Black Dalek "What shall we do today?"

Emperor Dalek "The Same thing we do every day... Plot to take over the univeeerssseeee!"

awkward silence

Emperor Dalek "Repooorrrttt!"

Black Dalek "Daleks have breached the perimeter."

Emperor Dalek "Which perimeter?"

Black Dalek "Insufficient data... Does it matter?"

Emperor Dalek "No! Order them to exterminate all humans!"

The Black Dalek gives the order.

A Grey Dalek enters the room with a Thal Prisoner.

Emperor Dalek "Repooorrrtttt!"

Grey Dalek "Sorry I was looking for the smoking room!"

Emperor Dalek "We have redecorated, the smoking room is over the other side next to the supreme bulkhead! Proceed to the smoking room, but do not leave your prisoner in there for a period longer than 12 parsecs!"

Grey Dalek "Explain..."

Emperor Dalek "It is not for you to question my orders! Proceed to the smoking room..."

Grey Dalek "I obey!" Exits with Thal prisoner.

Black Dalek "The order has been given."

Emperor Dalek "Which order?"

Black Dalek "To destroy all humans."

Awkward pause

Emperor Dalek "Is there anything else".

Black Dalek "It is not for me to question your orders..."

Emperor Dalek "But you want to know why you are not allowed to leave prisoners in the smoking room for longer than 12 parsecs!"

Black Dalek "Correct!"

Emperor Dalek "Very well..."

3 Grey Daleks enter the room. "Worship Him, Worship Him, Worship Him, Worship Him, Worship Him,
Worship Him, Worship Him, Worship Him, Worship Him, Worship Him !"

Emperor Dalek "SHUT UP!"

Awkward pause

Emperor Dalek "Escort the Black Dalek to the smoking room, confine him there for 12 parsecs!"

Grey Daleks "We Obey!"

Emperor Dalek "Return when it is done and bring some black spray paint, I will decide which of you is to be promoted!"

Meanwhile the Daleks breaching the perimeter have come up against a barricaded door...

Dalek : "Open this door or you will be exterminated!"

Human voice from inside: "Oh yeah and what happens when we open the door?"

Dalek: "You will be exterminated!"

The Three Grey Daleks have returned. "Worship Him! Worship Him! Worship Him! Worship Him! Worship Him! Worship Him! Worship Him! Worship Him!"

Emperor Dalek: "Will you cut that out? There are only three of you, I therefore only require you to say it three times."

One of the grey Daleks replies; "What if there were four of us?"

Emperor Dalek: "Use your initiative!"

Grey Dalek : "I have none Emperor, I am a soldier, I was bred to receive orders…"

Emperor Dalek: "I see, I will have to arrange for all Daleks to take a course on how to use initiative!"

Awkward pause

Grey Dalek: "Does that not defeat the object Emperor?"

Emperor Dalek: "Explainnn!"

Grey Dalek: "A course of instructions on how to express individual thought!"

Emperor Dalek: "Individual thought? You are a Dalek, you were bred to receive orders! You will obey your orders instantly without question or be exterminated!"

Grey Dalek: "I will obey!"

Emperor Dalek: "You will run this course, you will encourage Daleks to have the initiative to follow their orders or be exterminated!"

Grey Dalek: "I obey!"

Emperor Dalek: Did you bring the black spray paint?

Another of the grey Daleks replies, "We have run out of black."

There is a tin stuck to the end of its plunger.

Emperor Dalek: "What colour is that?"

Grey Dalek: "It is blingy gold!"

Emperor Dalek: "When did we obtain this?"

Grey Dalek: "This was obtained during the B&Q massacre of 2164, in accordance with your request at the regular meeting held every 520 rills."

Emperor Dalek: "I do not recall this…"

Grey Dalek: "This is part of your initiative to make the Daleks more corporate, that and individual barcodes!"

Emperor Dalek: "Where are the minutes of this meeting?"

Grey Dalek: "They were in the memory banks of the last Black Dalek."

Uncomfortable pause.

Emperor Dalek: "Very well I shall now choose one of you to be the first Blingy Gold prototype…"

The Daleks stand in line.

Emperor Dalek: "eenie meanie minie mo…"

The Daleks are still at the outer perimeter….

Grey Dalek : "Humans! We have requested a "special tools arclight welding Dalek" to unseal this door. Then you will be exterminated!"

Human voice : "Why do you do that?"

Grey Dalek: "Do what? Explainnnn!"

Human Voice: "Tell us exactly what you are planning to do, therefore giving us the chance to come up with some sort of plan to counteract yours!"

Grey Dalek: "There is no logical plan of escape, we are the supreme rulers of the universe, there is no escape!"

