Short, sweet, & simple: Annette is crazy. And in need of a life. And she has much too vivid an imagination than is good for her.

Summary: A flash of light, a dash of insight, and oodles of everyone saying things about sex that they don't mean! What's going on? Find out in here.

Warning: SEX. Lots and lots of SEX. Not sex, but SEX. And bad imagery. Also included is, OOC-ism, general craziness, and worst pairings you could ever think of… EVER.

Rated: Mosquito! Er, we mean M.

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Mouthing Off

Chapter One

What the hell?

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Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, and Ron Weasley walked out of the Great Hall together, as they usually did. They had just finished lunch and were planning on going to the library to plan a way to steal back Harry's invisibility cloak from Filch.

They walked down several hallways before turning a corner and almost walked into Draco Malfoy.

"Watch where you're going Potty," drawled Malfoy, a familiar sneer playing over his lips. If only the sneer wasn't so familiar, wished Hermione. "You almost got Mudblood germs on me."

"Shove it, Malfoy," shot back Potter. "You git."

"What?" said Malfoy, looking surprised. "Is that all? Oh, you git!" He mimicked Harry.

"Look, Ferret," began Ron. "We're kind of in a hurry. Why don't you bounce away, now?"

"As soon as you and your unworthy friends get out of my way, Weasel."

"Oh, Malfoy, just—" began Hermione before she was cut off by a blast of white light.

"Bloody hell!" yelped Ron. "What the hell was that?"

"I don't know," said Harry, from his position on the floor.

"Oh, Harry, here, let me help you," said Hermione, helping Harry stand up.

"What was that, Potter?" snarled Malfoy. "Some sort of curse that backfired? I bet it was supposed to make you get yourself into my pants, right?"

There was a stunned silence before Harry replied with a straight face, "No, that wasn't it. You'd let me in your pants even if I didn't curse you. You want me, bad."

Ron and Hermione snickered. "Harry," berated Hermione, "we should go, we have to go to the library and have a threesome with Ron!"

"What?" yelled Draco, an incredulous look on his face. "I thought Harry was going to have a threesome with me and you, not Ron! Bloody hell, what did I just say? Granger, what did you just say?"

"I, I said… what the bloody hell is going on?" asked Hermione, horribly confused.

"I don't know," said Ron. "But I'm betting that Draco and his sexy arse are behind it." Ron blinked as he thought about what he had just said. "Argh! He did it! Him and his sexy arse!"

"He does not have a sexy arse!" yelled Harry. "He has an incredibly sexy arse! What is this? Why are we saying such sick things?"

"Don't look at me!" said Hermione. "Just because I'm smart and pretty and all the teachers want in my robes, I do not have the answer to everything. Oh lord, I can't believe I just said that."

"Believe it Mudblood, you crazily sexy female," drawled Draco before screwing his face up as if he were in pain. "I can't believe I just said that."

"Er, well, we're all saying things we don't mean, right?" asked Hermione. All four youths nodded their heads. "Do you think it might have had something to do with that white flash of light?"

"No Hermione, I think it had something to do with the fact that I want to suck your tits really badly," answered Ron. "Oh hell, Hermione, I'm sorry, please don't hit me without using a whip! Argh! What the bloody hell!"

"It's okay Ron, I'd never hit you without a whip, I mean, without a good reason. I think we should, er, go somewhere more private to discuss this. Um, Harry, you devilishly sexy young man, do you have any ideas where to go?"

"Uh, well, how about the Room of Requirement? We can get a bed big enough for the four of us to fit on and have a mad foursome in there."

"What? No way, I am not going anywhere with the Weasel and his spectacular abs that I totally want to rub my hands all over." Draco paused. "Okay, someone Avada me, please. I'm serious, here's my wand Potter, Avada me, quick."

"Draco, no one is going to Avada you," said Harry, pushing Draco's wand back into his hands. "Now, come on, we should get into the Room of Requirement and out of our clothes as fast as we can before someone else hears and wants to join in," said Harry. "God, this is sick."

"Tell me about it," said Ron, looking as though he was ready to cry. "What's going on?"

Hermione patted Ron's arm. "Don't worry Ron, we'll figure something out. If you do feel really bad, I'm sure Draco and Harry will let you be in the middle."

"Augh! Hermione, I did not need to hear that! I need to feel it, now! Draco, come here! No, don't come here! Oh hell! Don't Avada him, Avada me!"

"Nobody is going to Avada anybody!" yelled Harry. "Do you guys hear me? Come on, let's get out of here. Who knows who heard us while we weren't moaning and groaning?"

"I don't want to go with you, Potter, you crazy sex god. I hate you and your sensually tousled black hair and school-boy glasses."

"Draco, you need help, we all do. Something is very wrong and we're all saying things that we don't mean. If someone hears us while we're in the midst of an orgy, things could get really, really hot."

"Point taken, Potter. Lead the way with your sexy arse. Argh."

"Right," said Harry, looking towards Hermione and Ron. "Are you two coming soon, or do you need some help?"

