Title: Sasuke v Delivery
Author: Jasmine Starlight
Rating: R run children run.
Word Count: 232
Spoilers: eh…not that many…
Warnings: romance and humor. Pointless drama. Peculiar. Pregnant! Hinata. Nervous Father! Sasuke. I don't think this story would stand up to much scrutiny…especially my use of Shikamaru, who needs to be utilized more. Because he's awesome.
Time Completed: 10:53 PM 8/14/05
Pairing (s): Hinata x Sasuke Naruto/Gaara…maybe some Kakashi/Iruka I want to try writing Kakashi/Kurenai but I don't really write them because I think Iruka/Kakashi is more realistic. But it is about as realistic as Hinata/Sasuke though…
A/N: Again, another story? I can't help myself, it is a one-shot though. Side-fic to Wild Vanilla. Fall Out Boy is a good addition to Sasu/Hina writing.
Really, the mission hadn't been hard at all. Just your run of the mill mindless shinobi work.
But the timing really pissed Sasuke off.
But the mission had to done by him, no one else could have done it.
Nope they needed father to-be Uchiha Sasuke.
They needed father to-be Uchiha Sasuke who's wife was fucking weeks away from delivering their first child.
Pinching the bridge of his nose agitatedly, he turned to Naruto, "How much longer Dobe?"
"Not that much, Temee, we're making good progress and we'll probably be back before Hinata-chan can pop out a mini Sasuke."
"I try to be."
Their witty banter was interrupted by the arrival of a messenger hawk screeching at the pair, Sasuke lifted his arm to receive it.
Taking the note and leaving Naruto to entertain the bird (Haha! You can't catch me you dumbass bird! Ow! Itai! Itai! Uncle! Uncle!)
Hinata-chan's water just broke.
You better hurry up moron
Sasuke quickly turned the note over and scribbled a reply.
How do you know this?
I'm coming, pervert.
Sending the hawk off with the note he turned to Naruto, "Dobe, Hinata just went into labor."
"Thanks for giving away our location Naruto." Sasuke sneered at him.
"Shut up Temee."
"I need you to stab me." Sasuke said somberly.
"You heard me, stab me, throw shuriken at me, Rasengan me, whatever."
"Why do you want me to do this?"
"There's a another squad of shinobi around here, if you attacked me they would have to take me back to Konoha hospital."
"I don't think Hinata-chan would like me to kill her husband."
"Don't kill me, just wound me in an almost critical way."
"Why? My wife's in labor, if Gaara asked me to stab him I'd do it."
"Mostly because you don't really like Gaara that much."
"That's so irrelevant."
"And you would never need to because Gaara and I are dudes!"
"Hey, you never know, Tsunade might find a way for you to conceive."
"If that happened why would I be the one conceiving? Obviously it would be Gaara."
"Really, I'm sure he'd be happy to know that."
"Don't even start."
"Why not, you afraid?"
"Naruto's pussy! Narutarded! I guess Gaara's the man in your relationship, Naruko-"
His line of insults was cut off by Naruto tackling him onto the ground.
Now to add fuel to the fire, "What kind of shinobi wears orange anyway? Idiot."
That was a particularly good punch.
This plan was working out in a fabulous way.
By the time Naruto was on his tenth shuriken he realized Sasuke had tricked him and was angrier than ever but had the presence of mind to stop.
"You're insane, you fucking moron!"
"Actually you fell for it so you're the fucking moron, now go the get the other shinobi."
Naruto sighed as he summoned a clone to send for the other squad of shinobi, he squatted down to Sasuke's prone form and began bandaging some of the less severe cuts.
"Hey! What are you doing!" Sasuke exclaimed indignantly.
"Tending your moderately severe wounds."
"Not a chance in hell."
"Stop violating my rights!"
Nara Shikamaru was supposed to have had an easy time of directing rookie Chuunin in one of their first team missions.
Until a Naruto clone appeared and demanded that they help "Sasuke-temee 'cos he's being an asswipe."
And so to avoid conflict he had acquiesced.
And that's where he was now.
