Disclaimer: Nothing in the world of Harry Potter belongs to me, and it never will. All of you can bow down to JK. Do it. You know you want to.
"I don't believe that anybody was born evil."- JK Rowling, World Day Book Chat, April 4, 2004
I don't believe that people are born with cold hearts.
There has to be some sort of good in everyone to begin with, hasn't there? I think so. I've always thought so. I mean, if two children are born at the same time, in the same place, and yet they're separated at birth, and one is raised by a good, kind family while the other is sent to live in a house full of abuse and nasty words, then they'll turn out differently, won't they?
I think so. Then again, that is merely a hypothetical situation. Imaginary.
I like to think of myself as a good person. A little confused, yes, but good. Determined. Stubborn. Certain of what she wants. I've always been so certain that I wanted a large house, lots of children, a strong, powerful, handsome husband that loves me, and family and friends who support me.
Well, I have the house. I have the family. Funny how those two are really the least important, when you think about it. In your point of view, at least.
I don't know where I went wrong, but I'm sorry for it. I'm where I always imagined myself to be – I have the house, as I said, and I have a child, and a husband, and a family, and a few friends, but … I don't know. It's not as I thought it would be. I made a mistake somewhere. I missed a step. Something went terribly, sadly wrong.
I could blame you, but I won't. You don't deserve that. I believe that everyone is how they should be for a reason. Something momentous and amazing had to have happened in order for them to be how they are. Does that make sense? I think it does.
I just … I wish that I could have said all of this to you before you were killed. Before you left, even. Before you were arrested. I wish you knew that I'm really not a bad person. I'm not! I refuse to be! Everyone tells me that I am, and then there's our family, telling me what a wonderful witch I am and how proud they are of me in everything that I've accomplished, but what have I accomplished?
I don't know! I can't find it! I'm so lost and so confused and so determined not to break down because of it, but …
It's just so hard. Lonely. Terrible, really, and there's no fighting against it.
I know I'm not making sense. I haven't made sense for a long time. I think you've driven me mad, and I hate you for that.
Anyway, I just … I just wanted you to know all of this. To hear it, if you even can. I don't even know where you are.
And now I'm laughing, which is a little unsettling. Do you think I'm mad? You probably think I'm mad. Everyone else does, so it's all right. I'm not angry.
It's just so funny, when you think about it: I don't even know where you are.