"If we're really going to go through with this, we're going to need protection," Ritsuka said, walking along the pharmaceutical aisle.
"I'll always protect you," Soubi promised in bedroom tones.
"I know, but..." His eyes wandered to the top of Soubi's head, as if a sign reading, 'I have had sex with other people' had been affixed there. "Just make me happy, okay?"
"I always try to make you happy," Soubi said, pouting slightly.
"Right then. Ooh, 'Ribbed for Her Pleasure.' I wonder what happens if there's no girl. Shall we find out?"
"Those won't fit me. They're way too small," Soubi protested.
"Really?" Ritsuka asked, impressed. "Lucky me, then." He picked up a package labeled 'Large.'
Soubi shook his head. "Still too small." Ritsuka followed his gesture to a box marked 'Gargantuan.'
Ritsuka's eyes widened. "So... this must be why you insisted on waiting until I was older. Wow." He picked up the box of Gargantuans gingerly, and started towards the pay counter. "I'm ready," he said bravely, taking Soubi's hand.
The sight before him made the hairs on his tail bristle. "That? That was your 'Gargantuan'?" Soubi opened his mouth to speak, but never got a word in edgewise. "All these years we've known each other," Ritsuka moaned, "and you still lie to me! You're like... a compulsive liar!" The condoms went sailing across the room. "And those are completely useless, by the way. What a waste of money."
"How can there be sex without trust?" Ritsuka demanded, still fuming. "And really, how can I trust a compulsive liar? This isn't even about your ego; I would have accepted you, no matter what your... attributes. This is about the fact that even at this point in our relationship, you still feel that a lie will do better than the truth."
"I can only conclude that you don't respect me. I mean, did you think that I wouldn't find out? That's how it's always been with you, too. Either you think that I'm so stupid that I won't even notice, or else I mean so little to you that you think it's okay to just lie to my face. Whichever it is, it ends here."
But Soubi was not to get a word in edgewise that night. Instead, he sighed and watched Ritsuka rail at him, wistfully wondering what it would be like if he applied the same passion to more enticing ventures.