Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans, or the song "Cold" by Crossfade. Damn I love this song.

Alright I was on vacation and seriously, i did the whole story in my head during a 17 hour drive from South Carolina. The couple is R/S and very very slight BB/R in the end. If you didn't like the ending, too bad, because I'mnot changing it. Read and Review please. NO flames. Btw, this is a long oneshot/ slight songfic.

Summary: Some people pride themselves at showing no emotion; being able to block it all out is something they are known for. But the right person and the right circumstances could easily knock down the walls that this fearless leader has built around himself, and now that he is able to show the emotion he was never able to before, he lets out everything that he's unwisely bottled up, it is too late to take it back; far too late. Past, present, and reality will violently blend together, distorting the life he knows inside and out of his mind, eventually bringing him to the mercy of his own raging emotions. In the end, he realizes the danger of what he has been doing...and it took a devastating incident to show him the consequences of being so cold.


"Untouchable"

Life.

Death.

Moving on.

To some, they seem like any three words or phrases in the dictionary, from the seemingly vast cumulation of the English language over time. These words have the same meaning here or there, wherever you live, where I reside. Across the world; the millions of different cultures and religions have their own way of interpreting these words, and their own way of changing them to sound better, less harsh.

Three words, three phrases, three indescribable experiences that can only be told to others, passed on to young, curious, eager minds and ears, as simply something that you will experience: There is no escape.

To escape from life, you must experience death.

To escape from death, you must fight, and have the will, to live.

There is no escape from your feelings, your emotions. If you don't let your feelings go, and move on, you will ruin your life and bring about your own death, making others suffer and move on. The cycle continues to turn, continues to happen, and there is nothing you can do to stop it.

Life is a very special thing, hard to describe, a wonderful experience for anyone. Although you may not remember every joyous moment of your life, the ones that love you dearly, that were there from the time you were born, do.

You only experience life once.

Death is not a very pleasant thing, but there is simply no escaping your fate. Many of us only hope that we simply pass away in our sleep, rather than feeling yourself slip away from everyone that you love, everyone that was there for you. You would rather just go to sleep one night, and let yourself slip into unconsciousness and wake up wherever you are destined to be in your afterlife, instead of lying in a crisp, white hospital bed; the clock ticks away as you lie there, using your final breaths to painfully express any last words you may have before leaving.

And if you are unlucky enough to be in pain, time seems to pass even more slowly. Eventually the pain will leave, and although those around you say they want you there, that you can't leave, that it will be alright, you are relieved when the last sounds you hear are the beeping of the heart monitor, and the pain is finally gone.

You only experience death once.

Moving on is a bit different. This can happen many times about many things, whether it's watching your childhood puppy leave your life forever after old age, or letting go of your only parent figure in your life. Moving on is letting go of the guilt, that everyone seems to experience whether it was your fault or not. If this is how it is defined, then you would simply let go of the chain holding the monster of guilt that burns in your chest after such a tragedy.

Can you find the common phrase of the three words I have described?

Letting go.

In life, you must let go of everything; if we never did, no one would live a long, joyful 102 years. The guilt, remorse, and emotions would burden you, little by little, until one time, one day, it will break.

People do not die just physically; they are only truly gone when their mind is at rest. When feelings become too powerful, then can affect you mentally, and more often than not, your mind and your will will determine your fate.

Letting go is a difficult thing, but it is almost always the best thing to do. Letting go, whether person or memory or horrible feelings, will make you feel as if you are on top of the world; no matter how unbearable it gets, no one can bring you down.

However, it is still a very hard thing to do, and you may need much encouraging, and close friends to help you through such a task. Hopefully, they have been there for you all the time.

But if you are the type of person to bottle up such feelings, whether mutual, love, hatred, it will be extremely hard to let those feelings go. Because when you build walls around you, blocking everyone and everything you care and love, it will eat away at you. Let the ones you love break down the walls that you are so desperate to keep up. The right person in your life will eat away at them, chipping away all they can to bring you out of your shell. Being emotionless and denying feelings will only take you so far, before just the right person comes and knocks them down in one final push.

