All you need to know is this is very random, and somewhat in character. It's hard to write humor and keep everyone in character completely, right? To be updated at random intervals depending on my own interest and how much readers want to know what happens. Until then, I hope it amuses you all at the very least.
Chapter One: Murphy's Law
His plan was flawless.
Or so he thought anyway. Kaiba stared at the burning wreckage that was his beautiful silver jet only an hour or so earlier. The crash had been better than expected when the nose spilled into the sand beneath it. Nobody was hurt, the plane was mostly intact, and systems seemed to be running normally. Ironic, as soon as everyone had gotten off the plane to inspect their surroundings, was when the small fire that had developed in the cargo bay undetected decided it would like to have a party with the fuel tanks.
Standing outside the wreckage Kaiba took the situation into consideration. He was stuck in the desert with a burning piece of metal and seven people that he hated. Yugi, Yami, the Mutt, the Mutt's friend, Téa, Ryou Bakura and that other psycho Bakura were all there talking amongst themselves. They were all so happy no one was hurt and were talking about ways to get out of the situation. Kaiba wondered how things could have come down to this pathetic scene to begin with.
He wondered where his genius plan could have gone so wrong. It was a brief contemplation, however, as he turned his attention to the white haired freak that had decided to interfere with his perfection. He was to blame. That psychotic crazy haired freak was the blame for his perfect plans being ruined. Oh the things Kaiba was going to do to that psycho, his favorite idea involved needles and one of the nursery videos from his daycare.
Said white haired freak of a thief was currently being chewed out by his once meeker looking twin. That Ryou kid could be scary when he wanted to be. Kaiba decided he'd let the Ryou kid have his fun first before strangling the thief himself. Kaiba settled down in the sand to listen. Someone was going to pay for this and he had thirty-five ideas and counting to make who ever it was miserable for a very long time.
"What the hell were you thinking?" Ryou shouted at his counterpart.
"I was thinking that I was doing you all a favor." The once dead spirit spat out through a scowl.
"By destroying the cockpit with a pry bar?" Ryou asked baffled. "You call that a favor!"
"Yes!" Bakura huffed. "Kaiba was going to kill us all by crashing the plane anyway, so I did you the favor of making sure he came down with us!"
"How the hell did you know?" Kaiba roared coming quickly to his feet and pointing at the thief.
"Ha! I told you he had a plan to kill us!" Bakura declared smugly while smartly thumping Ryou on the back of the head. "That's why I also threw his jet pack out the window."
Kaiba twitched. So that's where the thing got off to, now he had two reasons to kill the thief slowly. Not that he needed another reason to rid these vermin from his life.
Yugi and the others decided to get in on the commotion. "What is he talking about Kaiba?"
"Nothing, absolutely nothing. The man's crazy." Kaiba retorted regaining his notable icy composure.
"Crazy? You're just pissed I figured it all out." Bakura stated back.
"Don't be absurd." Kaiba twitched and shifted his eyes to the side.
"How did you figure it out?" Tristan asked.
"It was quite easy, to tell you the truth." Bakura began. "Only one such as I could have possibly saved you all."
"You tried to kill us all, Bakura." Ryou declared.
"Shut up, landlord!" Bakura shouted pulling Ryou into a headlock next to his waist with one arm. "I told you I was taking him down with us!"
"Just tell us already and let me go!" Ryou shouted clawing furiously at Bakura's forearm. Bakura started to thump Ryou on the head with his free hand when Ryou tried biting.
"Fine then." Bakura started again for the most part totally oblivious to Ryou's struggles. "For starters it was suspicious that Kaiba would invite seven people that he hated on a trip to Egypt to see an old site for a magic he doesn't believe in."
Kaiba turned his head away from the group and huffed. He worked so hard to come up with an idea they'd all fall for.
"Secondly," Bakura continued, "He didn't bring Mokuba with us. He only leaves Mokuba at home when he knows that something is going to go wrong because Mokuba can talk his way into going anywhere otherwise."
