Hi everybody! This is my second fanfic, but my first .hack fic. I'm also the author of Love Hina: New and Old Faces, Same Zaniness, so if you want to check out some of my other work, go right ahead! If you've already read it, then you know what you're in for: insanity. These are just going to be one shots which take place after .hack/Quarantine. Basically, these one shots are going to be the reasons why Kite and almost all the .hackers leave "The World". Enjoy!

I do not own .hack. The rights are property of Bandai and any other respective company who has rights to it. I OWN NOTHING!

.hack/CRAZY or The Reasons Why Kite and Friends Leave "The World".

Fic #1: Blackrose and Terajima's reconciliation.

Blackrose: Goddamn, Kite! Why'd you bring her along?

Terajima Ryoko: Why, that was the same thing I was going to ask. Why is this Kogal ruffian with us?

Blackrose: I AM NOT A KOGAL!

Ever since the "incident" between Blackrose, Terajima Ryoko, and Kite at Raging, Faceless, Virgin (in the Omega server), Blackrose and Ryoko have been at each other's throats. Not even the fact that they faced falling into comas stopped their rivalry for Kite's attention. So, he decided (against his better judgment and what he's heard about "estrogen wars") to try and have them reconcile the best way possible: the three of them would take on a Level 99 dungeon. He figured that teamwork would have them cooperate a little better. What he didn't figure was that this was the beginning of the .hackers meeting in the real world and the end of him playing the game.

Kite: (thinking to himself) Gah, I wish these two would get along…

Blackrose and Ryoko: KITE!

Kite: (snaps out of his mental state of mind) Wh-what?

Ryoko: We're at the dungeon.

He just sweatdrops.

They fought their way through sets of monsters, ranging from level 93 to 97. Unknown to them, though, was the fact that they were being monitored.

Lios: Hmmm…I see the logic behind Kite's plan, but if I know anything about women, this will get ugly.

Balmung: Hey, Carl.

Lios: SONOFABITCH! What did I tell you, don't call me that!

Balmung: Sorry, it's just you look so much like him.

Lios: Just because you've earned honors in "The World" doesn't mean I can't end your induction as an assistant administrator right here and now!

Balmung: Alright, I'll stop.

Balmung walks off, and after two minutes, a purple wad of meat with a purple Hulk mask on is thrown at Lios's head.


Balmung: The Incredible Plum strikes again! Mwahahahaha!

Lios: Damn mudder-fugger…Well, pranks go around, so I'll pull one on Blackrose and Ryoko!

Kite, Blackrose, and Ryoko reach the Gott Statue, Kite hoping that his plan at least worked a little bit.

Blackrose: ……………..alright, I'll admit it, Ryoko. You're a nice enough girl. And you're pretty damn good in a fight. But…Kite is mine!

Kite: O.O

Terajima Ryoko: Oh, I think not! Kite-sama saved me from a high level monster! I owe him my eternal gratitude! I'll always be his!

Kite: O.o

They both turn to Kite, their hands on their hips.

Blackrose: Well, Kite. Once again we're at this crossroad. Who're you gonna choose?

Ryoko: It's your choice, Kite-sama. Her or me.

Kite at this point is sweating bullets. He's been given a choice between two girls who are nuts over him, both almost falling into a coma fighting alongside of him, and he has to choose ONE to be his girlfriend. It seems he always has to make difficult decisions in this game. Then, it hit him.

Kite: Alright, here's an idea. If there's a Heavy Blade weapon in the Gott Statue, I'll pick Blackrose; if there's a Heavy Axeman weapon in it, I'll pick Ryoko; but if there's neither…then we never bring this up again.

Blackrose and Ryoko stare long and hard at him, time seeming to take hours. Then Blackrose spoke.

Blackrose: Okay, then. Sounds like a good plan. So some of the heat is taken off of you due to luck. And the three of us have a one third chance of getting what we want.

Ryoko: That is an excellent idea!

Kite: (thinking to himself) Ehhh…sorry to trick you girls, but you're way off on the estimating. I've got the best chance of success.

He opens up the chest, the statue behind falls to the bottom of the chamber, and he sweatdrops.

Kite: ………Ummmm, there's items with your names on them.

Blackrose: Huh?

Ryoko: Let's see them.

Kite gives them each an item, one named "Blackrose's Reconciliation" and the other named "Terajima Ryoko's Reconciliation".

All three sweatdrop.

Ryoko: Was there a third item, Kite-sama?

Kite: Uh, yeah, there was. It's called "Lover's Embrace". But I've never heard of any of these items.

Just then, a small flicker appeared on Blackrose's and Ryoko's faces, and they slowly walked toward each other, then grabbed each other and started kissing each other!

Kite: O.O

They didn't stop there. Soon, armor started flying off, and they were on the floor groping themselves and doing all sorts of things I can't type on here. Needless to say, in the real world, Kite got a massive nosebleed and passed out on the floor. Also in the real world, Blackrose and Ryoko were in utter states of shock.

Blackrose (rl): WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?

Terajima Ryoko (rl): …oh my, that isn't proper…

Kazu came into Blackrose's room, wondering what's going on.

Kazu (rl): Hey sis, what's…huh? WHOA! THEY'RE NEKKID!


Ryoko's father came into her room, saw what was going on, and threatened to cancel her subscription before commenting that there was some crazy hot stuff happening on there that he's seen before. Ryoko blushed as red as a beet and ran out of the room.

Ryoko (rl): I didn't do anything! It's got to be hackers!

Back at CC Corp., Lios was just laughing his ass off.

Lios: Yuri! That's just great stuff! Lios the Pig-Head strikes!

Meanwhile, the Kite character is just standing there, facing the groping and fondling action.

LMAO! I told you: INSANITY. Be sure to review this fic. I would like to know what people think of this first mini-fic. I'll do four more, and if the demand is high enough, I'll do more. For now, happy reading/writing!