Note: I do not own Love Hina, or any other intellectual properties. They are all copyrights of their respectful owners. The rest, however, is MINE, BEE-YOTCHES!
Through a strange twist of fate, Motoko and Keitaro have to live life as a full-fledged couple for one year. Add to it the fact that they have to keep it under wraps from everyone, and you got hell, my friend; it won't be easy. And it's all for the sake of a hot new reality show.
I Love You. (Just Don't Tell Anyone.)
Chapter 1: The Hopeless Couple
"Pay up, Urashima." Motoko demanded from one side of the table.
"You can't be serious." Keitaro replied from the other side of the table. "I only brought enough money to pay for half. You'll have to pay for the other half."
"Don't even TRY to wiggle out of this one." Motoko said.
"I'm not joking!" Keitaro said in response. People in the restaurant began to take notice.
"We all know the man is supposed to pay for dinner." Motoko said. "It's courteous." They had just finished with a great dinner, and now the bill was on the table, smack dab in the center too, nicely between Motoko and Keitaro.
"But, I don't have enough." Keitaro said.
"Cheap bastard!" Motoko replied. Next thing he knew, Keitaro had a fork at his throat. "Listen, Urashima. I didn't even want to go on this God-forsaken date, and I sure as hell don't want you to further complicate an already problematical situation. Just pay the damn bill!"
"AACK! SERIAL KILLER!" Keitaro screamed. Just then, everyone sitting at the restaurant looked at them like they were OJ and Nicole Simpson. Motoko put the fork back on the table. Afterwards, Keitaro pulled out his wallet and took some cash out of it; he put it on the table.
"See, Motoko?" Keitaro said. "I only have this much, and I forgot my credit card."
Motoko sighed. "Fine. I'll pay for half." She also put some cash on the table. "But next time, you bring your damn credit card! Got it?"
"Yeah, I got it." Keitaro agreed. "Let's just get out of here. Huh?" Keitaro looked back to see the guys giving him thumbs up, and looking at him like he performed a miracle. He also saw the girls doing the exact opposite, like what he did was the devil's work. He grew nervous and rushed Motoko out. By the time Keitaro and Motoko left the restaurant, an all-out war between the men and women broke out.
"That was a disaster!" Motoko protested. Then, she heard some glass break behind her. "What was that?"
"Never mind that!" Keitaro said, well aware of where that came from. "Let's just go. Let's just go!" He took her hand and dragged her further away from the restaurant.
"Let me go!" Motoko commanded. Keitaro quickly complied. The samurai continued. "You know, you make a horrible boyfriend."
"So, now you're going to judge me because of one minor mistake?" Keitaro retorted. "I just forgot my credit card, ok? At least I had cash; it wasn't like I was broke."
"You better be lucky we both had money, or you would've been dead meat." Motoko spat out. "I don't even know why we even bother to go out. I knew right from the start that it would all end up like this." Motoko remained silent after that, but only on the outside. Urashima and I are doing this for the money, of course. We really need it in the condition we're in.
"You know," Keitaro said. "I'm starting to have my doubts, too." Actually, there's no doubt. We have to pay off all those bills.
What exactly do they mean by this? Well, let's rewind this story back a few hours, all the way to the beginning of the day, the day when it all went down to hell.
"We're broke?" Keitaro said in shock.
"Yep." Haruka answered. The Hinata residents were gathered at the meeting room. "Add to it we still haven't paid for the electric, the water, the gas, the phone bill, nor the rent. We also have to pay for damages."
"Whatever happened to that sixty thousand yen we won from that raccoon round up?" Naru inquired.
"I'll answer your question by asking another question." Haruka answered. "Where do you think that big-ass karaoke machine in the living room, that ass load of confetti, and the three bottles of ass-expensive sake came from?"
"Dammit, Kitsune!" Naru yelled.
"What?" Kitsune responded. "I can't help it. It's in my blood."
"In your blood?" Keitaro retorted. "I think you have too much sake in your blood."
"Forget it." Haruka interjected. "Right now, we have to come up with at least sixty thousand yen for the electric, the water, the gas, the phone bill, the rent, and the damage to the house."
"We'll all have to help." Motoko said. "We each need to come up with at least ten thousand yen to pay for everything."
"So in short," Keitaro said. "We're job hunting."
"A blunt and unsophisticated way to put it, but yeah. You're job hunting." Haruka replied.
"Oh, hell. We don't have time for this!" Naru retorted. "Keitaro, you and I have to study for Toudai! We don't have the time for any stupid job hunt!"
"Then," Haruka interjected. "I guess you don't have time to pay your rent and save your own sorry ass before you're evicted and forced to live the life of Grizzly Adams."
"I get the point already." Naru sighed. "I'll get a job."
