Inuyasha And The Jerry Springer Show Part Deux
camera shows audience clapping, Jerry looking at the 5 people on stage, Inuyasha is clinging on Miroku's arm, Miroku trying to tug his arm back, Shippo sitting on Sango's head and watching Inuyasha, Sango and Kagome both giving death glares to Miroku
Jerry: Welcome every one to the Jerry Springer show! audience claps Thank you thank you! Now last time on the show we met Inuyasha here, girl screams, and flashes him um… and we learned that he is gay. girl, still holding her shirt up screams and faints Yup…
Inuyasha: I don't love MEN in general… I only love Miroku looks at Miroku admiringly, while Miroku looks scared but gave a nervous smile
Jerry: that sill makes you gay…
Sango: Can we get on with it please…
Jerry: yes of course now, we are going to be introducing some new guests to the show. But before that, the audience wants to know what has been going on between you and Miroku since out last encounter?
Kagome: Inuyasha has been all over Miroku that's what happened. I don't even think Miroku likes Inuyasha that way.
Jerry: Is that true Miroku?
Miroku: gulps uh…
Inuyasha: OF COURSE HE LOVES ME! He just has trouble showing it.
Shippo: Oh come on Inuyasha look at him shippo points at Miroku who is giving nervous glances at nothing
Inuyasha: he just doesn't like being in front of people that's all…
Jerry: So you say Kagome Inuyasha has been all over Miroku… What about Miroku has he been responding to these… actions?
Kagome: Uh… I'm not really sure, I think so.
Jerry: Miroku let's get it out in the open, do you have feelings for Inuyasha.
Miroku: O.O … uh… everyone on stage stares um… everyone in the audience stares and leans forward ehh… some people in the audience fall forward
Sango: GET ON WITH IT MIROKU! JUST YES OR NO!
Miroku: looks at Inuyasha I-I'm not sure…
Inuyasha: MIROKU! I'm there for you all the time, I love you, how can you not be sure. gets hit with a flying cookie OW!
Kagome: Sorry they were out of doughnuts…
Inuyasha: gives nasty glare at kagome, then turns to Miroku isn't what you told me in the cave when you were screaming my name, true?
Jerry: WOAH! WHAT! Ok this is getting better? Inuyasha what are you talking about… please detail if you don't mind… Jerry's wife throws purse at Jerry ( I don't even know he has a wife but oh well) OW! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU WOMAN!
Jerry's Wife: PERV!
Jerry: YOU SHUT UP! Now… straightens his suit you were saying?
Inuyasha: takes Miroku's hand You said you did love me, actually you screamed it, but-
Miroku: I was in a state… I probably didn't know what I was saying at the time…
audience go ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Kagome: WAIT A MINUTE! Where the hell were we? points at Sango, Shippo and herself
Miroku: We… Said we were collecting firewood, you might have fallen asleep.
Inuyasha: Miroku you are the best lover I've ever had miroku blushes
Audience: ooooooooooooooo ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…. Eeeeeeeeeeee
Miroku: Inuyasha this is private….
Inuyasha: IF YOU DON'T LOVE ME THEN HOW THE HELL CAN YOU MAKE LOVE TO ME?
Inuyasha: OH WILL YOU SHUT UP!
Jerry: ehem… I see tension is building up… lovely time for a commercial wouldn't you say Ed?
Ed, camera man: No…
Jerry: gritted teeth well do it anyway…
Ed: I donn wanna…
Jerry: throws Jerry wife's purse at Ed DO IT!
Ed: makes obscene gesture, and cuts to commercial
Man 1: hey Bill aren't you tiered of being stupid?
Man 2: Yea… But I don't think I can do anything about my stupidity.
Man 1: Yes you can! Because now there is… holds out packet New and Improved Miroku condoms!
Man 2: WOW I loved the old Miroku Condoms what's new with these?
Man 1: … it has a pretty pink flower on the corner of the box smiles very very widly I'm just hoping some deaf guy would see this commercial and think it's new. Just shut up and keep smiling! smiles even wider
Man 2: ok… smiles, and holds a packet of Miroku's condoms
Man 1: through smiling I hope he got the picture… did you know these hardly ever work? still smiling
Man 2: what does this have to do with being smart then?
