Chapter one: Clandestine Farewells
She had smiled through the whole thing.
She had smiled when Raven defeated Trigon. She had smiled when she saw her dear friend in a white cloak, back in her older form. She had smiled when she saw Raven hug her other dear friend, Robin. She had still smiled while she saw Beast Buy hugging Raven next. Even back in the Titans Tower, she had smiled throughout the whole celebration for having their teammate back, and the Earth being back to normal. She had even smiled while noticing that Robin and Raven were having an intimate talk.
She had smiled the whole time.
But as the door to her room slid shut, Starfire leaned against it and allowed the tears to flow down her cheeks. Oh, she was still smiling, but now it was a bitter-sweet smile of defeat. And it turned into a scowl within moments.
Starfire really was ecstatic that Raven was back, that wasn't the problem! What bothered the poor Tamaranian more than anything was the fact that Raven and Robin were now, once again, close. True, the two had always gotten along better than most of the other Titans, especially after Raven had been within Robin's mind. But when they had hugged, Robin had not pulled away from Raven in the same manner he always had from Starfire. Around the Tamaranian, Robin had always been oddly quiet and had always gotten very angry and tacit after she did anything affectionate. Seeing Raven being allowed to get that close to Robin was simply too much for Starfire to bear.
And what hurt Starfire most as she leaned against her door, allowing the tears to roll down her cheeks, was that she was happy for them. She loved Raven and Robin very dearly, and wasn't about to try and stand in their way. If the two had such feelings for each other, Starfire was going to allow everything to run its course, even if it meant giving up on Robin. She wanted both friends to be happy, even if it tore her up from inside.
Starfire tried to wipe the hot tears away from her face but merely caused herself more discomfort. She had wiped her face with her forearm, around which her armor was clasped, and the cold suddenly contacting with her face caused a shiver of discomfort to run down her spine. She gave a chocked sob, allowing her mind to wander to her sad thoughts of defeat once again.
Starfire had almost always had feelings for Robin for as long as she could have remembered. He had always been very kind to her, even though he didn't baby her in battle. Rightfully so, considering Starfire's immense strength and endurance; she would have felt he was thinking little of her if he had tried to protect her during fights. But it was because Robin had always been so kind to her that Starfire had though she had a chance with him.
Robin had appeared ashamed when he had to go out on a date with that treacherous 'Kitten' girl. He had stopped Starfire's sister from taking her place in the Teen Titans. And he had helped stop her arraigned marriage on Tamaran to that blob her sister had found. All of these actions had caused Starfire to have stronger and stronger feelings for him, and she believed that he had felt the same about her. After his mention of his difficulty to speak of feelings, Starfire had decided to take things one step at a time and wait for a day when Robin was ready to bring up the subject of his own accord.
But apparently, Starfire had waited too long, and for this, she simply loathed herself.
Then, as Starfire's gasps for breath became less strangled, she realized something that made her feel even more foolish then before. So what if she hadn't said anything to Robin? If he felt that strongly about Raven, it merely meant he didn't feel such a way about her. She had merely saved herself a very embarrassing conversation and weeks of awkward glances.
Starfire gave a small laugh, at last finding the bright side she had so hoped for. "W-Well, it appears as though this particular t-time I am not victorious," She told herself in a joking manner. She had won so many battles for the Titans with her pure strength, so losses were rare experiences for her.
Starfire thought of how she could still talk the way she always had with Robin without feeling awkward, and of the happiness he would one-day obtain when he and Raven told one another of their emotions. Surprising as it was, it was happy enough of a thought to allow the Tamaranian to hover off of the ground, and over to her bed.
So, she couldn't get Robin. Oh, well. She could focus more on her other friends and focus on getting stronger in battle. She was a hero on Earth, and people depended on her! Romance wasn't something she needed; heck, it may have even gotten in the way.
She thought of the vision of Raven and Robin hugging the way they had. Starfire gave a small giggle, now feeling mildly better about it in her head. Her heart ached as though it had been ripped in two, but the gladness Starfire felt inside of her head was enough to let her ignore it. The two did make for an interesting couple. And now she'd have more time to get to know Cyborg and Beast Boy. She had fought along-side both of them during their battle with Trigon, and knew little to nothing of them!