"Actually, I think that'd rock." Kitsune said. "You'd have your own pet bear and everything."
"Quiet, Kitsune." Keitaro replied.
"So that settles it." Haruka said. "Get your resumes ready."
"Rrrrgh!" Keitaro groaned. "This programming stuff's a bitch! What the hell is this…d-I-r…postscript…run macro…Mr. Happy…I DON'T KNOW! Why did I even sign up to be a game programmer, anyway?" Keitaro scratched his head in frustration, as his bellyaches could be heard from his cubicle and every other cubicle surrounding it. He just couldn't take all the orders that were being barked at him.
And the demands kept coming.
"Hey, new guy! We need more NPCs at the barracks!"
"Hey, new guy! You forgot to tweak up the physics engine!"
"Hey, new guy! There's a glitch at tree #374!"
"Hey, new guy! Reprogram the AI! It sucks!"
"I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" Keitaro screamed, as he flew out his cubicle like a bat outta Hell and smashed through a glass window.
"New Guy!" Said another programmer.
"Wait!" His coworker said. "He forgot that this is the third floor."
"I'll maul Shirai and Haitani for this!" Keitaro was dragging himself across the sidewalk with a bandage wrapped around his head. "They were the ones who hooked me up for that stupid job! Like I knew how to program!" Then, he caught something from the corner of his eye; he turned and saw Motoko dragging her ass across the sidewalk in the same exact fashion as he was. "What are you doing here, Motoko? I thought you were taking that job as a fencing instructor."
"Already taken." Motoko replied in a sullen voice. "They chose some red-haired guy with a scar on his face."
"Bummer." Keitaro replied. "Now what?"
"What happened to that job you had?" Motoko asked.
"Programmer?" Keitaro corrected. "I quit. I just couldn't take the pressure."
"You quit," Motoko repeated. "Because of one little problem! You spineless little cockroach!" She took out her bokken and began to chase Keitaro around the city block. "Get back to your programming job, Urashima!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Keitaro screamed, his cries could be heard from six blocks away.
"YOU LITTLE BUG!" Motoko shouted. "DON'T MAKE ME USE MY SPECIAL TECHNIQUES ON YOU!"
"STOP RIGHT THERE!" Cried a voice. The twosome immediately halted by a crosswalk to see who screamed that out. They looked around and finally saw a man standing at the other end of the crosswalk, waiting for the light to change with a big smile on his face, looking directly at them.
When the light turned green, the man ran quickly towards them, startling them for a minute. He was in a three-piece suit, wearing sunglasses so you couldn't see his eyes. His hair was jet black, and that damn smile was still on his face. "THAT WAS COMIC GENIUS!"
"What are you talking about?" Keitaro asked. "She was just chasing me around."
"It goes further than that." The man said. "Looking at the two of you, I could tell that girl hates spineless men, and you ARE one. That would make for a PERFECT couple!"
"You're joking, right?" Motoko asked.
"No." The man replied, concise to the point. "You familiar with foil pairs?"
"Yeah," Keitaro answered. "Two people who are the exact opposite of one another tagging along together."
"That's what I see in you guys. Come with me. We'll discuss this in a different spot."
"A reality show?" Keitaro asked, sitting at one end of the table.
"Yep." The man said, sitting at another end of the table. "I was thinking of pitting you two together as a couple, to see if I could get exact opposites like yourselves to live together. A woman who hates men living with a man, and a secret relationship they must keep a secret from the rest of dormitory. To me, this spells comic gold."
"Not happening." Motoko retorted, sitting at another end of the table. Then something hit her. "Wait! Did you come to our house uninvited?"
"Nope." The man responded, concise to the point. "Someone told me about you guys. She's a crazy kid with a banana obsession."
"You mean Su?" Keitaro said.
"I believe that's her name." The man said. "She told me all about you guys, from the alcoholic teenager with a healthy libido, to a short-tempered shrimp with no depth perception, to a sweet little bluenette, to you guys. She's also the kid I hired to build new state of the art cloaking surveillance cameras. It's a good thing I met you guys, because now I have something to try the new cameras out on."
"Kazu-kun!" The scream came from all the way across the restaurant. The three turn their heads to see Su jumping around, heading towards the man. "There you are, Kazu-kun! You made it here, just like you promised."
"Su?" Both Keitaro and Motoko vocalized.
"Hiya, guys!" Su exclaimed, holding a bundle of bananas. She turned to the man. "So, you're really gonna put us in a reality show? If you are, I can ask for sponsorship from the people of Molmol."
"That'd be great." The man said. He then turned to Keitaro and Motoko. "She's a princess too. Doesn't that beat all?"
"We already know that. We live with her." Keitaro said.
"Who are you?" Motoko asked. "You never gave us your name."
