Disclaimer: Just having fun with the characters for a little bit. Promise to give them back. Don't own them, never will. Sigh...

Author's notes: thank you kindly for all the reviews of 'The Major Of The Moment'. As this is the end for this particular fic, I would very much like to thank everyone who has taken the time to review the previous nine chappies thus far. So, in no particular order, ta very muchly to...Maggie Eaton, chaotic pink chocobo, StargateFan, Matt1969, Queen Tigress, Verb, feb04, CrystalClear444, Jennyvre Moss, BookWorm37, shiny silver girl, gatewatcher, Lorettakay, kittn, Arrant Schemata, Desert Blossom-by-the-Sea, Natters, Intergalactic smart-ass, stargategal, t-sport, Delilah Wigglesworth, akiko-dono, Peri of the elves, Gwil, Dragonchaos, PhDelicious, Albi, Vid Z., kippling croft, janissima, lynnmichelle, Su Freund, Sci Fi Fan Gillian, LJEvans, Augusta, beverlycat, MandySg1 and WarmTea. Without your reviews, I would have given up before now and would be sulking in the 'ultimate fit of despond', as my other half would call it! My thanks also to anybody yet to review, of course, nudge nudge, lol!

An extra nod to both feb04 and Delilah Wigglesworth. You know why, laydeez!

Big hugs to all at the As The Stargate Turns writing group, especially to S.A, known in these here parts as SecretArt, for setting a challenge some time ago to write a ficlet containing the word 'jam'. Without that challenge, this fic wouldn't exist in the first place!

So here we are, people! The final part of 'P5X 39 Whatever!". Thank you all for going on this unexpected little journey with me. I have changed the format for this last chapter, using multiple points of view etc. to attempt to squeeze every last drop of humour that I can out of it for you. I hope you have enjoyed reading this as much as I have enjoyed writing it for you. Bestest wishies to all. Jean.

And Finally, The Fun!

Being a military man, he had arrived at her home precisely on time.

Being a military woman, she had been waiting at the door.

They were both so nervous, and just seeing her, wide-eyed in the porchlight, was enough to make his brain go kersplooie. All of the almost poetic (by his standards) speeches that he had been praticing for the last few hours, hell, if he was honest, the last few years, had run out of his brain like melted butter off a new potato the very moment he saw her.

He couldn't think straight, so he simply spoke without doing so, his voice shaky. "Samantha Carter, I love you."

He grimaced, watching as she sighed and rested her head against the side of the door. He been here five seconds and he'd blown it already...he was only supposed to be here to ask her out on a date, for crying out loud!

"God, I'm so sorry, Sam." His shoulders slumped and he must've looked mortified. "Could I be any lamer?"

She laughed gently and took a half-step forward, reaching out to lightly brush her fingers through his eternally unruly hair.

"That was not lame, Jack O'Neill." She moved her hand to cup his face. "Love you back."

The world froze, but then a slow grin crept across his face.


She pursed her lips together for a moment in thought. Her following question was a little awkward. "Jack, er...I...do you want to come in?"

"Yes!" he virtually barked, surprising them both.

As he stepped into her home, he looked down at her. "Was that too...eager?"

She smiled. "Under normal circumstances, I would say yes, Jack."

She obviously liked saying his name. He sure as hell liked hearing it from her.

She tilted her head. "But today, I would have to say no."

She shut the front door and took his hand.

Within minutes, there was definitely some kissing.

Later on, in truth, there was a whole lot more.


As the elevator doors closed, she began to hum a tune.

He cleared his throat. "Humming, Major?"

Her eyes shone. "Am I, Sir?

He sniffed. "Yes, Major." He paused, enjoying the moment. "Soooo, he's humworthy, huh?"

Her answering tone was light, yet professional. "I would have to say so, Sir."

He grinned, wickedly smugly, as she began to hum again. Damn, but he was sure that he had heard that tune before! He figured it must be the theme to one of those sci-fi shows that Teal'c loved to force them to watch.

