A/N: Written by both Jade Rhade and the random-idiot. As you read this random-idiot has most likely finally gotten her own screenname. We will keep you updated. (If anyone cares)
Disclaimer: random-idiot: Blah, blah, blah. I think that's good enough, don't you? Jade: mad skills, girl!
We don't own the rights to 'Monty Python and the Holy Grail', though we do have it on DVD. We also do not own 'Star Wars', though we also have the DVDs.
The Emperor had a mission. A very special mission he couldn't trust to any of the stormtroopers. (They were rather clumsy and had a tendency to be stupid.) So he called in the one man he could trust to do the job right.
The poor bounty hunter had no idea what he was getting into.
"I want... the Holy Grail," the Emperor ordered.
Boba Fett had his arms crossed over his armored chest. "As you wish."
So Boba set off to find the Holy Grail. Did it bother him that the entire galaxy had at one time tried looking for it and failed? No, of course it didn't. He had sources of information that the rest of the galaxy didn't have.
For example, he knew it was supposed to be on The Mysterious Planet That Is So Secret Not Even Boba Fett Knows Its Name Because It Is Very Secret. He also knew exactly where it was on The Mysterious Planet That Is So Secret Not Even Boba Fett Knows It Is Name Because Its Very Secret. Well, not exactly, but close enough. It was in a country known as Ameritain, which was populated by a primitive people living in castles. So, Boba got in the Slave I and blasted off from Coruscant.
Boba ran over the list of possible places the Grail could be. Because of the native population's tendency to view anyone flying around in spaceships as a god, he would have to hike on foot if he didn't want himself constantly swarmed by natives. (Imagine the fangirls!) The Holy Grail was rumored to be in one of two places: Castle Vaapad or the Cave with No Name.
Once he had landed on The Mysterious Planet That Is So Secret Not Even Boba Fett Knows Its Name Because It Is Very Secret, Boba engaged the Slave I's cloaking device so no wandering native would stumble upon it by chance and end up activating the self-destruct. That would be bad.
Castle Vaapad was first on his list, and the closest.
-xXx- BOBA FETT MEETS THE YUUZHAN VONG –xXx-
Night had fallen by the time he had come upon a castle. Castle Vaapad, he assumed. Boba pounded on the door. "Open the damn door!" he shouted. "Is this Castle Vaapad?"
"Does it look like Castle Vaapad, you stupid rocket-man?" a voice with a strange accent yelled over the ramparts.
Boba moved back and looked up. "Then what castle is this?"
"None of your business, silly bounty hunter!"
"How do you know who I am? Are you native to this planet?"
"Of course not! We are Yuuzhan Vong! Why do you think I have this craaazy accent? Now get back in your abominable starship and fly away! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a Hutt, and your father smelt of bantha poodoo!"
Boba took out his rocket launcher and fired. "No one insults Jango Fett and lives," he said darkly as the Vong's corpse tumbled down and hit the ground with a wet thud. "If you do not tell me where Castle Vaapad is, I will take your castle by force!"
The Yuuzhan Vong who had taken the other's place at the top of the ramparts made a farting noise and creatively showed Fett that he thought the bounty hunter was number one.
Then Boba saw a sign by a path. The sign said: 'Idiot, Why Are You Talking to the Vong When Castle Vaapad Is This Way?' A giant arrow indicated the path through a forest. So, of course, Boba followed it.
-xXx- BOBA FETT MEETS THE JEDI KNIGHTS WHO SAY 'NI' –xXx-
And so, Boba Fett soon found himself walking through the mysterious forest searching for Castle Vaapad, when suddenl-"WAHHHHH!":...
We interrupt this fanfic to bring you an important announcement. We are deeply saddened to report that while narrating this odd and extremely strange story, Jade Rhade was shot by the bounty hunter Boba Fett as he journeyed through the Forest of Spontaneous Bursts of Aggressive Insanity, because she was in his way. Boba Fett is still at large, and as we speak, we have our specially trained FBI agents tracking him down. Jade's friend, randomidiot, volunteered to continue narrating this story. We now continue this presentation of "Boba Fett and the Holy Grail".
--When suddenly, he came upon a rather largish crowd of mysterious-looking people carrying glowing swords. Boba was not scared whatsoever, but nevertheless proceeded with great respect and caution.
"Who the hell are you?" he asked.
"We are the Jedi Knights Who Say 'Ni!'" answered one, who seemed to be their leader. He was dressed in black, and had a very fierce yet extremely sexy countenance (note that that last statement was from the view of the narrator, not Boba himself). "We are the Keepers of the Sacred Words. Ni...Peng...and Nee-Wom! Those who hear them seldom live to tell the tale!"
Boba remembered the scary bedtime stories Zam Wesell told him when he was a small boy about the Jedi Knights who say "Ni!". But of course, he was now a kick-ass bounty hunter, and didn't need to be afraid. "Get out of my way," he said.
There was a rousing clamor of "Ni!", "Peng!", and "Nee...Wom!" from the Jedi Knights. They were not pleased.
Boba added to the leader, "Also, aren't you a little short to be a Jedi?"
Many Jedi Knights gasped. "I..." the leader started in a dangerously low voice, "am not...SHORT!" The others Ni!-ed their agreement. "Ni!" "Ni!" "Nee-Wom!"
"Just for that," the leader continued, "the Jedi Knights Who Say 'Ni!' demand a sacrifice! You must obtain for us...a shrubbery!"
Normally Boba would refuse such an absurd request. But he was unsure of how he would fare in a fight with about 40 Jedi Knights.
"Okay, fine, whatever. I'll get you your shrubbery," he said.
"You must return here with a shrubbery or else...you shall not pass through this wood alive!" declared the Jedi.
So Boba Fett now had to get the Jedi Knights a shrubbery. No harm in being careful, he thought. If I die, the Emperor's not gonna get the Holy Grail. He can wait.
Jade: well, review and let us know what you think!
random-idiot: you changed some things before you uploaded this, didn't you!
Jade: uhhh, who, me? I never!