Some small changes have been made to chapter one to improve flow/storyline problems. Nothing major, just the year and stuff.

Pre-A/N: Okay, I find this fic a little embarrassing. I'm not sure where it came from, it just kinda...came out...while I was working on The Origins of Snuffles. Even though it's really weird and random, I hope you enjoy.

A/N: I find myself writing another Remus-centric fic. (sweatdrop) But this one also features Lily! I decide to have fun with Remmy's lycanthropy in this one, and the vaguely feminine nature he had as a teen, according to a lot of writers. w00t!

Remember, this isn't supposed to be a reasonable fic; in fact, it's quite silly all the way through. I'm sure none of the characters would ever do the things I've laid out for them! So there's major OOCness! And beware, one of my OCs from tOoS returns. I needed an extra...I tried not to make her annoying... (bows in shame) Forgive me, Readers, for I have sinned!


Christmas was fast approaching, and the Gryffindor common room was, for the most part, filled with festive spirit. Large red, gold, and ivory baubles and velvet streamers had been hung from every available surface. As a rule of thumb and Gryffindor pride, the only green in the entire room was the enormous Christmas tree in the corner, but even that had been almost totally covered in red and gold decorations.

Sixth years James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew were sitting at a table in the corner, working on their end-of-term Transfiguration papers. It was from this corner that the only disruption in the bright, happy mood emanated. Remus held a melancholy aura of pain around him so strongly that one could almost see the little grey storm cloud hovering above his drooping head.

For a (supposedly) healthy sixteen-year-old boy, Remus's cheeks were rather sunken in, and his form was extremely thin. A stitch in his brow spoke of constant discomfort. Earlier that day, Sirius had even pulled a shockingly white hair out of the fair-haired boy's longish bangs. As he scribbled on his increasingly long parchment, he sighed occasionally. The full moon was only two days away.

Other students had noticed the strange sensation stemming from Remus, and were avoiding that table like the plague. Only one person dared to approach: Lily Evans. She had just come from the library, unable to find the book she needed for her Charms homework, and had spotted it sitting, apparently abandoned, on that table between Sirius and Peter. She started over to the table to ask to borrow it.

Not noticing the approaching girl, Peter had scrunched up his face in annoyance. The spelling of a certain word eluded him, and he was irritated. Scooting his scroll of parchment over to Remus, he asked, "Hey, Moon--?"

"What?" the werewolf snapped sharply.

Peter looked taken aback. James just waved his hand dismissively. "Don't worry about it, Wormtail. He's just PMSing, that's all."

Sirius grinned. "Oh, yeah, it's almost his 'time of the month,' isn't it? Sorry, mate, he must've forgotten."

Remus merely gave a disgruntled sigh and pushed his hair away from his face, muttering, "How many times have I asked you guys not to joke about it in public?"

Here it is imperative that we make a break in the story to clear a few things up. Now, to the Marauders, who were simply a bunch of teenage boys with a few huge secrets, "PMS" meant "Pre-Moon Snappishness" and "time of the month" merely referred to Remus's transformation under the full moon, though James and Sirius loved to torment Remus with the terms. To Lily Evans, who had stopped in her tracks close enough to hear this conversation, it sounded like one of her 'male' classmates wasn't exactly 'he' was said 'he' was.

Deciding it was just the boys being idiots again, Lily approached the table and asked for the book, which she got for nothing more than a wink from Sirius, a tired glance from Remus, a titter from Peter, and a date proposal from James. Deciding to ignore all of these things besides the proposal, for which James was rewarded by a sharp kick to the shin, Lily retreated to a seat by the fire to read.


Later that night, though, as she lay awake in bed, Lily couldn't help but think of that odd conversation. Now that she thought about it, Remus did always seem different for a few days each month, but surely that didn't mean...? Deciding she'd look into it further in the morning, Lily drifted off into sleep.

The dream she had that night was very odd.

James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter standing on a table in short, glittery dresses, kicking up their legs in a cancan. Having decided it was her duty as a prefect to put a stop to such foolishness, Lily approached the foursome, ready to tell them off.

"What're you doing!" Lily said, shoving her way through the crowds surrounding the table.

"It's all right, Evans!" Peter called.

"Yes, we're girls, so what does it matter?" Remus added.

Upon further deliberation, Lily suddenly remembered that the four up on the table were indeed girls, and so climbed up on the table and started doing the cancan with them.

