Note: I do not own Love Hina, or any other intellectual properties. They are all copyrights of their respectful owners. The rest, however, is MINE, BEE-YOTCHES!
I Love You. (Just Don't Tell Anyone.)
Chapter 4: All My Samurai (Part II)
"There's something definitely up with them." Kitsune said to herself, as she sat on the floor in her room. "Keitaro has to have a thing for her. He didn't even bother trying those stunts on us anymore." Although the real answer to this problem is eluding her, no matter how hard she tried to catch up, she decided to stop the chase early and come up with an answer herself.
"They must be in love." It was an answer that made the fox very sure of herself. "Or at least Keitaro must have a thing for Motoko. He doesn't even want to play with us, anymore." It was the only answer she could come up with, and even then, it was a theory at best. Being Kitsune, she wasn't in the mood for thinking much. Hell, she did not even want to think at all; the only reason why she bothered was because she knew something was up and part of her brain was pressuring her.
"Granted, he's still a clumsy little pervert," Kitsune added. "But what he did around Motoko seemed suspicious, like when he seemed to have deliberately felt up Motoko's breasts a few hours ago. That has to be it. They're up to something, and I'll find out what." Now very sure of herself, Kitsune believed that she caught the answer that was running from her in the first place. Feeling confident, and also very excited, she walked out of the room. It would have been better to say she power walked out of the room.
Her grin was quite evil.
"And --- cut!" Shouted the loud and demanding voice that came from the director.
And just like that, the actors and actresses stopped altogether and walked away from the set. It was actually filmed on location at a ballroom. Among the cast were Motoko Aoyama and Keitaro Urashima, of course; in fact, they were the stars of the show, much to their chagrin.
Visions of a grim future could not leave Keitaro's head; they have clung on to the walls of his mind like cheese to a frying pan. If Naru's punch would not be the final blow, which sent him to complete oblivion, then it would be the paparazzi; Naru would see the paparazzi hovering around Keitaro and then punch him to oblivion. Or even worse, Kitsune would be draping all over him, and then Naru would see the scandal and sock him to oblivion. Either way you see it, Death was waiting for him back at home, and he has having a tea party.
Motoko, on the other hand, was in even more pressure. All that was waiting for her was shame; how could she let a contemptible thing like Keitaro lure her into the razor-sharp claws of fame and celebrity. Surely, if the Shinmei School ever got word of this, they would use her as a training dummy; the poor younger Aoyama would be tied up to a tree and just wail as bokkens would be striking her as if she was in a piñata party gone horrible wrong, or very right, depending on how sick one's sense of humor is.
In short, life sucked right now.
Now, that the two were done playing their parts for the day, they could go home now, but they had to make up a story.
As the sun set and turned the sky the most brilliant glowing shade of orange, our hopeless "couple" walked the streets of Hinata, heading right towards their house. Both of them were shaking in absolute fear; this must not reach anyone.
Keitaro especially was feeling the heat. His very survival depended on one single story that he made up himself. He literally spent all day thinking it up; no one could blame him, as it had to be authentic and very, very believable. If it sounded even a tad bit suspicious, then Death would be swinging his scythe away like a kid who just got a kick-ass new aluminum bat. He turned to Motoko, the pressure building up every second he looked at her. It was time that he told her the story, so that she would be sure of what he was up to.
"Alright what, Urashima?"
"For now, we'll have to go by my story."
"I made up a story, and I ant to tell you in advance to avoid confusion."
"You thought up something, huh?"
"Yep." Keitaro took a big gulp. It was tell or die time for our little manager. Though he was a bit hesitant, not absolutely sure of what Motoko's response might be, he did not want to regret anything later, so he took no more time and spoke up.
"All right, Motoko. Here's the story: We were hired at the hot new Otaku Café down the street and decided to take part time jobs there - "
"I'll have to cut you off there."
"Well, why the Otaku Café?"
"Never mind that. We were just hired there, ok? Well, we decided to take the bus back to the Hinata House, but it turns out that it was hijacked by a madman, and Keanu Reeves warned us that if it went under fifty five miles an hour, the bus would explode and we all would die. So he took the liberty to disarm the bomb from underneath the bus."
