Iro Toridori No
Author's Note: Another 'Notice Me' fanfiction. This time it's set in the original YnM universe! 'Iro Toridori No' means 'Of Many Colours' or 'Multi-coloured'. I thought it was a fitting title for this fanfiction… It's incredibly short…
There was an earthquake in Eastern Japan today… Sendai was the epicentre… I hope everyone's okay… There have been a lot of shots of a very rainy and dismal looking Japan…
Disclaimer: I don't own Yami no Matsuei.
The wind is multi-coloured. It's pastel shades blow through the halls of Meifu, painting all with its soft glow. But there are some of us who feel it's chill. Even now, I feel despair when I am painted by the wind. As it paints me an ugly black and I fall deeper and deeper into darkness…
"Muraki has been sighted in Kyoto. We should deploy shinigami immediately," Kanoe said. Everyone in the office paused in what they were doing, all eyes going to Tsuzuki who was standing by the photocopier. Hisoka had been taking a sip from a coffee cup but it had fallen from his fingers, smashing all over the floor.
"Looks like a job for us, ne Hisoka?" Tsuzuki said brightly. Hisoka's eyes widened and he turned around quickly.
"What are you saying? There's no way we're going anywhere!" the boy yelled. Tsuzuki tilted his head, smiling deceptively.
"We've always taken the Muraki cases though," he said, his eyes were warm. Hisoka had completely tensed up, his hands in fists at his sides.
"How can you act like nothing happened?" he yelled, tears in his eyes. "You pretend that Kyoto didn't happen but it did! You aren't fooling anyone anymore! Just stop pretending that things are the way they were before!" He turned on his heels and ran from the office. There was a pause before Tatsumi and Watari left for Kyoto, and more specifically Kokakuro…
"Why can't we go back to before?" Tsuzuki asked the photocopier. Unfortunately photocopiers lack the valuable vocal chords from which a reply can be generated. He sighed, sneaking a look at his watch before picking up the copies of his report and going to put them in fancy folders.
Into the darkness I fall but it is not just black. That's a common misconception. True darkness is not the colour of shadow but the colour of what you have lost. It is the colour of that which you hold dearest in your heart and the colour of the despair in your eyes. My darkness is the colour of your eyes… Deepest violet…
"Hisoka's crying," Watari said as he leaned against the wall near Tsuzuki. The man sighed. Tatsumi and Watari had returned to Meifu empty handed. It was quite obvious that Muraki had been expecting either Hisoka or Tsuzuki…
"I have nothing to apologise for," he replied. Watari rolled his eyes, grabbing Tsuzuki by the shoulders and slamming him against the wall.
"Bon is trying his hardest to pretend that it isn't hurting him that you are ignoring his feelings completely. Are you selfish enough to come back from Kyoto and pretend that his feelings are no longer there? He loves you Tsuzuki," Watari said. Tsuzuki's eyes widened. He'd never seen Watari be violent before but here he was… bullying him into talking to Hisoka about something he'd been avoiding…
Not that he'd been avoiding talking about the feelings because he didn't feel for Hisoka, no, he'd been avoiding it because it meant a relationship. He wasn't ready for that yet…
A relationship meant telling each other everything, inviting someone to hurt you. To live through the rough and the good and not to give up when things hit rock bottom. But… Tsuzuki knew that if Hisoka knew the truth about him then he would hate him… It was better that they remain apart…
"I don't think that you are one to preach about relationships, Watari-san," Tsuzuki said. Watari took a few steps back, not meeting Tsuzuki's eyes.
"That's different. We both know that Tatsumi is not interested in me," his feeble attempt to justify why he'd never tried to get beyond a working relationship with Tatsumi was just too poor for Tsuzuki to resist turning the tables.
"Yet you never ask him. If you go speak to Tatsumi about how you feel, I'll talk to Hisoka," Tsuzuki bargained. Watari nodded briefly before turning and walking away. Tsuzuki sagged against the wall. He had to go and find Hisoka…
Deepest violet… Your eyes offer no comfort to the cold and weary. Your eyes are the wind, making me feel ugly. Trying to scatter my frail cherry blossoms upon your gentle currents, until I disappear… I shall whisper forever upon the wind… Tsuzuki…
Watari knocked on the door to Tatsumi's office. The man looked up and smiled, that gentle, calm smile that was rarely ever heartfelt. Watari closed the door behind him, taking a deep breath.
"I need to talk to you," Watari began. Tatsumi politely put away what he was doing and gestured across his desk at an empty chair. Watari looked at it and shook his head. That would feel too much like they were talking about work…
"How do you feel about me?" There! He'd said it! Watari then proceeded to religiously stroke 003, not looking up at Tatsumi's eyes. The man was silent for a long time.