'Twas a good thing that he had had a medic nin in his squad, now the thing was getting Sasuke to let her treat him.
"Iie! Take me back to Konoha!" Sasuke then launched into a series of expletives so lengthy and foul we cannot type them here.
A slightly twitchy nin was looking to him for instruction, "Eh, let the crazy bastard have his way." Shikamaru said as shoulders felt into their accustomed slouch.
The rest of his squad was eyeing him funnily.
And so Sasuke was off.
Sasuke cursed vibrantly, "censored! Censored! Censored! asshole!" as he limped through the forest that bordered Konoha's gates.
After being carried most of the way, much to his distress, Sasuke had ditched the weary Chuunin and was now limping the rest of the way toward Konoha.
It shouldn't be much longer now.
Really, the ANBU shinobi on guard duty that day didn't stand a chance, what with Sasuke's frightening appearance.
He looked like he had been mauled by a bear and won.
Sasuke grunted as he limped through the large stone gates and started sprinting toward the hospital. Really, what sort of ninja village placed their hospital at the farthest point away from the main gates? How stupid was that.
Maybe sprinting wasn't the best idea, Sasuke had sprinted face first into a takeaway order from Ichiraku, this was turning out to be a disaster, when had Ichiraku started making deliveries?
Adding bathed in scalding beef ramen to his list of injuries, Sasuke continued "sprinting" toward Konoha Hospital.
The setting sun should have been a telltale hint of who he was about to run into next, he limped right into the embrace of Maito Gai.
"LET ME GO! I'M NOT LEE YOU STUPID FREAK! CENSORED! CENSORED!$!$!"
Gai was surprised to say the least, Lee was in tears, his sensei did not think that Lee was worthy of his manly embrace anymore.
Lee went to go cry himself to sleep.
After finally escaping Gai's choke hold Sasuke ran like a bat out of hell, moderately critical wounds or not, there was only so much a man could take before he went PSYCHO and started massacring people. Ooh, that was a scary thought.
But Sasuke kept running, had to be there for the birth of his first child, he kept repeating in his head. Like a mantra.
Have to be there for the birth of my first child. Have to be there for the birth of my first child. Have to be there for the birth of my first child. AHH! BREASTS! I CAN'T BREATHE!
So, dear readers, you might be able to surmise that Sasuke had just "sprinted" in Tsunade's large bosom, and was now trying to escape facing said Hokage.
"Sasuke what are you doing back so early?" she shouted as she annihilated half of the street with her punch.
Sasuke, who had been sent flying into a wall, limped out of the wreckage and tried to run, but there was a large brick sitting on his foot, "Labor! Hinata!" he bellowed around the dilapidated building.
"Then what're you doing here dipshit?"
Sasuke would have glared if he wasn't so busy melting the brick with his Katon: RYUUKA NO JUTSU!
Ignoring the melted stone clinging to his shoe, and the fact that he had to sprint on one leg, which made him look like he was doing a weird dance when he realized he could have just disappeared with a poof and reappeared at the hospital.
Upon his entrance to the hospital, he was accosted by several medic-nin who wanted to treat him, he ended up trying to walk through the hallways with orderlies attempting to subdue him.
It wasn't going so great.
But then he remembered he didn't know what room she was in, and so he had to drag himself back to the front desk to demand from the very intimidated receptionist where she was.
After that spectacular debacle he was shot with a sedative, big mistake, really he was only trying to get to his wife.
Was that too much to ask?
Apparently so because he had to fight off a pissed Naruto, a confused Gai, a scalding order of beef ramen, Tsunade's breasts, falling debris, and now this…WTF!
Finally after navigating the labyrinthine hallways of the hospital and dodging the orderlies trying to subdue him, he burst into the room and promptly fainted at Iruka-sensei's feet.
"Maa, maybe he shouldn't have pushed himself so hard." Kakashi observed.
Iruka gently prodded Sasuke with his foot, "Didn't you tell him that it was a false alarm?"
"Well, there was an old lady on the street so I danced for her." Kakashi said sheepishly, his visible eye curving into a smile.
"But I'm your idiot."
"Guess that makes me an idiot too."