Letting go is easier...

When you aren't so cold.


Have you ever wished that you could take back something you said? It simply flew out of your mouth before you could stop it, and you kept going, the accusations and anger rolling off your tongue as if you'd memorized it in your sleep.

"I just...don't understand you..."

A cold breeze floated over the roof of the tower, blowing multi-colored leaves off and onto the concrete, past the lines used for the volleyball courts, that was used countless afternoons when the sun was setting. When, for just a few moments in time, the Titans' minds were not constantly on fighting crime, saving lives, and worrying about what villain would strike next.

Where the growing minds of the young teenagers could wander, thinking of more than combat practice and whose turn it was to brave the crowds and fans that resided in the many supermarkets across town, so the constantly-hungry teens could actually have decent food. Where they would retreat into their minds, and literally wander in the empty darkness of their memories and thoughts, and pretend, if only for an afternoon, that they were normal, with normal problems. Instead of demon fathers, sudden marriages and crazed villains desperate for power, they let themselves concentrate on their feelings...for most of them, it was, "What can I do to hide them?".

Those type of afternoons, where laughter echoed off the calm water surrounding their home, when they could ignore each other's little annoying personalities for just a few hours, was when Robin could let himself think.

As if didn't brood enough.

He would think about his friends. More importantly, one certain alien always came to mind.

Lately it seemed, any spare moment he had, when he wasn't going over battle techniques or clues in his mind, his thoughts wandered to his best friend, who, according to everyone else, was much more than just a close friend.

Raven and Robin were close friends.

Beastboy and Cyborg were close friends.

Robin and Starfire...were not.

Sure, that's how it started, but now, that wasn't the case anymore. She was so much to him, that he had only realized until now. He went over the interaction, the moments between them over and over, much like how he mulled over battle scenarios, wondering, puzzled to no end, why he said the things he did. Sometimes he was amazed at the comforting, complimenting, and sometimes typical teenager thoughts that seemed to escape his lips.

Sometimes he wished he had told her what he felt, what ran through his head every time he laid eyes on her.

But then, he wished also that he had never grown close to her, for maybe, if he hadn't been, it wouldn't be killing him, eating him alive from the inside out.

Robin took a deep breath, letting it in slowly, feeling it fill his empty lungs; he let it out, whistling through his nostrils. He repeated this action, for it was the only thing he had left. Bullying and blaming his friends had not helped, and kicking around people's inanimate objects was no better. He had tried everything to make the pain stop; everything had failed.

He couldn't get rid of this feeling...no matter what he did. It was so hard to describe, and trying only made it worse. Sort of like carrying a heavy burden around...in the pit of your heart, taking the place of something he'd never been without. Nothing relieved the stress, for it had nowhere to go but the confines of the organ. Medicine wouldn't cure it, ignoring it wouldn't cure it, and lying on your back on the floor, staring at the ceiling until your vision blurred did nothing as well.

Who am I to blame? Was it really me...that led her...to this.

The masked teenager pressed his palms on his closed eyes, harder and harder until all he saw were swirling torrents of color, dancing beneath his eyelids. The pain in his eyes only added to the pain he felt inside, the indescribable feeling of loss.


"I'm sorry...but...oh!" The normally level-headed girl wrapped her pale arms around the boy wonder and held him tightly.

"I'm so sorry Robin. I really am..."

Robin pulled himself away hastily and stared at her, genuinely confused. Her eyes held an emotion that he had never seen. Pity? Sorrow? For the first time, he couldn't read her expression. What was he missing?

"Dude..." Beastboy started, but looked away as Robin turned his gaze on Beastboy. Lip twitching in impatience and slight annoyance, he turned to Cyborg, who couldn't open his mouth. Raven seemed to pull herself together, resuming her normal persona. Nevertheless, her eyes were rounder than ever, seeming to hold back something...that he couldn't understand.

