I don't own any WWE superstars, but the kids are real and J. Marie is me!
Chapter 5: The End
I walked into my house and I didn't hear a thing. That was my first clue that something just wasn't right. Usually, when I leave the kids with a babysitter, by the time I get back, the kids are all sitting quietly in the living room waiting for me with some explanation as to why the babysitter left them alone. I know they're not the most well-behaved kids when I'm gone, but I love them to death. And that's why I got so nervous when I walked into my house and they weren't waiting where they usually wait when I leave them with a babysitter.
"Kids?" I called, stepping fully into the house and locking the door behind me. I took a few cautious steps into the house and looked around. Everything looked normal in the living room, except, of course, for the missing kids.
"Taker?" I called, walking out of the living room and looking down the hallway. Something about the kitchen door looked funny. Weird... I walked down the hall to the end and stepped into the kitchen, and immediately I fell down through the floor.
It's a good thing I'm so darn graceful...
I looked up through what used to be my kitchen floor and my basement ceiling. Ok, J. Marie. You will NOT panic. You will NOT get mad. You will NOT curse, and you will NOT go fucking ballistic, I told myself. But it was no use, because my blood was boiling now.
"What the bloody hell happened to my kitcheeeeeeeeeeeeeeen?" I screamed at the top of my lungs. My cry shook the house, and a little plaster fell from what remained of the basement ceiling. The place was a total mess, this place that I had worked so hard for.
All of a sudden, there was a loud POP, and then they all appeared before me: Taker, Keysia, AJ, Lonzo, Randy, Dino, Randy Orton, Jerry "The King" Lawler, Jim Ross, and... the devil?
"First things first. What the fucking hell happened to my damn house?" I screeched, letting a string of obscenities fly out of my mouth and not even noticing or caring.
Taker bit his lip nervously. "Well, J. Marie, what happened was... Well, I couldn't control the kids, and then the floor went away and then the devil came and then... I'm sorry!"
Keysia put her hand on Taker's leg. "It's ok, Mr. Undertaker, sir," she said quietly. "You don't have to cover up the truth."
"But I'm not covering up the truth," Taker said, looking and sounding bewildered.
Dino kicked Taker to make him shut up, then started crying and ran over to me with outstretched arms.
"Oh, what's the matter, baby?" I asked, picking Dino up. "Who did it?"
Dino rubbed his tear-filled brown eyes, and his lip trembled as he pointed over at the devil. "He did it, Auntie. He messed up the house and made Dino cry!" Then he hid his face near my neck, as if he was afraid of the devil.
"Is that the truth?" I asked Lonzo, rubbing Dino comfortingly on the back. "Did the devil make this huge mess?"
"Yes, Auntie," Lonzo said, nodding. The devil's mouth dropped, but Lonzo went on. "We were all just having fun together when the devil came and blew everything up."
"No I didn't!" the devil exclaimed.
"Yes you did!" Randy yelled, sudden tears brimming his eyes. My Randy never cried, so I knew it had to be true. "We were playing a game and then the devil came and said he was going to take us to that hot place!" He ran to me and threw his arms around my legs, crying.
"Oh, don't cry, honey," I whispered to Randy. I glared at the devil. "You see what you did, you bastard? You're making my nephews cry and you destroyed my house!"
"I did not!" the devil protested. "That all happened before I came here! Taker did it!"
"Taker? Is that true?" I asked, turning at critical eye to Taker.
"Actually," Taker began, but AJ interrupted him.
"No, Auntie, that's not true. Taker was telling us wrestling stories when we heard this big boom, and then the devil started bothering us!" AJ said.
"Yeah!" Keysia agreed. "And he said that if Taker didn't win his match, he was going to take us down to h-h-hell."
"Oh, you poor kids!" I said sympathetically. I walked over to Taker and handed Dino to him, who was still sniffling. Dino kicked him hard in the stomach and Taker put him down next to his brothers. I turned to the devil and walked over to him with a purpose.
"J. Marie looks pissed off!" King said gleefully. "This is gonna be greeeeeat!"
