Sex Ed

By Fidelius Charm

Summary: The teacher's feel it is necessary for all upperclassmen to participate in Sex Ed. But what's even worse is the long-term project. Poor Hermione how will she survive Malfoy and a mechanical baby watching their every move until Christmas?

Note: I came up with this story when I received my timetable for classes this year, and Sex Ed was one of the classes I have to take during the fall, (In the spring I get to take Art History! I'm so excited) I thought to myself. How would the Slytherins react to Sex Ed? How would Ron react to Sex Ed. I couldn't help not being able to control my laughter at Ron's reaction to the whole situation. I had to write this because of the priceless look it would plaster on Ron's face if he ever did have to sit through it.

Note: (9/17/05) This is the first of four chapter remodels. Some things have changed, but nothing major like the pairing. This is now an AU instead of a Post HBP because it was very hard for me to write the story without one of my favorite characters, Dumbledore. I'm still hoping he'll pop out of somewhere like Gandalf in Lord of the Rings, who knows, all I can do is hope.

Warning: This story contains some rather mature topics. I recommend if you haven't sat through a health class and/or a Sex Ed class you wait until you have until reading. Though I have no control of whether you continue reading or not.

Back To School:

Get ready for a bumpy ride!

Draco stared out of the window of the Hogwarts Express, yet another dismal year was soon to being at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and Draco was less then excited. Personally, he'd rather be in Bulgaria learning the Dark Arts at Durmstrang but his father insisted that he travel all this way to go to Hogwarts every year, so here Draco was, again.

"Did you hear," Blaise said to everyone, "I heard from Jenn Rush that there is going to be a new class for upperclassmen!"

"What kind of class?" Pansy asked, Blaise replied with a simple I don't know, "Well I have to head to the Prefect Meeting, stupid twits can't run their own meetings." With that Pansy had left the car.

In Hermione's part of the train there was similar conversation between Ginny and Luna, who were both known for knowing the latest gossip. Ginny was talking animatedly about the possibility of a Sex Ed class, Luna wouldn't hear a word of it and swore that it was going to be a Drama Class. Hermione sighed, trying her best not to pay attention, all she knew was that a new class would mean more work, and the possibility of having to use yet another Time Turner. She, Ron, and Harry had to excuse themselves from the group to head over to the Prefect Meeting. Harry had been made Prefect now that Ron was Head Boy.

He and Pansy Parkinson ran the meetings. Hermione never in a thousand years would have thought that Pansy Parkinson would be the next choice for Head Girl, she could've sworn it was Susan Bones or Terry Boot, or someone other then Pansy Parkinson. But what is done is done, and Hermione can't take back her resignation as Head Girl now.

Once the train had reached its destination, Harry, Hermione, and Ron were the first to sprint up to Hagrid and greet him. As usual they received a warm welcome and a warning to try their best to stay out of trouble this year. And Hagrid received the same reply,

"We really do try to stay out of trouble Hagrid," Harry would start.

"But it seems that with friends like Harry…" Ron would continue.

"Trouble just seems to follow us around." Hermione would end.

It was something that they had started back in third year; it was a mini tradition with coming to Hogwarts every year. Hagrid laughed and told them to get into one of the carriages or risk having to walk to the castle, and certainly no one wanted to take that long walk. As the students were heading towards the castle Hermione couldn't help but overhear some of the conversations going on.

"I heard there is going to be something called P.T. Class." Lavender said with a worried expression on her face, "It's a muggle class, I think it stands for Physical Torture!"

"Torture! What kind of class is that?" Neville Longbottom replied, his round blue eyes filled with concern.

"Yeah it's suppose to get students ready for the Tri-Wizard Tournament."

"First off you mean P.E. standing for Physical Education. And don't be silly," Hermione chimed in, "Why would they train upperclassmen for the Tri-Wizard Tournament if they won't even be here when it happens. It's total rubbish."

Lavender gave her a look of utter annoyance, but Hermione returned the look with a smile remembering her time spent in P.E. trying to pass but the teacher had it out for her. She laughed and got a questioning look from her two friends but she just brushed them off.

Draco couldn't believe what he was hearing, Crabbe and Goyle were talking amongst themselves about some muggle class called P.T. that, according to the Rush sisters, stood for Physical Torture and was meant to get upperclassmen ready for the Tri-Wizard Tournament. Draco didn't want to be the one to drop the bomb that it was impossible for that to be the reason because none of them would be able to participate in the tournament anyway.