"Slade returned..." she whispered, staring right through him.

"Don't you understand?" Cyborg muttered aloud, as if it hadn't meant to leave the sanctity of his mind.

"And?" Robin demanded impatiently; he wanted to catch that bastard if it was the last thing he ever did.

"He tried to kill someone," Beastboy spoke up, expression somber. Never before had Robin seen such a look on this born joker's face. If it was this serious...

Robin knuckles curled into fists, bones cracking, breaking the heavy silence that hung over the scene.

"Who?" Robin yelled, cursing himself relentlessly inside, blaming himself for the murder of someone he'd never known...or so he thought.

This last remark sent a wave of flinches over Raven and Beastboy; Cyborg's expression remained blank. Not one of them had the courage to answer and fully test Robin's temper.

"I don't have time for this. I'll find out myself," he fumed, stomping between Beastboy and Raven; Beastboy opened his mouth to say something, but Raven shook her head violently to warn him.

"He'll...have to see it for himself..."

Robin rounded the corner of the ambulance and saw an indescribable sight; something that haunted him more than Slade, something he would never be able to forget. As the scene immediately etched itself in his mind, the heavy feeling in his heart appeared out of nowhere; little did he know it wouldn't be the last time he felt it. The sudden shocking sight was overtaken by countless memories, ones that he blocked almost all the time, playing in his mind one after the other so fast and so frequent that he groped for the bar on the back of the ambulance to keep himself from falling as his knees buckled.

Every emotion that existed fell away. Anger, remorse, guilt, love, caring, and any one that you could think of seemed to disappear; they were nothing. Not even the initial shock was present, and he was empty.

All the second he laid eyes on her pale face.

This memory replayed itself over and over until Robin felt like taking a sledgehammer to the skull.

Who knows? Maybe it would distract me for a bit.

Pulling himself off the ground, he listened to his joints crack as he made his way across the room and swiftly yanked open a drawer near his bed. With shaking fingers, he pushed the picture of his friend out of the way, not wanting to work out the feelings he couldn't understand at that moment. Underneath this was Slade's mask.

He ran his fingers over it, feeling the slight change of texture of the eyehole.

Without warning, he flung it to the floor and stomped his metal boot into it; listening to the cracks of the damage was oddly satisfying. Grinning bitterly, he gave it a kick and it skidded across the carpet to rest under his bed. As he made to shut the open drawer, he pulled the picture of his crimson-haired teammate out before he shut it. Throwing himself on the bed, he stared at it, as if it would speak to him.

Oddly enough, it did.

"You hurt me Robin...you upset me...and frightened me in a way that I cannot describe. How many times did I tell you that your obsessive personality would get you nowhere?"

"Trust me...Slade wasn't the only one I was obsessed with," Robin said aloud, voice completely monotone.

Looking back at me, I see that I never really got it right...

I never stopped to think of you

I'm always wrapped up in things I cannot win

You are the antidote that gets me by

Something strong like a drug that got me-high...

His mind flooded with images of her, and one particular memory entered his mind, playing without the help of a remote.

A gorgeous, golden sun framed the silhouette of her tall frame as she walked forward, holding the volleyball with her usual smile on her face.

"I'm sorry Robin...but it looks like you've lost," she said apologetically. Robin shrugged and sat next to Cyborg, who was sitting on the sidelines outside of the white court lines. He grinned at Robin as he sat down. Raven simply sat watching Beastboy swagger onto the court; she had to admit, she was surprised he'd made it this far.

"She's getting really good," Robin said, smiling as he watched Beastboy take his place on the other side of the net.

"Yeah...too bad you keep letting her win," Cyborg replied, smirking. Robin scowled darkly, but didn't take his eyes off of her slender frame as she threw the ball above her head and delivered a fierce serve that barely skimmed the top of the net as it flew over.