Man 1: Oh sorry I forgot to tell you, your case is hopeless…
Man 2: --
dancing banana's in the background and Miroku smiling
camera shows the five people on stage, audience claps
Sango: exactly how many of those did you do?
Miroku: … I don't know…
Kagome: you do realize that didn't make any sense right?
Miroku: … maybe…
Inuyasha: what's with the dancing bananas!
Miroku: … blushes it was either that or dancing lobsters okay… and I personally don't like lobsters, bad experience.
Jerry: Oo… ANYWAY!...
Shippo: what happened to the monkey?
Miroku: oh he found a better job…
Jerry: O.o right… so we are back with the Inuyasha gang… Lets meet out first guest shall we? He's a full demon and doesn't have a problem killing anyone in his way, he is also Inuyasha's half brother, and apparently isn't too happy with Inuyasha's decision to be with Miroku, lets see why not? Give it up for SESSHOUMARU! audience cheers loads of girls flash him but he doesn't even look at them, and sits down between Miroku and Sango.
Jerry: Welcome Sesshoumaru-
Sesshoumaru: LORD Sesshoumaru…
Jerry: … uh… yes… Lord Sesshoumaru… Uh… Lord… You don't approve of this Inuyasha and Miroku coupling how come?
Sesshoumaru: Well, I still don't know why I have to explain myself to you Jerry.
Jerry: leans in, and show's contract
Sesshoumaru: -- uh hu well I have many reasons I find this inappropriate Jerry, one of which is that this… this human is going to die soon and doesn't deserve to have a love.
Inuyasha: gets up and punches Sesshoumaru, but Sesshoumaru blocks the punch YOU ASS!
Sesshoumaru: oh come now Inuyasha no need for violence face the fact that there is no point loving something if it's not going to live very long.
audience: gasp ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Jerry: this is a violence tv show so… yes there is a need for violence…
Inuyasha: HE WILL LIVE SESSHOUMARU!
Miroku: he does have a point Inuyasha…
Inuyasha: turns quickly to miroku HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT!
Sesshoumaru: Miroku can only be used as a toy, not something you love, I've had him, Inuyasha shoots a shocked glance at Sesshoumaru even though I have to admit he was fun to play with, but he isn't anything more. Just a toy.
Miroku: gasp YOU SWORE SESSHOUMARU!
Sesshoumaru: I'm a demon, it doesn't matter, you should have thought about that before you gave in, which I might add was very easy to make you do.
Inuyasha: gaps at miroku you-y-you had sex with MY BROTHER!
Miroku: well… I wouldn't call it-
audience gaps oooooo
Sango: OMG MIROKU WHAT KIND OF PERVERTED MONK ARE YOU? gets up and slaps him
Miroku: IT WAS A LONG TIME AGO! IT WAS A MISTAKE! I'M SORRY!
Kagome: OMG OMG OMG! throws cookie at him
Miroku: ow… CUT THAT OUT!
Jerry: wow… well… I have a simple solution to all your problems…
All: look at Jerry, girls were crying, Sesshoumaru glaring, Inuyasha outraged, Miroku's face buried in his hands, and Shippo eating the cookie
Jerry: time for a commercial….
Inuyasha: THAT'S IT THAT'S YOUR SOLUTION?
Jerry: well… yeah…
cuts to commercial just as inuyasha leaps at Jerry in midair
Man 1: Well, we're back…
Man 2: I see… Now what?
Man 1: I don't know … What's up?
Man 2: --
Man 1: …
Man 2: leaves
Man 1: Hey! Where are you going?
Man 2: you suck…
Man 1: suck what?
Man 3: hi…
Man 1: Hi…
Man 3: … what are we supposed to do-stage light falls on Man 3's head
Man 1: well… um… holds packet in front of camera BUY MIROKU'S CONDOMS!
camera shows the audience clapping and the 6 people on stage, Inuyasha is in a straight jacket, Jerry's glasses are broken and crooked, Sesshoumaru's smiling for the first time, Miroku is giving nervous glances at the open window, Shippo is sleeping, Sango is about to strangle Miroku, Kagome is crying.
Jerry: trying to straighten himself out Erm… yes uh welcome back to the show, we have here the Inuyasha gang and Inuyasha's half brother Sesshoumaru… sesshoumaru glares LORD Sesshoumaru I mean… eh he…
Inuyasha: GET THIS THING OFF ME!
