The Hollow Bastion Fan Fiction Academy
By: Rain Urameshi
Disclaimer: I do not claim legal rights to either of these two franchises, so please tell the lawyers to leave me alone.
Cid, the Irate Bus Driver
Sora Makes this Look Easy!
Shelly awoke to find herself in what looked like a bus of some sort, with the strangest, brightest color-scheme she had ever seen. She was surprised that she wasn't blinded when she opened her eyes. Looking around, she saw that the interior was made of some sort of gummy-like material; the seats, the walls, the floor--
"Hey there--how'd you end up on this little carpet ride?"
Shelly turned her head to the right, where the voice had come from. Sitting there, smirking as if she was in on some sort great cosmic joke, was a pretty Asian girl appearing to be in her late teens to early twenties dressed in what vaguely resembled a Rinoa costume—that is, if Rinoa had been into all black and had a thing for belts and buckles in odd, yet stylish places.
Shelly felt as if she could sweatdrop like those characters in anime tended to do. 'This girl…seems oddly familiar,' she thought before deciding to answer. "Um… the Riku Clone and a Sora look-a-like got me. What about you?"
"Oh, Vexen recruited me. I kinda wished he had brought along with that guy that uses a weird axe and the emo-looking guy."
"Lexaeus and Zexion?"
"Yeah, them. The emo-looking guy is pretty neat, and the axe-guy is kinda hot. So, what's your name?"
Shelly blinked. Then she blinked again. When she was done with that, she blinked once more for good measure. "I'm Shelly… and you like LEXAEUS?"
The girl shrugged and then smiled slightly. "Yeah—I don't like girly men. I like Vexen more though—he's got potential, and I DO like longer hair on a guy."
"But—he's got this really creepy laugh!"
"I've heard worse out of the brats that I used to go to school with."
Before Shelly could think of some sort of witty retort to that, another question entered her mind, and before she had time to process it and decide whether she should speak it or not, the words had already left her mouth.
"Um… what exactly is going on here, anyways? Why were we taken from our homes and WHY are we on this… whatever it is."
The Asian girl giggled and then shook her head, though an amused smile never left her face. "First off, it's a gummi bus—it's made out of the material gummi ships are made out of. Second—you mean you really don't know?"
Shelly attempted to scowl. "No! If I did, I wouldn't've asked you!"
"All right, just calm down." The girl sighed and shook her head. "Really… how many have forgotten…" In a slightly louder tone, she said, "Okay, listen carefully, because I'm not going to repeat myself, okay? No interrupting for ANY reasons, got it?"
Shelly nodded, and the girl continued.
"What's going on is this—you're now a student in one of the many Official Fan Fiction Universities that have sprung up all over the place. If you're a student of one canon's OFU, you either don't know or ignore the rules that particular canon has for it's reality, or you can't write yourself out of a paper bag. I don't know about you, but I personally can't write myself out of a paper bag, so that's why I'm here."
"So… where ARE we?" asked Shelly, her tone and expression indicative of confusion.
"Somewhere in the canon reality," replied the Asian girl. "It could be a building specifically built for us, or it could be somewhere that exists within the realm itself, but we ARE in the Kingdom Hearts reality now—so all the rules of that reality now apply to us."
Shelly's eyes went wide with shock, and exited whispering broke out around her and the girl sitting next to her.
"No way, we're really in the game?"
"Oh my god, maybe we'll meet Riku!"
"That girl's crazy—we've all been kidnapped!"
The ship suddenly shook violently, causing the other occupants to scream in panic and hold on to their seats. The shaking was then followed by a loud voice, which caused the panicking occupants to quiet down.
"All right, ya retarded giggling sacks of uncontrolled hormones! We're in for a little turbulence, so if you feel the bus shaking terribly, it's just the damned Heartless and Nobodies tryin' to blast us out of the fucking sky!"
The eyes of the students widened in near unison the moment they heard that voice. That was Cid Highwind!!
