Chapter 6: The battle
"Oh... well since you know that already, I'll just skip the cock and show you...THIS!" Exclaimed P.Ness. He then pulled down his pants and underpants, and something shined from in between his legs. Luffy and the other all stared, shocked at what they were seeing.
"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!" Usopp yelled.
"IT'S HIDEOUS!" Said Nami.
"IT'S HORRIBLE! DON'T LOOK AT IT, NAMI-SAN AND ROBIN-TWAN! I WILL PROTECT YOU!" Said Sanji.
"IT'S... IT'S..." Usopp could not bring himself to finish. It turns out what P.Ness showed them was not his own dick, but a dick none the less. What he was showing him was not only a dick, but his true identity. In fact, not only was his true identity a dick, but he was an asshole as well. P.Ness was really...
"4KIDS CEO AL KAHN!" Luffy yelled.
"Yes... It is I! 4KIDS CEO Al Kahn... and I am hear to ruin everything, because that is what I do!" Said Al Kahn.
"We'll see about that! Gum Gum ...Blast! Wait a minute... BLAST! IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THAT WAY! WHAT'S GOING ON! AND WHY IS MY VOICE SO CRAPPY NOW!" Yelled Luffy.
"You better watch yourself kid... I ate the Censor Censor fruit! It allows me mess up this world and mold anything into my own liking! and now, I will use my powers to turn the grand line into a world meant only for retarded children and over protective Soccer moms! MUAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!" Al Kahn Laughed.
"Gah! Dis basted is tellin da trute! I sound lika transvestite prostitute wit cansa!" Said Sanji, now with a horrible voice combined with a crummy accent. He also noticed the cigarette he was smoking had turned into a lollipop due to Al Kahn's powers.
"THAT'S IT! I'm going to kick his ass once and for all! Wait a minute... what's that sound? ARGH! IT'S HORRIBLE! MAKE IT STOP!" Said Zoro, hearing a horrible ghastly song in his head.
"YOU LIKE IT! I CALL IT THE PIRATE RAP! I HAVE REPLACED YOUR ORIGINAL AND HIP JAPANESE MUSIC WITH MY HORRIBLE RAP INTRODUCTION! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!" Said Al Kahn
"But... HOW COULD YOU DO SUCH HORRIBLE THINGS!" Chopper said.
"WHY! BECAUSE I AM GREEDY! FAME! FORTUNE! IMMORTALITY! WOMEN! MEN! I WANT IT ALL!" Said Al Kahn.
"What was that last one?" Asked Robin.
"Women?" responded Al Kahn.
"No after that..." She said.
"I SAID NOTHING! NOW BOW DOWN TO ME ROBIN AND NAMI, FOR I SHALL USE MY 4KIDS POWERS TO GIVE YOU SHITTY VOICES THAT WILL TAKE AWAY YOUR SEXINESS! MKUAHAHAHAHA!" Said Al Kahn.
"NOT IF I CAN HELP IT!" Said Usopp. Usopp then pulled out something else from his bag... It was another rubber penis, except this one had fuzzy balls.
"USOPP SUPA DUPA EMERGENCY PENI-" Before Usopp could finish, Sanji kicked Usopp in the face while Zoro punched Usopp in the back of the head.
"ENOUGH WITH THE PENISES ALREADY!" Both men exclaimed. Usopp then fell down with a swollen face and holding the penis in the air.
"No wait... I recognize that penis! It's no ordinary one... It's actually an artifact that was once considered a mighty weapon!" Said Robin.
"You're kidding..." Zoro said. Usopp got up and held the penis in the air as it began to illuminate.
"USOPP SUPER DUPER EMERGENCY PENIS!" Said Usopp, the glowing penis then transformed into none other than the Inu Yasha's trade mark sword, THE TETSAIGA!
Suddenly, Usopp found himself dressed as Inu Yasha, Sanji was dressed as Miroku, Zoro was dressed as Kagome, Robin was dressed as Sango, Chopper was dressed as Kilala, Nami was dressed as Kikyo, and Luffy was dressed as Shippo.