"I'm not quite sure I understand the question. In what sense do you mean?" Tatsumi asked. He stood up and moved a little closer to Watari, stepping around the desk and leaning against the front of it, all over about four feet in front of Watari.
"I mean it in the romantic sense," Watari replied. More silence. This was far too awkward for Tatsumi to have obvious affection for him. There was just no way that someone as handsome and wonderful as Tatsumi could ever have any feelings for a scoundrel like Watari.
"Yutaka-san… I'm a little surprised…" Tatsumi said, removing his glasses and rubbing his eyes. Watari just stared at the discarded specs on the desk.
"I understand," the blonde bowed and began to back out of the room. It wasn't until he felt cool bindings around his feet that he realised that he hadn't actually been moving anywhere at all. He stared at the shadows that were holding him a few inches above the floor.
"Do you not wish to hear my answer, Yuu-san?" Tatsumi asked, one eyebrow twitching upwards.
I don't want to be scattered upon the wind…
Tsuzuki stared at the open pages of Hisoka's journal. The boy hadn't been in, but he had left the door open. Tsuzuki had come in to wait for him but Hisoka's journal had just been… there… staring at him… It had only taken him five minutes to pick the lock and turn to the most recent entry. It wasn't very happy sounding…
There were many like it, most were incomprehensible, filled with so much imagery that it would take a literary analyst to discover the meanings behind them. Seriously, if Hisoka had lived he'd have made a great novelist…
"Tsu-" Hisoka stopped dead in the doorway. His eyes were going from his journal, to the broken lock to Tsuzuki's face.
"Um…" Tsuzuki began. Hisoka had already yanked the journal out of Tsuzuki's hand however, slamming it shut and holding it against his chest. His eyes were puffy and his entire stance screamed that he felt totally and utterly betrayed.
"Please don't yell at me," Tsuzuki said quietly. Hisoka deflated almost immediately. The older man had sounded so pathetic… So afraid of Hisoka's scorn…
"What did you read?" Hisoka asked. Tsuzuki flinched, even though the boy's voice had been soft, the disappointment in it was enough.
"The most recent entry," Tsuzuki replied. Hisoka placed the journal down and straightened up, he was only a few feet from Tsuzuki now, close enough to see the mix of emotions in the man's eyes.
"Then you know…" Hisoka was staring directly ahead of him, which just so happened to be the knot of Tsuzuki's tie. It was a very scruffy knot. Much like the man to which it belonged.
"I didn't understand it, Hisoka… It was all imagery and I need things spelled out," Tsuzuki said. Hell, if they were going to have this conversation, then it would be Hisoka's turn to spill first!
"It's about you… You and Muraki… You are both the wind and the darkness, swirling around me until I can't think straight anymore. But you are the one who can offer me more than just darkness, but you don't. You just act like nothing is different… You act like you don't know that I love you," Hisoka's voice was so heart breaking to hear. Tsuzuki felt a weight in his chest pressing against his heart. It was so difficult to even breathe…
"It's not that I don't want to… I just… I can't be in a relationship, Hisoka! All I'm capable of is hurting people and… and I can't do that… I won't hurt you. I'd rather sacrifice my own life than hurt you. I love you but I don't think I can give you what you want…" Tsuzuki tried to convey his thoughts, but he knew it sounded selfish and too much like an excuse. He waited for Hisoka to say something.
"You can't… be in a relationship?" Hisoka asked. Tsuzuki nodded. Maybe the boy really would understand. "You don't want to be in a relationship because all that happens is people end up getting hurt. You don't want to be in a relationship because you're afraid everything will fall down around your ears… You think that by avoiding something that makes it go away!" Hisoka was getting more and more worked up. He'd started crying again now…
"Well guess what? I'm hurting damn you! Damn you!" Hisoka fell to his knees, crying pitifully into his hand. He was still muttering something but it was incomprehensible.
"You really… want to be with me… that badly…? Even though I'll hurt you…?" Tsuzuki asked. Hisoka nodded meekly. This both surprised and scared him. What was he supposed to do now? Whatever he chose he would hurt Hisoka… He would hurt himself… Catch 22…
"Okay… I'll try it… for you…" Tsuzuki knelt down, taking Hisoka into his arms and holding him. The boy sniffled a few times.
"W-we should get back to the office…" Hisoka said finally. Tsuzuki blinked. He had expected being pounced upon, or kissed or something but… could it be that…
"Let's take things slow, okay?" Hisoka asked, his innocent green eyes meeting Tsuzuki's own. The man smiled and kissed Hisoka's cheek.
"Aa. We've got no need to rush…"
"What's the matter?" Tsuzuki took Hisoka's jacket off for him, hanging it up. Wakaba and the Gushoshin were outside Tatsumi's office, staring at the door.