The Slytherin horde was crowding around Draco like a mob as they made their way to the Slytherin Table, which was decorated in green and silver place settings. Draco took a seat and shortly after everyone around him did as well. To the other houses it was like Draco has suddenly become Slytherin royalty, and in a way he had, but not for reasons he was proud of. The welcome back processions bored Draco out of his mind, he never really did pay attention to the mumbling old bat who stood for everything Draco was suppose to hate.

"And I would like to settle all the rumors that have been circulating thanks to certain students in this school." He seemed to of give certain students accusing glances but no one could be certain, "There will be no Physical Torture class. Here at Hogwarts we do not believe in those kinds of methods of teaching. Oh the other hand the teachers feel that the upperclassmen must participate in a Sex Education course which will last for one term."

Whispers shot through the Great Hall between all houses. Everyone was shocked; no one had expected a Sex Ed. class. The last time Hogwarts had a Sex Ed class was during the first war with Voldemort. Draco looked over to the Gryffindor table and saw that the youngest of the Weasely children, Ginny was her name, was smiling and she seemed to be saying 'Told you so' to the girls around her. Draco turned away and stared at Pansy who didn't look pleased.

"This is absurd!" Pansy screeched pounding her fists on the table shaking the silverware. "What a waste of time!"

"For the first term the Slytherins and the Gryffindors will be taking this course." This triggered a chorus of moans from the two houses. Dumbledore motioned with his hands for them to quiet down, "And they will be taught by one of the greatest Medi-Witches to grace these Halls, Professor Mercedes Sickle!"

A young woman who was in her mid-twenties stood up at the staff table, she didn't seem out of the ordinary, like any medi-witch Draco had seen before. He turned back to his food and decided this was not of importance.

"I heard she's a Mudblood." Draco heard a fifth year Slytherin whisper to his girlfriend, "Disgusting!" Was her outraged reply.

Draco tuned everything out after that, concentrating on the food in front of him. He ate for two people, but the way his mother cooked who could blame the boy for wanting food that actually tasted like food and not ashes. It seemed like a good hour or so passed before anyone addressed him again.

"I have to leave in order to plan the Hogsmeade trips with the blood traitor." Pansy said pushing her plate away from her, "He better not do anything stupid or I'll have to curse him to death."

"Good luck with that Pansy, I would hate to have to put up with the stupid Weasel." Draco said putting yet another yam into his mouth.

"I would of never accepted this thing if I would have known he would be the Head Boy."

"No turning back now is there?" Draco replied, popping in yet another yam.

"Guess not. I'll see you later." With that Pansy left leaving Draco and his yams in peace.

The next day was anything but calm for Hermione, from running to Transfiguration, to Ancient Runes and Potions (which unfortunately for Hermione are at the same time), now she was sitting in Charms with her classmates fighting to stay awake. But it wasn't that difficult with Neville whispering to her every second.

"Do you think it will be hard Hermione?" Neville would whisper, "I can't afford to do badly in another class, my Potion grades are bad as it is."

Hermione would reply that if he didn't leave her alone he'd have more important things to worry about. Like her cursing him into oblivion. This settled him for a few minutes and then he was bursting with questions again, and Hermione would have to repeat her empty threat. It went on like this for most of the period. Hermione wasn't worried about Sex Ed, it doesn't involve anything magical, so what would be the challenge?

Hermione walked with Harry and Ron into the classroom located near the Hospital Wing. No one had seen the room before, the teachers claimed that it popped out of no where and it was a good possibility, the castle had a mind of its own and things like random rooms popping out of no where didn't receive the attention you would think it normally would at any other school.

"Good Afternoon class I'm Professor Sickle and I will have the honor of teaching you for this term." She was definitely a strange woman, she seemed to be uncomfortable in her own skin, constantly squirming and fidgeting. She was wearing classic black teaching robes and her brown hair was in two braids, which reached to about her waste.

"Does something about her bother you?" Harry whispered to Hermione taking a seat in the middle of the room.

"Now that you mention it…" Ron replied.

"I think you all know why you are here. I am here to teach you about the ins and outs of Sex." Sickle's expression remained stoic while those of the students changed greatly. Some were laughing at the unusual pun the teacher had made, and for those who didn't understand they were just highly embarrassed about having to be there.

Pansy Parkinson had been one of the few students who had laughed at the comment, which earned her a curious glance from the Professor.