Jerry: No, you have a violence slash anger issue
Inuyasha: BUT THIS IS A VIOLENCE TV SHOW!
Jerry: yea… with …points at the gang and inuyasha each-other…
Jerry: woah… uh… are you sure those are tight enough…?
Security: … I dunno…
Jerry: o.o… so… ok don't we have another guest?
Voice in the Audience: MU HA HA HA…
VITA: Yes you dooooo said in like a deep trying to be scary voice
Miroku?? OMG IT'S NARAKU!
Inuyasha: WHERE WHERE!
Miroku:…-- points the only one wearing a baboon outfit…
Inuyasha: oh… I knew that…
Jerry: ah ha! Naraku! Come on dowwwn!
Sango got her boomerang ready, Kagome put her arrow on her bow Miroku, stood up and put his staff in front of him, Inuyasha stood in front of everybody even though he was in a straight jacket, and Shippo …slept
Sesshoumaru: … btw Naraku did anyone ever tell you, you look ridiculous in that outfit
Naraku: not as ridiculous as you do in you flower pattern Kimono…
Sesshoumaru: … oh pishaw… in a gay manner
Sesshoumaru: what? … WHAT?
Jerry: OO uh… yes Naraku, explain exactly who you are, you didn't really give me anything to go by here… Tell us a bit about yourself and how you are involved…
Naraku: I need a place to sit first… scoochy… he sat himself in Miroku's chair making the monk nearly fall out of the chair how are you? grined
Miroku: frowns never been better Naraku…
Naraku: well my involvement is quite simple, you see, Miroku over here has this little hole in his hand, and he want's to kill me to get rid of it. Inuyasha there want's to kill me because I killed his girlfriend. Sango… uh… I don't know what's her deal… Kagome, is the reincarnation of his girlfriend, so she's annoying. Don't even get me started with the fox thing.
Shippo: snores loudly
Jerry: Ah so what do you think about Inuyasha and Miroku becoming a couple?
Naraku: I completely agree with Lord Sesshoumaru on this one, the monk is merely a toy and a rather fun toy at that…
Kagome: OMG! MIROKU!
Miroku: ok I thought he was a girl… sorry
Inuyasha: WHAT? YOU DIDN'T SEE HIS PENIS?
Miroku: ok I was a little drunk…
Inuyasha: DRUNK ENOUGH NOT TO SEE HIS PENIS?
Miroku: OK I WAS ON THE EDGE OF UNCONSCIOUSNESS!
Inuyasha: smacks his head I can't believe this…
Jerry: ha this is interesting…So Miroku you have slept with every man on this stage, but none of the girls including Shippo who is really not worth mentioning at this point Shippo falls off Sango's shoulder still asleep
Miroku: more or less yes…
Inuyasha: so you don't love me…
Miroku: I never said that…
Inuyasha: how could you miroku? I loved you…
Naraku: god was he fun…
Inuyasha: SHUT UP!
Naraku: he is a screamer though… chuckle
Inuyasha: I SAID SHUT UP!
Sesshoumaru: Yes I have to agree…fun fun fun
Inuyasha: ARRRGH! brakes the straight jacket and leaps at Sesshoumaru who punches him ow…
Naraku: ooo… that's gotta hurt…
Inuyasha: leaps at Naraku ARRRGH
Naraku: woah!... COMMERCIAL BREAK COMMERCIAL BREAK!
Inuyasha: strangles naraku YOU PUT YOUR FILTHY HANDS ON HIM! DIEEEEE!
Naraku: yes…uh if you couldn't kill me before what makes you think you can kill me now?
Sango: oh I give up… come on Kagome this lot is all screwed up…
Kagome: oh really I had no idea…
Miroku: WAIT DON'T LEAVE ME!
Sango: you are gross Miroku… yucky…
Miroku: WAIT SANGO!
Sesshoumaru: hold miroku back where do you think you are going?
Inuyasha: TAKE YOUR HANDS OFF HIM!
Jerry: ok this is starting to be weird… and obviously we are loosing track… so … TIME FOR A COMMERCIAL!
camera shows inuyasha jumping on Sesshoumaru's back, Naraku nuzzling Miroku on the back of the neck, Miroku going OO, and Jerry straightening his suit and brushing his hair
dancing banana's for about 5 hours, then a tree commercial, advertising Miroku's condoms
Man 1: are you a tree?
