Title: Vacation Hell

Author: BitterEloquence

Comments: A gift-fic for my friend Telosphilos after she came back from vacationing in Floria sporting a sunburn and complaints about sunscreen not working properly.

Disclaimer: They wouldn't give me Naruto...not for all the Coppertone in the world...alas...

Vacations sucked.

That was the long and short of it in Kakashi's personal opinion as he laid out on the slightly lumpy and rock-hard hotel bed and pouted in a very un-masculine way and winced once more as burning pain continued to throb across is shoulders.

"Ow! That hurts!" Of all the things Umino Iruka had thought he'd ever see or hear in his life, hearing Kakashi whine like a petulant three year-old would never had made that list. Of course, after his awe-inspiring twenty some odd years of life, Iruka had concluded that he still had a lot to learn and even more to see. Thus, he took Kakashi's pouting protest with the same unflappable aplomb he'd take with any other tantrum he dealt with whenever his students hurt themselves.

The sharp scent of medicine filled the air as tanned hands glided over brilliant red flesh, the gleam of the gel Iruka was applying to currently lobster-red skin causing the formerly pale and smooth back to shine in the light. Kakashi twitched slightly as the cold gel was rubbed lightly into his skin, skin that was crying out in agony as he suffered the pain of laying on a stomach that was nearly as sunburned as the rest of him.

This was the last time he ever took a vacation.




"Oh stop acting like a baby, I'm being gentle." The chastisement in Iruka's voice had Kakashi grumbling to himself as he delicately rested his chin on his forearm, which fared little better then the rest of him. "It's not my fault you managed to burn yourself to a crisp you know." As the topical anesthetic in the burn gel began to take effect to bring tingling relief to his burning back, Kakashi hmphed quietly to himself as he shot an accusing look over his shoulder to his solemn-faced lover.

"How was I to know your sunscreen sucked and was useless?" Amusement mingled with a flash of annoyance in Iruka's eyes as he stared down at the supposedly elite and genius jounin with an incredulous look on his face.

"Kakashi, I don't own sunscreen!" Well that certainly had Kakashi pausing for a moment and bafflement showed plainly on that usually passive and unconcerned visage.

"Huh? No I grabbed it out of your bag….." The jounin clearly remembered grabbing the bottle out of Iruka's bag when they'd hit the beach that morning. The battered and sun-faded bottle's label had even said it had SPF protection on it!

Sharingan Kakashi had a secret, a quirk of his personality that few realized.

He hated being wrong. The child-genius disliked being wrong with intensity usually reserved for the scum of the universe…truly vile individuals like lawyers, abusive husbands, and people like Kabuto or Orochimaru. He wasn't used to being wrong dammit! It just wasn't right and to prove to both himself and his lover that he was indeed in the right here, Kakashi grudgingly slide out from beneath Iruka's talented hands to grab the bag the chuunin had used that morning to hold their lunch and towels. Kakashi extracted the faded brown bottle and presented it to the baffled looking Iruka with a definite pouting moue twisting his lips. "And what do you call this?"

Silence reigned for a long moment as Iruka stared down at the bottle before an involuntary laugh of incredulous laughter tore its way free of his throat. "Kakashi! That's tanning oil, not sunscreen!" Thus was Iruka was gifted with a second unheard of event in less then three minutes. He was granted a look of absolute lost bafflement by the startled jounin as Kakashi blinked slowly while his mind stuttered to a halt and tried to shift gears.

"Huh?" That less then intelligent reply came and disgust flashed across Kakashi's burnt face before he crossed his arms carefully across that pink and brightly flushed chest; a suspicious light gleaming brightly in those duel-colored eyes. "I thought this was sunscreen." Trying not to laugh, Iruka's lips quirked upwards all the same and he shook his head slowly.

"No, it's tanning oil. Yes it's got a little bit of sunscreen in it but it's supposed to be used to tan, see?" The chuunin presented one sleekly muscled arm for inspection, that warmly tanned skin gleaming with the remnants of the oil. A part of Iruka knew he shouldn't be amused at his lover's predicament. Kakashi was obviously in pain but Iruka's inner trickster gleefully laughed, feeling oddly vindicated that even geniuses such as the Copy-nin could make such a….human mistake.