Waking up in the morning with a splitting headache, Lily mentally chided herself for such a silly, unrealistic dream. As if she'd allow herself to go dancing on tables with Potter and his little friends! She'd have to stop eating Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans before bed.


That day she was so busy with schoolwork that she couldn't keep an eye on Remus. That evening, however, she went up to the fifth year boys' dorm room under the pretense of returning the book she'd borrowed, even though she could have returned it to Peter, who was sitting by the fire in the common room. The door was cracked open, so she poked her head in. Remus sat alone on his bed, staring out the window. His face was lit by the nearly full moon, and he was looking rather melancholy. To Lily, it was one of the saddest things she'd ever seen.

Coughing slightly, Lily watched as Remus whipped around, rubbing his face quickly, trying to snap out of the daze he had been in. Lily extended her hand, offering the book.

"Here, I brought this back."

Remus moved painfully off of the bed, smiling faintly as he took the book. "Thank you."

The redhead noted the soft quality of his voice, the shape of his hands. Could he really be...? Shaking her head slightly to clear it, she nodded a welcome, then turned to leave. As she walked down the stair back to the common room, she heard Remus's soft laughter. Mood swings?

Back up in the dorm room, the source of Remus's laughter was apparent: the heads of James and Sirius had just appeared floating over five feet in the air. The dark-haired boys, who had been hiding under James's Invisibility Cloak the whole time, grinned wickedly.

"D'you think she knew we were here?" Sirius asked.

"No," Remus replied, chuckling.

"Good thing. She'd probably've tried to stop us from sneaking down to the kitchen," James added, before the two heads disappeared again. "So long, Moony."

"Bring me back some chicken," Remus called softly as the door appeared to shut on its own. Then, with the thought of whole roasted chickens, rare steaks, and delicious fuzzy bunnies on his mind, he went back to his bed and continued to stare at the moon.


During breakfast the next day, Lily kept her eyes on Remus. Though she was too far down the table to hear what was said, she noted that the fair-haired student refused the porridge Black offered him, instead wolfing down what must have been four pounds of sausages and bacon and three large chocolate bars that he produced from inside his robes.

Here again we must pause to distinguish between fact and imagination. To Remus and his friends, these were his normal pre-moon eating habits. A large desire for meat overtook him, and the chocolate was consumed for the endorphins, which helped to defer the discomfort he felt. To Lily, this looked something like the erratic eating habits some women have when going through their period.

During the rest of the day, Lily kept a close eye on the boy. She noted how he occasionally clamped his arms around his abdomen, his face taking on a grey pallor. Cramps, Lily thought, with a twinge of pity. In reality, his condition often made Remus feel rather nauseous, and he curled up that way in an effort not to vomit all over his textbooks or the adolescent Blood-Fruited Dwarf Peach trees he was repotting.


That night, as Lily sat in her bed, she reflected upon all of the strange mannerisms she had observed that day. She grimaced; certainly Remus Lupin couldn't be a girl. That would be silly! Why masquerade as a male student?

Three of the girls in Lily's dorm had already gone home for Christmas; only Lily herself and Erin O'Riordan were left. Licking her lips nervously, the redhead whispered, "Hey, Erin!"

The other girl's heavy Irish accent, compounded upon by the grogginess of sleep, made Erin's reply of "what?" nearly unintelligible.

"Erin!" Lily hissed.

"Wha?" Erin asked, turning over on her bed. "It's one a.m., Lily! What do you want?"

Lily's bright green eyes shone in the light of the full moon. "I think Lupin's a girl."

Erin sat up suddenly, her frizzy blonde flying. "You what?"

Lily explained what she'd seen over the past few days. "In short," she concluded, "he's acting just like you do five days a month."

Erin wrinkled her nose as that remark, but added, "You know, now that I've thought about it, I've never any proof that he's actually a guy. Of course his robes are really loose, but he also wears baggy clothing on Hogsmeade trips and on the train."

Lily gasped. "So he could, theoretically, be taping down his chest!"

"Don't you think you should be saying 'she' and 'her'?" Erin giggled, hands clamped over her mouth.

And so, as two teenage girls elaborated upon their theories about one Remus Lupin's gender, a wolf, a rat, a dog, and a stag leapt playfully below their windows.


End of chapter one!

Next chapter: James and Peter go home, Sirius gets an absolutely wicked idea, and Remus suffers because of it.

Thanks for suffering through this, guys! If you thought it needed improvement, could you tell me how? Thanks a lot!