"I do not keep letting her win," Robin said, eyes wandering from the progress of the volleyball back to his red-haired friend.

"You wouldn't lose if you would stop staring at her instead of watching where the ball was-"

"I wasn't staring at her," Robin denied instantly, telling his ears to stop burning with embarrassment.

"Just like you're doing now," Cyborg retorted, smirk growing wider. Robin muttered a threat under his breath, which made Raven raise an eyebrow at him. Robin glared back and focused his attention on the game; more importantly, where the ball was.

But sadly, that was near impossible.

Unconsciously, his gaze drifted back to her as he watched everything she did. Suddenly, he noticed that her lips were pursed in concentration as she watched the ball fly toward her. He could almost hear her mind working; she bumped it back over the net, and Beastboy jumped up and set it. Her expression was just so addicting, so utterly innocent and cute he couldn't take his eyes off it. And as her brow unfurrowed and she smiled, and, to Robin, it seemed to light up the darkening sky. As her face became blank, he sighed longingly, wishing she'd smile again, giving him that feeling of happiness he felt every time. Raven raised an eyebrow at him, a smirk tugging on her lips. He scowled darkly again, making Raven speak.

"What was that noise for?" she asked, giving way for the same type of knowing smirk that Cyborg had given him.

"Nothing," Robin retorted, trying to give her an intimidating look, and failing.

"Sorry," she stated, "I should have been more specific. That was a longing, deep, lustful sigh."

"Oh shut up."

"You are so obvious, boy wonder."

Robin had no answer to that, and returned his attention to his friend, watching just how beautifully she executed a spike; Beastboy dived and missed it, fuming, and Robin watched her lower herself to the ground, pushing fiery crimson hair out of her flushed face, grinning. As Raven and Cyborg walked onto the court to congratulate the red-haired alien and demean Beastboy, Robin remained sitting a second longer, just to admire her from afar, from the ground up; his eyes traveled over her seemingly perfect legs, up past her thighs, her hips, small waist; Robin resisted the urge to stare at her chest any longer than necessary. He practically forced himself to carry himself over to her; he wanted to stay sitting, silhouetted against the sun, and simply stare at her beautiful face for eternity...

"Robin?" an angelic voice asked, scattering his thoughts and making him blush slightly as she sat next to him. Robin stole a glance at the others, who were busy comforting (or in Raven's case, smirking and saying she was comforting) Beastboy over his loss. It had been the first time he'd been to the top in any sport.

"Yeah?" he replied, cursing himself for sounding stupid, and scooted over just a bit to indicate her to sit. She did gladly, still breathing heavily from her victory, innocent smile plastered on her face.

"You know...you're getting really good at volleyball," Robin started tentatively, trying to start an unnecessary conversation.

If possible, her smiled seemed to grow. "That is because...I had you to teach me," she said quietly, blushing.

"Um...thanks?" Robin asked, feeling his face burn, and making the mistake of looking straight into her vibrant, emerald, shining eyes.

He felt himself begin to slip away almost immediately; the sounds of his other teammates fell away, nonexistent, barely aware that he was still sitting on the roof.

"Robin?" she asked innocently, her brow furrowing out of concern as she studied his flushed, vacant face. He didn't reply. She put a hand on his cheek, head tilting slightly as she gently caressed his cheek. "Are you...alright? You look like you have the fever."

"Hey!"

The two pulled away; she let her fingers trail softly over his cheek as he jerked himself away from her.

"What are you two doing?" Cyborg boomed, arms crossed in a satisfying sort of way. Robin cringed and caught Raven's eye.

"Do something..." he thought, hoping Raven would pick up on it, which she did.

"Um...I think Starfire said Robin had a fever!" Raven said loudly, cutting across Beastboy's most likely demeaning remark.

"Please check, Raven. I want to make sure he is alright," Starfire replied, corners of her mouth turning down.

