Disclaimer: Lilly's not mine. If she was she wouldn't have been allowed to leave the show. The rest isn't mine either.

A/N:This takes place right after the episode with the elevator, though I changed that a little. I'm planning to continue this, so if you have ideas for future chapters or a better title let me know! Enjoy!

Chapter 1, Alone

Lilly Reddecar sat curled in an armchair in front of her empty fireplace. Her knees were drawn up beneath her and she was rapped in a home made quilt, a gift for her graduation from med school from her Grandmother. It had been her only graduation gift, her parents had not been happy that she had decided to take a position at St. Mike's. They didn't think that it was a good enough hospital for their well bred daughter and her expensive education, and they had decided to make their position clear by ignoring their only daughter's graduation entirely. Even now, almost ten years later, that stung. And after that night, the night that she couldn't bear to think of and couldn't help thinking about, they had completely disowned her, almost as if she had never existed. She had heard rumors that they had taken any pictures that contained her off of the walls and out of any publicly viewed albums. She couldn't say she blamed them, they didn't deserve a daughter like her. They deserved better. So did he.

That thought brought her back to the topic that had led her to actually cry for the first time in several years. She knew he thought she was crazy, she probably was. Only a crazy person would push Kyle McCarty away in an elevator then sit in the corner of said elevator, arms around her knees, and cry. He had witnessed the whole thing, much to her embarrassment, but he had not laughed. On the contrary, he had actually tried to comfort her, which made it all the worse for Lilly.

She had spent the majority of her career pushing people away, and she had done a decent job of it. She had refused everyone's attempts at friendship, though one of this year's residents had refused to give up, and kept up the appearance of not caring when her staff got together without inviting her. She had earned herself the nickname "Suma", stick up my ass, and she had forced herself not to appear to care.

But then there were those who seemed to see through that facade. Teresa Welch, the newest resident to St. Mike's, had stopped asking Lilly if she wanted to get dinner, but she always managed to sit with Lilly in the break room or cafeteria. Lilly wasn't sure whether she was grateful to the young woman or whether she wanted to kill her for making her facade so much harder to keep up. She supposed they could have been friends, Teresa never seemed to join the others in their childish games, but Lilly didn't have friends, period.

And then their was Kyle McCarty. Lilly had known from the moment he walked through the doors for his interview that he was going to be a problem. She had felt something for him that she had not allowed herself to feel for a long time, and that had scared her, but she couldn't allow her personal feelings to get in the way. St. Mike's was desperately understaffed and Kyle seemed like he knew what he was doing despite his attitude. And as she had told him, his name and schooling would look good on the brochures. So she had hired him and, at least on a professional level, she had never been sorry. He had proved to be not only competent and resourceful, he truly seemed to care about the people who came through the doors of that rundown hospital. He certainly wasn't like his mother, or what little she had seen of her in any case. The problem was that whatever feelings Lilly had had for Kyle in the beginning had not gone away with time. Quite the contrary, they had grown to the point that she had nearly kissed Kyle the night of the ballet. And then their was today in the elevator. Lilly could not afford for anything like that to happen, she could not afford for anyone to break through her walls. So she had pushed him away. And now here she was in her empty apartment, alone as always. And as she thought that Lilly began to cry for the second time that day.

A/N:Thank you to the 2 people who reviewed "To Call Her by Name". Any comments are appreciated, though I'd appreciate more reviews. If you hate it let me know and let me know what I can do to make it better, please! Of course I eat up praise, too, just let me know! If someone would like to beta this story I'd appreciate it! My email is in my profile.