A/N: MONKIES! Monkeys? Whatever. Okay, so it's been 9 months. Sorry.... Life, school, randomness? Umm... I really don't have a good excuse this time. I'm just lazy. So, I'm sorry, and here is a chapter that will hopefully be long so that you guys won't um... throw pickles at me. That would be gross.

Disclaimer: As always, I do not own Darth Vader, though as of today I DO own a Darth Vader action figure thing, but I won't have that for very long because it's a present for someone. So.

Reviewer Replies: With comments by Darth Vader

Leah Day: Oh, Palpie is pretty much harmless anyway. Well, he's a little scary sometimes.

Oh, yeah, he's harmless. He's just a harmless old guy, RIGHT? Whatever!! He has you all FOOLED!!! He's only harmless when he's HAMMERED! Wait... that's not right...

Ogreatrandom: Oh, yes it is random.... there would be no point to this story if it wasn't random...

She's just saying that because she's too lazy to come up with a real plot line. Well that's rude. AND not true. Is too. Is not. Is too. Is NOT!IS TOO OR I WILL KILL YOU!!More anger management needed? I can always bring the therapist back... No... No not him! ANYONE BUT HIM!

VRDNR - Tarvos: Haha thank you. Cheese IS great for you.

Cheese gives me gas. And I think I'm lactose intolerant. So thanks for making me eat something that could pretty much kill me. You're welcome.

Rivan Warrioress: Yes it IS pintless isn't it? It is indeed lacking a pint. Haha, sorry, I love typos. :) Vade IS into the production very much.... he's really into theater. I always knew he had a flare for drama. What with the cape and everything. Are you insinuating that I am effeminate? Because that cape is VERY VERY MANLY!!! And that wasn't a politically correct statement at all.... Shut up.

StarVix: Why thank you! Poodly the Poodle was the result of, probably, a really random thought about horrible poodle names. I can't remember really... I like Pop Tarts, personally... I mean, they are disgusting, and yet they are good, so weird... Not so much a fan of caramels.. at ALL. How do YOU pronounce caramel? Do you pronounce it care-a-mell? Or kar-mel? Hmm? Umm, I guess the second one. WELL THEN YOU'RE DUMB!! BECAUSE THERE IS AN 'A' THERE FOR A REASON! CARE-A-MELL! CARE-A-MELL!! YOU'RE dumb.

Zelscar: Yeah, I can't really remember the cheese part or why I put it in there... but... anyway... Yeah, his thunder is gone. And he never was good at the lightning thing... PALPIE NEVER TOLD ME THE SECRETS ABOUT THE LIGHTNING FINGERS!! HE NEVER TOLD ME AND I'M STILL ANGRY ABOUT IT!I can tell you're very upset about your inability to practice the lightning fingers thing. I might make you do it sometime. Really?Hmm... probably not. Dang. I hate you. I know.

Blackworth: Yay! So you've been with us the whole ride! That's awesome. Thank you. I've never really thought of his cape as sexy bu-I'll take over from here. Go type something. So, you find my cape sexy, do you? I always felt that way about it myself you know... I mean, I DO look very attractive in it... So, what's your name?You disgust me.

Chapter 16

Dear Diary,

Palpie has CROSSED THE LINE! He has gone too far this time.

Far too far.

Far too far over the line that separates him from me.

He has forbidden me... yes, FORBIDDEN me, from putting on my play at all. And when I told him that he couldn't do that, because he wasn't like, my parent or anything, he told me that HE WAS MY FATHER!!!!

And then I was like wait, that's my line.... because I say that to the-son-that-shall-not-be-named, and he looked at me weirdly, and was like, oh, right. But then he showed me this contract that he tricked me into signing at some unknown date (I think it was a couple months ago... he told me he was signing over POWER to me. Darn old man.) and there was a clause at the bottom stating that he could forbid me from actions that would fit into the following categories:

A. Removing my helmet in front of a group of 100+ soldiers with at least 2 officers in attendance (As if I would... what kind of idiot does he think I am??)