"Come on, loverboy," Raven said, grabbing Robin by the wrist, ignoring his look of hatred toward her for the extra comment. He suddenly wrenched his arm away, quickly ran to Starfire, and pulled her into a tight embrace.

"You don't need to worry about me," he whispered, lips brushing against her ear. He didn't pull away from the gentle caress of her hair that brushed his face as he had leaned in. Raven cleared her throat loudly, and as he tore himself away, she muttered something unrecognizable.

"Just...so addictive..."

What I really meant to say

Is I'm sorry for the way I am

I never meant to be so cold...

Never meant to be so cold-

What I really meant to say

Is I'm sorry for the way I am

Never meant to be so cold

I never meant to be so-


"Robin?" a voice sounded, accompanied by a gentle knock. Before Raven could continue, Robin coldly said, "If there's been no change don't bother trying."

There was a long silence, and Robin knew Raven was keeping herself from breaking down the door. As soon as her footsteps died away, he rolled over on his side.

You don't know how sorry I am...for everything I've said...for everything I've done...

The worst part was, no one seemed to understand. They all knew how he felt about her...and yet, they kept him away. Here he was, wasting time in his room when he could be tracking down Slade; but Raven had decided to curb his anger by keeping him away from his obsessions for the time being. At least until they had figured out if Starfire would be alright.

But Robin's need for Starfire was driving him insane. Raven had been right. He was completely addicted to her. Her smile, her laugh, every and any part of her he could name off the top of his head. Her mere presence made him feel...whole.

And now...his obsessing...his need and protection of her...was what led her to this.

His teammates blamed him. Robin blamed Slade. Slade had blamed Robin. Mere minutes after they'd returned home from the disturbing crime scene -in which the others had needed to restrain Robin ripping the heads off of two officers when they had asked where she lived and who would take care of her for the time being-Slade contacted the Titans, his voice threatening and dark as he named accusations, one after the other, at their leader. As if he hadn't been blaming himself enough, this simply piled on the guilt even more.

"I daresay I'm not getting through that thick head of yours," Slade mocked, staring down at the Titans through the large screen. The Titans stood in a small semi-circle around the control panel, leering. Robin however, was expressionless.

"Do you understand, dear boy, what I am trying to teach you? What your little girlfriend has been trying to make you see all along? This is all of your fault. Your behavior and obsessions have led you too far, and look where it's gotten you-"

"Stop. I didn't do this. You did. You're the one who hurt her!" Robin replied, a hint of anger coming through the emotionless walls he was struggling to hold up.

"But she never would've left if you hadn't yelled at her. Especially when she was right all along. You've done this to yourself, and I think this will serve as a lesson to you." Slade paused, relishing in the moment, watching Robin shudder violently as his face went from slightly pink to scarlet in a second flat. Raven shook her head slightly, for she knew that he was right.

Slade added as an afterthought, "And tell her...get well s-"

That was as far as he got before Robin let out a roar and thrust a Birdarang into the screen, making it fade to black. The other three stared at him, wide eyed and frightened, the same way they had looked at him so long ago when he had threatened them with the same weapon.

"Dude you need to chill. Seriously," Beastboy said, no grin or trace of joking in his face. Raven glared at Robin furiously.

"I'll kill him," Robin muttered, still shaking as he curled his fingers into fists and whirled around, shouting at the blank screen. "You hear me! I'll kill you! I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU!"

"ROBIN! Stop it! You're only mad because...because SLADE IS RIGHT!"

Robin whirled back around to look at Raven, who didn't look intimidated nor ashamed of what she had said. It was the truth, not a good truth, but still the pure truth. She lowered her hood, eyes flashing dangerously and took a threatening step toward Robin, whose angry gaze faltered.

