A/N: I am SO sorry for the delay. There really is no excuse for it. The only pathetic and feeble attempt I can offer you is; my muse died and I had to find a new one. They just don't make them like they used to.
Charlie walked cautiously through the forest, looking around for any signs of the elves she needed. Burly had parked the jeep on the edge of Lorien and was once again flipping though his favorite teen girl magazine. Currently he was reading an issue that had to do with the ten most important things in a relationship. Charlie briefly wondered if it was healthy for a grown man to be reading teen magazines.
"Damn it!" She stomped her foot angrily and pouted while crossing her arms. It was the perfect example of a two-year-old's temper tantrum. "Where are those elves?" Looking around the forest she called out, "Ollie, Ollie oxen free! You can come out now!"
Suddenly, an idea came to her and she pulled a light bulb from her pocket, holding it over her head and turning it on. Bing! The light flickered and went out. She stuck her tongue out at it before throwing it over her shoulder.
Then she cupped her hands around her mouth and yelled, "I have the eyes of a hawk and the ears of a fox!"
Charlie turned in a circle to see if the elves had taken their cue. To her surprise, they had. To her misfortune, she had an arrow pointed up her nose. "If you're planning on picking my nose for me, would you mind using your finger instead of a sharp, pointed object that would clearly not fit up there comfortably?"
Haldir furrowed his brow and glanced over to his brothers. Rumil and Orophin shrugged. "Who are you," the elf demanded, turning back to Charlie.
"I am..." Charlie's mind groped for something good to say. "A powerful sorceress!"
"Oh," said Haldir. "Well, Galadriel doesn't much like competition so I think I should shoot you now and get over with."
Charlie's jaw hit the floor. She quickly picked it up and reattached it. "Please don't!"
"Please do," contradicted Rumil, looking at Haldir. "She smells most offensive!"
"Hey!" Charlie turned and glared at him! "You would too if your driver kept splashing through rives and making it rain fishes, which also happens to be the name of a great Thai restaurant in my hometown. They have the best Pad Thai and peanut sauce. Yum!"
Once again the three elves exchanged confused looks. "What is Pad Thai," asked Rumil.
"Oh, it's quite good," said Orophin, nodding. "The Lady brought some home once when she and Celeborn went to--" He stopped when he saw the looks Charlie, Rumil, and Haldir were giving him. He coughed into his hand and looked away uncomfortably, mumbling under his breath.
"Right," said Charlie loudly. "I'm just going to go see Galadriel now."
"Hold it right there." Haldir poked her in the nose with the arrow again. "The Lady doesn't like competition so you're toast, sorceress."
"Sorceress?" Charlie gave a nervous laugh. "Did I say I'm a sorceress? I meant a Sorceress Saleswoman. I sell equipment for the not-so-modern sorceress, witch, mage, and ogre."
"Ogres," questioned Rumil, raising a skeptical eyebrow. Rumil was curious but that eyebrow of his was the skeptical one. Damn cynic.
"That's right," she said matter-of-factly, talking more to his eyebrow than him. "Ogres are starting to dabble in the magical arts. They're not very good though and they don't know much about the supplies so I can get away with selling the stuff for far more than it's worth."
"I don't believe you. I want proof," said Haldir, looking at her through narrowed eyes. "Show me your business card."
"Not a problem." Charlie reached into her shirt pocket and pulled out a card, thanking her lucky stars she had decided to take up door to door sales as a hobby. "Charlie Willows, magic supplies extraordinaire." She reached up and tipped the imaginary hat atop her head.
"Very well," Haldir said slowly. "Walk this way." He turned and walked off into the forest taking large steps and hoping on every third step.
"Ooh," she squealed, clapping her hands. "Follow the leader! My favorite!"
A/N: Okay. I know it's very short but please forgive me. This is just a little something to get everyone and myself back into the story. The next one will have more, I promise!!