A/N: I don't own Naruto. Sasuke and Neji are gay temes in this one! Hahahahaha!
How Did This Happen To Me?
Chapter One: Three Women and One Guy
It was a fairly sunny day outside in Konoha, and people were busy doing what they thought were fulfilling to themselves outside, not bothered at all by the large number of curses thrown inside the Hokage's office, which would make even Orochimaru or Tayuya blush.
She was currently signing away the mounds of paperwork on her desk, desperately trying to get rid of the white material with smudges of ink on them that made letters. The higher being in Heaven was not on her side today, as the poor Hokage was outmatched by the pile before her, reaching a good seven feet into the air. And there were more piles of work around her, waiting to be signed. She was extremely frustrated at the day, and all she wanted to do was have lunch with her Naruto.
Stop. Freeze. Rewind. Did she just say her Naruto? You bet she did.
You see, dear reader, the blonde Hokage has been captivated with the Adonis that is Uzumaki Naruto. He was eighteen, sought after by most of the women in Konoha. What am I saying? Every female in Konoha above the age of ten had an incredible crush on him. So did several of the male population, for reasons that I cannot utter here. Okay, they were gay; idiots…
It all just started with the way that Uzumaki Naruto started to grow, and look just like his father; the Yondaime Hokage. And then came the part when Naruto's cerulean eyes seemed to grow even more innocent over the time that passed; they were much deeper and more mysterious as well, and any single woman that looked into his eyes as he turns around to face them with a smile would die happy. Of course, this would not settle well with the male population of Konoha, and they grew to despise Uzumaki Naruto and his good looks and his smile that could easily win a woman's heart.
Uzumaki Naruto; improved version of the Yondaime. Uzumaki Naruto; the man that almost every woman would die happy if they just had a glance of his heartbreaking smile.
Tsunade remembered that grin he gave her all those years ago, and felt the blood rush to her cheeks and he was only a petit twelve year-old boy. That smile stole her heart and she did not even know it then. And then he grew to become the finest of men.
The tall frame of the blonde Jounin was always there, right through the door and he would just walk in casually, flashing her a grin. Oh, yes; Tsunade-sama has got it bad! It was a very ironic situation, when Tsunade had made fun of Naruto's ability to attract the opposite sex. She was paying for it now! Her lunch date was ruined. She had been hoping to get a date with the boy of her dreams, and now it was all ruined. All thanks to the evil paperwork that stood befor her, proudly and triumphantly.
Oh, how she hated the evil paperwork! Yes, she hated it with a passion!
She wanted to use a Katon Jutsu so badly to burn all of them up.
But the duties of the Hokage were important; they were for the village; and the village meant everyting to her Naruto-kun. There she goes again: saying that Naruto was hers.
There were not many people that knew of her crush on the blonde dynamo; only Jiraiya knew it, and he was fine with it. He did not have anything against Tsunade's feelings; it was only natural for a female of Konoha to fall for Uzumaki Naruto. Very normal, indeed.
She had finished signing the fourth pile of files and was on to the next file, which read the income of the village for the past few years. It was going nowhere fast; Tsunade sighed as she turned the first leaf over to the next and began to read through it; more work for the Hokage.
'Damn it; why did I have to be Hokage? Why could I have not just stay put to my wandering ways as a gambler instead of coming here and signing stacks of paper?'
There was a knock on the door and Shizune came in, wearing glasses and clad in her usual attire, another pile of papers in her hands. Tsunade groaned, placing a hand on her forehead, as the brunette grimaced and placed the stack of paper next to another.
'I'm sorry, Tsunade-sama, but the village needs to be run, and I'm only here to help you make sure that it's done.' Shizune said; Tsunade pouted before continuing to work, 'And Naruto-kun said that he'd be coming over with his Genin team for a little show and tell.'
'Naruto's coming over; with his Genin Team?' Tsunade's brain began to work evilly; imagining the things that he'd do to the blonde Jounin after the backs of the Genin Team were turned, and added disappointedly, not that Shizune did not notice it, 'So that was his idea for a lunch date.'
'Why; Tsunade-sama? You sound like you're disappointed over something?' Shizune inquired to her beautiful blonde superior, 'Do you want me to cancel the appointment?'
'NO!' she blurted out, louder than she had meant to. She slightly blushed as Shizune was slightly in shock from her Hokage's sudden shout, 'I mean, just leave my day as it is.'