"You're only angry because Slade was right. Starfire was right all alone, and we told you too. This obsessing...bottling up your emotions...it isn't healthy-"

"Look who the hell is talking! The one who can talk feelings out of everyone else but can't bat an eyelid at the sight of someone's guts spilling onto the ground! How do you have the right to-"

"We know you're upset... but that doesn't mean you can't hear the truth. If you don't accept it you're going to hurt yourself more-"

Two horrified gasps sounded in the room, and Raven lay on the floor, clutching her eye. Beastboy started for Raven, but she held a hand out to stop him. Muttering her normal mantra, she healed the already purpling bruise and stared at Robin's retreating back, gaze softening as she distinctly heard him take a heavy, shuddering breath before the door shut.

Remembering this only made him angrier. Everyone blamed him...how the hell could they say that? I didn't send her away...I didn't ask for her to be cornered in a dark alley...powerless...run into the street. Beaten senseless...

His stomach churned as the vision of Starfire lying in the road, bruised bloodied, and most likely unconscious floated into his mind, making him feel physically sick. Clenching his jaw, he strode over to the door and expected it to open. A minute later however, he was still facing the gray sliding doors.

"That bitch!" he burst out, pounding on the door furiously, as if it would open under the threat of physical injury.

"Raven!" he yelled, knowing she'd hear him wherever he was. "Open this door! Open the damn door or so help me-"

"Oh stop it! I told you I'm not letting you out. We can't let you take out your anger on her again," she said, monotone voice echoing in his mind like a gong.

Breathing heavily, he swallowed and said, "Please...I can't stand this Raven...I just...could I see her room?" he asked in a calm voice. There was a long silence before the door opened and Raven appeared, paler than ever.

"There hasn't been any change," she said, making Robin flinch as if she'd slapped him. As he walked down the hallway, she shook her head after him, hoping that her friend-that now, almost seemed like a sister-would be alright...not only for the team's sake, not only for Robin's-

But for her own as well.


-Cold to you I'm sorry 'bout all the lies

Maybe in a different light

You could see me stand on my own again

'Cause now I can see

You are the antidote that got me by

Something strong like a drug that got me-high...

As he aimlessly wandered around her bright pink room, he slowly began to realize how much he needed her. Her charming personality, her constant worry for everyone's safety, her innocence and naivete were just addicting.

God damn him...staining her innocent nature with his lies, his crazed obsessions, his words that he wished he could just take back and lock up tight. Everything he'd done, pushing her kindness, her love away just to worry about this psychopath that he'd never had a one-up on. Why couldn't he hold his tongue once in a while? Why had he pushed her away like that? Not just once, not just twice, but every time. Every time she'd tried to help, he'd put a sign on the emotionless walls that pretty much said "fuck off, I don't need your help". Robin pounded his head into her magenta-shaded wall.

Idiot. Idiot. Idiot.

What I really meant to say

Is I'm sorry for the way I am

I never meant to be so cold

I never meant to be so cold

What I really meant to say

Is I'm sorry for the way I am

I never meant to be so cold

I never meant to be so cold...

"Dude, did she take you seriously?" Beastboy asked, frowning. Raven sighed.

"Probably. Why does she have to be so...naive?" She muttered, but she was biting her lip. Starfire was like a sister to her...in a strange sort of way.

"What the hell were you thinkin'?" Cyborg asked, getting in Robin's face, furious. "You, of all people, should know that she would take a statement like that literally!"

"Do you think that I don't know that?" Robin asked, his voice rising in volume and pitch, until his voice cracked. Normally that would've embarrassed him, but the stress he was in at this point in time deterred all attention away from it; Cyborg and Beastboy would be making fun of him as well.

Never meant to be-so cold...

"Robin...you cannot keep doing this to yourself!"

"Starfire just don't-"

"I cannot let you keep doing this to yourself. Raven and the others are right. You are hurting yourself. These obsessions...and pushing me away like this when I am only trying to help you-"

"I don't need any help."

"That is not true."