It didn't matter. She was certainly putting a happy spin on the tune, whatever it was.

He listened for a few seconds, before starting to hum along himself, in counterpoint.

She stuttered to a halt, swinging a very bright and inquisitive gaze towards him.

"Humming, Colonel?"

He stopped and answered mildly. "Indeed I am, Major."

She smiled. "Soooo, she's humworthy, huh?"

He waggled his eyebrows. "Yeahsureyabetcha!"

She fixed her gaze back on the elevator doors, with a slightly triumphant look on her face.

Then she spoke again.


She picked up the humming again and he joined her.

They didn't stop 'til the doors opened.

As they walked out of the elevator, he asked her to accompany him.

Apparently there was something really important they had to do.

She simply followed him.


Well, this was strange.

They'd walked into the gateroom and were standing at the bottom of the ramp, for no discernable reason. She looked around, trying to work out what earth-shatteringly important issue could have brought them here. Alien invaders? She couldn't see any. The imminent destruction of the planet? It didn't look like it. The prevention of the shipping of precious blue jello to her dad (it was all hers, he just couldn't have it)? No. Her staple foodstuff was safe. In fact, everyone just seemed to be going about their business. So she was clueless.

But only for a moment or two.

She glanced at Jack. He winked at her and then clapped loudly, calling the attention of everybody present to them.

Oh, but he wouldn't! Would he? The look in his eyes told her otherwise. Holy Hannah!

"Alright, campers! I think there are some wagers that are just crying out to be settled today. So to confirm the status of a certain relationship, I am about to indulge in some 'major kissage'."

She barely had time to groan at his turn of phrase before he swept her into a graceful dip and his lips descended onto hers, making her decide in a split second that some things really were worth putting up with bad punning for.



Daniel walked into the gateroom and over towards the ramp, stopping dead as he looked up from the file he was reading, a few meters away from Jack and Sam.

Who were kissing.

Boy, were they kissing!

Oh lord, but they were hot!

He'd always thought that they would be, but...hold on, why were they doing this here?

He looked up in panic towards the control room, only to see General Hammond staring back down at the scene. The base commander moved away from the window in a hurry. It appeared that he was making his way down to the happy couple.

He had to do something!

He started by clearing his throat. Then he coughed, repeatedly. Finally, he tried speaking. "Uh, guys..?"

Major Samantha Carter whipped her head around towards him.

"Busy, Daniel."

Colonel Jack O'Neill shot a withering glance at him. "What Sam said."

They they picked up right where they had left off.

With the kissing.

He gave up and just let himself be happy that they were happy. They looked so good together.

He still couldn't prevent his flinch as he heard the loud footsteps entering.

General Hammond did not look terribly pleased.



"Colonel O'Neill, Major Carter, you will stop groping in the gateroom immediately!"

His order was strictly given, despite the fact that he was jitterbugging with happiness on the inside. He'd just won a boatload of cold, hard cash and the commander-in-chief would probably laugh his presidential socks off when he heard that he had actually issued the phrase 'groping in the gateroom'.

The Colonel in question simply straightened up, setting a wildly blushing Major back on her feet, and sent him an innocent look that had no place on the face of a man of his age.

Then he grinned. "That wasn't groping, General. That was kissing. Now this is groping."

He reached behind Samantha Carter and appeared to grasp...well, her behind.

She actually squeaked and jumped about a foot into the air, but just about held her countenance. Albeit that she looked a little distracted and a whole heap of embarrassed.

"Colonel!" It was supposed to be a warning, a reprimand, but by then he just couldn't keep his joy out of his voice.

Said Colonel was still grinning widely. "With all due respect, it isn't working, sir. It's sooo hard to be full of authority when you're smiling that much, don'tcha think? So, do tell, how much have you won?"