"You didn't either." The man said. "But I'll introduce myself, anyway. I'm television's Kazuto Kugashira-san; I'm a producer."
"Keitaro Urashima. I'm the dorm's landlord."
"Sweet!" Kugashira-san replied. "That makes things even better."
"Like you wouldn't believe." Keitaro said in answered back; note the sarcasm.
"Glad to meet you, Motoko." Kugashira-san replied. "But let's get to the point. I challenge the two of you to live the life of a couple for one whole year, but you mustn't tell your friends back at the dorm about this. In fact, you must keep the whole thing under wraps."
All Motoko conjured up from her voice box was, "WHAT?"
"Are you crazy?" Keitaro added.
"Nope." Kugashira-san answered, still keeping that creepy smile on his face. "I'm a genius." Keitaro and Motoko just sweat dropped. Kugashira-san continued. "Su told me you needed the money to pay some serious bills."
"Well," Keitaro responded. "That is true. We could use some money…"
"GREAT!" Kugashira-san exclaimed. "Sign here." He puts a document down on the table.
"Come on, Keitaro." Su said. "We could be in stardom."
"I absolutely refuse!" Motoko said.
"Aww! Why, Motoko?" Su pouted.
"Well," Motoko answered. "First off, I don't feel like selling myself to any demons right now. And secondly, I do not want anything to do with being all mushy to this despicable little housefly of a man!" She pointed to Keitaro, who just sat there looking at her.
"Damn." Kugashira-san said. "I guess I could take that as a no."
"Motoko's afraid of turtles!" Su said out loud.
"How dare you?" Motoko gasped.
Just then, a brown-haired guy sitting at the table next to them turned his head, so his eyes would meet theirs. "You know, I have a turtle right now." He pulled out a gray turtle with a brown shell, and showed it to them. "Meet Mr. Snapdragon!"
"KEEP HIM THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!" Motoko screamed. Just then, some other people joined the brown-haired guy, peering at Motoko in a mischievous fashion. Not able to take the pressure, Motoko ran for it.
She looked down on me for not being able to withstand the pressure. Keitaro thought. And now, she's contradicting herself by running away from a turtle.
Indeed, Motoko was running around the restaurant, with a crowd of people chasing her saying "Do it, do it" with the brown-haired guy holding Mr. Snapdragon the turtle.
"A swordsman afraid of turtles?" Kugashira-san said. "You should've told me earlier, Su. (Though I don't how those people knew about this. They probably eavesdropped in on our conversation.)"
"THAT'S IT!" Motoko cried out. "BOULDER CUTTING BLADE!" Motoko sent out a ki attack that threw the crowd to a nearby wall. The attack then destroyed a few tables; one of them went flying towards Kugashira-san, smashing him on contact.
"Sorry about that." Keitaro said, as they stand beside a now injured Kugashira-san at the closest Hospital.
"That's ok. Something told me I had it coming." The man replied.
"Now, we'll have to sign it." Keitaro replied. "To cover this guy's medical bills, as well as damages from that restaurant. Great job, Motoko."
"So it's my fault?" Motoko retorted.
"YOU'RE the one who attacked them!" Keitaro spat back. He turned to the injured television producer. "Where do I sign?"
"It's on the cart." Kugashira-san answered. Keitaro went over to the contract and signed it. He turned to Motoko. "Your turn."
"Dammit." Motoko sighed. She went over and she also signed it.
"Great!" The producer exclaimed. "We'll start tonight, with a date between the two of you. I'll have my people arrange for the reservations. Of course you'll go to a different restaurant."
And both Keitaro and Motoko thought the same thing. What have we done?
We now fast forward back to the present, to the end of the night. Keitaro and Motoko looked at the never-ending stairs leading to the Hinata House. Then they look at one another.
"I have a plan." Motoko said.
"Go on." Keitaro replied.
"I brought two bags of clothes with me." Motoko continued. "One has mine and one has yours." She hands him one of the bags. "We each find a bush to change our clothes behind. DON'T LOOK!"
"I won't!" Keitaro retorted. They both hid behind their selected bushes and changed to more casual clothes. Keitaro was about to approach the staircase until Motoko stopped him.
"Wait." Motoko said. "We don't want to make them think we went out on a date or anything like that. For safety measures, I'll head to the Hinata House first. You wait two or three minutes later and then you enter. That way, it'll look like we came in at different times from a failed attempt to find a job. And try to act it too, ok?"
"I'll go with the groove for now." Keitaro replied. With that, Motoko went up the steps to the Hinata House, while Keitaro stood there and watched.
To be continued.
See you next chapter.
Let the Festivities Begin!
Also be sure to read and review my other fics Awe of She, and Tokyo Myuh Myuh. You can find them in my profile.
Until next time, Ciao!
-GYRAX of the Dark Icon Writers