"Fine and dandy here," answered Hermione. "Just sashay your sexy arses ahead of us."

"I vote that we stop speaking right now," murmured Ron, looking rather green. "I don't want to screw you guys, I want to have mad, hot, sweaty sex with all three of you, preferably at the same time."

"Weasel makes a point," said Malfoy. "No more talking until we get into that room but once we're in, we're allowed to moan and groan as loud as we want. Screaming is allowed as well. Bugger, doesn't this ever end?"

"Right, no more talking," stated Harry as he led the way to the Room of Requirement.

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"So," said Ron as they made themselves comfortable in several separate black chairs. "What do you think is making us say all these crazy things which I wouldn't mind doing right now, right here?"

"I think we agreed on the white light, Weasel, you fucking handsome devil, you," answered Malfoy. "Bollocks! I can't even insult you anymore!"

"Not that you'd want to," interjected Harry. "You'd much rather just get it on in front of us all here with Ron, wouldn't you?"

"No, I would not, Harry, you stupid prat!" shouted Malfoy. "You know that I'd much rather make out with Granger! Argh!" Malfoy sputtered indignantly.

"It's nice to see you kicked off of your throne of wittiness," said Hermione. "Now you'll be able to have sex with all of us on the floor."

"You guys!" yelled Harry, interrupting them all. "We have a problem here! There are four of us and so many positions that we could be having pleasure in! Do you think that the whole school is having a mad orgy without us and saw the white light, or do you think it was just us?"

"I don't know," said Hermione. "Maybe we should get a strong and handsome teacher with nice biceps to help us. We should tell someone about all this crazy sex we've been having."

"Granger, you fool, if we go to the teachers, we'll have to share you with them! We can't do that," said Malfoy. "What if no one else was affected by that white light?"

"Then, well, maybe the powerful Professor Dumbledore can help us!"

"Hermione, he might send us to Snape for a potion or something! You know how much Snape turns me on with his greasy hair and sallow skin! I'm a sucker for his good looks!" shouted Harry.

"And what do you think they'll say when they hear us talking like this instead of sucking on each others cocks like good little boys? They'll think we're doing this on purpose or something!" added Ron. "Hell, I do believe I'm going to throw up again."

"Hold it in, Weasel," drawled Draco. "Let's think rationally here before we start fucking like rabbits as we're supposed to be doing. Why don't we just right each other large and poetic love letters full of what we'd like to do to each other's bodies and explain our predicament to the teachers?"

"Good idea, Malfoy," said Hermione as she grabbed a piece of parchment and a quill. "All right, let's see your cocks boys. Um, let's see what I can do."

Several awkward minutes passed while Hermione grappled in her mind about what to say. She couldn't keep from writing horribly dirty things onto the parchment.

"Bloody hell Granger, give me that parchment!" yelled Draco before grabbing the parchment. He read it out loud. "Dear horrifically fuck-able teachers of Hogwarts, This is the sexy Hermione Granger, the delectable Harry Potter, the gorgeous Ron Weasley, and the drop-dead beautiful Draco Malfoy. We students are in dire need of your help; we need you to help us slake our lust. We can't seem to stop thinking about shagging each other and all of you. Help— Bloody hell, Granger, this is a load of hot sticky cum all over you chest, that's what this is!"

"I couldn't help it!" shouted back Hermione, looking horribly aggravated. "I put my quill to the paper and all that would come out were words describing all of us and our skanky ways!"

"So, we can't talk without sounding like sex-deprived sexual predators, and we can't write without sounding like that either?" asked Harry.

"No, Harry, you sexy bohemian god, we can't," answered Hermione.

"I'm not bohemian Hermione, though I wish I were so that I could boast the largest penis in this room," said Harry forlornly.

"Don't worry, we'll find a way out of this, you guys," comforted Ron. "And if we can't, we can always just have hot sweaty sex and bite each other's nipples or something."

Draco threw the letter down on a table and collapsed in his chair. "I wish I could put my arms around your neck Weasel and fuck you so hard that you couldn't walk for week."

"I guess, we could just stay here and have goes at pleasuring each other for a while," said Hermione. "Unless if anyone has any better ideas?"

"No, Hermione, that's a good idea," murmured Harry, his expression despondent. "We're bound to come up with some sort of idea that doesn't involve the four of us having sexual intercourse together right?"

Draco yawned. "Or until someone finds out we're missing and comes looking for us and walks in just as we start rimming each other and the Mudblood finishes sucking Weasel off."

"You know what?" asked Ron. "Maybe we should have a group orgy while we Avada each other."

"We'll think about it," said Hermione. "Right after you guys finish having a threesome while watching me finger myself. Oh god…"

The group of students fell into silence as they contemplated their fate and just what had caused that odd bright white light to appear and change their lives so drastically.

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Don't blame Annette. The white light did it! The white light!

(Oh shoot, this is un-betaed! Bertha will shoot me. Or beta this.)