"Anything you would like to say Miss. Parkinson?"

Pansy's laughing immediately seized, "No—No ma'am."

"Good." Sickle smiled, "First I think it is necessary to discuss the term project, so that we can get started as soon as possible."

"Term Project?" Harry and Ron moan simultaneously.

"Hush, don't get us in trouble you two!" Hermione whispered.

"We will be conducting a muggle experiment with a magical twist. You all will be partnering up with a member of the opposite gender and temporarily become a fake married couple and have to raise a child."

Lavender Brown raised her hand immediately.

"Yes Lavender?"

"A child? How are we going to raise a child?" She looked a bit worried about the implications of the situation.

"This is where the magical part comes in." Sickle continued, she walked to a cabinet on the side of the room and opened it revealing realistic baby manikins lined up one after the other in nothing but diapers, "We will be enchanting these manikins to act like real children. The spells involved are very complex and you will not be required to know them, Headmaster Dumbledore and myself will be placing these charms on the manikins but what is required for the spell to work is a drop of blood from each parent."

Harry was taken back at this comment but knew that if Dumbledore supported it then there was nothing to be afraid of. Hermione smiled to reassure him, which calmed him down completely.

"At the end of the term you will return the babies to me and the spell will give me your grade, so you cannot neglect your baby, because it will be the grader not myself." Sickle smiled at the ingenious of her invention, "But first there is the matter of partners. I was thinking about assigning partners…" Many students gave each other worried looks, "But I came to the conclusion that the project would be more effective if it was with the partner of your choice."

There was a general sigh of relief.

"The girls will be choosing who will they will work with. Like a Sadie Hawkins Dance! And once the boy they ask says yes they are partners for the long haul, I will not be able to change partners after that." Professor Sickle warned, "So choose wisely. Oh and I need you to sign this paper saying you agree to the terms of the project, though really you have no choice. If you do not sign you'll fail…"

Hermione was sitting on her bed working on a Potions Assignment when Ginny came up to her.

"Hey 'Mione what are you up too?" Ginny asked sitting on the edge of her bed.

"Just finishing up this stupid Potions assignment Snape gave us on the first day." Hermione replied continuing to write on the parchment in front of her.

"Why don't you give the assignment a break and play Truth and Dare with me and the girls down in the common room." Ginny suggested.

"I'm really busy Ginny, I really would like to join you guys but I don't want to leave this assignment unfinished."

"I see how it is. You're just a chicken." Ginny said walking away.

"I am not!" Hermione shouted back, "I just have to do my work."

"You're just saying that, really you're afraid of playing with us. Afraid you have to admit some deep dark secret of something." Ginny said walking towards the door.

"I am not!" Hermione said putting down her books.

"I knew you'd change your mind." Ginny said heading down the staircase to the common room.

Hermione made her way down and sat next to Ginny in the circle that had been made by the Gryffindor girls.

"Now this will be fun!" Lavender said aloud, she clapped her hands, "Alright youngest goes first!"

"That's me!" a fifth year girl named Elizabeth squealed with excitement, "Ginny! Truth or Dare?"

Ginny said contemplating the choices for only a few seconds.


"So what's really going on between you and the illustrious Harry Potter?" Elizabeth said curiously, Ginny blushed and didn't respond right away, "Come on, no need to be shy!"

"It's hard to say," Ginny admitted, "I do like him a lot but it's hard with Harry's being the Boy-Who-Lived."

"So snogging him senseless in the south corridor counts as nothing?" Hermione asked a devilish grin on her face, if Ginny was going to make her play, Hermione was going to play dirty.

"HERMIONE!" Ginny squealed, her cheeks turning bright red.

The other girls were shocked, they tried to get more out of Ginny but she refused so say another thing though she did get to send Hermione a few dirty glances.

"Alright Gin, it's your turn!"

"Hermione!" Ginny said, Hermione rolled her eyes, "Truth or Dare?"

There was no way Ginny was going to corner her into answering an extremely revealing question, not this time anyway.

"Dare." Hermione responded taking Ginny by surprise, "Whose the chicken now?" A grin crossed her face.

"Hmm, a dare for Hermione…" Ginny said contemplating what to dare Hermione to do.

"Psst, Ginny!" Melissa a girl in Ginny's year called to Ginny who leaned over to her.

"You're a genius Lissa!" Ginny said clapping her hands in joy, "I dare you to ask Draco Malfoy to be your partner for the term project in Sex Ed!"

