A/N: This is going to be a short fic. It's just a cute fluff fic I thought of making. It's a tad bit cliché but I couldn't help myself. Anyways hope you like! This is yaoi, if you don't like that, please don't bother to read. Please review! Thank you!
Ed fumed, steam was streaming through his ears again and his face was bright red. He was like a little throbbing vein. People were too scared to provoke it anymore for the fear that it might explode.
No matter how much time you spent with Edward, no matter how many times you would say you were use to it, you never really were. No one was. Some tolerated it yes, but were they ever brush it away as easy as dust from their shoulders?
Alphonse sighed. He lost count on how many times this has happened. He didn't know why he started counting these fights but he did, even though it was pretty much impossible to keep up.
"It can't be that bad, brother. You know he's just teasing. The Colonel is like that with everyone." Al tried to reassure Ed.
It was like this all the time… almost every time actually. Every time they would come back from a mission. Every time they would check in for their report. Every time Ed sat on that decently comfy couch, Colonel Roy Mustang was there to piss him off. It started to get to a point where Al was sure the Flame Alchemist did it unconsciously.
"One! One slip up and he chews me up, Al! I mean, I know some of the things I do I deserved to be scolded for but this one nearly went perfect! He could have at least held back the short insults!"
Al sighed again. 'Why do I have a feeling it wouldn't be any different either way.' He thought. Ed and the Colonel had interesting chemistry. They were the kind of people who, if they didn't have anything to bicker about, they would find something to bicker about.
Sometimes it was entertaining. Sometimes it was scary. And other times it was just plain annoying.
Al had an idea. A mischievous idea. An oh-so-evil idea. 'Ugh.' He had to remind himself to start hanging out with better influences. Alphonse shrugged. Being a devilish saint wasn't so bad.
"You know, I think there's a reason why you fight with the Colonel all the time." Edward gave him a funny look.
"Oh really. Well tell me, wise one. Why do you think I fight with him all the time? Could it be because he's an asshole? Or because he's useless and thinks he's better than me? Oh! Or the fact that he constantly throws short jokes at me? I've got a list." Al chuckled, amused with his brother's attitude.
"No, it's because you can't."
"I can't! What do you mean I can't!"
"I mean that you can't control your temper." Ed pouted.
"I can too!" Alphonse was snickering. Couldn't see it, but you could definitely tell he was.
"See, you're already losing your temper." Ed 'hmph'ed him and glared at him from the corner of your eye.
"Do you propose I do something about it?" Suddenly, Al understood why his brother was so devilish. It felt good.
"No, brother. I propose a bet." Ed almost had a hard time swallowing.
"What kind of bet?"
Three weeks later...
"Colonel, Major Hughes called. A new conflict has occurred in the east. It's between the new troops and the south east territory of Xing. Apparently things are getting a bit hectic over there and they are asking for assistance." Elizabeth Hawkeye informed the Colonel.
"Yes, of course." Roy didn't know why but today felt funny. There was nothing ominous about today. The crows were cawing, the sun was burning, and the air felt polluted by Havoc's cigarette. Yes, one would agree that it was a beautiful day.
"You okay there, Colonel? You seem a bit off today." Havoc said, moving his cancer stick a bit between his teeth. Fury was minding his own business, not really speaking at the moment.
"Yes, yes." Roy lazily waved a hand in the air. "It's just an uneventful day I suppose." Hawkeye quirked an eyebrow.
"You have become a jaded person sir." Roy just shrugged. This was one of those days where he wished all his subordinates were in the room. With them around, it was never boring. Today it was only him, Hawkeye, Havoc and Fury.
Hawkeye was always strict, enough said. Havoc went on and off, and today he was off. Fury was pleasant, but he was a shy person. One who preferred to join the fun rather than make it.
"Sir." Roy slowly turned his head towards Riza.
"Yes, Hawkeye?" He responded in a monotone voice.
"Just a reminder, sir, Edward is coming in an hour to give us his report." Roy perked up a bit. Fullmetal always made things interesting. His childish antics weren't surprising anymore, but they never grew old.
"Remember, brother, you--" Ed interrupted his younger brother.
"I know, I know. You don't need to remind me. It is just a week... right? Please don't tell me it's more than a week!" Alphonse chuckled.
"Yes, brother, just a week." Ed looked relieved but still annoyed.
"Put on a big smile, brother."
"Don't push it, Al." Ed sighed. He was on his way to the Colonel's office.
Twenty feet. 'I can do this. All I have to do is... be the exact opposite of me.'
Fifteen feet. 'Just act like someone else, some one who's always calm and collected.'
Ten feet. 'I can... not do this!'
Five feet. 'There's no way I'm gonna pull it off.' He stared at the door then turned to his brother who gave him a thumbs up. Edward took one last breath and turned the knob to the door.
All was silent in the room, save a few foots steps and paper fluttering. Roy perked up when he heard the door knob squeak. Finally things would get more interesting.
"Well, well. If it isn't the infamous Edward Elric. Hope you brought good news." Roy put on a dazzling smirk, and tainted his words with sarcasm. It was usually the spark that was close to setting things off.
"Morning, Colonel." Ed breathed out calmly. "It's good to see you too." He didn't say it with sarcasm, malice or anything. He said it like... nothing. Bored, expressionless, calm... creepy. Havoc looked at Hawkeye and Hawkeye looked at Havoc. Both sending a secret language to each other.
Roy just blinked. Fullmetal was probably just tired, or upset. That was the only explanation. Havoc coughed then he cleared his throat. "Yes... well, do you have your report, Fullmetal."
