Author's Notes: Sigh. I so love Josh/Donna.

Opalish beta'd this, because she's brilliant. (And also because Kris is AWOL.) And I worship her.

Like this: -worships-

I'm working on the whole Johnny Depp/autographed-lovechild thing. Really. I think we have a breakthrough, in that, well, we know that Johnny Depp is alive and well, so, it's still an option. Our next step is blackmailing him into returning our calls.

Anyhoo.

On with the fluff!

Terrible Taste in Men

I hate politics.

Well, that's not true. There are moments when I truly love the intensity of it, love the paperwork and phone calls and bickering. But those moments are reserved for when I am in the West Wing, when I am standing beside Josh and –

I worded that badly. It doesn't have anything to do with the fact that I'm standing beside Josh. In fact, usually said moments occur when I am nowhere near him.

Right. Definitely.

"Speaking of abominations, what's the deal with candy canes being sold in July? I mean, I remember when I was a kid; candy canes were reserved only for the Christmas holidays.

"Now, Donna, dove, I know you're probably shocked to even hear this news, so you just sit tight and let the man talk. The symbolism of candy canes pertains to Christmas joy and gifts, but how does that message get across if we're selling them in July?"

I think I may hate this man. I've dated a jerk, a pervert, a Brit, and an autistic man (don't read into that any more than you have to), and none of them come close to the pure hatred I feel for the man across from me. Josh was right. I have terrible taste in men.

Of course, I'd like to see Josh play the dating game! I mean, honestly, he hasn't had a date since last October. I don't know why, he's nice enough, and funny, and certainly good-looking.

Er.

He's also, you know, vindictive and irritating and completely full of himself.

Sort of like Todd, here.

"But all of that is totally irrelevant, and I'm sure you don't want to talk about things like that. They're probably a bit over your head, eh?"

Yes, Todd. Discussing the symbolism of the candy cane is a bit too much for me. After all, I'm just the assistant to the Deputy Chief of Staff. Why would anyone expect me to have half a brain cell?

"Well, why don't you tell me about yourself? Actually, dove, I'll tell you about me, I don't want to embarrass you. Well, I went to the University of Virginia and am now working as a doctor in one of the most prestigious hospitals in America. I'm very well-paid, you know. Not to gloat, but I probably get more in a month than you get in a year."

Gloat? You? No! Well, the tiniest feather could just knock me into the gutter.

Or soup bowl, depending on how literal you're feeling.

I swear to God, I should have listened to Josh. I would rather be filing papers than sitting here. For that matter, I would rather be doing a great many things than sitting here. Examples: being tortured by an angry Chinese man, getting into a car accident, being told that my boyfriend stopped for a quick beer on his way to pick me up from the hospital, watching someone else make out with Josh … all of these are, believe it or not, positive alternatives.

Okay, the note about watching someone get friendly with my boss? I just meant that it's gross, wating two people play tonsil hockey. Not that, you know, I'd be jealous.

Because I wouldn't.

Stop looking at me like that, you stupid potato. I mean, you're a vegetable. What right do you have to accuse me of denying my true feelings?

"So, you're a pretty girl, Donna. I'll bet you only work for that idiot Bartlet because you need the paycheck, right?"

No, actually.

"I tell you, Donna, that guy you work for? Lyman? Is he not a total ass? Excuse my language, will you, doll? Of course you will; but back to Lyman."

You've done good so far, Donna. Just keep quiet and maybe it'll end.

"I mean, he's arrogant, he's full of himself, and he's completely blind when it comes to right versus wrong…"

Well, he's two-thirds right, anyway. So there's no need to get angry.

But, really, he just described himself

"I just can't stand him! In fact, I hope he gets fired. I really do. I hope he loses his job. He's clearly unqualified."

All right.

That's it. NO ONE, but NO ONE, speaks about Josh like that. In fact, no one insults him, except for me! It's my right, and NO ONE ELSE'S! Especially not this – this –

I'll tell you, I'm going to lay him flat.

"Well, I've had a lovely time tonight, Todd; I really have. But I've got to get back. Mr. Lyman needs me."

Oh, bravo, Donna. Way to put him in his place.

I'm a coward.

"Aw, Donna, love, I've been having such a great time. Blow off Mr. Boss."

Go stuff yourself, turkey.

"I really shouldn't, Todd. But thank you so much for this date, I've had a blast."

"Me, too, Donna; we should do it again sometime."

Not on my life, jackass.

"Most definitely! It was lovely seeing you."

"Good-bye, Donna."

"See you, Todd."

Yeesh. That was a nightmare. I'll bet you anything that 'Mr. Boss' would have been more of a gentleman, more interested in, you know, me, than that jerk. Not that I'll ever get to date Josh.

That's not what I meant.

I don't want to date Josh.

Josh is an ass.

In fact, when I get back to the White House, I am going to hit him, or something. Just to prove that I absolutely don't have a thing for him. Because I don't. Right.

Oh, God. This is hopeless.

I have terrible taste in men.