"I didn't know you used that stuff." Kakashi's lips formed moue as he plopped back down on the bed, his back to the air condition situated in the window of the room he and Iruka had rented. It was on full blast and the chill air felt sinfully good against his now cool back. Without noticing, some of Kakashi's bad mood started to evaporate as a wry little grin curved his lips.

Iruka smirked playfully down at him as he stood beside the bed and the mischief touching those dark eyes was downright sinful in its sensuality. "There's a lot of things you don't know about me, Kakashi-sensei." The chuunin's voice dropped to a playful purr as he set the tanning oil aside so he could guide Kakashi to lay on his back now. "Want me to get your chest?" A spark of hunger lit in Kakashi's eyes as he watched Iruka pour the pale translucent blue gel into his hands once more before the tanned man settled onto the edge of the bed so he could better reach the sunburned jounin.

The fact that Kakashi didn't bother to say no was all the answer Iruka needed and he began to smooth the gel formulated for sunburns across his lover's reddened and angry-looking skin. "When do you find time to tan that…..completely?" Mischief touched Kakashi's eyes as he smirked in a lecherous manner.

"Oh I find time every now and then."

That was another thing Kakashi didn't like. Secrets….and Iruka was keeping one from him. How ironic really that the most secretive shinobi in all of Konoha would dislike secrets being held against him. It made him a bit of a hypocrite but Kakashi had come to terms with the fact that he lacked the conscience to care a long time ago.

"First the tan…" Another playful pout as Kakashi reached up to grab at a loose strand of dark brown hair as it flowed free and damp around Iruka's shoulders. "What other secrets are you keeping from me, Iruka-sensei?"

Finding he was unable to resist a playfully jabbing tease, Iruka's eyes curled up into a near identical mirror of Kakashi's usual mysterious smile. "I suppose you'll have to wait and find out. Aren't you the one who's always saying to look beneath the underneath?" Iruka poured more gel into his palm and started to smooth it along the rest of Kakashi's arm where he'd missed it the first time. Coming across the familiar swirl of the Anbu tattoo marking his lover's skin, Iruka paused long enough to trail a fingertip along the whorl of the stylized Konoha mark.

"I have looked beneath the underneath and I happen to know there's no tan line there." Kakashi managed a quick grope to Iruka rear before that naughty hand was lightly pushed away so Iruka could smooth the gel along those playful fingers.

"Pervert." Gentle affection touched rich chocolate brown depths as Iruka shook his head in mock-chastisement at Kakashi's antics. The jounin just grinned in an unrepentant manner and settled down to enjoy his lover's ministrations for a few silent minutes.

"So? How do you find the time?" Curiosity was eating him alive but Kakashi was loathe to admit it. Iruka looked up as his hands paused in lightly rubbing the gel along Kakashi's legs where the line of redness was thankfully a lot less. The jounin's swim-trunks had protected his more vulnerable parts from the fury of the sun but for Kakashi, a man as pale as he was, the jounin was still rather pink and sunburned even after a few short hours out in the summer heat and sunlight.

"It's really driving you up a wall isn't it." Iruka's inner trickster reared its playful head as he smirked at Kakashi and lightly tickled his inner tight where Kakashi was especially ticklish and sensitive. The silver-haired man yelped and almost jumped out of his skin.

"Cheater!" Amusing words indeed coming from a ninja and the ironic chuckle the rose in Iruka's throat told Kakashi just that. The jounin settled back into the pillows with another manly pout and just hmphed to himself once more. Iruka enjoyed his lover's pouting for a few more moments before moving up the bed so he could trail a playful fingertip along the sharp line of Kakashi's collarbone.

"Do you really want to know how I do it that much?" Kakashi should have been wary. He should have noticed the devilish light in Iruka's eyes and the way the chuunin's lips curved upwards in a sensual smile. He missed the warning signs however and just perked up at Iruka's words.