'All right then, Tsunade-sama.' Shizune opened the doors to the office and was about to exit, when she turned around and gave an encouraging grin to Tsunade, 'Cheer up, Tsunade-sama; Naruto-kun will be ready for the title of Hokage in no time and you'll be free.'
She exited the room, and Tsunade found herself smiling at the thought of Naruto as the Rokudaime Hokage of Konoha, looking proudly over his people and grinning widely, the look of happiness and accomplishment evident on his face as she turned to her, with a genuine smile. And then he would kiss her, and then he would drag her to the office as soon as it was over, and…
She blushed at the thought, and continued to do her paperwork, grinning and blushing at the same time, in a happy mood. And somewhere in Konoha, a certain young blonde Jounin with whisker-marks and sneezed, and looked up. Someone was talking about him, somewhere out there.
It was a sunny day outside, and Mitarashi Anko was in her favourite dango stall, with Morino Ibiki next to her. The scarred Elite Jounin had grudgingly accepted an invitation to lunch with the sexy woman; grudgingly because Anko had not been paid yet and he had to pay for the food. She was also participating in another one of her hobbies at the same moment. A sport the woman love to call Naruto-watching AKA stalking him. It was Konoha's number one sport for women.
Not so much stalking, but still, a viewer's sport for the women of Konoha.
The blonde Jounin was currently seating on a bar with three children beside him, one of them was recognised as Hyuuga Hanabi, the sister of the renowned Hunter-nin, Hyuuga Hinata and two other boys that were not a very recognised bunch except for the fact that one was a long-haired blonde with glasses and a silver-haired one with brown eyes and a bandana.
'Naruto-sensei, you usually take us to Ichiraku; why the change in plans today?'
'Well, for one thing, Ichiraku is currently under renovation and the other; this place is a very good place to hide from all those troublesome fangirls. I feel like Sasuke.'
Anko blushed as she overheard the conversation that Naruto was having with his students. She was a fangirl, and she did not want Naruto to dislike her or hate her.
She had a very huge crush on the blonde ever since her rescued her from a team of Oto ninjas that had ambushed her ANBU Squad a few months ago. She remembered the cool pose he gave him, sticking his right arm upwards and doing tricks with the kunai in his left arm, along with the confident smirk he had to go with it. Most women would have died happy seeing that from Naruto.
Don't worry about it, Anko-chan; I won't let these guys touch a pretty lady like you.
Those were his words to her, and they swept down and stole her heart.
Of course, what woman would not get charmed by a confident smirk and a pose like that from the Adonis of Konoha, Uzumaki Naruto. The surveys read no woman could. So Anko was carried on the back of Uzumaki Naruto to Konoha, much to the envy of several women that had their eyes on him. Anko received threats of mangled limbs and burnt organs as well as glares that could melt ice.
She was trained by Orochimaru, so it was okay. She did all those things for years.
Oh, yeah, speaking of Orochimaru, let me just tell you that he's out there somewhere, living his night life in a Sound gay bar surrounded by equally gay villains such as himself. But we shall not tread down the dirty path of Yaoi and Shounen-Ai on this page, so let's just continue.
Anko was watching Uzumaki Naruto eat with his team, smiling as he talked with them. Anko watched her fox chew his dango with ecstasy and almost moaned when he started to do it slowly and sensually. That boy really knew how to get women hot. And he wasn't even trying.
And then came the part when Naruto started to down his drink.
He did not gulp it down. Anko literally watched her fox bring his drink down his throat very very sensually. Anko moaned softly, bringing Ibiki's attention to her.
'Anko, are you well today?' the scarred Jounin frowned at her content look and…
Ibiki was flying out of the place, hit hard by a red-faced Mitarashi Anko.
Naruto whirled around and saw that Anko was in the bar, and she blushed as Naruto gave her a friendly wave. Yeah, that sadistic woman could probably die happy now.
She waved back, and the women sent her glares that could melt ice.
'Who is that scary lady, Naruto-sensei?' Hanabi asked her instructor, who gave a slight grin.
'That's Anko-san; she was the one that gave me my evaluation on my first Chuunin Exam.'
'Wasn't she also the one that you said licked your cheek?' the silver-haired boy inquired.
Anko blushed as she remembered the incident with the blonde all those years ago in front of the Forest of Death; she licked his cheek there and then, and was grinding herself against the then-twelve year-old boy. He had a nice and round bottom to top it off, then, too.
Naruto then got off his eat and went to Anko, whose heart was beating faster than ever. He was closing on her; Anko began to fidget in her spot, and thanked God if he did not see her blush.
