Anyone think that Darth Vader's kids were making a fool out of him?

Let's explore the Sith Lords' relationship with his twins Luke and Leia Skywalker

How tough of a father is he really?

I thought it was funny that Vader's kids were running around with their friends sabotaging the Imperial Cruiser and space station. Could you imagine Palpatine's real reason for taking Vader aside to rein Luke in???

Chapter 1


'I Take Care of My Kids!'


A twelve-foot hologram of the cloaked Emperor Palpatine materializes in a darkened room before Darth Vader. The voice is full of fury. He makes an announcement. The news is not good.

"Lord Vader, there has been another breach in the space station. There is a great disturbance in the force..."

The Emperor Palpatine reveals himself, with some difficulty, from behind the heavy crimson drapery near the window of his office. He is holding a file in his hands. Lord Vader knows what's up but he lets the Emperor continue. He rolls his eyes and braces himself for another lecture from the old goat.

"Who has the worse kids in the Galactic Empire?"

"Admiral Motti, Sir?"


"General Tagge?"

"Cut the horsesith, Lord Vader. I've got their disciplinary files right here. Who dropped a whole shipload of crazy string into the Imperial guard? Who delivered the General Grievous' cadaver to the Imperial anniversary dinner? Every Boonta Eve, the escape pods are filled with underwear. Every spring, the refreshers explode."

"It could be anybody, sir. It couldn't be my kids…"

"Of course it's your kids, you helmet head! Get your bloody kids in line or get them off the space station!!! It is a place of business! You're the only one whose children board the space station and the Imperial star ship and wreck it up on a regular basis! Just last week we had to replace another sliding door and control panel! Your daughter's boyfriend shot out the communications panel in the holding area with a blaster! To top that off, the bridge to the landing area is out again. I can't have my soldiers Tarzan-swinging across to the landing bay just because the bridge is out!"

"Are you sure it's my kids?"

"We have a flood in the garbage disposal system and some of the storm troopers received buckshot wounds during a shootout. I'm beside myself as to how to handle this. It's costing me thousands a day in repairs and workmen's comp. Well, what do you intend to do? Shall I go on?" He slams the file down on his desk. The force causes other papers on the desk to fly in a disorganized mess onto the floor.

Lord Vader purses his lips, and then sheepishly fesses up.

"No, I know it's my kids"

"This is insanity. Your children have no respect for authority or the Empire. Leia doesn't take my position in the Empire seriously. She talks back to me constantly. Governor Tarkin has also complained to me about her insolence."

"I know. I tried to talk to them, my master. You know how kids are." Vader manages a wry smile.

"No, I don't. You're the one who thought it was "cool" to run off to get married. I just want this circus to stop. Your son, Luke Skywalker, can you bring him on board to the dark side to work off the damages?"

"I could do that. But, he's only a boy...he meant no harm. Come on…didn't you ever 'eff' up when you were his age?"

"Of course not! I've always been an old soul. I was always too busy plotting to take over the galaxy to have a childhood. Now, I'm at my wit's end. Handle him straight away. Then there's your daughter. Do you approve of this boyfriend of hers, this Han Solo guy? He's another smart mouth little bugger. No doubt she picks up her bad habits from him."

"No, my Master. She won't listen to me. I tried everything, tough love…" He sighs. "I tortured her boyfriend; I encased him in carbonite. I even blew up Alderaan and made her watch. She's strong-willed and full of passion like her old man."

"Well, I don't care how you do it but I want this matter resolved. It's embarrassing. You should be embarrassed. Your men are whispering about you."

"I felt them, my master. I force-choked General Needa just the other day."

"That won't solve anything. This isn't a frat house. I want your kids, their friends, and those droids off the space station by end of the business day. Understood?"

"Yes, my Master." He mutters to himself. "Putz."

"Did you just sass me, Lord Vader?"

"Me? No…Never." He storms out of the room.

He has to find a way to instill some fear into his kids and those hooligan friends of theirs.

Later at home

Vader has a "sit-down" with the kids. Leia is defiant as she faces her father in his study. The door is open.

"I don't know what you're talking about. I am a member of the student government Imperial Senate as an know that, Daddy!"

The Dark Lord shakes his finger at her.

"You are part of the Rebel Alliance and a traitor! Go to up to your room!" He points towards the door at the stairs across the way.

"I hate you!"

She storms out of the study up the steps.

"Where have I heard that before?" He turns to Han Solo who is following her. "Young man, where are you going?"

Han is pointing in Leia's direction.

"I'm going with her... Mr. Vader, Sir…"

"Get out before you regret it! And get that Ford Falcon out of my docking bay, you're blocking my ship!"

Han cocks his head to the side with a hand on his hip. Using his right hand, he runs his index finger along the doorway molding. He does not look at the imposing figure of Vader directly.

"You know, you could be a lot nicer."

Vader sarcastically appeases Solo.


Solo leaves the house to move the Millennium Falcon. Chewie follows after giving Vader the finger and letting out a snarl.

