Rating: T

Pairing: Ryan/Kendall

Summary: Even after her death, Kendall still keeps her hooks in him…

AN: Song credit goes to Evanescence's 'My Immortal.'

All of Me

He sat and he stared and he wondered where his keys were… he had to get to the hospital, and pat Erica on the back and invite her to the funeral, but, that was wrong, wasn't it? He couldn't take care of the funeral because he wasn't her husband, he had no right to touch the body, take care of the arrangements… that wasn't very fair, was it?

"Eh, life isn't fair." He flinched, didn't raise his head to study the source of the voice because… she wasn't really talking. She, however, would not put up with him ignoring her and he heard the click of heels, the sigh of playful mocking. She stepped closer, stopping at his side, pausing there and when she spoke again, her voice was sharpened with her laughter. "Are you trying to piss me off?"

"You know what, next time Greens wants to have a girls' night out… I'm going to make her come to my place. No more of this meeting at Fusion nonsense." She laughed, and he could see her legs, bare from the knees down, strong and healthy and probably not what they looked like now. Her heels, beaded and blue, were really very pretty, and, once again, probably not what they looked now.

"You like the shoes, huh? Gee, it's like a big, fucking cosmic joke, you know? I got this pair, Ryan, this gorgeous pair here for… No, you know what, I'm gonna make you guess… Guess who I got these for? I'll give you a hint, okay? He's blue-eyed and I can cook an egg on his chest… you know, when he's not screwing me behind his wife's back."

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

Now, he couldn't stop himself; flinching helplessly, clenching his hands,he jumps up, spinning away from the strong legs and lovely new shoes… striding to the window, looking out, struggling to get the sudden waft of her perfume out of his mind. "Hey, sweetie, what's with the sudden hyperactive jumpiness? We've had this conversation before, haven't we? About how we need to stop lying to ourselves and give each other what we want… what we need?"

He said nothing, refused to look at the face that he knew by heart. It probably didn't match the face she had now, not in the slightest and she made a noise in the back of her throat, a playful sound he always enjoyed hearing when he pushed her buttons just a bit too far. "Would you stop moping? I'm the one who's lying in the morgue, ya know. I'm the one who got swiped by an eighteen wheeler! If I didn't know the story, I'd be consoling you… sheesh!"

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

"Kendall—" He didn't look back, because he didn't have to; he could see her reflection, both hazy and clear at the same time, and it struck him as odd. There he stood, watching morning sunlight glitter off still wet rooftops, drenched under thunderstorms the night before.

"I think it's fitting that I died in the middle of a thunderstorm… lightning flashing overhead must have made my death real dramatic right?" The shape in the glass moves, graceful steps, and the dark fall of curls shake at her annoyed sigh. "I do wish that you had been there though… corny, I know but… you can't be in love without being corny right?"

He finally turned, stared at her and she laughs, tilting her head in that little way. "You…"

"Say it, Ryan… just say the words and get it over with, huh?"

"The car—" He choked, closing his eyes for long moments, fighting to stay calm. "You weren't heading to Fusion, Kendall… you were headed here." He paused, looked down with shuttered blue eyes. "With your… new shoes."

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

And, again, he's blessed with that perfect laugh, all sugar and spice and everything Kane… what Kendall was made of. "I was… yeah, Ryan, I was coming here… stupid thing to do, huh? People shouldn't drive in rain, especially when you're not in the right state of mind."


But she cut him off, waved away his attempt with a perfect hand. "I was coming to talk… to stop this…" She smiled slightly at the way he looked away from her, but the life was drained out of her… in so many painful ways. "I was… tired… of being the adulteress… the mistress… I mean, it's not like Greenlee didn't know because, you know, she did… does… know. Just like you know where she spends her lunch breaks… right? Huh… lunch dates with Dr. Dave… doesn't sound that romantic but, then, hey, I'm not Greenlee, right?"

You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

Another laugh, this one dulled, hollow almost and he flinched at her next words. "But, I wanted it… the ring on my finger… the big wedding… probably not a white dress though because… yeah, not that innocent, right?" she finished lamely.

"You—" His voice broke, cracked, and he swallowed painfully, trying to breath correctly. "You should have told me… before… you should have called me…"

"Yeah… I guess I should have, but… I was afraid that you'd try to… dodge me." A snort, a sigh, and she shook her head tiredly. "If I could have, I would have dodged the stinking truck but… hydroplaning must be a bitch for a truck driver, huh?"

"Kendall…" He reached out, hesitated, than decided to take a chance… maybe, she was real and—

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

The crash of a fist against the door caused Ryan to jump, twist partly, and he found himself in the dark room, sitting on the couch, staring at the television set with the one picture of the car and the truck and the… The next knock, louder, was accompanied by Jack's yell of "Ryan!"

Raising the remote, he clicked "mute" before standing, heading shakily to the door; Jack, pale, drawn, looking his age, watched Ryan carefully close the door behind him, clicking the lock into place before letting his gaze shift back to the television.

"Ryan… Erica wanted you to come… to the hospital… she wants you there."

"I shouldn't…"

"Do it for Kendall, Ryan."

Kendall? Kendall… the cold body lying on some metal desk, beginning to rot… that wasn't Kendall… Kendall was life, she was fire and heat, passion and pleasure… Kendall was pinecones… lots and lots of pinecones… lots of pinecones… Kendall…

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

There was Kendall, on his couch, smiling slightly at him in her dress, in her perfect shoes, shoes she'd brought because she knew he'd like them… she smiles, a curving of her lips, a crinkling of her eyes… "Go, Ryan, go… I'll be here when you get back… promise…"