"Well, Watari went in about half-an-hour ago and he hasn't come out… But the lab is still in one piece so we can't understand what Tatsumi could be lecturing him about for this long…" Wakaba looked adorably puzzled. Tsuzuki couldn't help but let out a little chuckle and move to open the door.
He opened it to reveal a slightly more interesting scene than anyone had expected. Watari was pressed against Tatsumi's desk, his golden hair flowing down his shoulders. The back of Tatsumi's head was in the general area of the scientist's neck, so it was probably correct to say that his lips were somewhere close by.
"Ahem…" Tsuzuki cleared his throat. The two jumped apart. Tatsumi quickly busied himself with looking for his glasses and Watari straightened up his lab coat.
"You talked to him I see…" Tsuzuki said, amused. Watari smiled, even though he was blushing a little.
"Not much talking," he replied. It was Tatsumi's turn to blush. Tsuzuki decided to leave them alone for the rest of the day…
Watari looked out of the window at office closing time. Tsuzuki and Hisoka were standing outside the building saying goodbye for the day. It was quite obvious that they were trying to stall for as long as possible. Then Tsuzuki leaned forward and kissed Hisoka's forehead. They both turned a cute magenta colour and went home.
"Kawaii…" Watari sighed, watching as both of them looked over their shoulder at the same time and smiled.
"Yuu-san, it's time to go home," Tatsumi said from the doorway. Watari turned and smiled, taking off his lab coat and hanging it up.
"Let's go home then!"
Hisoka woke up the next morning to something soft pressing against his forehead. He opened his eyes and was greeted by the soft morning light shining on Tsuzuki's face. He sat up quickly, pulling the sheets up his stomach. It had been a hot night and he hadn't worn any pyjamas.
"Morning, 'Soka-chan!" Tsuzuki said brightly. Hisoka frowned. How the hell had Tsuzuki got into his room?
"You should be careful! You didn't lock your front door last night or put the catch on! If I'd been a molester then you would be in trouble now!" Tsuzuki said, waving his index finger at Hisoka in an 'I-know-best' way.
"Who says you aren't…" Hisoka muttered but was then distracted from his usual banter by the smell of breakfast. Sure enough, on his bedside table there was a tray of pancakes, maple syrup poured over them.
"Ah, I brought you breakfast in bed!" Tsuzuki said. He'd sprouted puppy ears and a tail and was looking so pleased with himself. Hisoka looked at the pancakes and wondered if Tsuzuki's bad cooking would have killed them…
"Th-thank you…" Hisoka said. Tsuzuki placed the tray on the bed, using it as an excuse to scoot closer to Hisoka. The boy let him, cutting a little bit of pancake and sniffing it before putting it in his mouth.
"It… actually tastes… good!" Hisoka said in wonderment. Tsuzuki smiled.
"Not even I can mess up pancakes," he replied. Hisoka tucked in then, listening to Tsuzuki's idle chatter and responding as best he could with his mouth full of pancake. When he'd finished he had a warm fuzzy feeling in his chest. He knew it wasn't from the food, but from Tsuzuki just being there…
"You have a bit of maple syrup… um…" Tsuzuki gestured to the corner of Hisoka's mouth. The boy wiped there but Tsuzuki shook his head.
"Here, let me…" he said, then leaned forward and kissed Hisoka gently on the lips. The blonde's eyes widened first, before fluttering closed and enjoying the sensation of his lips brushing against Tsuzuki's. The older shinigami didn't try to deepen the kiss, nor did he try to pressure Hisoka at all… When he pulled away, however, the kiss held all the more meaning.
"That was my first kiss…" Hisoka said, his fingers going to his lips. Tsuzuki tilted his head and smiled.
"And?" he asked. Hisoka ducked his head.
"I could get used to it…" he replied.
The two spent a while longer in the white morning sunlight, relaxing and enjoying the others company. They had eternity to learn to love each other, and being in a relationship is sometimes difficult. People rush through life, rushing their relationships, pressuring and pushing, because no one knows when something will come to an end. Everything comes to an end eventually…
Sometimes it's a nice idea to truly take things slowly. After all… What is this life, if full of care, we have no time to stand and stare?
The wind is warm now, blowing from a southerly country… The darkness that engulfed me has changed to softness, like feathers falling from leathery wings. The wind serves me now, scattering my petals far, calling your name. You come. You come when I call you. Your eyes are pure amethyst and they protect me from myself. You are black and white in my dreams, but in my mind you are truly beautiful, an illusion of colour surrounding you. You are iro toridori no. You are my Tsuzuki-san…
PS Buy a new lock for diary.
End Notes: Um… yeah… There you go… Iro Toridori no… Ta da! Wheeeeeeeee!