'Anko-san, what are you doing here? Taking a break from mangling people?' Naruto joked.
'Yeah, well; I need a break too, you know? And dango seemed like a good thing to have.'
Naruto turned and saw people inspecting Ibiki's form outside the shop, still out cold.
'He tried to hit on you?' Naruto raised an eyebrow; Anko shook her head vigorously.
'Nah; he just snapped me out of something I liked doing.' that was her explanation.
It was a good way of telling your crush that you are not obsessed with him in an unhealthy way while still telling him the truth. Bravo, Mitarashi-san; you sneaky perverted woman!
'And if I may ask, what is it that he snapped you out of? Perving on some guy?'
Naruto let out a hearty laugh; Anko felt a blush coming up her face as Naruto continued to laugh. It would also be a nice time to say that several women passed out from over-excitement at seeing their blonde obsession up close and personal indulging in laughing, smiling and all the other things that made a woman or a fangirl's hearts flutter. Naruto did not notice any of them, of course.
Not even when the women were taken away by medic-nins that just popped up.
'Well, I'll have to go and see our beloved Hokage-sama for a little show and tall for my students.'
'You're going to see Hokage-sama? At this moment?' Anko raised an eyebrow in interest.
'My students should have the pleasure to meet the hag in person; then they'll have a thing or two to say to their peers. And then comes the fun part; my teaching them the jutsus that I have collected!'
Anko couldn't help but smile to herself as she listened to Naruto. She thought that he would make a great husband, and she would be the wife, and she would always be ready at night in their bedroom, clad in her pyjamas, and then Naruto would come in, grinning and rip it all off her, pleasuring her…
She blushed slightly, and some drool was visible dribbling down her chin.
'The thought of food makes you drool too, huh?' Naruto misunderstood that the woman was drooling because of the smell of dango and food that came into the vicinity, 'But…'
Naruto took a stick of dango off her plate and bit it off sensually, she gulped.
'I guess not every woman can resist the temptation of dango like this, eh?'
No, of course not, Naruto; and every woman cannot resist the sensual movements that you make every single stupid time that you eat, moan groan, and every other thing that turns them on.
Anko, of course, imagined the licking dango off of Naruto's lean and slender frame.
'All right, kids; let's go on with the day. Next stop; Tsunade-baachan's office!'
Naruto gave her a friendly wink and left the dango restaurant with his students.
As he left, the women in the restaurant moaned and groaned, as the men cursed under their breath.
Yuuhi Kurenai was a proper woman. She was thirty, single, and considered in the top ten of the most wanted kunoichis in Konoha. She should have him chasing after her; not the other way around. Sure, she had curves in all the right places, beauty that only could be compared with the top supermodels of the Earth Country. But that did not explain why Naruto just kept greeting her as a friend instead of jumping her. She was currently training in the Jounin's training area alone.
It was sunset, and the rest of the male Jounin population was away from the area going at it with their girls or out on dates or going out for a drink with their friends. She had a pole before her, showered with several shurikens that she had used to train. She was also sweating from top to bottom, and the projectiles in her hand were set for another throw. She jumped upwards and threw them, hitting the pole once more, and some of them even pierced it, spiking the ground.
'Hey there, Kurenai-san!' a very familiar voice called out to the red-eyed woman.
Naruto stood there, clad in his everyday wear, grinning at her and playing with a kunai in his hands.
'Hello, Naruto,' she could not help but smile at the young man, who stopped playing with his kunai.
'So, once again, you're the last one to leave the training grounds.' Naruto said.
'Yes, it looks like I am.' Kurenai said, taking a seat against a nearby pole.
Naruto began to stretch himself for a while, before taking a seat himself.
And where might that seat be if it was not next to the beautiful woman?
Kurenai felt the warmth that he projected, from the well-toned body that he had under his clothes.
Naruto was a very well-built person; lean, muscular and tanned, just like she likes him.
And she would think how good he would feel when they go up to her room, kissing and kissing and kissing and it would lead to another, and then she would feel him inside of…
Well, sorry reader, but I cannot continue with Kurenai-san's dirty thoughts, so we will just go on.
She blushed at the dirty thoughts she had in her head (YOU SHOULD! DIRTY-THINKING PERVERTED ONNA!), which Naruto never noticed of course, busy humming a tune to himself.
'So, how was your team today?' Kurenai suddenly asked Naruto, who turned to look her way.
'They were great; Hanabi has been improving a lot and Iwagi and Hitatsu are coming along nicely.'
'That's good.' was Kurenai's reply; she felt like smacking herself in the head.
