll make you love me, someday. I think, that if I can do that, if you can love me enough to stay, maybeit won't be my fault that my father didn't.