"We're doomed! Cid Highwind's driving!!" That high-pitched wail came from behind Shelly. Her ears were STILL ringing from the intensity of the pitch.
"Shut up, you ignoramus! Haven't you played FFVII? Cid's an ace pilot! Effing dorks…" That was a lower-pitched, yet still female voice, coming from the row in front of Shelly. She found herself whimpering and wondering what else she was in store for.
Suddenly, there was another explosion and the whole cabin shook violently, sending several girls out of their seats and sent flying through the aisles. Shelly found herself flung from her seat and to the floor—painfully.
"Goddamn it," muttered the strange Lexaeus fan next to Shelly, who had crashed into the back of the seat of the person in front of her. "Just when the conversation was getting somewhere…" She managed to pull herself up and back into her seat. "Headaches are a pain in the arse."
'Completely agree,' thought Shelly, who now had a rather irritating headache from colliding with the floor headfirst.
Another violent wave of turbulence hit the ship, followed by a round of explosions. Cid's voice swept through the bus again.
"Hang on to your skirts, brats! This ride's about to get bumpy!"
'This is going to be a long flight,' though Shelly as Cid's infamous mouth continued, and only got more creative as it went.
"All right, joy-ride's over! Get the fuck off my gummi ship!"
Every fangirl (and the odd fanboy) on board scrambled through the door, not wanting to stay on that gummi-bus a second longer than they had to, for fear of having their ears start bleeding. Damn, when Cid swore, he certainly got creative!
Shelly followed her fellow fangirls off the bus, clutching her head. The explosions from the destroyed Heartless and Nobody ships, falling multiple times out of her seat, and Cid's mouth—someone really needed to wash said mouth out with soap—had given her the mother of all migraines. As it was, she was seriously considering therapy. Then again, who would believe her? She could imagine THAT conversation very vividly.
'Yeah, I got kidnapped by the Riku Replica and a kid that looks like Sora but talked really funny—um, Mom? Where are you going, and who are those guys in the white coats?' She rolled her eyes, knowing she would never be able to explain this without getting a free trip to the loony bin.
Then she and the others noticed WHERE they had gotten off.
It was the Rising Falls, in all their glory and splendor. Off in the distance, looking both mysterious and malevolent was the great Hollow Bastion. One taller girl deeper in the crowd, whose dark red hair fell into her face, said, "Woah…Naminé and Kairi weren't kidding when they said we'd be in Hollow Bastion!"
Shelly simply stared at the great castle; it was so much more detailed than she remembered it being! The blue lines of magic that were the many pathways of the lifts, the Great Crest with its Heartless insignia…it was so breathtaking….
"Come now, we don't have all day. You do want to make it in time for orientation, don't you?" said a deceptively kind voice, the barest hints of malice lacing the words. Shelly came out of her stupor and stared at the speaker. Who she saw surprised and scared her—
The leader of the Disney Villains stood on one of the floating platforms, her eyes half-lidded in a look of contempt.
"Well? Come on. No harm in walking, is there?" asked the witch of Darkness, seemingly gliding away and disappearing into a rip-portal.
Shelly looked at the floating chunks of rock that lead to the lift that would take her to the castle—and gulped. 'How… how am I going to get up there?' Noticing movement out of the corner of her eye, she turned to see what it was—
--only to see the weird Lexaeus-lusting Asian girl apparently backing up in what looked like preparation for a running start. Her eyes widened in surprise.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?!"
