I Don't Wanna Turn into a Girl!

Warning! Thought processes might be abnormal.

This fic is dedicated to Crimson Skies - thanks for the ideas


Chapter One: The Start of a New Obsession

After the Uchiha massacre, Sasuske didn't have any memories of Itachi that he considered special or important, except one. Yes, this memory was one that his too young for manhood depended on. He was too young to have a manhood when the last shred of belief in anything that Itachi had ever told him broke at the tender age of ten, yes ten. In fact it was Naruto who proved Itachi wrong on one subject. I bet you are now asking me, "How can anything that Naruto would have done at the age of ten prove Itachi wrong?" That or you thank this is another one of those preshow fluff jobs, which it isn't. To answer those who had the former in mind, because I probably have just lost all of those who had the latter in mind, Naruto for the very first time performed sexy-no-jutsu in the classroom. To answer the next logical question of "How did Naruto's sexy-no-jutsu prove Itachi wrong?" will take a trip into Sasuke's memories.

Please hold on as we go through the ripple. We are going through the ripple because I don't think I really want to know what kind of things resides in Sasuke's brain. Ah! Here is our stop. Watch your step, please, as we leave the ripple.

Alright we are now in Itachi's room. Please no stealing of Itachi-sama's things. We must leave all things as they are, for we don't know if stealing even that ball of lint will affect Itachi-sama's cool factor or even change events so as to make someone else less cool. After all, we don't want a morose Lee-san and a hyper Sasuke. Now everyone shush. I don't think you want to miss anything.

We are currently in Itachi-sama's room, like I had said earlier, because little Sasuke has a habit of hiding under Itachi's bed when he doesn't want to be seen or when ever he is frightened. I wonder if his innocent dependence on his older brother is why Sasuke took Itachi's defection so hard. (Cough) Anyway, Sasuke is currently hiding from his mom. Why? Let's find out.

Itachi's door opens and he stoops down to look under his bed. He smiles and says, "I knew you'd be there. Come on Sasuke, let's go. You've made Mom very worried about you."

"No!" Sasuke says in defiance.

"Why?" Itachi asks dumbfounded. Sasuke's never has said no to him before.

"I don't wanna go with Momma," Sasuke says.

"Well, then, how about you come out from under there and tell me why you don't want to go with Mom today. If your reason is good enough, I promise to find a way to make it so you don't have to go," Itachi says.

"Really?" Sasuke asks as he pokes his head out from under the bed.

"Yes, really," Itachi says with a smile.

"Okay," Sasuke says. He crawls out from under the bed and at Itachi's motion, they sit on the bed.

"So, why don't you want to leave with Mom today," Itachi says to get things going.

"I don't wanna turn into a girl!" Sasuke wails.

"Why do you think that you are going to turn into a girl?" Itachi asks dumbfounded. He really didn't see that one coming.

"I help Mom cook and clean and shop for stuffs," Sasuke says while ticking them off his fingers like he had seen other adults do before," and she always takes me places with lots of ladies. They always pinch my cheeks and say how cute I am and how much I've grown. And, I've heard Dad say that cooking and cleaning and shopping are women's work. So, Mom is trying to turn me into a girl!" He crosses his arms and starts pouting.

Itachi is to working hard not to laugh, so he is making it look like he is seriously thinking instead. After he gaining control again, Itachi says," Sasuke, you won't turn into a girl."

"Really," Sasuke says, looking relieved.

"Really, it's physically impossible for any boy to turn into a girl," Itachi says with a smile.

"Even going to baby showers?" Sasuke asks to make sure that he had heard correctly.

"Yes, even going to…" Itachi says before it catches up to him what Sasuke had said. Then he asks," Wait, is Mom really wanting to take you to a baby shower today?"

Sasuke nods his head and says," Aunt Ami is going to have a baby."

"How about we see if Mom will let you stay with me and learn ninja moves instead?" Itachi asks. No wonder Sasuke thought their mom was trying to turn him into a girl. Really, baby showers are no place for any boy.

"Really!" Sasuke almost shouts in his excitement.