"After we get out, we found ourselves fighting in Kuwait, and then once we went back to Hinata, we met the fallen Angel Gabriel (played by Christopher Walken)."
Motoko took a lot of time trying to figure out the plot; the story was just plain ass dumb, but she could not help but try to make sense out of it. Afterwards, she just felt like beating the stupid out of him. "Urashima, that wasn't even a story; it was an amalgamation of movie synopses."
"I'm sorry Motoko. I just couldn't think of a legitimate story. That acting job just wore me out and scrambled my brain." At this time, Keitaro really felt like he was ass dumb for even thinking of a story like that. Why did he even bother, then? Not even he knew. He knew deep within that he had to make up for the stupidity. He turned his head, so his eyes could meet his partner's. "Just let me do the talking, okay?"
"So you can tell that 'dungpile' of a story, anyway?"
"No. I have a better one."
"So did you get a job yet?" Asked Haruka, with her hands at her hips as she looked at the fruitless couple sternly. They stood at the usual meeting room. The Teahouse owner was growing tired of them coming home still unemployed, and the tone of voice showed it.
Keitaro could sense the frustration emanating from his dear aunt. Luckily, they actually have a job now, so he can feel free to tell away. "Yep!" As he says it, he projects his good mood created from their new state of employment onto Haruka.
"Where are you working?" The teahouse owner inquired.
This was it; Keitaro had to think of something quick. If he stalled for just a few seconds, Haruka will catch on to him and then everything will just go out of whack. If he actually told the truth, all hell would break loose, so of course it was necessary to make something up. In a fit of irritation that he tried not to show, he uttered the first thing that came in his mind.
Motoko just looked at him funny. What kind of half-assed answer was that? The boy ronin is just hopeless sometimes. It really pisses her off.
Haruka, however, bought it for the time being. "Cool."
Keitaro, knowing that he was practically clean, was now having a fiesta of pure happiness in the hallowed halls of his brain. The job hunt was officially over, and he was feeling fine, nay, better than ever. He completely forgot about the fact that he had just lied through his teeth, and that sooner or later, he will have to cover it up. He will end up regretting that, later.
"Wake up, Urashima."
Keitaro slowly opened his eyes. He was not in the mood to wake up. Once he pushed his body to an upright position, he grew irritable as well as groggy. He looked around to see where the female voice came from, although he already recognized that distinct voice before he even opened his eyes. When his head turned to the left, he saw a figured dressed in white and red; it was Motoko.
"What do you want, Motoko? Can't you see I was sleeping. My eyes were closed, I was lying down, and everything."
"Cut the crap, Urashima. We have an emergency."
"What the hell is this?"
Keitaro had every right to say that, and bluntly too. What the two saw before them was a huge stockpile of envelopes that practically reached the roof of Haruka's teahouse. God must be having the time of his life right now, laughing at poor Keitaro as he looked upon the pile with unadulterated hopelessness and pure fear of being compromised. Who knows what would happen to them now? Maybe they will be skinned alive and drained of their blood, or worse --- Naru might throw another monster temper tantrum.
Motoko turned to him, as if he had the answer to everything. "So, Urashima? What do we do about this?"
"Don't ask me that!"
"Fine, but don't yell at me."
"I'm sorry. It's just I'M FREAKING OUT RIGHT NOW!"
"If I had a fanbase that I wanted to cover up, I'd freak out, too."
The two looked behind them to find out where the voice came from. To their greatest fear, it was none other than the owner of the teahouse herself --- Haruka. Deep inside, they freaked.
"So Keitaro, how are you going to deal with this problem? You don't want the others to catch on, do you?"
"You think I'm dumb? I have my sources."
"I'd use my Rock Splitting Sword, but then I found out taht my ki attack would just blow the envelopes all over the place."
"They can't be fan mail, they just can't!"
"Get over it, Keitaro."
"I CAN'T!" The poor ronin was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Thoughts and grim visions of his untimely end were giggling as they ran around his head like pixies. As they kept running around, they increasingly mocked the poor man, virtually begging for him to break, which did not take long. "That's it! We're going to BURN THEM!" His brain has now officially reached meltdown, and he had no problem showing it. He was laughing maniacally as he held a flamethrower he seemingly picked up out of nowhere. His glasses reflected in the most demonic way possible.
