It hadn't changed. Not in the least. There was nothing tangible or physical that he could equate to the way he felt. As far as he could see he hadn't changed at all.
The problem is he's no longer the same man.
He hardly knew that person anymore. Gone was the bitterness and mistrust that used to plague his every thought.
It's hard to understand sometimes why you feel the way you do. Your emotions become so extreme that is no longer easy to think clearly. Life had one objective; one purpose. It is so much easier to get through each day when you have something else to focus on than the horrors of your past…
And then you are given the chance to step away and look at your life from another perspective. That's what she had given him – a reason. A reason to rethink his life; a life that had had one purpose: revenge.
He used to live his life moment to moment with only that one concern. It never left his side, it never failed him, never betrayed him. It had been the only thing he allowed himself to trust. He trusted it to bring him a release from the pain, the anger and the guilt. To trust in something as crude as revenge however is a dangerous thing. It had almost destroyed him. How perfectly willing he had been to discard his life just to end another's.
What power that word once had – the hate had flowed through his veins at the sound of it. It had threatened to consume him like a deadly plague. It probably would have too, but she had saved him. Revan had saved him. And in a bizarre twist of fate the universe's greatest villain had become his savior. Sometimes the irony of it all hit him and he could do nothing but contemplate the power of destiny. One woman had been the catalyst to shift his entire reality.
It's funny how a name that used to stir in him such bitter emotions of anger, hatred and even fear now made him feel… complete. The sensations he now shared with her were ones that he never thought he could feel with again: love, passion, trust. She had allowed him to believe in something, and more importantly someone.
Through her redemption I was able to be redeemed.
"Carth, if you keep staring at that mirror you're going to go as blind as Jolee!" The sound of Revan's voice abruptly brought him back to reality.
"Damn it, woman, would you stop spying on me!" Carth stammered, his face already three shades darker.
"What are you doing anyways?" Revan asked in an obvious attempt to keep her voice innocent. "Doing a stubble update?"
"I'm just-," Carth could almost hear the smart remarks flying through her head, but before she could say anything more he leaned down and kissed her. "Reflecting."
He didn't need a mirror to show him how much he had changed; he could see it perfectly in her eyes.
Revan smiled playfully, "And what did I do to deserve that?"
As far as Carth was concerned, he preferred this view much more anyways.
This is just an idea that's been floating around in my head for a while. I hope it wasn't dreadful; I tend to enjoy angst a little too much ;)
And please tell me what you thought by leaving a review! A few seconds can make a fanfic writer's day :)