"Yes, I do." Interest gleamed brightly in that dark eye and its crimson twin as Kakashi focused his attention on Iruka curiously.

"Well….." The chuunin hedged for a moment as his finger moved to trace the other collarbone now, his nail lightly scraping across a line of scars marring the skin there. "It gets awfully repetitive teaching basic hand seals over and over again every summer. I could teach it in my sleep you know." The corners of Iruka's eyes crinkled slightly with the beginnings of a fox-like expression that would have made Naruto proud. "And since my students aren't adept enough to notice, I could get away with using a bushin to teach my classes…and since I know the material by heart…." Now Kakashi really looked interested and one grey brow rose as he eyed his lover with higher respect. Who would have thought Iruka the type to skip out on class?

"And since no one goes up on the roof of the Academy in the middle of the day….." That last was purred out and Kakashi's eyes grew wide with shock, his mouth falling open with disbelieve as Iruka uttered those shocking words with the feline smirk which had replaced the fox-like one expression.

Even a genius like Kakashi had a hard time trying to convince his mind to wrap around the thought of Iruka nude bathing on the top of the Academy and finally, it was the jounin's turn to turn even brighter red as the mental images from his overly fertile imagination went into overdrive. Iruka laughed outright at the fish out of water look of pole-axed amazement on Kakashi's face as the jounin tried to gather his thoughts into a cohesive pattern once more.

"R….Really?" Kakashi's voice was closer to a squawk then he cared to dwell upon as he tried to laugh off his momentary shock with a weak version of his lecherous grin. "Why Iruka-sensei I had no idea you were so…..adventurous…."

"I'm not. I make time on Sundays to lie out in the sun for a few hours every week." A playful wink as Iruka finally let the cat out of the bag so to speak. Mischief made that scarred visage younger and far less serious then Kakashi was used to seeing and suddenly, he could see a ghost of the trickster hellion Iruka must have been in his younger days.

Finding himself caught out once more, Kakashi admitted defeat with a chuckle and yanked Iruka in for a crushing kiss as he settled on a diversionary tactic to distract the tanned man. The chuunin didn't resist as his mirth was cut off by that heated kiss only to be replaced by a warm glow of passion. Kakashi took advantage of his lover's acquiescence to maneuver it as he slowly rolled to pin Iruka beneath him. Suddenly, both men regretted the presence of their now dry and somewhat chaffing swim-trunks, which neither had bothered to shed upon returning to their motel room after lunch.

"Imp…." Kakashi accused huskily as he finally broke the kiss to lay his forehead against Iruka's so that he could meet those warm chocolate brown orbs with ease. "You're a tease. And here I thought I actually had a chance of convincing you to play hooky one day and go up onto the Academy roof with me for some nookie." The suggestive leer he gifted his lover with had Iruka snorting softly as a droll sort of amusement touched his face.

"Dream on, pervert."

"Its the least you could do for giving me that horrible tanning oil. I think the price of my turning into a human lobster in exchange for the fulfillment of one of my all-time favorite fantasies about you is an even price." A soft nibble found Iruka's lower lip as Kakashi purred those sensual words out in a husky timbre that had a shiver running through Iruka in reaction.

"Not my fault you didn't look at the bottle." The chuunin mock grumbled. "Keep this up and I'll-" Iruka couldn't say anymore as Kakashi claimed his lips once more for another heated and passionate kiss. It was amazing how quickly he could forget an argument when Kakashi did that thing with his tongue. Soon enough, neither men were interested in continuing their conversation about Kakashi's naughty fantasies either.

In the jounin's opinion, the real thing was a lot better then speculation after all.

Of course, he still might be able to wrangle something out of the deal if he continued to pout as he'd been doing. Kakashi had noticed Iruka seemed to have a weakness for his pouts and the jounin filed that information away for later use before proceeding to enact a few of his more favorite fantasies upon his all too willing lover.

Okay…so maybe vacations didn't suck as much as Kakashi had though before…..


A/N: Yeah...beware my Crack-Bunnies...that is all...