The others in the group were starting to feel rather dumb, because the thief was making a lot of sense all of a sudden. Ryou continued to gnaw at Bakura's arm and was rewarded with a knuckle rub to the crown of his head. The others leaned in to listen when Bakura looked as if he would continue.
"Thirdly," Bakura paused for effect. "He had a jet pack behind the cockpit and the auto pilot was reading something about a collision course with the ground."
Kaiba was in shock. "How could I be so stupid?" He smacked his forehead with his hand. "How on earth could I have left the jet pack in sight."
"You didn't," Bakura said casually finally allowing Ryou his freedom. He smirked when Ryou's rear smacked into the ground and he held his head. "I snuck through all your stuff after the plane took off and you were in the back to see if everyone was on board."
"You bastard." Kaiba looked ready to lunge.
"No, me thief." He tensed a little in preparation, Kaiba could bring it. Bakura could take him. "It's my job to sneak through stuff. You didn't bring much in the way of stealing by the way. Not what I'd expect from a billionaire."
"That's it! I'm going to strangle you right now with my own hands before we're somewhere where I can actually be charged for it!" Kaiba lunged.
"Not so fast!" Yami cut him off and got between his two rivals. "There's still things to discuss."
"Like why you were trying to kill us." Ryou started.
"You don't pay much attention, do you Ry?" Tristan rubbed his head.
"Who knows what I would have found if I kept looking!" Bakura shouted. "You could have poisoned our lunches, too!"
Yami noted the sudden twitch of Kaiba's eyes. Maybe he did poison the food, too.
"While I'd normally disagree with sneaking through other people's stuff," Téa started. "I think since Bakura saved us, sort of, that we'll side with him."
"Agreed." Everyone else, minus Kaiba, piped in.
"I thought you all didn't like him!" Kaiba pointed. "Why would you care if I strangle him?"
"Because he didn't try to kill us all!" Yugi shouted.
"Today, anyway." Yami added.
"Yeah!" Bakura put his hands to his hips and puffed out his chest.
"I'm going to kill you all." Kaiba growled.
"It's seven against one!" Joey smirked. "Save it for later!"
"I'm going to agree with Joey." Tristan spoke up. "We can all try to kill each other after we get out of the desert."
"That might be a good idea." Téa smiled after taking a second look at the still burning aircraft.
"Good luck with that." Kaiba smiled. "I'm calling for a single person ride."
As Kaiba dialed the others went into a group huddle.
"Who's for breaking the phone and taking Kaiba down with us?" Bakura suggested.
"We tried that already, and it won't help the situation." Ryou scolded his darker half.
"Why don't we just steal the phone and call for help instead?" Tristan was starting to think his friends weren't thinking straight.
"Right." Yami agreed. "That might be a better plan."
"Okay then!" Joey shouted. "Break!"
"Get that phone!" Téa charged at Kaiba with the others following close behind.
Kaiba barely had time to duck before he was attacked. He would dial this stupid phone and get a ride! He was Seto Kaiba! His eyes widened when he looked at his empty hands.
It was too bad for Seto that Bakura was a thief. "Got it!"
"Give that back!" Kaiba lunged for Bakura but missed by an inch. "Haven't you ruined enough of my plans?"
"I've yet to begin ruining people's plans!" Bakura laughed manically as Yami snatched the phone from his hand. "Hey!"
"If you're going to stand there and brag I'm calling for help." Yami dialed and lifted the phone to his ear.
"Well?" Téa asked. "Did anyone pick up?"
Yami stared at the phone as if it were a ghost. (Ironic enough.) "The battery's dead."
"Damn it all!" Bakura shouted and punched the ground.
"Perfect." Ryou plopped into the sand next to his darker half.
"So, now what?" Joey asked.
"We wait for someone to notice the huge fire and smoke from the plane." Yugi said dropping into the sand.
"I still hate you all."
"Kaiba! We know already!" Yami shouted. "Just go sit by yourself then."