All Starfire knew of Cyborg was that half of him was apparently this thing called a 'machine'. Starfire did not understand the concept too well. The Machines she had always dealt with could not think on their own, much less feel. There was much more to Cyborg than merely his mechanics, and he knew the same pain of discrimination as she did.
Beast Boy was another mystery to her. Before Terra came into their lives, Beast Boy had always been funny and lazy, trying to ignore any responsibility he could. He spoke like most the human 'surfers' of the Earth did, and yet he didn't look human at all. He had always made jokes and bothered Raven, and every one of the Titans had always thought of him as someone who wore his emotions on his sleeves, including Starfire. But after Terra's betrayal, a new side of Beast Boy had been exposed. He had true passion in his heart and risked everything for someone the others no longer trusted, and managed to bring out the good in her one final time.
Starfire's lids suddenly became heavy as she closed her bright-green eyes, hearing voices not too far away from her door. Unlike Robin's and Raven's rooms, her door was left rather thin, so that she could hear if trouble was beginning to stir.
Starfire smiled, recognizing the voices of her fellow Titans. Raven and Robin had already headed to their separate rooms, so it was only Beast Boy and Cyborg left in the hallway.
"So, up for a game of Stank-Ball, BB? I choked down some of your stupid tofu-bacon, I owe you a good butt-whooping," Cyborg's low and playful voice rumbled. Starfire could sense the stench of the 'Stank-Ball' even through her door.
"...No thanks, dude," Beast Boy's voice came, accompanied by a small, forced laugh and a very fake and unconvincing yawn. "I think I'm gonna call it a night. After fightin' myself for almost a whole day, I think it's only right I caught up on some Z's before I make up for all my lost couch-time. 'Sides, shouldn't you recharge, too?"
"Alright, if you're so scared of losing," Cyborg taunted, but the sound of his footsteps was heard afterward. Beast Boy's light footsteps followed a moment later, along with the sounds of his door sliding closed.
Starfire closed her eyes, allowing the welcomed feeling of sleep to over-take her. True, it was very uncomfortable for her to sleep in her uniform, much less her armor, but all of the emotions she had felt that day, along with the exhausting battle with her alter-ego caused Starfire to be completely drained of energy. With a small sigh of 'Farewell, Robin...' Starfire allowed sleep to take over her exhausted body.
As Starfire accepted everything and allowed sleep to take over, another Titan had his emotions rattled in a similar manner, if not to a more serious extent. He walked over to his bed, sitting down on the bottom rather than top bunk, and merely stared at the ground with a blank expression on his face. Beast Boy was in a state of shock, still unable to comprehend all of the sudden grief he was feeling.
He had been just as happy as the other Titans the whole time, after all, why shouldn't he have been? Raven was back and free of Trigon's control, everyone was alive, he had hugged Raven, she acted the same as always by asking him to flake off; everything was back to normal.
Beast Boy's eyes narrowed as he finally accepted a small truth. Everything ISN'T back to normal...
He balled his hands into fists and stood as rage suddenly over-took him. Without thinking or realizing what was happening, Beast Boy began picking up things in his room and throwing them at walls. He threw his action figures, his chairs, his empty food containers -- everything he could have gotten his hands on. Beast Boy had learned from the chemical reaction he had had when Adonis had pushed him into those toxins that nobody could hear him breaking things in his room; his walls were very sound proof. He had only acted in a similar matter once since that incident, and it had been after Raven had broken all the things he had made for her birthday.
After a few minutes of his items shattering, Beast Boy finally calmed down, breathing very heavily. He clutched the lamp he was preparing to throw tightly in his fist, wondering if he should throw it or not. After a moment of consideration, the green teenager merely set the lamp back down and fell back into his bottom bunk.
Beast Boy felt dizzy. His heart was pounding in anger and frustration, but his eyes were quickly welling up with tears. He couldn't believe it! He had gotten his hopes up so high after Terra was no more, only to get them stepped on!
