TITLE: Let Go, Move On
SUMMARY: As Shannon and Sayid move towards their future, Shannon needs to confront part of her past.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own the characters from Lost and am not making a profit. If they were mine, then there would be more Shayid moments.
Shannon stood shakily with her white-knuckled fingers clutching the bathroom sink. She closed her eyes tightly as she willed away the nauseous feeling that had suddenly hit her. Beads of sweat covered her face as she took quick deep breaths as she tried not to throw up. Her legs felt weak as if they couldn't hold her, and she wondered if she should sit down.
Over the past few days, she'd experienced sporadic nausea. The first time she'd told Sayid she didn't feel well, he had made her stay in bed all day, and he had taken care of her. It had been on the weekend so it didn't interfere with their work. The next time it happened, he had been with her when she had actually thrown up. That had prompted him to take her temperature, and search for the doctor's number. After asking her constantly if she was really all right, she decided that she had to stop telling him when she felt sick. She figured she was just getting some kind of weird flu bug or something that randomly attacked her. Or maybe it was just stress related. She took a few deep breaths as she looked at herself in the mirror. Her face was pale, and she knew that Sayid would be concerned. She loved him, but she did not need him to hover over her checking to see if she was all right.
Shannon brushed her teeth, moving slowly through her nighttime routine. She washed her face, scrubbing harder than usual to get some color back on her face. Unfortunately, she still looked pale. For once, she hoped that Sayid brought papers to bed to grade so that he wouldn't be able to tell that she still felt sick.
She had never pictured Sayid as a college professor at a community college, but she should have known that with his brains he would have been able to do anything he wanted. She knew that he enjoyed sharing his love for engineering with others who loved it as much as he did. She tried to picture him teaching. She knew if he had been one of her professors she wouldn't have been studying engineering. She would have asked him for extra help though.
Once she was sure that the nausea had passed, she made her way sluggishly to the bedroom, flipping off the light as she went. She noticed Sayid was in fact in bed with a pile of papers in his lap. He already had his pajamas on, and he was intently reading the paper in his hands, his red pen poised to make corrections. When he was grading it was difficult to get his attention.
She grimaced at all of her papers strewn all around her work area. Her desk was covered, as was the floor. She really needed to clean up after herself, but for some reason she just didn't have the energy. She picked up the latest sketch that she had been working one, and crinkled her nose. She couldn't believe that she had designed an outfit that was so ugly. Every fashion mistake anyone could ever make was present in that drawing. She couldn't believe earlier she had been proud of it. She would have to fix it in the morning so her professor wouldn't be furious with her; now all she wanted was to sleep.
Shannon climbed into bed, and pulled the covers up to her chest. She loved to snuggle deep into the covers; it made her feel safe. However, she loved being in Sayid's arms even more. He was deeply involved with the paper he was reading, and hadn't even noticed that she was next to him.
"You know that your students and I would love you more if you stopped giving so much work," she said, touching his shoulder gently.
He set the paper on the nightstand and rubbed his eyes. "I believe I would love myself more too. I do not believe this student has sat in on any of the classes."
"The thesis is not based on anything I have taught, or anything I have ever learned about."
"I've written papers like that before." She smiled. "We called them BS papers. When you got them back, you'd make some sob story about someone dying to explain away the lack of facts."
He sighed, placed the papers on the nightstand, and turned off the light.
He reached for her to come closer. She rested her head against his shoulder as he wrapped his arms around her. She felt her eyes closing as exhaustion washed over her.
Sayid ran his fingers through her hair. "Are you still feeling sick?"
"Not right now," she said, which technically wasn't lying.
He brushed his lips against her forehead. "I still think you should see a doctor."
"I don't need a doctor to tell me to rest more, and work less. I've just been too busy."
She tried her best to keep her own concern out of her voice. She would never admit it to him, but she also wondered why she felt sick too. She was afraid to find out if something was seriously wrong with her. They had been on the island for months. Who knew what kind of tropical diseases they all could have. She also hated doctors. Ever since her mother died, she had been fearful of doctors, and the lies they said to make you feel better.
"When the semester is over, we should go somewhere so you can relax."
She shook her head. "We've just gotten settled here. I don't want to go anywhere else yet. Anyway there is plenty to do here in LA."
They had moved into their apartment three months ago, and after taking so long to move everything in and find a place for it, Shannon wasn't ready to leave it. This was their home. She knew Sayid wouldn't argue with her. They could simply vacation right where they were.
"I forgot to tell you, Sabrina sent me another letter."
"What did it say?"
"Some smart remarks about me being in school to be a fashion designer. Or at least it seemed that way to me. Will you read it for me in the morning?"
She wrapped her arm around his waist. They had gotten into a routine with Sabrina's letters: Shannon would read them, and sometimes misinterpret the meaning. Sayid had to read them all as well to make sure that she wasn't reading too much into them. If they both agreed that Sabrina was being rude, then she knew how to answer. There were times when she was just too sensitive, but she couldn't help it, she always had to be on guard when dealing with Sabrina.
She was so glad that she had Sayid by her side. She knew that he would help her deal with Sabrina and anything else that ever came up. She trembled as he began to run his fingers up and down her arm. Some days she still didn't understand how this worked out so well. She didn't want to take any chances with him. She wanted this relationship to be forever. She thought of the promise ring she always wore. They were engaged to be engaged. Maybe it was time for them to move beyond that into something more permanent.
"Marry me," she said.
He stopped his hand in mid-air over her arm. She hadn't meant to blurt it out like that. Just because she was thinking about making it more permanent, didn't mean that she was ready to share those thoughts with Sayid. They hadn't really discussed marriage before, but it seemed to her to be the next step in their relationship. A step that terrified and excited her.
"We should get some sleep, we are going to Nadia's for lunch tomorrow."
Shannon didn't know what to say or do. She knew he had heard what she said, but he was ignoring her. What did that mean? Did he not want to marry her? What was going on with him? She opened her mouth to ask, but instead a yawn came out. She really was exhausted. She'd just have to ask him in the morning.