As cute as this is, we need to get back to what I telling you at the beginning of this chapter. So as we go through the ripple again, I want you to know that the cute memory happened when Sasuke was only four years old. For six whole years Sasuke's future manhood was insured, but then Naruto had dispelled that illusion. Therefore, Sasuke decided that he should disregard all that his older brother's advice that does not have to do with ninja techniques and revenge; which explains his morose obsession with revenge and ninja techniques because even though he has disclaimed his older brother as being his older brother, some habits just won't stop. Such as his dependence on…

To get back to my story, Sasuke didn't think about Naruto much, until that day. Even then, he was so traumatized by the fact a boy could turn into a girl that he didn't remember who it was that caused his trauma in the first place and being the kind of person he is, he didn't ask around to find out who did. Also, he didn't stick around to listen to gossip for fear of never ridding himself of other scary trivialities that might be spoken of before they get to the information he wants. Thus we find ourselves with a twelve-year-old Sasuke wondering if it is Naruto's ability to become a girl whenever he wants is what has the village so hateful of Naruto. That couldn't be it, Sasuke thinks, because he runs the risk of changing into a girl with his willingness to do what his dad had deemed to be woman's work. Maybe the village doesn't know, or maybe it's a possible reason for their apparent dislike for Naruto. Regardless, Sasuke decided it would be his new mission to find just how it is that Naruto is able to control when and where he turns into a girl.

Somehow, through mostly disuse and the fact he never really cared to, Sasuke lost the ability to ask simple questions such as, "How did you turn yourself into a girl." The question, instead, comes out as, "How did you do that?"

Of course, then Naruto responds with, "Do what?"

Sasuke, feeling embarrassed and frustrated, grinds out a, "You know. Now tell me how you did that."

To which Naruto, in equal parts annoyance and frustration, yells, "No, I don't know what you're talking about."

The Sasuke fanclub heard the "annoying troublemaker" yelling at their beloved idol, and then promptly beat Naruto up. That ended Sasuke's first attempt at finding out how Naruto turns himself into a girl.

Sasuke didn't find a reason to ask Naruto how he was able to change into a girl for quite a while. He usually couldn't get the words out. When that wasn't the problem, it was his incessant admirers' fault. Sasuke mentally cursed his unauthorized fanclub. They always insisted on "helping" him by beating Naruto up. On a side note, what did those girls think they would accomplish by beating Naruto up? Did they think that he'd appreciate their unintentional insinuation that they didn't think he could defend himself? Or, did they hope to turn him on with their double-faced actions? Shivering slightly, Sasuke concluded that girls are puzzling, which is the reason he doesn't want to turn into one. It wouldn't do for him to become what he hates, right?

In the interim of his quest to find out how Naruto turns into a girl, Sasuke had a worrying moment when Naruto was knocked into him. It resulted in disturbing thoughts for him, as well as Naruto getting beat up, once again. Sasuke idly wondered if Naruto had a special regenerative or healing jutsu that he used. Or, maybe, being able to turn into a girl helps him. Yes, that's it. All Naruto would have to do is leave a bunshin behind and leave as girl. Then all their searches to beat the dobe up would be in vain. … … …

…On second thought, maybe that isn't what Naruto would do. Firstly Naruto can't create a bunshin. Secondly, Sasuke really doubted Naruto could think up such a plan to begin with. It wasn't a bad idea though. Maybe he could use it himself, somehow…

A chance to ask Naruto that quite bothersome question finally came. As luck would have it they, Naruto and himself, were put on the same team. As bad luck would have it the creature known as Sasuke fangirl #1AS, in some circles referred to as Sakura Haruno, was also placed on his team. At least she wasn't as annoying by herself as she is when she is with her best friend/rival.

To get back on track, Sasuke's chance came the day all of team # 7 was accepted as gennin. While Sasuke was walking home after he had finished the dinner he had treated himself to, he noticed Naruto was still tied to the post. This is the best thing that could have happened for Sasuke's quest to find out how Naruto turns himself into a girl. He was laughing maniacally in his head as he walked to where the idiot was tied up.

