Never a Gilmore:


I'm not a Gilmore.

I'll never be a Gilmore.

I'll never live up to Rory.

I'll never be good enough for my grandparents.

I'll never be my mother's perfect namesake.

I'll forever be Lucy Danes and I'll never live up to my sister's life.

I've spent most of my life as an only child, my half-sister was 24 when I was born. My mother likes to tell people that I got the best of both worlds, I had my parents undivided attention most of the time but an older sister who popped into my life. My father would smile and nod along with my mother's comments and whoever they were talking to would immediately launch into the "I read Rory's latest article, it was amazing" song that plays in the soundtrack of my life.

I don't hate Rory, I really don't. That wasn't very convincing was it? It's not that she's ever done anything wrong to me, as a little kid she doted on me and as I got older she was the first person to treat me like an adult. You're probably thinking where's the bad, right? The bad is that I'm not Rory and there's not a day that goes by that I'm not reminded of that. Stars Hollow belongs to Rory and Lorelai Gilmore, they are the queens of this town and anyone will tell you that. And even though I've spent 17 years of my life in Stars Hollow it will never be my town.

I'm going to be 18 in a week and I'm about to break my parents heart. I'm going to drop out of high school, not Chilton mind you, and I'm going to move to New York City and do something fantastic with my life. I'll show them that I don't have to be Rory to be fantastic, and I'll make them all feel horrible for never realizing how amazing Iam even though I'm not Rory Gilmore. I, Lucille Amanda Danes, am going to climb out of the shadow that is my fantastic, amazing, perfect older sister and show the world who I am.

Don't believe me? I don't believe me either, so it's okay. But my plan is already in the motion, I'm not sure what's going to happen but I have a place to stay in the city and a bus ticket hidden in the battery of my untouched laptop. And in six days and 12 hours I'll be boarding a bus to the city leaving only a note, not a eloquently worded letter, behind to tell my parents that I'm fine and I'm going to leave Stars Hollow and never look back.