"Not a good idea. You want to burn my teahouse down?" Haruka was still able to keep her composure at a time like this. motoko saw that as a miracle.
"How else am I going to stop the madness? I ask you that."
"Hell if I know."
"I already got a flame thrower."
"You are not going to use that here, Urashima!"
"If you want to burn those letters, take them all outside and do it there."
"You're okay with that!"
"Why not. If it'll make him feel better."
"I'm glad you understand my dear auntie. Now if you excuse me, IT'S TRASH BURNING DAY!"
"What --- the --- HELL did you call me?"
Oh, he was in for it now. He now wondered why he ever let himself go crazy like that. All that mattered right now was that now hew might not live to see another day. He saw the Grim Reaper in her eyes. And all he was able to say at the moment was --- "Crap!"
"How many times did I tell you not to call me aunt?" She roared ferociously. In that instant she began to catch fire.
The hopeless couple took notice immediately, and they froze in absolute fear. They knew they were dead now. They might was well call a funeral home and get burial insurance because they will seriously need a coffin now.
That's when Haruka lit on fire; her rage now had a physical form. The flames engulfed every inch of her body, and her eyes turned into brightly shining lights of impending doom. The fire then spread to the stockpile of fan mail she was standing next to. It was not long until the entire pile of envelopes was set ablaze. The brilliant orange glow of the fire now lit the teahouse better then even the sun.
Keitaro could not do a damn thing; he was just a manager. Motoko could use her ki attack, but it would destroy the teahouse in the process. To make a long story short, they were both scared as crap. They had no choice but to hightail it out of there, so they did.
"Dammit!" Keitaro shouted, feeling mighty stupid right now. "And you guys said my flamethrower would burn down the teahouse!"
"Just shut it, Urashima!"
And just like that, everyone evacuated the teahouse, and the place just burned to the ground. The wood was slowly turning black as it was being reduced to nothing but embers. The structure of the wood was deteriorating, forcing the whole thing to collapse as it burned down. This did not even scratch Haruka; then again her aura was on fire. The enraged woman, still on fire, and her eyes still demonic glowing death balls, walked away from the wreck and headed in the couple's direction.
From the hospital bed, Kugashira was grinning; he was having a grand old time himself. "I'm sneaky."
"What on Earth happened?" Shinobu stared at the wreck that used to be the teahouse. She was on her way back to the Hinata house from school, but who would blame her for stopping at the burnt down place and just staring at it. It was the teahouse Haruka used to own, and it was actually burnt to the ground. Of course one would be as surprised as Shinobu right now. She was compelled to tell just about anyone she could about this, so she turned away and readied herself to run back to the house, but when she put her right foot in front of her left, she had a distinct feeling that she stepped on something.
She lifted her right foot and looked down; it was an envelope. She picked it up and looked at the front of the crumpled up dirty mail. It had the address of the Hinata house, along with Keitaro's name, imprinted right on it. Not only that, but it was already open. Temptation was now breathing down her neck. She knew that she was not allowed to read it, but she just had to. She grew nervous, hoping no one was around to watch her --- so she gave in. Already feeling guilty over it, she stealthily took the paper out of the slightly burnt envelope. In the exact same manner, she unfolded the paper and carefully read the contents; it did not say much. All it did say was:
OMG! ur hot! be mine, plz!
Shinobu was puzzled as to why someone would send a letter to Keitaro, and how she knew about him in the first place, but something else was bothering her. "She spelled Sempai's name wrong, and her grammar's terrible."
To be continued.
On the next chapter…
All My Samurai (Part III)
Just when it couldn't get any worse, Keitaro has an obsessed fan chasing after him. Now he has a bigger problem trying to keep it all a secret. The fan, however, sees this as a golden opportunity, and fater than you can say "carpe diem", she forces Keitaro to go on a date. And if you think Motoko is going to just stand there and let it all go scott free, then you're hopeless.
If you watch Fullmetal Alchemist as well as Love Hina, then you should enjoy my newcomer fic Fullmetal Sensei Edward Elric, you can find it in my profile.
Until next time, Ciao!