This is a continuation of the Mushroom Series. 1: Squashing the Evil Mushroom Squashing the Evil Amanity Phalloides and now, for the first time ever: REVENGE OF THE MUSHROOM!
DISCLAIMER: JK owns everything except the plot and all the things that doesn't belong to the HP world... obviously!
Third time I'm updating this chapter. Had some trouble with the writing and so on...
Dishevelled and squashed he made his way through the house, down the stairs and onwards. His only grasp to life was the wish of getting revenge!
Do you know of whom I am speaking? I'm sure you do /Mysterious voice/ He was tricked by the Bushy Beast, transfigured rudely into an Amanita Phalloides, after which he was squashed to the almost certain death! But no! Our evil mushroom-man was NOT dead /Shudders/… /evil theme music/
On his way he, evil Amanita-Phalloides-Voldemort, met a powerful Fungus, called.../drums/ Honey! Honey helped Voldemort to learn the noble art of Poisoning and kick boxing. A must in the world of fungi!
And so, when Voldemort had showed Honey how good at the art he was, by poisoning and kicking the gills out of it, he moved on and continued his journey towards Hogwarts alone.
Thundering clouds were lingering above Hogwarts this strange night in an undecided month of an uncertain year. Voldemort, with all the stealth of a fungus, moved through the grass. His little fungus eyes searched for movements, but there were none.
Voldemort moved closer. If he had had a heart it would have beaten wildly in the chest he did not have either. But as it were he hadn't had a heart since he had become the world dominator! (He reminded himself that he would soon become it again, albeit he had to rule looking fungus)
Lord Voldemort, or Lord of Fungi as he considered calling himself, slipped inside of Hogwarts. It was far too chilly for his liking, but he had a job to do, and afterwards he could return to a warmer place. He slipped through the door leading to the dungeons and down the stair. Unfortunately he stairs were too grand and he fell. Luckily Voldemort was soft and as such it didn't hurt too much!
By the root of the staircase Voldemort moved on, his ultra-super-red eyes lit up the dark dungeons. At last! He thought.
Voldemort grinned the evillest grin only a super-Voldemort-fungus could ever manage to produce. He was, you see, standing outside of the door to Severus Snape's private rooms!
At it so happened that Severus hadn't thought of warding his entrance against Evil-Overlord-fungi, which allowed Voldemort to slip inside, unnoticed. He thanked the God of Amanita for his good luck.
/Insane giggles, which only a girl madly in love can produce was heard/ "Oh SEVII! You little hunk! Give me some sugar!" Voldemort winched at the implication. A moment later two people emerged naked from, presumably, the bedroom.
Voldemort watched with horror as the Bushy Beast, who had turned him into his current state, giggled insanely again as she was attacked by the treacherous Severus-fungus-stomping-Snape!
The pair hugged tightly, while kissing frantically as they moved around the room. Voldemort settled himself to attack mode when they came near him, but only a few metres from him they banked with vigour and passion into the bookshelf, which trembled slightly.
"Holy Mush-" Voldemort managed to utter before he was squashed by a book. The lovers never noticed the now-completely-squashed mushroom under a 10 centimetre thick tome.
This, I hope, was the last in the series about Mushroom/Fungus-Voldemort! May we all die in rest!