Title: Fastest Man Alive - With a Limp
Summary: It's Bruce and Diana's wedding day. Unfortunately, things start screwing up, and it's up to Flash to set everything right.
- Chapter 1 -
"Get up. You're late."
Wally groaned and put a pillow over his head, as a bright light penetrated through his closed eyes.
"A few more minutes…" he muffled through the pillow. Wait, what pillow? The cushion was wrenched from his hands within seconds. Wally reluctantly opened his eyes and saw that the curtains on the windows had been pulled wide open, as though to let in every ray of sunshine as possible.
"What time is it? Why are you in my room?" Wally asked, sitting up. Then, he realized they weren't even in the Watch Tower, but in a spacious, bright-coloured bedroom.
"Time to get up. You're late," Clark repeated. He was examining himself in Wally's mirror. The super suit had been replaced by a tuxedo, and the trademark hair curl was even curlier than usual.
"What's going on? Why are you dressed like that?" Wally asked, confused and sure his mind was playing tricks on him.
"That was a killer bachelor party last night," Clark said. "How much did you drink?"
"What? What bachelor party?"
"I guess that answers my question."
"I'm so confused," Wally said, rubbing his eyes. "Whose bachelor party did we attend, so to speak?"
"Bruce's, you nudnik. Although he didn't even show up. I guess that was sort of expected," Clark said, adjusting his bowtie.
"Bruce's? As in…Batman?" Wally asked, bewildered.
"No, Bruce as in Catwoman," Clark said, sarcastically, turning to face Wally, who was too confused to take in the sarcasm.
"Alright, I demand to know what's going on!" Wally said loudly, standing up. He knew his little outburst didn't scare the Man of Steel, who shot him a piercing look.
"You really need to lay off the booze. Today, Batman and Wonder Woman are getting married. You are part of the bridal party, as am I. So you'd better get ready fast because you're already an hour late," Clark explained, sounding out the words carefully and slowly.
"HUH?" Wally said, catching the whole explanation but hardly believing it. "Bruce is getting hooked with Diana? How come nobody told me?"
"Wally, are you okay? They've been planning this thing for months!" Clark said, now concerned, and approaching the pyjama-clad speedster.
"No, I'm not OK!" Wally protested, indignantly. "I don't recall anything to do with any wedding and especially one that involves Batman as the groom."
"Have you lost your memory? Wally, what is your alter-ego?"
"I haven't lost my memory, dummy! I know I'm the Flash and you're Superman and we're part of the Justice League. What I don't know is what the hell is going on right now!" Wally yelled. Just then, Alfred the butler came in to the room, wheeling a cart with him.
"Mr. West, since you didn't come down for breakfast, I took the liberty of bringing it up here for you. You'd better get ready, sir."
"So I'm in Wayne Manor, am I?" Wally asked.
"Yes, sir," Alfred replied. "If I may be so bold as to add that mixing vodka and tequila isn't the wisest choice."
"I wasn't drinking!" Wally exclaimed. "Alfred, is Bruce getting married to Wonder Woman?"
"I sure hope so, sir," Alfred said, giving Wally an odd look. "Are you feeling alright?"
"I'm fine!" Wally bellowed. Clark walked out of the room, shaking his head. Alfred followed him. Wally snorted, grumpily. He was just about to dive into the bacon and eggs when Clark re-entered, followed by J'onn, who was also dressed in a tux.
"Oh, what now?" Wally complained, putting down his knife and fork, knowing what the Martian was going to do.
"Stay calm. I'm just going to probe your brain."
J'onn put his hands on Wally's head and closed his eyes. A few moments later, he opened them and removed his hands.
"Well?" Clark asked.
"Everything's in order. I couldn't find anything out of the ordinary," J'onn spoke in his deep tone.
"So how come I can't seem to fathom that Bruce and Diana are getting married?" Wally asked, grabbing and sipping the glass of orange juice.
"You're probably just nervous. In a denial phase, or something like that," Clark suggested. "That tends to happen to people before big events. Unless…you don't approve of this wedding…"
"You're absolutely right, I don't!" Wally said, banging his fist onto the bed. "Maybe if I had known earlier, I'd come to understand. But now you're telling me that Bruce and Diana are suddenly getting married today, after no discussion or even prior mention of these plans."
"Should I get Bruce?" Clark asked, looking concernedly at Wally, but directing his question to the manhunter.
"He's busy enough as it is. I don't really think he'll care if Flash doesn't approve of their union." John had entered the room. He had watched the brain-probing.
"I'm getting out of here," Wally said, gobbling up the toast, and crossing his room to where his Flash costume lay crumpled. "Tell Bats I'm sorry I couldn't make it for the wedding because I came down with a severe case of something."
"Denial?" Clark muttered.
"Yeah. NO! I don't know. Just say I was throwing up because I mixed vodka and tequila," Wally suggested, thinking of Alfred's earlier comment.
"You can't back out! You're part of the bridal party!" Clark said.
"Since it was against my wishes, I can back out if I choose."
In a quick movement, his Flash suit was on and he zoomed out of the house.
"So…who wants to tell Bruce?" Clark said to the others, who backed off immediately.
Flash arrived at the Watch Tower and headed straight for the monitor room. He may have been in a different dimension, and he wanted to tell the League the weird moments he just experienced. To his great surprise, no Justice League members were even in the monitor womb. Instead, members of the Green Lantern Corps. gazed at him.
"Uh…okay…" Flash dashed out of there before he decided that he'd gone insane. Batman and Wonder Woman were preparing for nuptials today and the Green Lanterns had taken over the Watch Tower. Interesting.
"Flash! Thank goodness it's you!"
Flash jumped, startled at the yell. He turned around and was relieved to see Diana soaring towards him.
"Diana, am I glad to see you. What're the GLs doing in the monitor room? And you won't believe what I had to go through this morning—" Flash started.
"Someone stole my wedding dress!" Diana yelled, ignoring him. "You have to help me find it!"
"HUH?" Flash gaped for the second time in the morning. "You really are marrying Bats?"
"This is no time to joke, Flash! I'm getting married in two hours and I don't even have a dress!" Diana screamed, panic-stricken.
"Calm down! Ok, what does it look like?" Flash asked, not so calm himself.
"Um…let me see…IT'S A WEDDING DRESS, YOU IDIOT!" Diana bellowed at him. Flash swallowed. "Shayera's doing my hair so I can't do it. You'll have to!"
"Alright, alright. I'll find it. But, tell me this, how come you decided to marry Bats…and when?"
Diana gave a loud, irritated sound as she sped away.
"Women are crazy," Flash muttered to himself, as he zoomed to every room, nook, and corner of the Watch Tower, searching for a white gown. Finding nothing that matched the description of "A WEDDING DRESS, YOU IDIOT!", he went to the monitor room to see if the Lanterns knew anything about it.
To be continued
A/n: This was originally going to be a one-shot, but it just got too long. Sorry about the cheesy title. I thoughtofmuch cheesier ones, though.
1) You got Flashed
2)What the Flash is Going on!
3) I like pie
4) My Cat's Breath Smells like Catfood
I liked all of them. The first one didn't seem appropriate. The second one just popped into my head but it'sway to cheesy.Number three was what I felt at the time I wrote this, but I couldn't use it as a title, as it had nothing to do with my fic. The fourth one...well, who can argue with that? Maybe I should have used it...
Read and review!