"Hey, Hey, Sasuke please let me down?" Naruto pleaded when he noticed Sasuke was heading his way.

"Why should I, dobe?" Sasuke said with a smirk. He had to add the last part. It is just so much fun to see Naruto get upset.

"Don't call me dobe! Fine don't let me down either! I wouldn't want a jerk like you to help me anyway!" Naruto yelled. Okay, this isn't going according to plan.

Sasuke sighed and said, "I'll let you down if…" He couldn't ask it. He just now realized how stupid "can you tell me how you turn into a girl" sounds. Really what kind of person asks that sort of thing?

"If what?" Naruto asked in both curiosity and irritation.

"If you show me how you turned into a girl?" Sasuke asked while fighting down a blush. People like himself aren't allowed to blush.

"Eh? Sexy-no-jutsu?" Naruto asked confused. That was the last thing that Naruto honestly expected.

"Is that how you turned into a girl?" Sasuke asked. What do you know? It was a jutsu. A jutsu was what has been giving him grief for TWO whole years. A jutsu…

"Yeah, I made it up. It defeats all grown men!" Naruto boasted.

"Well teach it to me," Sasuke said. If he was doomed to turn into a girl, then by Kami-sama he was going to be in control of it. Note to self: find out if there is a god of revenge for the next time he makes such a bold proclamation.

"Then get me down," Naruto whined.

And so that is why their first day off found Naruto at Sasuke's house.

"Here I'll show you how I do it first," Naruto said. At Sasuke's nod, Naruto performed his jutsu.

This is an interesting jutsu. Sasuke performed kai. It's not really a henge. Sasuke poked Naruto's female form several time in several various spots. Naruto started to look like he was getting creeped out.

"Even as a girl you look stupid," Sasuke finally said.

"Hey! Who said he'd teach you this jutsu?" Naruto screeched. The jutsu even changed his voice, how odd. Sasuke wondered just what kind of jutsu this was.

Sasuke decided to try his luck and performed the jutsu only to fail. What? Not even a puff of smoke appeared!

"Hummm… Try again," Naruto said, "Maybe if I see you do it again I'll see what you did wrong." Naruto, in his normal form again, looked so serious and nonjudgmental that Sasuke didn't feel so self-conscious anymore. Not to be mistaken, he still felt embarrassed.

Sasuke tried the jutsu again only to once again fail, again!

"Okay I see," Naruto said, "Try this…" Naruto went into a lengthy and semi-complicated, complicated considering this is Naruto, explanation of the process that he goes through mentally, physically, and with his chakra when he performs sexy-no-jutsu. The lecture on how Naruto performs sexy-no-jutsu dispelled many of his main beliefs about Naruto. Such as sexy-no-jutsu being a stupid and badly thought up jutsu. It is stupid, but Naruto did put a lot of thought into the creation of his jutsu.

Learning the jutsu took longer than both Sasuke and Naruto originally thought it would. Sasuke was upset to find out that Konohamaru had taken less time to learn the jutsu. Eventually it was decided that Naruto would stay the night. It took that long.

Naruto, being his restless self, thoroughly explored all of the areas that Sasuke had allowed him into. In his explorations, Naruto found that Sasuke had a T.V. Since he had never had watched one before, Naruto begged and pleaded with Sasuke to allow "his guest" to please watch the T.V. Eventually, only to shut up his "guest", Sasuke allowed Naruto to watch the television.

Naruto flipped through the channels and soon settled on one show when he saw some animated characters fighting each other and flying through the air. With a cry of "cool" and "I wonder if I can learn that jutsu" Naruto quickly became engrossed with the show. When the show was almost over, Sasuke noticed that Naruto had fallen asleep. Blaming Naruto for the television being on in the first place, Sasuke finished the show. Then he started watching the next show. It was differed from the first in a really good way. It was futuristic while keeping things believable. That show was the start of a new obsession and gave Sasuke a new idol.

Can anyone, besides Crimson Skies, guess what Sasuke's new obsession will be?

Naruto © Masashi Kishimoto