Man 1: then buy sticks packet in front of camera MIROKU'S CONDOMS!
Tree: … how much are they paying you to do this?
Man 1: I'm supposed to get paid?
Tree: you're doing this for free?
Man 1: stomps off I THOUGHT YOU SAID NO ONE IS GETTING PAID AND YOU'RE PAYING A TREE AND NOT ME?
Director: hands up hey hey it was all his idea! points at Miroku
Miroku: wha? hears loud crash and someone purple run across the screen screaming and the man chasing him
Man 1: YOU GET BACK HERE YOU LIER!
camera shows audience clapping, Inuyasha sitting next to Miroku and glaring at him, Naraku sitting on the other side of Miroku and playing with Miroku's small pony tail, Miroku keeps slapping his hand but it doesn't' work, Sesshoumaru staring at the commercial
Jerry: shaking his head hopeless… Anyway welcome back! Some of our guests have left because they felt it was pointless to stay-
Sango: oh we're still here Jerry we don't want to miss this it's just too good…
Kagome: eating a doughnut, stops looks at the doughnut and throws it at Miroku take that!
Miroku: HEY! I thought you said they were out of doughnuts?
Kagome: oh the doughnut boy came and dropped some off a moment ago.
Jerry: Hey I just remembered! Have a seat everyone… We skipped the questions with the audience the last time. Well this time we aren't. Does anyone have any questions… spots a girl raising her had frantically Yes… goes to her and puts the mic in her face
Girl: yes my question is directed to Sesshoumaru-
Sesshoumaru: LORD SESSHOUMARU!
Girl: yeah… anyway… what kind of person just uses a human being like that and then humiliate him! I mean are you just some sort of mean idiot?
Sesshoumaru: And you miss, who might you be to ask such a question?
Girl: I'm Samantha…
Sesshoumaru: Well, Samantha, I am a demon, I treat you inferior humans as you might treat a filthy animal.
Sesshoumaru: Now… I could care less what happens to the monk, but my brother has demon blood in him, he should not degrade himself by falling in love with a mere human! A male none the less!
Inuyasha: WHY YOU- doughnut boy comes out of nowhere and hands him a doughnut, inuyasha looks at him, takes the doughnut and throws it at Sesshoumaru TAKE THAT!
Sesshoumaru: AH SUGAR! shields his face GET AWAY! kicks the doughnut and hits Miroku in the face
Miroku: YOU AND YOUR STUPID DOUGHNUT! takes the doughnut and throws it, misses and lands on Naraku's head, Naraku freaks out and throws the doughnut out the window
Kagome: what a waste of food…
Sango: she shakes her head slowly pathetic…
Jerry: Well…Um any more questions? spots a guy jumping up and down, obviously gay, and yelling "jeeeeeeerrrry!", Jerry goes over and holds the mic up to the guy.
Guy: … hehe… alright this question is to Miroku! giggles alright… did you every have sex with a girl? Or are you just interested in guys?
Miroku: Of course I've slept with women! And I love them...
Guy: hehe… ok I got another question…
Jerry: go on… sigh
Guy: giggles CAN I HUG YOU!
Miroku: … O.O uh… I don't know… I guess…
Guy: leaps out of his seat and runs to the stage and hugs Miroku crushing him, then whispers in his ear you wanna come back to my place after the show?
Miroku: WHAT! NO!
Guy: it will be loads of fun!
Miroku: GET OFF ME! SECURITY!
Guy: grabs miroku's face and kisses him u are just too hot giggles, and then gets dragged off stage I LOVE YOU MIROKU! blows him a kiss
Miroku: … ok I want out NOW!
Jerry: hold on there Miroku, remember what we signed on our little piece of paper…
Miroku: damn you Jerry…
Jerry: too late… ANYHOO! Ah yes another question! goes to a normal looking guy and holds the mic up to him
Normal Guy: Yes this question is directed to Miroku again-
Miroku: NO YOU MAY NOT HUG ME!
Normal Guy: uh… no that wasn't my question…Uh my question is that how come you slept with these men in the first place I mean did they force you or convince you some how? Did they make false promises or something?