"Yes, sir." Ed replied with a slight nod, he walked over to Roy and handed him the report rather than the usual harshly-shoves-it-in-his-hand routine. He took a few steps back and stood there, waiting for his orders. Something was wrong with the military's wild puppy. Roy shrugged, and ignored it... or at least tried to. He started to read the report. His eyebrow twitched and caught the attention of Riza and Havoc.
'The chief is gonna get yelled at for sure.' Havoc thought.
'Please don't start something big, Colonel." Riza tried to mentally send the message.
Fury shrugged, but kept a sharp ear on what was happening.
Roy read over it again, it was only three pages long. In all those three pages, nothing wrong happened.
This was wrong. Something wrong always happened with Fullmetal. He looked at Edward, who stood at attention. Straight, calm, and professional. He didn't have the usual pissed off scowl he had on his face and that was... creepy.
"Is... this it, Fullmetal?" Roy asked, a tone behind his question yelled 'tell me everything.'
"Yes, sir." Roy raised an eyebrow then smirked.
"Something else had to of happened. This report is... well to put it bluntly boring. I demand to know everything that happened, Fullmetal, no secrets." Roy's suspicion always peeved Edward. Riza and Havoc prepared for the young blonde's vicious response.
"No secrets, sir. Nothing eventful happened in Xenotime. After the red water was rid of, the town started to rely on agriculture for income. The town is now steady even with some of the military troops present." Havoc was confused, Riza was baffled, Fury was pondering and Roy was dumbstruck.
The boy didn't seem disturb or distraught. Nor depressed, upset or anything else. Actually Ed was surprising himself and scaring himself a little too. Havoc was tapping his foot on the ground a bit, he turned his head to he could look at Ed from the side.
"You feeling okay, chief?" Ed turned to him and nodded.
"Yeah, why?" Ed tilted his head very slightly to the side giving him a very cute and innocent look.
"Um, no reason." Havoc turned back around. 'What kind of a look was that?' Roy shrugged slightly. He knew what to say to make the kid lose his cool. Colonel Roy Mustang always knew what to say.
"Well congratulations, short stop. You have successfully gone through a mission without destroying anything." Roy's subordinates almost groaned.
'Why did he have to say short?' The three thought.
"Thank you, sir." Ed smiled a little. Not that evil I'm-going-to-kill-you smile, but just a friendly smile. Roy's subordinates visibly flinched, including Roy himself. Maybe he just missed the word short. 'But Fullmetal never misses the words short, small, tiny, bean, or any other word that relates to those.' Roy said to himself. He shifted a bit; he wasn't expecting this.
"Fullmetal, you should really start taking some of your vitamins. You're so small I have to struggle to find you sometimes." Roy said in a cocky tone of voice.
"I'll work on it sir. Thank you for the advice." Everyone nearly shivered. Havoc rubbed his arms to try and get rid of the imaginary goose bumps.
"Is it chilly in here? It just got chilly in here, didn't it? I think it's chilly in there." He said. The chief as spooking him out a bit. 'He's possessed.' He thought. Riza on the other hand was confused and a little bit un-nerved and Fury... looked like he didn't care.
"Fullmetal, I am saying that you are short. Small. Tiny. A bean. A bean sprout. A grain of sand, speck of dust." No way could Fullmetal miss all of those.
"Yeah, I knew and it's true. Not as exaggerated as you put it but I am short." Ed said in that same monotone, calm voice. Havoc stopped moving and Riza nearly tripped; she didn't but she felt like she almost did. Fury was the only one making noises, he was organizing some paperwork and again seemed like he didn't care or wasn't bothered.
"You're... not bothered at all?" Roy asked in disbelief, Ed shook his head.
"Why would I be? It's true isn't it? At least I'm not a legal midget." Ed said with a small smile.
"But you're short."
"Yes sir, we established that."
"..." Why couldn't Roy think of anything to say? He always knew what to say. Always! But he didn't. Roy didn't know what to say to the attractive blonde.
"Can I be dismissed sir?" Roy mumbled a stuttered 'yes' and Ed left.
Riza was the first to break the silence.
"That was strange." She admitted.
"You think something is wrong with the chief? There's gotta be something wrong with him!" Havoc exclaimed.
"The day has probably been good to him." Riza suggested. Both were a little startled when Roy started to laugh.
"No no no. Fullmetal is playing a game I'm sure. The little runt is just playing some mind games, I'll make him crack! I, Roy Mustang, will be the first to beat his idiotic little charade!" Roy laughed again and his subordinates just sighed.
"No one but you, Colonel." They said together. No one really noticed quiet Fury on the side. Who would when there was a chaotic Colonel in the room? But if they did notice they would have seen that he was smiling.
'You are a good actor, Edward.' Fury silently complemented.
Ed couldn't resist the urge to laugh.
"You really should have been there, Al! Their looks were priceless!" He managed to say between laughed.
"Honestly, I didn't think you could pull it off." Al had been leaning close to the door, listening contently. "You kind of scared me." Ed laughed a little bit more.
"Yeah, I kind of scared myself. I deserve a reward!" Al would have smiled if he could.
"Let's get you something to eat, but Ed."
"Make sure I'm not around when you're acting like you were back there." Al was limited to what he felt, but what Ed did really did give him the willies.
To be continued...
A/N: Well hoped you enjoyed, there's going to be about seven or eight more chapters to this. Each one for each day of the week. Please review. Thank you for reading, and I'll make the next chapter more eventful. XP