'Yeah; it is.' Naruto said to her in return, and silence reigned for the next few minutes.
The silence went on and on and on and on… oh, was that Sasuke drowning? Nah…
It was just another log shaped like Sasuke, or more accurately, a chicken's butt.
'Wanna spar?' Naruto asked Kurenai, getting to his feet and dusting off his pants.
Kurenai's eyes slightly widened at the blonde's preposition, and Naruto grinned foxily once more.
He does seem to do that a lot, doesn't he? What a very strange habit.
'Don't cry if you lose, Uzumaki.' Kurenai got up, smirking at him.
'Men as tough as the great Uzumaki Naruto do not cry.' Naruto cracked his knuckles.
Predictably, Naruto won the spar, with his moves out of pure Taijutsu and his opponent, the beautiful red-eyed woman known as Yuuhi Kurenai was suddenly nursing a cut on her right arm, the results of a kunai that ricocheted off a tree and another and another until it her.
Naruto walked up to her, and looked at the cut on her arm.
'To think that a kunai could do that…' Naruto followed this with a whistle.
'Shut up.' Kurenai gave a playful glare at him and stuck her tongue out.
'Let me help.' she felt his warm hand upon her skin and the wound.
There was a small light emanated from the hand that Naruto had put there, and at once, the wound was healed, although there was a scar in the shape of a small slash on there.
'Thanks.' Kurenai said, Naruto gave her a nod as a form of response and sat down.
She enjoyed the warmth that he had in his body, and at the mention of the word "body", you could bet that she had a perverted train of thoughts that lead all the way down to…
I WILL SAY NO MORE; STUPID CRAZY PERVERTED ONNA AND THEIR DIRTY MINDS!
Back to the story; Naruto and Kurenai were side by side on the ground.
'Naruto, there's a question that I would like to ask you.' Kurenai suddenly came up.
'Fire away, Kurenai-san.' Naruto turned to her once more, grinning foxily.
Okay, QUIZ TIME! What do you, dear reader, think that she is going to ask? Just read on.
'What kind of girls do you go after?' she was blushing ever so slightly, 'I'm asking for a friend!'
'And does this friend happen to be a fangirl of mine?' Naruto quirked an eyebrow.
'I'd be lying if I said no.' was Kurenai's answer, and Naruto sighed.
'Okay, tell your friend this, and this alone.' Naruto had another stupid grin in place.
Naruto continued to grin and then looked to the sky, and Kurenai perked her ears up intently.
'I like three kinds of women.' Naruto's smile turned warm, 'I like feisty blondes who pack a mean punch and have a very warm smile. I like grinning girls with bright smiles who joke around with guys and are very cute when they pout or blush. And, last, but not least, I like long-haired brunettes that are cold and calm on the outside but have a very nice blush and good curves just in the right places.'
The woman was puzzled, and Naruto said nothing more, but got up from his seat.
'Who knows, Kurenai-san; you just might be one of those women that I mentioned.'
Kurenai fought down a blush as Naruto walked away from her, grinning once more.
Just what did he say to me? Kurenai thought, watching the blonde walk away from her.
She felt the healed wound on her arm and began to blush, remembering the soft touch there.
'So you like three kinds of women, eh, Uzumaki?' Kurenai smiled to herself.
And so, dear reader; this is where she had her dominatrix fantasies once more.
I'M SKIPPING THEM! ON WITH THE STORY! WHY ARE THE WOMEN PERVERTED!
'I can't be the first one, Uzumaki, but the second and third? That will do.'
An evil smirk graced her beautiful features as she disappeared in a whirl of leaves.
Naruto collapsed on his bed, and the moonlight shone through his dark apartment. He sighed.
Why did this happen to me? Why can't I just be another normal guy with a girlfriend and being flirtatious with women? Why can't I just have a woman; why three? WHY?
Uzumaki Naruto, aged eighteen and the most wanted bachelor in Konohagakure no Sato.
He, dear reader, is not a normal person, being the third most powerful ninja in the village and the vessel of Kyuubi no Kitsune, as well as a person with the ambition of being the next Hokage and surpassing the previous ones, he has a lot to do and accomplish. What about love?
He was in love, with not one, not two, but three girls.
And you can guess who those women are?
'Tsunade-baba, Anko-chan; Kurenai-san… why me? Why can't I just fall in love with one?'
Ah, yes, Uzumaki Naruto in love with the three women chasing after him.
And outside, observing everything was Iruka, who had a smile of pity.