So they sat and waited. They were in for a long wait it seemed and they all attempted to make themselves comfortable. Ryou leaned back to back with Bakura and traced pictures into the sand. He eventually pulled off his sweater and folded it neatly behind him. He would have taken off the shirt as well, but he feared the damage of sunburn. Téa and Joey started to play tick-tac-toe and Joey started messing the sand up on purpose when he lost. Tristan leaned back and stared at the clouds while Yami and Yugi talked quietly among themselves. Kaiba, indeed, sat by himself with his arms crossed.
"Hey, Bakura. I've been wondering." Tristan began suddenly. Now was as good a time as ever to ask.
"What?" Bakura growled picking up sets of sand and letting it sift through his fingers.
"Since you have your own body after that freak accident with Shadii, the items and that electron generator, why do you still call Ryou 'landlord'?" Tristan asked tilting his head to the side to consider Ryou sitting close to Bakura, also playing in the sand.
"Habit." Bakura mumbled out not paying much attention.
"What he means is instead of living in the back of my head he's living in my house." Ryou finished for his roommate. "I just wish he'd pay his rent with stuff that hadn't been stolen."
"You weren't complaining when I brought home the stereo system." Bakura smirked. "Or the books, or that new Monster World dice set, or the jewelry we sold at that pawn shop."
"Oh shut up." Ryou huffed. "It's not like we could have returned any of it."
"Shut up? You shut up!" Bakura once again captured Ryou in a headlock. "Say uncle!"
"Not on your life!"
"Okay then." Tristan decided to just be quiet and let them fight it out.
"I'm not letting you go 'till you say uncle!" Bakura ruffled Ryou's hair.
"And I'm telling you to let go!" Ryou pulled at Bakura's arm with his free hands. Damn the spirit for being so muscular. The misleading lanky jerk.
"Nope." Bakura smirked. His little landlord was such a weakling.
While those two bickered with each other the others continued on with what they were doing. Téa continued to laugh at Joey's tantrum from loosing, Tristan tried to make out shapes in the smoke, and Yami and Yugi kept talking. And naturally, Kaiba still sat and grumbled.
"Yami, do you think anyone is actually going to come get us?" Yugi pulled at Yami's sleeve.
"Of course." Yami looked back at the plane. "If they can't see that smoke in Spain I'd be surprised."
"That's good to know, then." Yugi fell onto his back. "Wish it wasn't so hot though."
"I'd comment, but I know we'll be complaining about it being cold when it's nightfall." Yami joined him lying down. Maybe Tristan had something going looking at pictures in the smoke.
"At least we've got the plane fire to keep us warm, right?" Joey answered, the ever-optimistic one.
"YEOWCH!" Bakura shrieked. "That's not fair!"
Ryou sat up and brushed off his shirt. "All's fair in love and war, my dear tenant."
"Stop quoting text books, that hurt!" Bakura rubbed his arm.
"What'd you do, Ryou?" Tristan turned his attention back to his two friends.
"Don't you dare say a word." Bakura smacked Ryou's head.
"Wouldn't dream of it." Ryou snickered. "No one will ever know what caused my spirit to screech like a parrot."
Bakura shoved Ryou's face into the sand.
"Maybe, I don't want to know." Tristan scooted away from the thief and his landlord. Those two were crazy.
"Maybe next time I should remember not to include the thief." Kaiba was mumbling to himself. "I could shoot him ahead of time. No one would notice."
Lucky thing, Bakura had very good hearing as it was. "I heard that."
Kaiba threw a rock at Bakura's head. And laughed as the tiny stream of blood worked its way down his face and touched his lips. Bakura licked it absently. "Very funny."
Ryou pulled his head out of the sand and coughed. "I really hate you sometimes."
"Love you too, Landlord." Bakura smiled and Ryou backed off. Bakura smiling was creepy.
Kaiba went back to silent scowling at the wreckage. The crazy people didn't deserve a response. He'd make sure his next plan would work. Oh yes, it would work so very well. Assuming he ever got out of his darn situation. Only what? Six more hours till the sun went down?