Something written for fun, laughter peace and joy. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own Kakashi nor Iruka. All that I can claim is the story line.
Title of Story: Why I Should Not Fall in Love With Kakashi
Iruka sat down on chair. He breathed in deeply --and exhaled. The classroom was empty, school had ended. Orange rays from the setting sun filtered into the classroom, bathing the stack of writing paper on the table in a soft orange glow.
Iruka took another deep breath-- and exhaled.
Setting his hands on the table, he meticulously checked his writing equipment. They were all in tip-top condition.
Iruka took up his pen, and then began to write:
Title: An argumentative essay on why I shall not fall in love with Kakashi.
Hatake Kakashi or Copy Ninja Kakashi is a tensai shinobi who became jounin at the age of 13. A previous ANBU team member, Kakashi is proficient not only in taijutsu, ninjutus but also uses a smattering of genjutsu in combat. This tall, 27 year old ninja is a talented and powerful shinobi and although he is mysteriously attractive (despite the mask he wears constantly), there are very good reasons why one should not fall in love with him.
Firstly, despite having a good family background and attending the esteeemed Academy at Konoha, Hatake Kakashi does not comprehend the meaning of being on time. On the contary, one of the worst feature of his character is that he is always late. Not only is he late for appointments, missions but he is always handing in reports late, causing the shinobi at the mission table (which is usually me) much inconvenience. In addition, instead of apologizing for his tardiness, he comes up with several untruthful, unrealistic and pathetic excuse to explain himself. Such a bad habit should render him very unattractive and not at all a good partner in bed or in life.
Secondly, although Hatake Kakashi started out as a very serious, innocent and pure shinobi, his purness had undoubtly become contaminated over the years, of which much credit should go towards Jiraiya, author of Icha Icha Paradisu. Kakashi enjoys reading thedirty, pervetic and uneducational series of "Icha Icha Paradisu" of which the content is so grossly explicit that it should be kept at least a 100m radius away from any children under the age of 16. One would definitely not want one's lover to be a bad influence on the children. Moreover, Kakashi has no sense of propriety in public and would not hesitate to kiss and grope whenever and wherever he feels like. His perverseness also induces him to throw suggestive and inappropriate glances in broad daylight whenever he thinks no one is looking. A person who harbours such dirty thoughts all day long should be a disgusting person and one should steer clear from these type of people. As a result, it should be even more difficult to fall in love with such a disgusting and irritating fellow.
Thirdly, even though Hatake Kakashi is rumoured to be very proficient in bed and a very satisfying lover, he is such a mean bastard that one should think twice and even thrice before falling in love with him. Bastard, not referring to his illegitimacy (I assure you that he is definitely the legitimate son of White Fang, just look at his hair) but to his absolute meaness. For example, he molested Naruto on the first training they had! He had the nerve and audacity to poke Naruto in his ass, rendering him almost senseless in pain. Secondly, he neglected Naruto and Sakura in favor of Sasuke and even taught him the formidable jutsu -- Chidori. This act of favouritism is much frowned upon. Thirdly, he invades into my privacy and my personal space and laughs by standing so close to me and even backing me up the wall! And then he ignores my demands to release me and instead proceeds to (here, the word "kiss" is hastily replaced by the word "ravish") ravish me! But it is not enough for him to see me mortified and shocked, he then laughs and insults my properness by calling me an "innocent!" This adominable attitude is more then enough to label him a bastard. It would indeed be a hellish nightmare to fall in love with such a horrible man.
Fourthly, there are many reasons to believe that Hatake Kakashi is suffering from emotional trauma and should be sent to a psychatrist with immediate effect. One of the reason is that he covers his face constantly with a mask. No one has ever seen him unmasked despite many heroic attempts. The mask is a sign of "cowardice", of not wanting to face reality, a mindset that by distancing onelf away from other people,one can prevent onelf from being hurt. Such a mindset is not healthy and it is reccommended that he receive help immediately. Secondly, after a traumatic mission (his first mission with his teammates as a jounin), Kakashi threw himself into the ANBU for many years, recklessly taking on high-risk missions and turning into an unrelenting workaholic. After which he suddenly stopped and the previously serious jounin suddenly had a personality crisis which turned him into the pervetic, lazy bastard he is today. These are signs of a person suffering from trauma and it is a verycritical condition. It would do one good to steer clear from a mental case and it would be weird to fall in love with someone suffering from severe emotional trauma.
In conclusion, Hatake Kakashi, a powerful jounin who is devastatingly attractive is someone one would definitely not want to fall in love with. His character flaws are unforgivable and despite the rumoured skillsof his talents in bed, it would be a bad choice to fall in love with someone who has such a bad character. Therefore, one should try very hard to resist the charms of this manipulative, handsome, exciting shinobi and settle one's sights on someone who is by far more safer and steadier.
Iruka put his pen down. Crumpled pieces of paper littered the floor of the classroom, evidence of his struggles as he penned down this essay.
Night had fallen and the classroom was dead quiet as most of the teachers had left the academy long ago.
Iruka should have been satisfied with his piece of work. He should have been glad that he had now concrete and credible reasons why he should NOT fall in love with Kakashi. Iruka should have been relieved that he had now a reason to refuse Kakashi.
Staring at the neat rows of handwriting on the paper, Iruka just felt strangely upset. He suddenly had an unexplicable, unexplainable, irrational urge to tear his hard work into small little shreds.
The door to the classroom began to move.
Startled, Iruka waited apprehensively for the intruder to show himself. He reached into his pouch for his weapons...
Kakashi smiled from behind his mask. He strode into the classroom lazily, hands in his pocket.
Kakashi stood directly behind Iruka, staring at the pile of papers in Iruka's quivering hands.
He read the title.
"What a coincidence! I just completed something similar to that!" Reaching into his pocket, Kakashi took out a similar stack of papers and placed it in front of Iruka. He bent down and whispered teasingly into Iruka's ear, sending shivers down the chuunin's back. "Read it... I'm sure you'll like it."
Iruka bit back a moan at the sensations Kakashi was creating in him as Kakashi found his mouth and rewarded him with a deep, soul searching kiss. Iruka pressed closer, wanting to feel Kakashi's warm mouth and not merely the thin fabric of the mask...
"Go on... read it." Kakashi murmured softly into Iruka's swollen mouth.
Slightly dazed, Iruka complied.
The title was: An argumentative essay on why Iruka should and will fall in love with me -- Kakashi
Iruka read slowly. He read with a critical eye, ready to point out any fallacy or any flaws in the argument. He grudgingly admitted that Kakashi was a talented writer. Iruka read the essay from top to bottom and then from bottom to top. He dissected it, he analyzed it.
At the end of it all, he looked up at Kakashi who was sitting on the top of his desk, trying valiantly to hide his anxiousness as he awaited the verdict.
"So... how did you like it?"
Iruka looked up at Kakashi. He stood up, not once taking his eyes of the jounin in front of him.
Iruka leaned forward and cradled Kakashi's face in his hands.
"I think yours made much more sense then mine."
And then he kissed Kakashi soundly on his mouth.
Behind the mask, Kakashi's mouth curved into a grin.
Iruka was such an innocent, unsuspecting and trusting prey.
All the more why Iruka was so lovable.
And sexy... and hot... so very hot...
Comments? Criticism? Suggestions?