"If you say so, Tony the Tiger," J.R. said with a slight laugh. "Oh, look, King, the devil is cowering in fear!"
"Please don't hurt me," the devil whispered as I came to a stop in front of him with my hands on my hips.
"Hurt you? What reason could I possibly have to want to hurt you?" I asked. I didn't wait for him to speak. He didn't deserve the opportunity. "I mean, you only ruined my house and made my nephews cry. You only threatened to take them away from me and down into hell. You only tried to make me think that Taker couldn't control the kids..." My voice trailed off, and I just had to do it. I slapped the hell out of him.
The kids all snickered softly. I heard them, and it made me laugh, too.
"Damn, J. Marie, where did you learn to deliver a bitch-slap like that?" Taker asked.
I turned around and smiled briefly at him. "I took lessons from the best... Stephanie McMahon."
"Ohhhh." Taker nodded in comprehension. "Yeah, she's got one hell of a slap..."
"I know," I said, then turned back to the devil. "Now, what should I do with you?"
"Let me go, smile, and be happy?" the devil suggested hopefully.
"NO!" I exclaimed. "I think you're going to fix my house, and I think you're going to apologize to these kids and their hot, muscular, sexy..." I looked at Taker and licked my lips before turning to look at the devil again. "...babysitter."
"Done," the devil said, snapping his fingers.
Just like that, my whole house was repaired. But that wasn't enough. "Now apologize," I said, and he did.
"Now can I go?" the devil pleaded, tears streaming down his face.
"Geez, what a wimp. Sure, you can go now," I told him. "And don't ever show your ugly face around here again!"
"I won't, I promise!" the devil promised. "As a matter of fact, I think I need to go to church on Sunday... And to my psychiatrist on Monday..." And he disappeared into thin air, talking to himself.
We all stood there in silence, looking at each other. No one really knew what to say.
J.R. broke the silence first. "Well, King, all I have to say for the devil is good riddance!"
"Same here," King said as the two commentators headed out of the basement. "Same here..."
Randy Orton, Taker, and the kids all looked at me. "I think I'm going to need a babysitter for tomorrow night," I said thoughtfully. Taker had a hopeful look on his face, but instead, I turned to Randy Orton. "Hey, Candy Pants... I mean, Randy... Do you think you're going to be free tomorrow night?"
"Uh, sure, I'll be free," Randy said, scratching his head. "Why? What's up?"
"I need you to baby-sit the kids," I said simply. I walked over and stood next to Taker, who looked kind of sad all of a sudden.
"Sure, I'll baby-sit the kids," Randy said, rubbing it in as Taker looked on, obviously upset that I had chosen Randy Orton instead of him.
"Awesome," I said, putting my arm around Taker's waist. "Because I have a date with this sexy legend right here tomorrow night, and I think it's gonna be an all-nighter..."
"An all-nighter?" Randy gulped. "You mean I'm gonna be babysitting all night?"
"That's right," I answered as Taker smiled at me. "You get to spend the night with the kids while I get to spend the night with this sexy guy."
"The whole night?" Taker asked, putting an arm around my shoulder and pulling me to him protectively.
"You can bet your life on it," I replied, beaming at him.
"We're going to have so much fun, aren't we?" Keysia said, grinning deviously and looking at the boys.
"Oh yeah, a hell of a lot of fun," AJ agreed.
"We're gonna have a kick-ass good time!" Lonzo said happily.
"Yeah, a kick-ass good time!" Randy agreed.
"Gimme a hell yeah!" Dino said happily, clapping.
"Hell yeah!" all five of them said. They all looked at their babysitter for the next night and smiled evilly.
"Wait till we break out the slingshot thongs," Lonzo whispered. "We're going to pelt you with more wet tampons than we've ever pelted any of our other babysitters combined!"
Randy Orton went pale. "Oh no," he muttered.
Everyone laughed at the look on his face. Randy Orton was going to be in for one hell of a night!
And that's the end, folks! It took me FOREVER to update this, and now I'm done! Maybe there will be a story entitled "Randy Orton's Babysitting Adventure" but I really can't start a new story right now. I have soooo many other stories to update! Peace!