"Two hundred dollars and I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about, Colonel." He narrowed his eyes and shifted his gaze to Sergeant Siler, who was in the corner of the gateroom. "Speaking of which..."

All eyes followed his, and the Sergeant's head dropped into his hands as he realised that he'd been had by a certain Colonel and his Major.


Teal'c was most gratified with the apparent success of the plan he and DanielJackson had devised. From his viewpoint in the control room, he had noticed his archaeologist friend's abject failure to distract O'Neill and MajorCarter from their embrace for long enough to warn them about the impending arrival of GeneralHammond.

It was clear that they were well matched. Naturally, he had known that this would be the case for some time, but the visual confirmation of it warmed his warrior's heart. He was joyous for his friends. He may have even been smiling.

He observed as SergeantSiler became the focus of attention.

The unfortunate Sergeant had had the temerity to demand his money back from ColonelDixon yesterday, in spite of the fact that the officer had been carrying a P90 weapon at the time. The young Colonel had shown an admirable level of restraint, merely shouting loudly about the cost of diapers and other such Tauri childcare necessities before marching away, leaving the Sergeant speechless.

The fates had indeed been with SergeantSiler, and he had avoided another lengthy stay in the infirmary.

And although the area of rearing offspring had never interested him before, Teal'c was most curious about the concept of a babygro. It had never occurred to him beforehand that Tauri children needed outside assistance in this regard. He would request information on this matter from ColonelDixon when the opportunity arose.

He thought it a pity that he himself had never experienced any difficulties in extracting money from SergeantSiler, even when he had, in fact, lost wagers. He had long since prepared a lengthy diatribe bemoaning the financial burden of candles and hats, but it was apparent that his magnificently intimidating speech would never be needed.

Perhaps he was sufficiently imposing already. This thought pleased him.


The already surreal scene took a definite turn for the weirder when the massed gaze of, well, everybody, was drawn to one of the gateroom doors.

There was a sound.

Swoosh, swoosh, swoosh.

Then there was an alien.

Thor, on his rollerskates, swept in through one door and out of the other, saying "Greetings, O'Neill and Samantha Carter," in the interim, without stopping.

Swoosh, swoosh, swoosh.

The sound faded.

Jack O'Neill stared at the door through which Thor had departed for a second or two. Then he looked towards General Hammond, confusion furrowing his brow. "Has he been doing that since yesterday, Sir?"

The General sighed, wearily. "He did take a few hours rest, but yes."

The Colonel shrugged. "Well, if you're small, gray and bobbly, I suppose you need a hobby."

He was suddenly very pleased with himself. "Hey, Carter, that was nearly poetry."

She huffed at him. "Um, no it wasn't, Sir."

General Hammond interjected. "I'm glad to see we're back to proper military etiquette. Can we see to it that you stick to that at all times in the future when you are on duty?"

They both nodded and answered in agreement, the Major a little shamefacedly. Needless to say, the Colonel clearly wasn't ashamed at all. Not even a little bit.

He smiled at them both warmly. "That's good to hear. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go call the President."

There was a sure spring in his step as he made his way back to his office.

Colonel Jack O'Neill looked at Major Samantha Carter and smiled.

"How do you feel about getting some cake, Major?"

She couldn't help herself. She engaged the vapid smile and innocent tones that had been so distracting to him yesterday. "I think we both know I hate refusing cake, Sir."

He glared at her as he pulled down on the front of his shirt. Again. "You have got to stop doing that, Major. I mean, really!"

She didn't. "Why, do you need to take a shower, Sir?"

He decided it was payback time.

She watched as his face changed from moderately outraged to openly leery and he dragged a decidedly steamy gaze up and down her body no less than three times.

Then he leaned in towards her, his eyes dark, and spoke in the low, rumbling tone that he, never mind she, hadn't ever heard before approximately 0300 that very morning.

"Maybe later."

She gasped, her eyes wide and her mouth falling adorably open.

He smiled in victory, turned and left the gateroom. Whistling.