"HEY, WHY AM I DRESSED LIKE A SCHOOL GIRL FOR?" Yelled Zoro.
"Like I'd wear THAT stupid thing!" Said Nami. Zoro suddenly felt an awkward pressence on his buttocks. It was Sanji's hand, stroking Zoro's now silky smooth bottom. Zoro instantly got enraged, and punched Sanji square in the face.
"KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF, ASS NAZI!" Yelled Zoro.
"Sorry, it's the outfits..." Said Sanji, who now had a bleeding nose.
"MUAHAHAHHA! SUPER DUPER EMERGENCY PENIS YOU SAY! IT IS TIME I SHOW YOU... THE SUPER SECRET EMERGENCY PENIS!" Said Al Kahn, as he then took out a rubber penis similar to that of Usopps. Al Kahn's rubber penis was silver, and it caught Robin's attention.
"No! That's an ancient weapon of destruction! With that he could kill us all!" Said Nico Robin. Al Kahn's silver penis then turned into Bankotsu's trade mark sword, the Banryu! Al Kahn was now dressed up as Bankotsu as well.
"What a battle! Two ancient weapons being wielded by two great beings! One of good, one of evil, WHO WILL WIN?" Said a certain person who appeared next to Zoro.
"Who are you?" Zoro asked.
"I'm your greatest Nakama yet! I'm Eiichiro Oda, very well known manga artist of the grand line!" Said the man.
"I've never heard of you... you annoy me, go away!" Said Zoro. Eiichiro Oda's heart then broke as he then exploded into tears of pure Sorrow. Meanwhile in the battle, Usopp and Al Kahn charged into battle making a war cry, screaming like the bitches they were. Their big ass swords collided into each other, and clashed, making giant shock waves and shooting energy into the air. The energy was so intense that the entire city felt like it was shaking.
"WHATS GOING ON?" Yelled Nami.
"WE'RE ALL GONNA DIIIIIIIIIIIIIE!" Said Chopper.
"SUGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOI!" Said Luffy.
"Wow, this battle has an enough exagerated power to be of dragon ball Z proportions!" Said Eiichiro Oda.
"I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO GET LOST!" Zoro yelled at Eiichiro Oda. Eiichiro Oda then started to cry water falls. The ground under them started to crack as the two giant swords were pushing into one another, and neither of the weilders were backing down... until...
The huge amounts of power gushing through the blades had come to a sudden stop, as Usopp's Tetsaiga shattered, and what was left of it turned back into a regular rubber penis. Usopp fell on the ground, with what appeared to be a large Gash on his chest.
"Usopp! NO!" Said Luffy. He and the others ran up to Usopp to see how bad the wound was. Chopper did an inspection on the large gash.
"How does he look, Chopper?" Asked Luffy.
"ARGH! I can't look at it!" Said Nami.
"It's worse than I thought! Usopp has turned into... AN ICE BERG! WHAT A STUPID AND POINTLESS EDIT!" Chopper screamed out.
"Yes! I turned your friend Usopp into an Ice Berg, LIKE I DID WITH THAT WHALE, LABOON! MUAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA! AND YOU'RE ALL NEXT!" Said Al Kahn, he then continued his evil laugh. Luffy gave his Hat to Nami for safe keeping, and then cracked his knuckles. He could not take Al Kahn's bull crap any more, however, Robin passed him the Rubber Penis Usopp was carrying.
"Luffy, with that weapon he has, you cannot defeat him even with your devil fruit powers... you must use Usopp's penis and avenge him... Only this mystical weapon can destroy him, Luffy..." Explained Robin. Luffy was not too crazy about using a penis to battle of course, but then he realized what needed to be done, so he gripped the penis, and it began to shine. Just then, The penis transformed into a red light saber, like the ones seen in star wars.
"Al Kahn! I'm coming for you!" Said Luffy.
"Let us take it up to the next level!" Said Al Kahn. His Banryu transformed into a blue lightsaber. Just then, Luffy was dressed as Luke Skywalker, Al Kahn was dressed as Darth Vader, as the rest of Luffy's friends were turned to various star wars characters. (Except Usopp, Who was still an Ice Berg) Luffy and Al Kahn charged into each other, yelling outloud and having their light sabers collided. They blocked and dodged each others blows, but neither of them backed down from this battle. Al Kahn's light saber was bigger than Luffy's, allowing him to perform more power moves. Luffy's was lighter but strong, which made him faster as able to avoid most of the attacks.
