Ok, this is another fic that didn't go away and demanded to get out of my head. I'm aware that it may be kind of plotless and may not make much sense, but it had to be written nevertheless. Might turnthis intoa longer thing if you find it interesting enough.Hope you enjoy for now!
Disclaimer: Nothing of the stuff I write about is mine. BBC owns it all.
Spoilers: Jack... and if you look close enough one line from PoTW
I shouldn't be here.
I should be dead like the others.
I need a second to recognize her voice. I need another second to find myself lying on my back, realizing that rain is hitting my face. I fell? Never fell before. Stumbled, yes, but falling? That's new.
It's getting worse.
When did it start raining like this? The night sky was clear before, wasn't it? An oncoming storm hit us? How fitting.
I feel her kneel down beside me. There's another figure at her side now, must be Jack. Searching me for wounds, good little soldier he is.
They left me.
"Are you alright?" I can see their faces clearly, just for a few moments when lightning hurries through the sky.
Faces frozen in time.
Oh my, so it happened again. They didn't notice it before, but I surely can't hide it this time. Must be as pale as a ghost. Must have been out of it for nearly 20 minutes this time.
The lights are on but there's nobody home.
Walking, talking even smiling, you don't need to be there to make your body do it. You find yourself in places and don't remember how you got there.
A Time Lord losing time. Ironic universe we live in.
A bit like sleepwalking, but not as harmless for my sanity.
You've been losing yourself again, yes?
Strong hands pull me up while the pair of more gentle ones cup my face and make sure I'm still awake. I get that they're trying to get me back to the TARDIS. I help as much as I can, but all my strength is gone.
All of it gone.
I remember her. A girl that never existed. She would have smiled at this thought like she did when she died in my arms.
Another moment frozen in time.
She touches my chest, reaching out for my mind, saying good-bye. I hold her until she's gone. The last of the Time Lords now; holding a dissolving body, realizing he'll be alone for all eternity now. The last link cut.
I died then. Why didn't I stay dead?
They never existed. A gaping black hole left in the place where the others should be. Sucking you in when you're not watching.
They left me. All of them.
I can't even recall her face. Just this moment, burned too deeply into your consciousness to ever be lost.
Water stops dripping down my face and as I look up I realize we are in the console room. The strong arms holding me up let me slump down on the ground.
They can never understand what it feels like to be left alone like this.
"Some kind of seizure."
Phantom pain would be more fitting Captain.
Neurons trying to connect to a place that's no longer there. And my brain can't take the abyss that was ripped into it. That's all. No deadly parasite to tackle, no open wound you can just stitch together again, nothing you can easily fix.
It's just my mind. A mind reaching out and tumbling into nothingness, losing itself in the last moment it wasn't alone in the universe.
Time heals all wounds... but what if time is the wound?
They look at me and I can see they're waiting for answers. Her hand is touching my cheek, her eyes are full of concern. I'm tired and the edges of my vision are blurring. Sleep is crawling up my neck. I manage a smile.
Is that my voice? Sounds so weak.
They frown, not understanding. It'll take a long talk in the morning. Make them understand. They have to.
You love them. You know that, right?
I can't keep my eyes open much longer, but I mumble the most important thing before I doze off.
"For not leaving me."