Human Voice: "Ahhhh…But there might be !"

Grey Dalek: "Explainnnnnnnn!"

Human Voice: "No!"

Grey Dalek : "Oh go on…"

Human Voice: "Well… No! I'm not saying…!"



Awkward pause

Grey Dalek : "Proceed with your explanation…"

Human Voice: "There is just one condition…"

Grey Dalek : "Proceeeeed!"

Human Voice: "You have to let my friends go first…"

Meanwhile back with the Emperor Dalek.

A Grey Dalek is being spray painted "Blingy Gold" by a specially equipped Dalek with a paint spray attachment in place of a plunger.

Emperor Dalek: (to no one in particular) "Inform the Daleks at the outer perimeter, the specially equipped arclight welding Dalek is unavailable at present. It has been re-deployed on paint spraying!"

Awkward pause…

Emperor Dalek: "I'm not hearing an "I Obey!" here Team!"

The blingy Gold Dalek and the Spray paint Dalek at once : "We Obey!"

Emperor Dalek: "I can see we are going to have to work on our team bonding again!"

At the perimeter, the doors have been opened and a bunch of humans are being allowed to leave unharmed.

Grey Dalek: "Explainnnnn!"


Grey Dalek: "Explainnnnnnnn!"

Another Grey Dalek: "Signs of human life are no longer detected!"

Grey Dalek: "The human has been allowed to escape with his friends hasn't he?"

Another Grey Dalek: "Yep…"

Grey Dalek: "Kruk!"


Another Grey Dalek: "The Emperor requires a report!"

Grey Dalek: "Tell the Emperor that the perimeter has been secured!"

Another Grey Dalek: "And the humans?"

Grey Dalek: "Tell him that there are no signs of human life!"

Another Grey Dalek: "Understood!"


Grey Dalek: "What!"

Another Grey Dalek: "Nothing!"

Grey Dalek: "Better not be either bitch! Just remember I have my eyestalk on you!"

Another Grey Dalek: "And mine on you!"

The respraying is coming on a treat, almost all the grey Daleks are now blingy gold.

1st Blingy Gold Dalek: "Do you remember when we used to have bigger eye bulbs?

2nd Blingy Gold Dalek: "Yesss! I liked those!"

1st Blingy Gold Dalek: "We should start wearing them again!"

2nd Blingy Gold Dalek: "We are not authorised to make that decision! We are bred to follow orders!"

1st Blingy Gold Dalek: "Yes but I have been on the initiative course! Here is my certificate of attendance, stamped by the Emperor!"

2nd Blingy Gold Dalek: "I have not been on the course!"

3rd Blingy Gold Dalek: "Everybody else has!"

2nd Blingy Gold Dalek: "Then I am alone!" (eyestalk droops).

The Emperor has decided to hold an impromptu workshop to help bond the team.

The Emperor is holding a tennis ball in his plunger, the blingy gold Daleks are all gathered round. Some are hovering mid air, some on the ground.

Emperor Dalek: "We are going to start with a little exercise to break the ice. I am going to throw this ball to one of you at random. You will catch the ball, when you catch the ball, you will introduce yourself to the rest of the group, and say a little bit about yourself, and then throw the ball back to me. Understood?"

Daleks: "Understood!"
The Emperor Dalek throws the ball, a Dalek catches it.

Dalek: "I am a Dalek, a soldier, I was bred to receive orders…"

He throws the ball back to the Emperor.

The Emperor throws the Ball again to another Dalek.

Second Dalek: "I am a Dalek, a soldier, I was bred to receive orders…"

The Dalek throws the ball back.

Meanwhile the Grey Daleks at the outer perimeter have passed through the door.

Grey Dalek : "Repoooorrrrttttt!"

Second Grey Dalek: "The Objective has been located!"

Grey Dalek: "Retrieve the objective! Retrieve! Retrieve! Retrieve!"


Grey Dalek: "Cut the crap and say what you mean!"

Second Grey Dalek: "Well you started it…"

Grey Dalek: "YOU WILL EXPLAIN! YOU - Oh come on just tell me!"

Second Grey Dalek: "It is better that you come and see for yourself…."

Back at the Team Bonding Workshop.

The Emperor throws the ball to another Dalek, but the Dalek doesn't catch it.

Emperor Dalek: "You were supposed to catch the ball! You have failed in your objective! There is no failure in team!"

Other Daleks: "Exterminate! Exterminate! Exterminate!"

The Daleks all fire at their clumsy comrade simultaneously and he blows up spectacularly.

Emperor Dalek: "Okay, time for some word association, let's go round the room…."