"Please, why do not want help? Do you understand, Robin, how much it hurts when you push me away? When you ignore me and will not talk with me?" Starfire did not continue, for she whimpered and bit her lip, keeping herself from crying.

He couldn't handle her tears. Not now, not ever. Failing to control himself, he grabbed her upper arms and put his face near hers.

"Why the hell do you think I do this, Starfire? Slave over files, spend sleepless nights searching, pore over clue after clue just hoping I can find something that will help me? I'm protecting you! I'm protecting all of you! I can't help it, alright!" he yelled, and her eyes widened in fear. Sadly, it was too late, and Robin could not stop himself.

"Do you have any idea how I would feel if you got hurt because of that madman? Do you?" he roared, shaking her.

"I would never forgive myself if anyone hurt you! I care about you too much to let that happen-"

"And yet," Starfire interrupted quietly, "you are hurting me now."

Robin stared at her, feeling angrier and more out of control by the second. Before he hurt her any more, he let go of her and turned away.

"Get out," he muttered inaudibly, shaking.

"Robin I-"

"I said get out! Just leave! I don't want to hear from you any more! OUT!"

Starfire was stunned. She cautiously pressed her lips to the side of his cheek before scurrying out, as a loud crack of thunder echoed outside.

In the hallway she let her tears go. Splashing down her front, soaking into the carpet. As she wandered unsteadily down the hallway, she bumped into Raven, who had a crushed game cartridge in her hand and a don't-cross-me look on her face. When she saw Robin's open door, however, and when Starfire muttered a hurried apology through her tears, Raven stomped angrily into the doorway and crossed her arms.

"What the hell did you say to her?"

Robin turned and she saw his expression, full of anger.

"The same thing I'm gonna say to you. Get-out."

The door slid shut.

At the end of the hallway, Starfire stood, looking out at the storm raging outside. She shook her head.

"I will 'get out', as you wish."

Before she turned away from the window, she spoke the final words that you would not hear for a very long time, for she hadn't regained consciousness yet in the infirmary.

"Oh what do you do...when the person that takes away your tears...is the same person that made you cry?"

I never really wanted you to see

The screwed up side of me that I keep

Locked inside of me so deep

It always seems to get to me

I never really wanted you to go

So many things you shouldn't have known

I guess for me there's just no hope

I never meant to be so cold


Robin felt sickened with himself. All the times he'd tried to impress her, all the times he'd protected her, comforted her, hurt her; all for nothing. Because of his stupid behavior, because of him, she was going to leave him forever, and now he couldn't see her. He wouldn't be able to apologize, or even tell her how he felt about her. He wasn't allowed near her. For the first time, he wouldn't be there for her.

He wouldn't be there...to say goodbye.

He swallowed, trying to get rid of the images of her from his mind. Not even a two ton eraser could simply make it go away.

He'd only gotten one glimpse of her lying in the crisp, white sheets in the infirmary. He could remember every bruise, every mark, every drop of dried blood. He'd even seen an imprint on her bare stomach, reminding him of the same scar he'd gotten from Slade punching him while being his "faithful" apprentice. Simply thinking of her, lying there, dying; his angel suffering in any way was almost more than he could stand.

Pulling a pink, stuffed teddy bear with a loopy grin off of her pillow, he hugged it tightly, closing his eyes and pretending he was embracing her. For now, it was the closest he was going to get.


Raven sat, somber, next to Starfire's bed. She knew she'd have to take the place of Robin for now; besides, no matter what Raven had said, she didn't want to lose someone, the only person who had fully understood her.

Robin thought he did, but not in a way that Starfire did. Being switched had it's perks.

Cyborg was at the control panel, robotic and normal eye moving across the screen, seeming to read the same line over and over. Neither of the Titans had made a sound. The only sound was Beastboy shifting restlessly as a small green kitten, occasionally nuzzling Starfire's pale hand as he curled up beside her on the bed. Every so often, he met Raven's violet eyes, which, for the first time he had seen, were full of emotion. It scared him slightly to look at her and see her on the verge of tears. But after a while, he only moved his head when the screen showing Starfire's vital signs made a noise. Normally, it was only to indicate that she was getting worse as time passed.