Miroku: looks nervously at Naraku and Sesshoumaru who knew perfectly well what he was thinking Uh… Jerry must I answer?
Jerry: wags a paper, and smiling
Miroku: I hate you Jerry… he gets up and walks away from the two men watching him with daggers in their eyes… Well… Naraku is the one who forced me… Naraku got up and started walking towards him, Miroku backed away SECURITY HELP ME!
Jerry: oh didn't I tell you security is on break right now…
Miroku: WHAT! starts running around the stage with Naraku chasing him HELP ME!
Naraku: YOU WAIT TILL I CATCH YOU! YOU JUST WAIT!
Miroku: HELP INUYASHA!
Inuyasha: you slept with my brother… I aint gonna help you…
Miroku: INUYASHA! HE'S GONNA KILL ME!
Sango: oh come on Inuyasha, look at him… he looks pathetic being straggled in mid air like that… he didn't mean to sleep with him…
Miroku: aarr getting choked inu- alech..
Inuyasha: the thing that bothers be is that he can be persuaded some how, I aint gonna forgive him.
Miroku: a little help being lifted off the ground alllleechh… ah inu-ya..
Kagome: in a bored voice u know you should be pissed off at Sesshoumaru more… after all he's the persuader…
Jerry: looks from inuyasha to Miroku uh… you do realize he's being killed don't you?
Miroku: eyes close slowly helb be… allech … ahhh…
Inuyasha: … looks at Miroku bored, but when he sees Miroku's eyes closed he jumps up OMG YOU KILLED HIM!
Naraku: uh… shakes miroku aw crap…
Inuyasha: NO MIROKU! WAKE UP PLEASE WAKE UP!
Jerry: oh… waves arms in front of camera COMMERCIAL COMMERCIAL!
cuts to commercial
shows two men on the floor wrestling, one with a purple kimono and one with normal clothes
Man 1: I WANT MY GOD DAMN MONEY!
Miroku: aaahhh I DON'T HAVE IT!
Man 1: LIER! notices at the camera OO aw shit…
Miroku: looks at the camera, smiles and waves
Man 1: eh he… gets up and adjusts himself, and so does Miroku uh…
Miroku: … holds a packet in front of camera BUY MIROKU'S CONDOMS!
Man 1: … yeah!
camera shows 7 people sitting on stage, Inuyasha is sitting on the floor holding a dumb folded Miroku. Naraku is sitting on a chair next to Sesshoumaru who just stopped laughing his head off, and Sango and Kagome are giving him dirty looks.
Jerry: uh… welcome… I'm starting to think that it might have been a mistake to bring people from another era on the show…but since we're already here-
Miroku: you have pretty hair… pointing at Jerry's hair
Inuyasha: shh Miroku…
Jerry: …um… how many brain cells has he lost?
Inuyasha: brain what?
Jerry: … stares… as I said since we're already here we might as well finish it.
Miroku: laughs hysterically then falls asleep
Sango: smack him, knock some sense into him….
Inuyasha: smack … wake up!
Miroku: huh? Wa?
Jerry: ok now this is just getting silly…Are there any more questions from the audience? stares Anyone at all…crickets chirp ok I'll give one hundred dollars for the next person to ask a question. chirping continues … ukh…
Miroku: I have a question!
Jerry: rolls eyes I mean anyone from the audience…not you, you dim wit…
Miroku: But I have a question!
Jerry: fine what's your question? You're not getting my hundred dollars though
Miroku: mumbles damn…This question is directed to Inuyasha…
Jerry: Just ask the stupid question.
Miroku: Inuyasha… he looks as if he is going to kiss him until, smack WHY THE HELL DIDN'T YOU SAVE ME YOU NUMB SKULL?
Inuyasha: OW! WHY YOU LITTLE! security is back and drags him off of Miroku YOU WAIT AND SEE WHEN WE GET BACK HOME YOU WILL PAAAAY… voice fades
Miroku: gets up and brushes himself, and sits back down between Sango and Kagome
Sesshoumaru: Can we go now?
Jerry: sigh yeah…
All walk off the stage, the audience leave, Jerry sits there for about an hour staring at nothing, then leaves, the lights go out and it's pitch black, someone makes a noise in the darkness
Shippo: … hey… where did everybody go?... HEY! LET ME OUT! AH!