Disclaimer: I'm really just George with a sex change.

Summary: Han Solo wants to tell you a love story.

Where do I come up with this stuff? I really couldn't say.

Basically, for every section, I picked a word and wrote a drabble for it. I wanted to write something from Han's point of view.

Please enjoy.

A Tale (In Past Tense)

People, they say, like to hear love stories. And I'm really not sure who they are, or who they say it to (everyone, no one, their mothers), but it's true. A person could bottle love stories and make a fortune (provided they found a way to fit them into the bottles).

Now you might rationalize this desire to hear about love. You might call it a 'hearing about people's happiness makes others happier, the stars shine brighter, the skies look bluer, the pittins become fluffier, and somehow, no we're really not sure how, it also seems to increase the universe's overall oxygen level' kind of syndrome. Me, I just think we like to hear love stories because we're desperate in our pathetic lives and want to believe that good things still happen, somewhere. (They do.)

So. I'm gonna tell you a love story.


1. There is a girl. Because. (There is always a girl.)

And you're probably going go and assume that she was beautiful because you have a stupid clichéd mind and can't imagine the love story any other way. (But she was.)

My life before this girl is not important (because whoever heard of a love story with a forward?) My life before was simply statistics: add (Bria), subtract (Bria).

And this girl was a princess (aren't they always?) And whatever image you've got in your mind of princesses, erase it, because she was never conventional. I won't explain her. She eludes explanation. She spoke loudly and yelled louder. She walked like a man. Everything was too big for her, except for her anger which was enormous.

She needed to be rescued, and I happened to be there (with a boy, a Wookiee, an old man, and two droids). She took stock of the situation and we would have to do.

'Cause after the Jedi died out they plumb ran out of noble rescuers.



'You're here, aren't you, already working for us. You came back, didn't you? Why not finish the thing and join us properly?'

'Why not just leave it like this?'

'I don't believe,' said the girl, 'in doing things halfway.'

'Oh believe me, Sweetheart,' said the space pirate, leering, 'neither do I.'

The girl launched into a tirade; indignant, for once, of something not political. (And the pirate could already predict her.)

Her accent became more noticeable in anger.


2. There is an evil old guy after universal domination (and he might have pursued another career path, but no one was brave enough to tell him that his present profession was clichéd).

But what is a love story without something keeping the lovers apart?

Except maybe we really didn't need him so much, 'cause we stayed away out of free (stupid) will (stupid) for so long.



-ought to-

'You should come,' said the boy. 'Parties are fun.'

'I don't know,' said the Princess, looking up from her data schematics. 'I don't have the time.'

'Please; it'll be no fun without you,' said the boy. And blushed.

'Kid,' the man said from the bunk, his leg up in a sling, 'marry her, why don't you?'

But the boy was used to the teasing. 'You should come,' he told her.

'No,' said the Princess, eyes trained on the sling, 'I don't believe I should.'


3. There is a kiss (many).

But the first one is the only one ever mentioned in love stories. Because it's the first.


Go away while I remember.



'I am,' the Captain told her, hands near her waist, 'about to kiss you again.' (And he said it like he knew her mouth.)

'And what,' said the Princess, too loudly, ' if I don't want you to?'

'I think you want me to,' the Captain said. And smiled.

'I don't.' (Her scandalized look could have been feigned.) 'At all.'

'Oh, I think you do.' He paused. 'You want me to kiss you again.'

'This,' said the Princess, eyes narrowing, 'is a stupid conversation.'

And she kissed him.


5. There isn't a happy ending.

Life keeps on moving (maybe there was a happy ending and we missed it). Because this is a real life love story, and maybe you've never heard of them and you just thought that time stopped and the words The End rolled prettily across everything (and that would make you stupid).

She died (of 'inconclusive data, General Solo' and 'it wasn't you fault, Han').

There isn't a happy ending. I guess they ran out of them with the Jedi.



The General stands at the back of the service,




to say to anyone.


And that, my friend, is your love story. The End.

But now you wonder: what happened to number four? What happened to that part of the love story? (Or possibly you just didn't notice it missing.)

Four is the love scene.

Every great love story needs some kind of love scene.


4. There is a love scene.

She was eating (barely) in the mess, in a corner. I had just met (read: fallen for) her and she was alonealonealone and so I sat down beside her (and how does the rhyme go? Along came a spider.)

And so we were alone. (Alone with a princess and a million soldiers.)

I so I sat and watched her not eat, my hands shoved in my pockets, sweating.



'Do you mind,' said the Captain, 'if I sit here?'

The Princess looked up from her data pad. 'Well…' She (Leia) looked at him (Han) for half a second.

(And he stood with his hands everywhere but still and she was tiredtiredtired of arguing and maybe they were both already half in love and didn't know it yet.)

'I suppose,' Leia told Han.


People, they say, like to hear love stories.