A/N: Yay! Four reviews!
katekarson: I was originally going to make Harry some sort of Puck, but then I remembered Peeves and I was like "Of COURSE he should be Puck…" Anyway, thanks for the review!
Ghostwriter626: Yay. Me love scissors also. Haha. Thanks for your review!
Nova-Janna: Bwahahaha. Very cringe-worthy, indeed. Imagine your old, fat teacher trying to be a love coach of yours or something? Ack! Thanks so much for reviewing!
Spooty: I love A Midsummer Night's Dream also! I'm glad you like the story! Thanks for reviewing!
Disclaimer: I don't own A Midsummer Night's Dream, Harry Potter, or the lines I use in Pyramus and Thisbe.
00 00 00
Ron woke up later to find the classroom completely empty. He mentally and sarcastically thanked his kind friends for thinking to wake him up. He quickly gathered up his things and left the classroom.
"Ron, do you know where Draco is?"
He turned. There stood Pansy Parkinson. Suddenly he just felt so completely, totally in love with her. She was beautiful. Everything from her puggy face, to her black roots attached to her bleached hair, from her unnaturally thin figure, to her interesting taste in clothing.
"No," he said airily, staring into her beady brown eyes. He stepped toward her. "You look really beautiful."
"Ugh." She started walking away. "I need to find Draco."
"Wait!" He grabbed her arm and turned her around. "Why do you have to find Draco when I'm here? I'll do anything you want me to do! I love you, Pansy." He had never felt like this toward anyone before.
Pansy looked annoyed. "What about Hermione? What happened to your undying love for her?" Pansy questioned, folding her arms across her chest.
"Hermione? Hermione who?" was Ron's response. "The only person I care about is you, Pansy. I love you with my heart and soul."
Pansy gaped at him. "Are you making fun of me?"
"What? No! No, my beauty, never."
She dropped her arms to her side and stomped her foot. "Yes you are!" she cried, her eyes becoming glossier. "You're making fun of me! What did I do to deserve that? Nothing! Absolutely nothing! But of course everyone has to choose poor, innocent Pansy as the subject of their hatred and cruelty!" With that, she turned on her heel and stormed down the hallway, cursing to herself and mumbling things about "Ron" and "mockery".
"Pansy! My love! Come back!" Ron chased after her.
00 00 00
The cast of Pyramus and Thisbe had their second meeting that afternoon in the same small classroom. But now it was filled with props.
"Okay, Professor McGonagall has given me the props for the play," Dean announced, picking up a prop. It was a wall. Suddenly he realized how square it was. And how there were a few holes in it. "What the…?" It looked like someone was supposed to be inside it. "Does anyone understand why there are so many holes in this wall?" he asked the cast.
They peered into it.
Harry shrugged. "Maybe someone's supposed to play the wall," he guessed. "Ooh! I'll play it!"
"Harry, you're in that scene," Dean stated. He then went through the pile of props and soon discovered a note. "I hope you all have read through your scripts and realized that there are lines for inanimate objects, which means that I have given you all the task of assigning who to play which of those roles. – Professor McGonagall," it read. "How lovely," Dean mumbled to himself.
And so it began. The whole cast – except for maybe Blaise – began reading through the script to determine when would be the best time for people to come on and be their "inanimate objects" – of which there turned out to only be two – which proved much more difficult than it seemed because they had to think about costume changes and when the character would next be on, and such.
When it was finally sorted out, Dean read the short list. "Blaise Zabini will play Wall and Lavender Brown will play Moonshine." And then they began their full run-through. Little did they know a certain poltergeist was watching from the wall.
"Thisbe, the flowers of odious savors sweet –" Harry began, reciting his lines as Pyramus, getting very into the part.
"Odorous!" Dean corrected. "It's odorous! Not odious…"
"Odorous savors sweet," he continued. "So hath thy breath, my dearest Thisbe dear. But hark, a voice! Stay thou but here awhile, and by and by I will to thee appear."
Seamus entered and began to speak in a completely monotonous tone, "Most radiant Pyramus, most lilywhite of hue, of color like the red rose on triumphant briar," he said, staring at his script as he spoke, "most brisky juvenal, and eke most lovely Jew, as true as truest horse that yet would never tire, I'll meet thee, Pyramus, at Ninny's tomb –"
"Ninus tomb," Dean corrected again, getting slightly irritated.
"Oh," Seamus said. Then, as Thisbe, "As true as truest horse that yet would never tire."
That was Harry's cue to reenter the "stage" (for the moment it was just the center of the classroom), but Peeves recited a quick charm before he stepped away from the wall.
"If I were fair, fair Thisbe, I were only thine."
"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Seamus screamed at the top of his lungs. "What the hell is that thing?"
"What the - ?" was Dean's reaction. "Let's get out of here!" he rushed toward the door.
Lavender yelped and ran toward the door; Luna followed Lavender, but walked slowly and curiously by what once was Harry's scarred face. Blaise jumped at the sight and leapt toward the door as well, then trying to remain cool after exposing his fear. The five then quickly escaped from the room. Harry, meanwhile, had no idea what was going on.
"They're trying to sabotage me!" he decided. "They don't want me in the play because they know I'm better than they are, so they're scaring me into thinking that there's something wrong with me. But there isn't." He waltzed confidently out of the room and down the hallway to find Professor Trelawney collapsed against a wall. "Hi, there, Professor," he said as he passed.
She woke with a start. "What is this beauty that I have just lay eyes on?" she said in an even more breathless and airy tone than usual, standing up.
"Um… It's Harry, Professor," Harry said curiously.