"GIVE IT TO HIM LUFFY!" Yelled Chopper.
"KICK HIS FAT BLOB LIKE ASS!" Said Zoro.
"A DO WAKANAKA ICHI MAKA DAKA POOPIE!" Said Sanji, who was now java the hut.
"LUFFY! WATCH OUT!" Said Nami. Just then, Al Kahn sliced Luffy's hand, cuasing him to fall back in pain.
"LUFFY! NO!" Said Nico Robin. Luffy's hand had now become an ice berg.
"MY HAND! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! YOU KILLED USOPP, YOU CUT OFF MY HAND, AND WORST OF ALL... YOU TOOK MONEY FROM SHANKS AND NEVER RETURNED IT!" Yelled Luffy.
"NOT THAT AGAIN!" Yelled Nami.
"No Luffy... I did not take money from Shanks... Luffy... I AM SHANKS!" Said Al Kahn.
"No... THAT CAN'T BE! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!" Luffy cried out.
"That may be so... BUT THAT WON'T STOP ME FROM CHANGING THE STORY LINE TO MAKE IT SO! MUAHAHAHHAHAHAHA-" Just then, Al Kahn's laugh was interupted.
"KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHN!" Said a familiar voice from above him, which echoed through out the entire city. Al Kahn, Luffy, and the others looked above them.
"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!" Said Zoro.
"IT'S HUGE!" Said Chopper. What they were looking at was none other than the ship from Star Trek, The Enterprise! And piloting the ship was none other than captain Kirk and the rest of the star trek crew.
"I HAVE chased YOU to the ENDS of the UNIVERSE Kahn... and THIS time you WILL NOT escape..." Said captain Kirk.
"So let me get this straight... Al Kahn is the same Kahn from the star trek movie and episode 24?" asked Nami.
"It seems that way..." Said Nico Robin.
"Spock... AIM THE LASER CANNONS AT KAHN AND FIRE!" Said Captain Kirk,
"For the last time Will, I'm not Spock, I'm Leonard Nimoy!" Said Spock, as he pressed the button which fired powerful red laser beams at Al Kahn. The beams collided into Al Kahn and made a huge explosion, leaving Luffy and the others in awe. However, when the smoke cleared, Al Kahn did not have a scratch on his body.
"MUAHAHAHHAHAHA! YOU CANNOT HURT ME! THE CENSOR CENSOR FRUIT MAKES ME INVINCIBLE!" Said Al Kahn.
"CURSES! The LASER canons HAD no effect... we MUST think of something ELSE, Spock..." Said Captain Kirk.
"I JUST TOLD YOU, MY NAME IS NOT SPOCK! IT'S LEONARD NIMO- OH NEVER MIND!" Said Spock. Back where the battle was taking place, Luffy noticed Al Kahn had his back turned. Luffy grabbed the penis (Which was still in light saber form) which his other hand that had not been turned into an Ice Berg. He then rushed up to Al Kahn and sliced him in the back with the light saber, leaving a large Burn marking. Al Kahn got to him knee's, screaming.
"Spock, did you not SEE THAT? That rubber boys SWORD harmed Kahn! On my command, fire lasers into that boys saber, but set them to an energy frequency so that the saber may ABSORB more energy!" Said Captain Kirk.
"Will... FOR THE LAST TIME, I AM NOT SPOCK! I AM LEONARD NIMOY! LEONARD NIMOY LEONARD NIMOY LEONARD NIMOY! WHAT PART OF THAT DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND!" Yelled Spock.