Han Solo is walking in front while speaking to Chewie as they leave the house and head down to the docking bay, "Hold up, let me call Leia on her cell...Hello... Leia, it's me... I know...he's a real drag, your dad. I'll meet you outside your bedroom window in the Falcon. Meet me on the terrace…he never goes out there. Your father doesn't appreciate vintage ships. The Ford Millennium Falcon is a powerhouse. Your dad's a real d---k wad, Leia..." He listens on his phone as he starts down the steps. "….I know."

Lord Vader turns to Luke. He is exasperated but nudges Luke playfully and musses his hair.

"Luke, what am I going to do with you? I have a crew back at the space station who wants to kill you. You have a blatant disregard for authority." He sighs. "The Emperor wants you to work off the damage done to the space station."

"But, Dad! I was going to Toschi Station to pick up some power converters!"

"You're not going to Tatooine today. You can buy power converters that are just as good right here on Coruscant…But that's a moot point because you're grounded. Give me a good reason why I should let you slide on this one."

"Do I have to??? The old guy gives me the creeps. He's always popping up whenever I'm going to your office. Don't we have a restraining order against him? He's supposed to keep a distance of 12 parsecs from me and Leia, right?"

"Don't be funny. And yes, the court ordered him to keep a distance of 20 yards. At the office it's 15 feet and you know why."

Luke tries to cajole his father into letting him off the hook.

"Come on, Dad…Toschi Station…I promise not to ask you ever again…Gotta love me." He smiles and elbows his father in a playful manner. The playfulness is not reciprocated. Luke has no plans to go to the actual Toschi Station. He is referring to a local Coruscant City hangout popular with all the kids his age. His father always gets the two places mixed up.

Vader is exasperated. He finds it difficult to punish Luke. He wants his children to obey him but he also wants their love. Luke has always been his staunchest supporter. Vader always fell short of defining that fine line of discipline and indulging his children.

His relationship with Leia was strained at best. To add to this dilemma, she is his only daughter. She is a tough one. Leia is much like himself when he was a padawan. They were two of a kind. No wonder they butted heads so often.

Vader buckles when it comes time to disciplining his only son. Vader also feels the guilt of being a workaholic parent. He knew it is wrong but he compensates by showering his children, especially Luke, with money and a new custom designed airspeeder. Now, Vader has to show Luke that he means business when he grounds the boy. The vehicle is on temporary lockdown in the docking bay.

"Oh, alright... go meet your friends at Toschi Station. Don't stay out too late. Need some money?"

"Can I have 500?"

"What??? 500??? What are you spending it on?"

"I was going to buy the new Extended Universe video game; power converters; and the latest issue of FHM magazine."

"Fine. ..."

"Gee, thanks, Dad!"

"Here's another 100 credits. Get a haircut."

Luke knew that remark was coming. His father may have been a permissive parent at times, but he did demand that his kids keep themselves looking clean and presentable. Luke was just tired of hearing his father remind him about it.


"That's my boy!" He pats Luke on the back. "I'll handle the Emperor."

After Luke leaves, Lord Vader starts to return to his meditation chamber in his study. Artoo and Threepio are still standing there. Vader knows they won't leave until he acknowledges them. Vader turns and yells.


Threepio nervously approaches Vader.

"Master, Ani, you really don't remember me??? You're my maker and you haven't said as much as a "Hello" since we came on board earlier today, Sir."

Artoo is chirping away

Vader releases a frustrated sigh.

"I'm a busy man. I built you when I was nine years old. Anyway, you belong to Leia and Luke now. Don't bother me with this nonsense. Besides, I see you everyday; you live in my house you twit! What's this 'on board' nonsense? We're not on a ship."

He checks his watch then looks down at Artoo. He points to the little astromech droid. "And what does he want?"

Threepio responds in a chastising manner as he speaks to the 'lord of the house' while translating everything that Artoo says.

"He says this does not make up for all the years of ignoring your children…And you're still the Emperor's b...Ooh never mind, Sir. He has confused you with someone else. He's got a lot of carbon scoring; it makes him say crazy things sometimes…heh..heh… I think the lens on his disc drive needs a bit of dust blaster. Come, Artoo, let's get you fixed up." He whispers aside to astromech droid. "Shut up, you'll get us killed."

Vader allows Threepio to ramble on. The twins are currently on his mind at the moment and he has to think of an excuse to get Luke out of working for the Emperor. Lord Vader has heard enough from the droids.

"Oh. Okay. Got to go." Vader forgets about the meditation chamber and leaves the study. He heads for the terrace through the rear door.

Artoo is chirping away again to the protocol droid. Threepio ignores Artoo for the moment and waves goodbye to Vader.

"Goodbye. Thank you for being so understanding." He leaves with Artoo through the front door of the study. "But Artoo, you can't say such things. You know what he's capable of. He almost lopped off his son's hand for God's sake."

Vader hated the fact that this "rumor" was circulating across the galaxy that he had sliced off Luke's hand in the reactor shaft on Bespin. It simply never happened!

Artoo continues to chirp and beep to his friend. Threepio tries to put it all in perspective.

"Yes, Artoo, I know he's crazy. I think he's bipolar. He'll be back to killing and maiming, good as new by tomorrow. Let's get out of here! Handle the Emperor, indeed! I didn't see the Emperor help him save his wife! You are so right, Artoo...He is the Emperor's bitch!"

To be continued…. 'Escapades Strike Back!!!'