They still had to wear these stupid uniforms, but they were inside for once, and comfortably sitting down in a heated auditorium.
However, Harry had no idea why Hogwarts of all places would be doing with a VCR and TV set-up. And from the look on Hermione's face, she didn't either.
Of course, this was the newly instituted P.E. programme, with the newly instituted P.E. Teacher.
Then again, maybe 'instituted' wasn't appropriate for their Mr. Wilson. Maybe 'press-ganged', or 'suckered into it'.
Hearing the heavy footsteps, Harry turned, to see their P.E. teacher stomping down the aisle. As he passed Harry, he seemed to be muttering …
"…should have checked the fine print…"
Their teacher looked over his class. Harry hoped that mounting sense of unease was paranoia on his part.
"Hey kids, guess who's been suckered into the sex-ed portion of your lives?"
Harry heard Hermione's pained moan, as he tried to hunch further into his chair, making himself invisible.
"Okay, let's wrap this up as quickly as possible. When a man ... and a … woman ... usually … love each other very much ..."
Deadpool paused to think.
"… or she's had too much to drink at a club and forgot to take her special 'magic pills' that day ..."
Harry glanced roofwards, praying that Wilson wouldn't single him out.
"… or the quality control guys at Trojan had a hangover that day ... ah, the hell with it."
Deadpool produced a videotape, slotting it neatly into the waiting VCR.
"Since the headmaster wouldn't shell out for Bea Arthur to come over here and help me give you a special demonstration, I personally selected some of these fine pieces of cinema for your viewing."
The TV flickered into life
What Harry and the rest of the class saw, accompanied by rather cheesy music, made them forget about blinking as they leaned backwards in shock.
"Yeah, I fast forwarded to the good bits. Now watch as this fine young woman ..."
"Oh my God!"
Hermione's complexion was turning white.
"No, you girls are supposed say that about ten minutes later, otherwise they know you're faking."
"That's my auntie!"
Everyone's head swivelled towards Hermione, who was holding her head in her hands in mortification.
Then back to the little screen.
"Oh yeah, I see the resemblance." Murmured Ron
Hermione made a choked noise from her hands before glaring at Ron. "She sent me a fruit basket for my birthday!"
"With that specific banana?"
Deadpool slid into the seat next to Hermione "Hundred points for you if you give me her phone number."
"Okay two hundred, but that's as high as I can go."
An agonised scream of pain and utter despair filled the auditorium, distracting everyone from the little dramatics.
Hermione slowly raised her head "What was that?"
Deadpool leaned back. "Oh, just Draco watching the movie I selected specially for him."
Harry knew he shouldn't ask. But he couldn't stop the words coming out of his mouth. "Which is?"
"I'll give you a hint … it's titled 'Fat, Fifty and Frisky'."