"Not now Spock, now's the right time! FIRE! FIRE!" Commanded Captain Kirk. Spock sighed and pressed the button to activate the lasers. However, this time they shot out toward Luffy in the form of energy waves. The waves went into Luffy's light saber penis, causing it to vibrate and enlarge to great lengths. This was it, Luffy now had all the power it would take to destroy Al Kahn! When Al Kahn looked, back, he panicked, taking his own light saber penis and putting it in the way to defend himself. Luffy jumped up, and with one swing, Al Kahn's super duper emergency penis was split in two, and Luffy's super duper emergency penis stabbed through his body, causing him to explode.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Yelled Al Kahn, as he started to light up. With a giant fart, Al Kahn exploded into a giant ball of light that scattered through out the sky like fire works. Luffy fell backward, exhausted. The entire city was now a mess, but day light shined down on the city as a sign of new hope and beginnings. Every one was back to normal, Usopp was no longer an ice berg, and no one was cosplayed as any one anymore. The light saber penis vanished from Luffy's hand, it had served it's purpose, and it descended into the next world.
Luffy laid on the ground, exhuasted, but now all was well.
"LUFFY! YOU DID IT! WE DEFEATED AL KAHN!" Said Usopp. Luffy got back up, and right where Al Kahn died, there was the little piece of bellie that he had stolen from shanks many years ago. Luffy grabbed it, and held it in the air, looking at it. Luffy smiled... Shanks had been avenged!
"SHANKS, YOU HAVE BEEN AVANGED! I GOT YOUR BELLIE BACK AND DEFEATED THE PEEEEEENIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS!" Luffy yelled out in a dramatic victory like pose.
"Glad that's over with... now let's get out of here before the Marines arrive!" Said Nami. The villagers of the village started to return, slowly coming out of hiding and some stepping back into town. They realized that the disgusting scent of P.Ness, A.K.A. Al Kahn, had vanished. That's when they all started to cheer.
"These people are heroes! They got rid of that horrible bastard Al Kahn!" Said one of the towns folk.
"What's going on here?" Asked Nami. Everything was explained, it turns out P.Ness, AKA Al Kahn, was using his devil fruit powers to drive the town toward insanity with his continuous pointless edits. And thanks to Luffy's efforts, Al Kahn had been destroyed. Although the town was pretty much left in rubble, It was nothing that could not be repaired. However, the first thing repaired was Nami's dream resturant, the fancy bouqet buffet, which they dined in shortly after it was fixed up. They had a great time, having access to free food for being considered heroes.
"By the way... what about the marines? Are they still coming?" Asked Nami, as she stuck her fork into a piece of meat. Sanji was surrounded by pretty women in tight revealing outfits.
"The mayor said he got in contact with them, and a report had been filed on a giant metal being appearing and stepping on their ships, destroying them on their way here..." Said Robin.
"Unusual... A giant METAL man... Is it NOT unusual... Spock?" Asked Captain Kirk.
"It's Leonard Nim... Oh I give up!" Said Spock, who then continued to add more food to his plate from the buffet. Luffy was helping himself to the Buffet, stuffing his face with everything from each Buffet table. Chopper, Zoro, and Usopp did their best to get food before Luffy snagged it from their clutches.
"Well, All's well ends well!" Said One Piece creator, Eiichiro Oda. Zoro took out one of his Katana.
"YOU DIE NOW!" Zoro yelled, dropping his plate. He then chased Eiichiro Oda all over the Buffet, trying to kill him. Luffy sat down, laughing and purely amused. Everything seemed back to normal... Until all went silent when Luffy started sniffing the air again. A strange and angry look crossed his face. It was a look of pure rage, the same expression he had on his face when he first caught the scent of P.Ness in his nose.
"Luffy... is something wrong?" Robin asked. Luffy then stood up on the table and started screaming "VAGIIIIIIIIIIINAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Zoro, Sanji, and Usopp instantly tackled down Luffy. Nami started stomping down on Luffy's head.
"OH NO YOU DON'T! NOT AGAIN!" Yelled Nami.
"VAGIIIIINNNAAAAAAA!" Luffy continued to yell.
"LUFFY, SHUT UP! WE ARE NOT GOING THROUGH THIS AGAIN!" Yelled Zoro. Just then, a giant shadow covered the entire city. Every one was left in awe, it was like an eclispe!
