DA: Hey all, I'm back an-
Fan #1: KICK HIS ASS!
(fans proceed to beat the living shit out of me for taking so long to update)
DA: urrrgghhh… assistance..please…
Terajima Ryoko: Ano… we are terribly sorry for the wait. The regular reasons for lateness, as well as taking care of two new kittens and three to four new video games, have taken up the writer's time. Once again, DrgnmastrAlex does not have any ownership, copyright, or creative input whatsoever with .hack, or any related copyrights. (turns to DA) Was that suitable?
Terajima Ryoko: ..ano… do I do something else now?
DA: Yes. There's a first aid kit upstairs, next to one of the balconies. Get it, bring it down here, and gauze me up as well as you can.
Terajima Ryoko: I'll be back with it as soon as possible!
Chapter 3: Huh? This is the last chapter? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!
Random Blademaster: C'mon, say something.
Random Wavemaster: I told you, he doesn't talk. Is he an event NPC?
R. B.: No. When I target him, I get his character stats and his name.
R. W.: Maybe he's one of those…what do you call them? "Vagrant A.I."s?
Moonstone: Sorry, I was AFK.
(Both the wavemaster and blademaster jump back in astonishment)
(Moonstone logs out)
R. B.: …what was he doing AFK for so long?
R. W.: He made me drop my lemonade. Icy coldness…on my lap…
Meanwhile, at the System Admin. Headquarters…
Lios: Player activity has gone down, even during all those rare item events. Damn. At this rate, my superiors may cancel "The World" for "R:2"…
Balmung: Hey Carl.
Lios: DAMMIT MAN! HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL ME CARL!!
Balmung: You see that big star up there?
Lios: Huh? Which one?
Balmung: The one your planet revolves around.
Lios: …you mean the Sun?!
Balmung: Yeah, we own it.
Reki: Damn straight, we do fool!
Balmung: But for the right price, we can name it "The Carl".
Lios: You're freakin'-waitaminute. KNOCK THAT CRAP OFF NOW! And who's the twerp next to you?
Balmung: This is Reki. My new assistant.
Lios: You mean…
Balmung: Yep. I've been officially ordained a System Administrator.
Lios: …well, then, I can finally do this. My letter of resignation, with +5 against noob Administrators, is sent to CC Corp. I'M FREE!
(Lios logs out permanently)
Reki: Did we just get insulted on both the gaming front and the corporate world front?
Balmung: Pay no mind to him, he's a pig-head.
A few days later…
Kite: Alright. I mailed everyone to ask this: how's a party in real life sound with all of you?
(A few seconds pass)
Natsume: You mean, all the .hackers getting together for a party? In real life?
Kite: …uhh, yeah, that's kind of what I said.
Natsume: OMG, YES YES YES!!!
Sanjuro: Sounds good. I'll have to pay for a flight, but I'll be there.
Piros: Verrily, this would be an occasion of-OW!
Gardenia: Act like your normal self. And yes, Kite, I'd be happy to go.
All the .hackers agreed to meet up in Kyoto two months from now.
Epilogue: At the party (At this point, we're talking about each .hacker's real life persona. Regardless, I'll refer to them by their "The World" character names. Also, since only one or two of the .hackers' real life personas have been seen, I won't be giving physical descriptions of the rest.)
Gardenia: So, which one of you is Piros?
???: Don't look at me, I'm Natsume. Nice to finally meet you, though.
???: I'm Marlo. So unless you want to have a drink with me, I'm not your man.
???: Geez, you're rude. I think Piros is over that way. He photoshopped his face over his character, so it's not too hard to figure out who he is.
Gardenia: Thank you Blackrose. I need to thump him on his skull in real life at least once. Hahah.
Terajima Ryoko: Akira-san, do you know when Kite-sama will be here?
Blackrose: He should be here soon. He said he met up with Sanjuro at the airport about four hours ago. They're took the Shinkansen over here. Anyway, don't be so formal. We've met up with each other dozens of times.
Mistral: Heeeere's the baby!
Natsume: OOOhh, it's sooo cute!!
Piros: OOW! Gardenia, isn't once enough for you?!
Gardenia: Not until you swear to me you'll stop RPing that way!
Piros: Okay, okay, I stop from this point on! I promise!
Balmung: Heh, Orca. Hard to believe you're only in high school. Or should I call you Yasuhiiko?
Orca: Shut up, man. Hard to believe you're near your twenties and an Admin on top of that.
The door opens up, and a mid-twenties American and a 15-year old Japanese boy enter.
Moonstone: …Is that..?
Sanjuro: A toast then, to the Descendants of Fianna! Hahaha!!
Orca: There he is! The man-I mean, boy of the hour! Bearer of the Bracelet and title-wielder of Azure Flame!
Natsume: Kite-sama?! He's so young!
Terajima Ryoko: Oh my… I had no idea.
Blackrose: Of course not! Saying "Kite-sama" this and "Oh, Kite-sama and I have an eternal bond!"
Everyone starts laughing, with Kite himself blushing like mad.
Marlo: Regardless, he's dependable. You don't come across kids like that every day.
Kite, quickly walking over to Blackrose, whispers.
Kite: Hey, during that one rare item event, I lost an item I was going to give to you. The thing is, the text showed you swiped it off my corpse.
Blackrose: (blushing madly) S-shut up!
Orca: Kite! I had no idea you were into older women! HAHAH!
The good times ran into the night.
DA (gauzed up): Well, sorry I couldn't continue this fic, but hopefully the ending is satisfactory to you. Although, I do have some good news. And no, I'm not setting up a Geico insurance joke. .hack//G.U. For all you fans out there (including me), .hack fanboy and fangirl ratios have gone through the roof. XD So, I'm making a parody fic of the three separate volumes. Since volume one is currently the only volume in the U.S., I'm writing them separately. Expect the same sort of humor, though. Until then, happy reading/writing.