B. Preparing more than two packets of Maple and Brown Sugar oatmeal in the same day (What kind of freak is he?)

C. Painting myself green

D. Wearing any type of scarf that is pink, neon yellow or varying shades of cranberry red.

E. Buying B batteries (They don't even MAKE B batteries. Doesn't he know ANYTHING?)

F. Watching the Disney Channel (I've always WONDERED why I could never access that channel....darn Palpie)

G. Owning a goldfish that resides in a bowl larger than 9" in diameter

H. Attending a circus

Anyway, he went through the entire alphabet TWICE (AA, BB, CC, etc) with all of these ridiculous circumstances/actions that no sane person would even THINK of, until we get to ZZ.

ZZ. Participating/organizing/designing/writing/composing any concept/part/set/costume/script/music of any type of theatrical production including musicals/plays/ballets.

Farewell to my musical.

I hate Palpie.

And Poodly needs a bath.


Dear Diary,

Since I cannot continue with my musical, I have found a new hobby. Model cars. Which, I think, is very very manly. Am I right? I think so. I kind of failed at the first six that I attempted. Those little parts are so TINY and it's so difficult to grip them when I have to wear my gloves.


Dear Diary,

I apologize for the abrupt ending of my last entry, but Poodly had just eaten a small piece of one of the model cars that I did not finish (I think it was a hub cap) and he was choking. I used the Force to navigate it out of his throat.

I think it's the only time in several decades that I have used my powers for good instead of evil.

I feel very secure and not-evil right now.

I think I'm going to go choke somebody.

The evil-to-the-core Vader

Dear Diary,

I am still evil.

Very evil.

Oh so very evil.

But I have a confession.

I picked something up for somebody today.


After I realized what I had done, I pretended that I had only picked it up so I could throw it far away(which I did. It hit someone in the head and I winced. I WINCED!! Because I was SORRY I HAD HIT THEM!!!!) But it was my intention to hand it to them....

I am very scared about losing my evil nature. It's all I've known... for so long... and I'm afraid of this unknown good-behavior territory.

I need to choke something.


Dear Diary,

Poodly and I took a long walk today. I had evil thoughts and ate toast.

It was a good day.


Dear Diary,

I think I'm gaining weight. Probably because I've been binging on Cheetos, because of this good instinct problem I've been having. I thought I looked a bit chunky when I looked in the mirror yesterday... and the tips of my gloves are STAINED ORANGE!!

Darn Cheetos.


Dear Diary,

Palpie tripped me today.

I think it was intentional.

My helmet is dented because I hit the wall.

Darn Palpie.


Dear Diary,

I think Palpie was completely lying about his musical... he was bluffing. There's not going to be a production. I know this, because I heard him whispering about the 'fake musical' to the WALL today. Yes, he was talking to the wall. And he was drinking again.

I hate him. So much hate. I hate him so much I could.... not hate him more if I tried.

But I will try anyway.

Hatefully yours,


Dear Diary,

I have nothing to say.


Dear Diary,

I think Palpie is trying to poison me. Again. Or maybe not again... I can't remember if he's ever tried to poison me... OH CRAP!! Am I becoming senile?? AM I LOSING MY MEMORIES???? Wait, what's my name? I CAN'T REMEMBER MY NAME!!

This is going to be problematic.... Umm... I guess I'll come up with a new one? The Black... Umm.. Caped Man. The Black Caped Man? Sexy Cape Man? Flowy Cape Man?


Dear Diary,

Well, I feel absolutely ridiculous. I found out why I forgot my name yesterday. Palpie slipped me a dose of some drug he takes. It's a MEMORY FORGETTING DRUG! He takes it every day. Which explains a lot... like why he's been calling me Janet lately...

Anyway, I know my name now. Though I do rather like 'Sexy Cape Man'.... has a bit of a ring to it, doesn't it?

Darth Vader, the Sexy Cape Man (I do like the look of that)

A/N: That's it for now! Mostly because it's past midnight and I'm exhausted. Guess I shouldn't have started writing this chapter late at night, cause I should've known I would want to finish it. Anyway, hope you guys like this! 'Sexy Cape Man' is an idea I got from Blackworth. So thanks. :) Review!!