What! Hermione was now frozen in shock and fear, surely Ginny wasn't serious! Ginny knew about her intentions of asking Ron, so why did she dare her to ask not only a Slytherin, but her mortal enemy someone who she cannot stand, someone who makes her life miserable. She couldn't even imagine doing the project with him.

"Sorry to interrupt your little powwow ladies but we must steal Hermione, we have a prefect meeting!" Ron said breaking the circle of girls in the common room.

That was it! Prefect meeting, Head Girl, Pansy, Pansy has definitely asked Draco by now to be her partner since the rumor that Pansy and Draco had been arranged to marry every girl in the school decided that Draco was officially off limits much to their dismay. So even if she asked Draco it wouldn't matter because he'd be bound by the spell placed by the Professors! Excellent.

"I accept. I'll do it at the prefect meeting!" Hermione said to Ginny.

"Perfect!" Ginny said, "I'll see you later 'Mione. Let me know how it went." Ginny said with a wink.

"How what went?" Harry and Ron questioned their friend.

"Don't you worry, it doesn't concern you." Hermione said walking through the portrait hole.

Draco has been sitting in the Great Hall watching all his fellow Prefect walk in and take their seats around the abandoned staff table. Draco was to busy thinking about the Charms exam he was going to have tomorrow then the fact that Pansy was once again clinging on to him. Then Weasely walked in and Draco grimaced, angry that the Gryffindor had been offered the position instead of him. He pulled himself away from Pansy and crossed his arms in anger.

"Alright, so we're all here to plan the Hogsmeade trips and whether to have a Halloween Ball, or a Yule Dance." Weasely had said, holding some pieces of parchment in front of him.

The meeting seemed to drag on for Draco, he didn't care whether Hogsmeade trips were on Saturday or Sunday, he could care less about decorations for Halloween, and he really didn't give two shits about which dance was going to be held this year. He really didn't. He leaned back in his chair and stared at the ever-swirling ceiling of the Great Hall, tonight there was a storm taking place with dark ominous clouds, powerful winds, and lighting.

The meeting had ended and Hermione was extremely nervous, she couldn't understand why. She was going to ask Draco Malfoy to be her partner is a bloody project, he'd say no because he has Pansy as his partner and it would be fine. She took a deep breath and headed towards the other end of the table.

"Where are you going 'Mione?" Ron asked.

"I'm just completing a dare." Hermione replied with a grin.

Harry and Ron exchanged concerned glances.

Draco noticed that Weasely's girlfriend was walking up to him. It couldn't be, she hated his guts, and he hated hers. Why would she want to talk to him otherwise.

"Draco?" He heard her asked.

He looked up at her confused, not only was she not yelling at him, but she had called him by his first name. There was something definitely wrong.

"What the hell do you want Granger?" Draco replied.

"Would you be my partner for the term project?" She asked.

She did seem serious about the question, there was no hint of a joke in her tone, there was no change in her expression. She was dead serious. At first Draco was annoyed that she had even opened her mouth, but this proposition could be very profitable for him especially with getting Pansy away from him. He grinned.

"Sure, why not." Draco said. Suddenly there was a pop in his ears as if he had just taken off on a muggle airplane, he rubbed his right ear trying to regain normal hearing, not noticing Hermione's shocked expression which now clouded her face.

Dumbledore had been sitting at his desk nursing a glass of Butterbeer when Professor Sickle burst into the room.

"HEADMASTER!" She cried, banging at his door wildly.

"Come in Lucy."

The Medi-witch burst through the door holding a piece of very long parchment.

"Headmaster, there has to be something wrong with the spell we placed on the project parchment."

"Why is that Lucy?" Dumbledore replied, putting his glasses on.

"Take a look yourself Headmaster." She said holding out the piece of parchment to him.

Dumbledore looked at the parchment carefully analyzing each name.

"I see nothing wrong my dear."

"Look at the last two names sir."

Hermione Granger (was written in red) and Draco Malfoy (was written in green)

"Now this is very interesting indeed. Though the group may seem odd there was no mistake with the spell, these two students agreed to be partners." Dumbledore said to the now shocked Professor.

"Amazing…to think that two students of completely opposite houses were able to see past the stereotypes and work together." Professor Sickle said.

"Amazing indeed."


Hope you like where I'm taking this story now that I've remodeled the first chapter. Leave comments and suggestions!