Soliloquy

Soliloquy

By: Gaeriel

Spoilers: Major ones for 2010.

Rating: PG-13, just in case.

Summary: Jack's thoughts regarding the scene in 2010 were Sam tries to convince him to help her and the others.

***

So it took the end of the world for you to finally believe me, eh Carter? Sure didn't listen when I resigned. Hell, you hadn't even known I'd resigned, none of you did, until I didn't show up Monday and ol' Hammie found the papers in his mailbox. I remember I asked you to go fishing the night before I left. Maybe you should've said yes, instead of insisting that you had to finish that… thing about… whatever it was. Would have saved you a lot of trouble.

Would have been nice if you'da visited once in awhile too. Danny came just that once, right after I took my hermitage up here. He more or less begged me to come back, and I more or less told him exactly what I told you. And you know what? I probably would have agreed to your crazy, no, scratch that, insane time trip idea if he'd asked me instead. Or Teal'C, or even Janet, but not you.

That might sound a little harsh or cold-hearted, but, dammit, I have every right to be angry. I loved you. Loved you. I still do, and I'm positive that you still love me too. And I know why you couldn't tell that bastard of a husband of yours what you found out. Because you trust me more than him. So what I'm trying to figure out is, why didn't you marry me instead?

Sam, Sammie, Samantha. I know it surprised you that the great and noble Jack O'Neill was willing to sit back, cast a line, and watch the world die slowly. Yeah, I admit it, I took that anti-aging thingamabob along with the rest of the world. As long as you are gonna veg the rest of your life away, you might as well make that life last as long as possible. But truth be known, I wouldn't be able to watch you die. And you're gonna die. You, Spacemonkey, Teal'C, and anyone else who's wrapped up in this. I can't stand to watch people I care about die again.

But if I don't go, your deaths will be my responsibility, or at least that's what Daniel would say. The kid always did play hardball when he got angry. And if I banged his cage too much, he would've probably brought up Charlie. God, that burns. I take it back, I'm glad Danny didn't come. I knew the conversation wouldn't have leaned that way, but with Danny… you never know.

The thought of having both you and Charlie in the same club makes me sick. I'd go mad again. If I was there, and you died, I would just die along with you. The Aschen would probably kill us all then peg us as terrorists. Ironic, isn't it? SG-1, the greatest hero's mankind has ever known die as criminals in an act that was actually supposed to save lives. A whole planet full of lives. Damn, I've always hated irony.

Okay. I'll do it. I'll help you, just as long as you promise that those blue eyes of yours are the last things I see. Yeah, right, like I'll ever ask you to promise me that. What happened to us, Carter? Where did we find ourselves on paths that led away from each other? I love you, Sam. Maybe you'll figure that out someday. Maybe if we change the past, you will. And I'd die a thousand times right now, just for that chance.