"Getting ready to make the jump—I'm a gymnast in the real world, so…"
That didn't help ease Shelly's fears—that jump still looked like it was too far off for anyone to make, gymnast or not. "You'll get—"
Too late—the girl had started running towards the edge of the small platform they were on. Small gasps of fear and exclamations of worry echoed through the crown when the girl jumped off the edge towards the first rock, which had drifted her way…
And they gasped again in shock when the girl landed on the rock—not gracefully on her feet as Sora would have, but shakily. After regaining her balance, she turned around and grinned, shouted something about how Sora made it look easy, and then continued on her way through the path, timing her jumps so that she would land on or grab the next floating rock when it had come the closest to her. Shelly couldn't help but notice that she had looked winded after the jump, like it had taken some effort out of her. Then, something the girl had said on the bus-ride popped up in her head…
"…we ARE in the Kingdom Hearts reality now—so all the rules of that reality now apply to us."
Was it really that simple? They were just able to do a few things here that they wouldn't—shouldn't be able to do in the real world? Sora had experience leaping from platforms and the like under this realm's rules, so he was able to do this after more experience was gained. The girl, who had said something about being a gymnast, apparently had enough training to make the leap on a good day in the real world; making this jump under this world's rules was just easier, but technically no harder than it should've been for Sora.
Her mind set, she prepared herself to make the journey to the castle. After barely making the first leap, she decided that the Asian girl had been right.
Sora made this stuff look easy.
"So, Riku, how long do you think it'll take them to get up here?" asked Sora, an out-of-place smirk on his face. He was currently talking with Riku, Nisemono, and oddly enough Sephiroth, up at the Great Crest.
"I dunno…I'd give them a few hours," said Riku casually, leaning against one of the bronze pipes.
"You're too lenient, Hontou no Riku," said Nisemono, looking over the many attempts of the students-to-be to hop from platform to platform. "I'd give them a day at the least."
The One-Winged Angel snorted in contempt. "I would give them half an hour."
The three teens stared at the ex-SOLDIER in amazement.
"Wow Sephiroth, you really have faith in them," said Sora, clearly amazed.
"No, I simply believe that they lack proper motivation," said Sephiroth, an evil smile forming. Riku, Nisemono, and Sora simply gave Sephiroth nearly identical looks of incredulity as the man jumped off the Great Crest and glided to the struggling students-to-be.
"I bet you 1000 munny that he'll be chased," said Riku, clearly pitying Sephiroth.
Nisemono and Sora stared at Riku as if he had grown a second head.
"I'll take that bet," said Sora seriously.
"2000 munny says that he'll probably use Meteor and send 'em running," said Nisemono, a smirk on his face. Sora and Riku shared a smirk.
'Damn it, this looked so easy in the game!' thought Shelly angrily. She had FINALLY managed to get to the middle platform, though not without several failed—and PAINFUL—attempts. The Lexeaus-fan was already at the top, standing at the spot where Riku had taken Sora's Keyblade from him in the first game and attempting to catch her breath. She turned around to look at the progress of the other students, only to notice that everyone had stopped where they were, their eyes locked on something behind Shelly. An eerie silence had fallen over the group, and Shelly felt a shiver run up her spine. 'It's like they've all seen a ghost or something—what are they looking at?'
Suddenly, a chillingly familiar song began playing, scaring the living daylights out of her and the other girls (and occasional guy) behind her.
A light tapping sound was heard behind her, and a feeling of impending doom washed over her, only intensified by the continuing music. Slowly, she turned around, dreading what awaited her. She had every reason to be afraid, too, for standing behind her was Sephiroth, a scary smile on his face.
And was that a large meteor coming out of the sky behind him? Oh…damn, it WAS!
Shelly's eyes figuratively reached the size of saucers, before she turned and ran for her life. That didn't save her for long, though, as the large meteor hit and her world fell into darkness.
It was only now that she realized she hadn't gotten the name of the strange, Lexaeus-liking Asian girl.
Up on the Great Crest, Sora and Riku had unreadable expressions on their faces. Nise had long since fallen over laughing.
"He brought. His own. Theme music," muttered Riku in disbelief.
Sora's eyelid took to twitching in annoyance. "What a dork."
Nisemono stood up and, smirking triumphantly, stuck his hand out, palm-side up. "Hah! Pay up!"