"OH MY GOD, WHAT'S THAT?" Yelled Usopp. A giant steel foot was above the entire town and with one mighty stomp, every one in the town was smashed and killed in the process with no survivors, including Luffy and his crew. The giant metal foot stood in place connected to a giant metallic being. He looked down at the village going "OH NO! WHAT HAVE I DONE?"
Al, the walking clunky living hollow suit of armor from Full Metal Alchemist, suddenly woke up bed, panicked. He looked around, he was just in a regular room, all the events that had just occured had only been a dream. Al was wearing bunny pajama's, and he got out of bed. He walked down the hall way into his brother Ed's room. He slowly opened the door, and started whispering to Ed.
"Brother? Brother, wake up!" Al whispered. Ed woke up, yawning and looking toward Al.
"Alphonse... do you know what TIME it is?" Asked Ed, who was still exhausted.
"It's just that... I had a real bad dream! I was giant, and I stepped on teeny tiny people and I think I hurt them! Can I sleep with you tonight, brother?" Asked Al. Edward looked at his tin can of a brother awkwardly at first, but then shrugged his shoulders.
"Fine with me. I'll scoot over..." Said Ed.
"Great! I'll be right back, just let me get my pillow!" Said Al. Al then went back down the hall to fetch his things. Edward then scooted over a bit, and then rested his head back on his pillow.
"It seems you neglected to tell your brother about US, Full Metal..." Said a Roy Mustang's voice. Ed's eyes widened, and he turned on the light. There was Roy Mustang, right next to Edward in the same bed, wearing nothing nothing but a pair of womens panties and had long hair. Edward's hair stood up from this frightening sight, as he then trembled out of fear.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Edward screamed, which echoed through the entire night.
Rock Lee, a ninja in the village of Konoha, suddenly sprung up from his bed breathing heavily. Rock Lee looked around the room, it was night time and everything seemed pretty normal. He felt deeply disturbed by all the crazy things he saw in his dream and now could not get back to sleep. Lee packed his blanket and a pillow, then left his house. After a few minutes of walking down the village, he came toward Gai's apartment. Lee took some pebbles from the ground and threw them at Gai's window.
Gai, who was inside of his house, was awakened by pebbles thrown at his window. He then opened it and looked down, only to see Lee.
"Lee... What are you doing? It's three in the morning... we have to be up in two more hours..." Said Gai.
"Gai Sensei, I had a bad dream just now! It was very scary and disturbing... I can't get back to sleep now! Can I please sleep with you?" Asked Lee. Gai looked down at Lee with a blank expression.
"Fine... let me open the front door..." Said Gai. Lee walked up the steps to get to the second floor, and then entered Gai's apartment. Gai turned on the light momentarily so Lee could find a spot to get settled in Gai's room. To Lee's surprise, there were other people in the room! There was Naruto, Kakashi, Sakura, Neji, even Gaara!
"Gai Sensei, what's going on? Are you having a sleep over?" Asked Lee.
"No Lee... This is not a sleep over..." Said Gai, still sleepy and scratching the back of his head.
"We all had the same dream... the crazy guy who could stretch yelling out "PENIS!", the ship from Star Trek, a talking penis, Al Kahn, and Roy Mustang in bed wearing a pair of panties... and we're all scared and VERY disturbed..." Said Kakashi.
"HEY! TURN OFF THE LIGHTS ALREADY, I'M TRYING TO GET SOME SHUT EYE!" Said a talking penis next to Naruto. (The same talking penis from the beginning of chapter 5 of this story) Every one, espically Lee, stared at the penis as an awkward silence crossed them for a few seconds. Gai started to laugh, and every one else in the room joined him. The moment was so disturbing that it was funny, and they laughed the night away...
Just then, Luffy's giant foot stepped on the little house, crushing it, and killing every one inside as he screamed out "VAGINAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
"OI, LUFFY! YOU JUST DID HUNDREDS OF MORE DOLLARS WORTH OF PROPERTY DAMAGE!" Yelled Zoro.
"WATCH WHERE YOU STEP YOU IDIOT!" Yelled Usopp
"Really? I did? oh... SORRY!" Said Luffy, as he then smiled.