He placed his fore-arm over his eyes, to shield them from the light of his window. It didn't help him any, though. Beast Boy still saw everything that had happened the day, as though it were a movie being shown on the back of his eyelids.
Raven didn't care about him. She didn't care about him in the least. When Trigon had thrown them all to the ground, she had stood over him for a few moments, looking frantic. Beast Boy's heart had leaped, hoping she would have helped him to his feet. But no. No, she ran right to Robin and kept telling him, and only him, to get up, as though the other Titans were nothing.
And then, after Trigon was defeated, she had hugged Robin without a second thought. And after Beast Boy had made it clear he wanted the old Raven back and tried to hug her as well, she had snapped at him. And once in the Tower, she had stuck to Robin, and only Robin. The two had been speaking as though they were lovers behind everyone elses' backs -- Beast Boy had seen more than enough movies to recognize that.
Beast Boy tried to let out a steadied breath, but it ended up a rattled choke instead. He remained on his bottom bunk for what felt like could have been hours, taking all the jabs of emotion he was suddenly feeling. Beast Boy felt jealous of Robin for being so close to Raven, he was angry at Raven for not caring about him, he loathed Trigon for causing Raven and Robin to grow that much closer, he felt sick with himself for having such negative feelings towards his friends, but most of all, Beast Boy was confused.
Why did he feel so? Raven was so creepy, and he knew it. Sure, he worried about her, but...but she was just another Titan. A creepy, half-demon Teen Titan. Yeah, there had been times when he had felt close to her, as though she had even understood him, but that was because she wasn't allowed to show emotions. Raven had to suppress her emotions, which was similar to Beast Boy. He didn't hide them, he merely masked them with a smile or a bad joke, but it was the same thing. It was bottling up pain and frustration inside until it finally burst.
The more Beast Boy thought about it, the more he realized how he and Raven were alike. Sure, she liked poetry, and he liked video games, but what they felt was similar. Both of them didn't want to bother the others with their problems. Neither one liked to be bothered when they were doing something solitary. And most importantly, both of them knew the feeling of having their hearts ripped out and stepped on. For Raven, it had been Malchior, and for Beast Boy, it had been Terra.
Malchior...The mere remembrance of the name caused Beast Boy's blood to turn to boiling oil. What he had done to Raven was simply sick and wrong. Sure, Raven was quiet, but using her in such a way caused Beast Boy's skin to crawl. Raven deserved better than that! She may not have been a beauty queen, but there was something alluring about her gothic appearance. And she was very smart, too; all she did was read! She had a taste for poetry, which proved she was cultured -- not to mention how she had handled her life, always being told she would turn the world to dust. Raven deserved someone caring, someone fun, someone who could appreciate her! Something like Beast Boy!
The Changeling suddenly sat bolt up-right in his bed with her eyes wide in horror. He...He hadn't just thought that. Sure, he liked Raven and everything but...but...
Oh, who was he kidding? He loved everything about her! The names she called him, that strand of hair that hung on either side of her face, that jewel in her forehead, the way she used her powers, the way she smelled, the way it took him months to get her to even crack a smile...Everything!
"Aw, man, I totally blew it..." Beast Boy told himself, allowing himself to once again, fall onto the bottom bunk. "It's too late now...She digs Robin. If I weren't such a stupid-AUGH!" He punched the bed post, thankfully doing nothing more than causing his fist to throb in pain and Silkie to fall off from the top bunk.
Beast Boy let out a slow breath, rationalizing everything quickly in his head. She liked Robin, and Robin was one of his best buds -- no standing in the way. No running after Raven, no matter what. She was out of his league; Beast Boy had a better chance with CYBORG.
He turned around, smiling despite the sad look in his eyes. "Oh, well," He told himself. "Now I can focus on being less of a loser, and maybe find me a REAL babe. Goodbye, Raven," he whispered to himself before shutting his eyes and beginning to emit a soft snore.
Starfire, Beast Boy, Raven, Robin, Cyborg, Silkie, and pretty much everything but the plot at hand belongs to © D. C. Comics/Cartoon Network/Kids WB
Also? Gimme reviews. Please. :D