Disclaimer: I don't own The Outsiders or any of the characters contained therein! The title is from the BeeGees song, but don't sue me, please?
A/n: Just a little one-shot, but please R&R. Cherry's POV.
Dedication: To Tonyboy aka Daniel, who introduced me to this awesome book, which I love! And upon further inspection, I believe that Plato in Rebel is a mix of Johnny Cade and Dallas...
To Love Somebody
I didn't want to fall in love. Especially not with him. Dallas Winston. He was one of those guys, you know? Ten feet tall and bulletproof. At least, that's what he thought. I kinda thought so too. I wish I had been right. He was alot like Bob. Greasers and Socs aren't so different you know. He was frightening... and thrilling. He scared me, but somehow that only seemed to make it harder not to love him. He was everything I'm not. Cold... hard... even mean. He was violent, and cruel, and... absolutely beautiful. I don't even know if he was capable of loving me. But as hard as I tried to fight it, I loved him for all I was worth. And I don't even know why.
Ponyboy told me that greasers feel too much. That they're all emotions, and reactions to getting their buttons pushed. Soc's are cold and hard. But I don't know. Maybe not all greasers feel like Pony said. I never saw any sign of feeling coming from Dallas. He reminded me of Socs like Bob. So unfeeling that they almost scare me.
But he did feel. Obviously. He had to feel something. I talked to Pony, and he told me. Dallas did love one person. He loved Johnny Cade like family. Like the brother he never had. Dallas never loved any of the other greasers. They were just "his buddies," and he felt some kind of loyalty to them. But not love. I think he never loved anybody else but Johnny. He would have died for Johnny. And I guess, in the end, if you get right down to it... he did.
Pony told me that Dallas died because he loved Johnny. When Johnny died, the only part of Dallas that felt anything died, too. And I guess he figured there was no point in even trying anymore. So he pulled that gun on the cops. It wasn't loaded. He never loaded that thing, Pony told me. But nobody told the cops. So then... Then he went down. I was there. That's what noone knows. I was in my car on the other side of the road. I saw the cops shoot him... again and again. They didn't have to shoot him so many times. What kinda cop couldn't just aim for his arm so he'd drop the gun or something? Or maybe sneak up on him and take it? Why'd they shoot him so many times?
In my heart, I wanted to run to him... to hold him so that maybe he'd feel something before he died. But I didn't. Because my head wouldn't let me. "Stay out of it, Cherry," I said to myself as tears streamed down my face. "Just let it go. It's just a greaser. He helped the boy who killed Bob..."
And then I felt really bad, because I knew Johnny Cade. And of all the people who Bob's death hurt, I'd say Johnny took it the worst. That kid was all heart... He reminded me of a little kid who's lost his way, and doesn't know which way to go, and all the time, people just laugh in his face instead of trying to help. That was Johnny. I guess I'd only met him once, but... he was like an open book. You didn't have to know him long to know that he'd been hurt. And that he worshiped Dallas. If Dallas had said, "Hey, Johnny, I want you to jump off the Grand Canyon, and I'll be at the bottom to catch you," I think Johnny would have done it.
I guess he wasn't the only one.
I wanted to help Dallas... But I didn't. Because I didn't want to feel anymore. I didn't want to hurt like I knew I was going to. I didn't want to let myself give my heart away again, only to have it handed back in a million pieces. I talked to Ponyboy yesterday at Dallas's grave. The two of us just showed up at the same time. And he told me how Dallas told him that going to jail had made him hard and unfeeling, and he liked it that way. That feeling too much would get you killed, like Johnny. You'd stick your own neck out too far trying to help somebody else. Pretty ironic, huh? He died because Johnny died, and he just didn't care anymore.
The day I met Dallas, I told him I couldn't stand him. I wouldn't even drink the Coke he bought me. I told him that I wouldn't take anything from him. But I never said I'd never do anything for him. I bought him a Coke to put on his grave. Only, I poured the Coke out and put flowers in the bottle. And as I put on his grave, I said, "There, Dallas. I guess that's all I'll ever give ya, so hope you like it."
Ponyboy gave me a hug as I began to cry. I guess he knew how it was, acting tough so you wouldn't have to feel the pain. Acting like you don't care so that you can hide how much you really do... how much it hurts you. He's alot like me. Always trying to be tough... and tuff.
That never really meant that much to me before. But I guess it does now. Because Dallas was right... if you get hardened to things... If you just flat don't care... Then you won't get hurt.
I don't ever want to get hurt again.