"No. It's the most beautiful ass's head I have ever seen," she said. "What marvelous, wondrous beings created you? I foresee a flawless future in store for the two of us. Come with me up to my tower."
"Wha - ?"
But she grabbed his arm and dragged him through the hallways and staircases up to her classroom.
00 00 00
"Aah, Peeves, just the ghost I was looking for," Slughorn said cheerily upon finding the mischievous poltergeist after dinner. "Has Professor Trelawney woken up yet?"
Peeves snickered. "Yes. And she fell in love with a Potty-Ass!" he cried.
"Peeves turned ickle Potty's head into a donkey's," Peeves explained. "When Trelawney woke up that's what she saw."
Slughorn let out a chuckle. "That's perfect! Nice work, Peeves."
"Oh, and Peeves has also taken care of the boy," he said.
"Wonderful!" was Slughorn's reaction, thinking that Peeves was talking about Draco, not Ron, falling in love with Pansy.
Suddenly, again the two heard a voice from down the hall.
"Hermione!" it cried. "Where are you going?"
The troublemaking duo could spot Hermione walking down the hall, being followed by Draco. It seemed the situation was a bit different for him this time.
"Why do you care, Malfoy?" she questioned snidely.
Draco swallowed. "Because…" he began. "I just want to know, is that wrong?"
Hermione scoffed. "Go away. I don't know what kind of stunt you're trying to pull with this 'innocent' act, but it's not working." She turned from him and stalked off down the hallway.
Draco collapsed unhappily against a wall and moaned into his hands.
Slughorn felt an odd twinge of sadness for the poor boy and turned to Peeves, who was still hovering above him. "Peeves, get Pansy so that I can sprinkle the potion on Draco's eyes and he'll awake and see her," he said.
"Okay…" Peeves floated off. He found Pansy walking down the steps to the Dungeons, Ron following just a few feet behind, attempting woo her with all his might. Peeves quickly popped in front of them and made lots of noise, throwing books and ink bottles from a nearby classroom at them. Pansy screeched and turned around, racing back up the steps and onto the first floor. He chased after them, continuing to toss things at the pair. Ron didn't pay much attention; he continued to confess his love for Pansy endlessly. Pansy, on the other hand, was scared out of her mind. She soon found herself having been chased to the hallway of the collapsed Draco.
"Oooh! Drakie!" she cried, throwing her arms around him.
He opened his eyes from his unhappy rest. There stood before him the most magnificent creature in all the world.
"Pansy!" for the first time in the history of the universe, he hugged her back.
"Oh, Draco, I've been looking all over for you," she said, gazing into his steel eyes.
"Good. Let's go back to my dormitory," he decided.
The two stood up.
A look of utter disbelief was painted across Pansy's broad face. "What?" she breathed incredulously.
"Pansy, I love you," Draco confessed.
Pansy looked as though she had just swallowed a cockroach.
"Hey, what do you think you're doing?" Ron asked angrily. "I love Pansy, and we are going to run off and elope."
"Excuse me?" responded Draco.
"Will you two stop it!" she screamed. "Stop mocking me! Just stop! I know you two hate me and will always hate me, but don't you think this is a little low? A little terrible?" She was close to tears now.
"I would never, ever make fun of you, my beauty," Ron said, stepping toward her.
Draco pushed him out of the way. "Neither would I. I love you so much more than that stupid Weasel over there, and you've always loved me. So we're meant to be, aren't we?"
Pansy fell to the ground, sobbing into her hands, tears dripping in between her fingers and slipping to the floor.
"Now look what you've done!" Ron yelled accusationally.
"What? You started this whole mess!" Draco retorted. "If you would have just let me have Pansy in the first place –"
"Hi, Ron!" Hermione cried, suddenly appearing from around a corner. "I thought I heard your voice." She intertwined her arm with his and planted a wet kiss on his cheek.
"What are you doing, Hermione?" Ron asked bluntly.
Hermione answered with a very confused look.
"I'm in love with Pansy, sorry," Ron said inconsiderately, pulling his arm away from hers.
Hermione let out a squeak. "What are you saying?" she said, her voice trembling. "You just asked me out last night, Ron. Where did this come from?"
"I've never realized how beautiful Pansy was." Ron was staring at the weeping "beauty".
Hermione let out another squeak and Pansy erupted in louder sobs.
"Aw, Pansy, it's alright," Draco said, leaning down to stroke her hair.
"No, it's not!" Hermione shouted, pushing Draco away. She yanked Pansy off the ground. "What do you think you're doing?" she asked lividly, practically spitting in the girl's face with anger. "You can't just go around stealing other people's boyfriends, you slut! Ron is mine, okay? Not yours! You can have Draco or some other Slytherin sleaze bag, but Ron is completely mine! So get your filthy claws off of him!"
"It has nothing to do with me!" Pansy cried, tears streaming down her face. "They're mocking me with fake love! Don't me mad at me, be mad at them!"
But the two guys were too engrossed in their own conversation.
"You want to fight me? Is that what you want?" Draco challenged.
"Maybe I do want to fight you!" Ron spat.
"Fine. Right now, outside. Winner gets Pansy."
"If that's the way you want it!"
The two turned and headed toward the entrance to the school. Pansy let out another sob or two before turning and sprinting down the hall in the direction of the staircase to the Dungeons. Hermione grunted and stomped down the hall, following the guys to their match.
00 00 00
A/N: That felt short, but this story's going to be short, so maybe I'll just make the chapters slightly shorter. If you review I'll give you a big pack of those really cool Fusion pens where the ink is clear but it comes out blue or pink or black or purple or maybe other colors! I like them. Anyway, please review! And I hope you enjoyed this chapter!