Beastboy's ears perked up as Robin burst through the infirmary doors, ignoring his teammates, and pushing Raven's chair, with her still in it, away from the bed. The green kitten quickly jumped down and morphed into human form, out of the way of their leader, who, although expressionless, still carried an energy of importance. The others hung back.

Raven abandoned her chair, and Robin grabbed it and sat, hands gloveless, leg twitching, while Cyborg kept a close eye on Starfire's heartbeat, which was slowing.

Tentatively, as though she were constructed of glass, Robin took Starfire's lifeless hand and linked his fingers through hers.

"Starfire...I don't know if you can hear me right now. I know you're mind is probably...elsewhere, by now. But please listen anyway, so before you go, I can say what I need to say.

"I'm sorry for all the things that I've done to you. All the times I yelled, all the times I pushed you away. And," he squeezed her hand tightly, a bit nervous, for he was horrible at confessing how he really felt. "You were right all along. The way I was living, my behavior, was eating me away from the inside."

A loud beep made everyone in the vicinity, with the exception of Starfire, jump. Cyborg's eyes widened as he typed something into the computer and said in a hushed tone, "She's regaining consciousness."

Sure enough, the alien's vibrant green eyes fluttered open, and she gave a start, seeing all of her friends hovering over her. Immediately attempting to sit up, she raised herself on her elbows and felt an indescribable pain shoot through her side; gasping, she let herself fall onto the pillow, whimpering like a lost puppy.

"Robin," she whispered, quieter than the brush of a leaf on your skin. Her eyes traveled from her bruised body to each of her friends' faces, and settled on Robin's masked eyes.

"I'm here," Robin murmured, squeezing her hand again, more gently.

"I heard everything you said. I was something I have wanted to hear all along. I am glad...that you have figured it out. But now...it is time for me to go," she finished gently, and Robin flinched at her words. Over and over inside his mind, he denied it. He knew she would live. She would.

"But," she rasped, looking around again at all of her friends, all of them speechless and full of sorrow. "I want to know...who you really are."

There was a long pause. Robin registered exactly what she wanted to know; the others were puzzled.

"My name...is Richard Grayson. I hover between that part of me...and Robin, the so called fearless leader. My eyes," he said, the tiniest smile appearing, "are blue. And," he said, leaning over her, looking one last time at her injured body. Slowly, so not to force himself onto her, he gently pressed his lips to hers. She returned the favor, toying with an ebony lock of his hair, as he slid his tongue into her mouth. He didn't care how far the kiss went, for this was the last time he would ever see her, the last time he would ever feel this way, the last and only time he would ever kiss her.

To Robin, the kiss may have lasted days, weeks, he didn't care. To the others, it had only been about a minute and a half before Robin pulled away, breathing heavily, running his tongue over his swollen lips as they tingled. He felt the urge to kiss her again, but resisted it, taking her hand once more.

"And," he repeated, biting his lip, closing his eyes as if it would make his words less painful, "I love you."

There was a long silence, in which a gentle breeze was heard outside as the wind whistled loudly.

"And I love you too, Richard," Starfire whispered, closing her eyes and feeling the name roll off her tongue even more easily than "Robin" had.

What I really meant to say

Is I'm sorry for the way I am

I never meant to be so cold

I never meant to be so cold

What I really meant to say

Is I'm sorry for the way I am

I never meant to be so cold

Never meant to be so cold...

And knowing her fate was inevitable, Robin pressed his lips to hers once more, and stole her final breath on Earth with her last kiss, as the shrill beeping of the fated heart monitor echoed in his ears.


Oh this is just so so sad (sniffle) but my specialty is definitely tragedy. Do not flame please. R&R. Thanks!