Author's Notes: Deartest Opalish beta'd. Because she's a wonderful Mommy.
Oh, and as an aside … I. HATE. MY. ALARM. CLOCK. With the raging, burning passion of 1,000,000 suns. (Not sons.)
It must die.
"I'm going to tell you something and it's going to make you sort of angry."
"…How angry is 'sort of angry'?"
"Well, you may try to fire me."
"Try to fire you?"
"Josh, you've fired me over seventy times in the years that I've worked for you. I think we both know by now that I'm impervious."
"I think you're a bit too fond of the word 'impervious', Donna."
"Do you want me to tell you why I came in, or not?"
"No, not really. I've been having a pretty nice day, so I think I'll just continue on in my blissful ignorance."
"All right, all right. What have you done?"
"Why do you automatically assume that it's something I've done? Maybe it was C.J. and she just doesn't have the courage to face up to it! Or maybe Sam slept with another prostitute and he wants you to find out before the papers do but doesn't actually want to tell you. Or maybe Toby – "
"What have you done?"
"Well … I sort of … kind of … just a little – "
"I broke your car."
"Well, the brakes in mine gave out and I didn't realize it until I was trying to keep from hitting your car and then my car wouldn't stop so – "
"You crashed into my car."
"It was more like bumped – "
"You crashed into my parked car?"
"Donna … "
"Well it really wasn't my fault! The brakes were out – just be grateful I didn't hit the wall and, you know, die, Josh!"
"How fast were you going?"
"…Er…I was late for work. And I know how you hate it when I'm late, so – "
"Donnatella Moss, I swear to God … "
"Fast. I was going fast."
"In the parking lot."
"The Secret Service were giving me funny looks, I got distracted!"
"Are you laughing at me?"
"Stop it! I broke your car! You're supposed to be getting angry! You're supposed to be – firing me, or – I don't know – something other than laughing!"
"All right, if it makes you feel better – you're fired."
"Well, fina – wait, what? No! You can't fire me. You don't mean it, you couldn't live without me."
"Of course I'm … I am?"
"You know you are. Donna, you do everything for me."
"Oh, God … how long have you known?"
"…Since you started working for me … ?"
"That long? You've known since I started working for you? Josh, I didn't even know when I started working for you, I thought was still in love with – "
"Mr. Freeride, yes…"
"And – how did you – ?"
"Donna, I assume you weren't my assistant so that you could do things for C.J."
"What … oh. Oh! You mean I do … oh. Right. Of course I do everything for you, because I'm your assistant."
"…Yes, Donna, I know you are. Now, may I please go make sure that my car isn't ruined beyond repair?"
"No point. It's definitely ruined beyond repair. But you wanted a new one anyway, right? So, I actually helped you."
"…Okay, so I'm not even going to bother rebutting that, because it's so – "
"Right, and I'm irresistible when I'm distraught so you'll forgive me."
"Hah! See? I knew it. You've been in love with me all along, Josh."
"How did you – and anyway, I'm dating Amy."
"Donna, I can't – we've got to – please don't – "
"…Josh? I'm kidding."
"You were? You were. Of course you were. So was I. I think we both know that this relationship is strictly boss/employee."
"All right, fine, it's platonic and we're friends and I can't live without you because you're an amazing assistant. Now will you please go let me see about my car – which you broke, by the way?"
"You've got an eight o'clock right now. Give me your wallet and I'll take care of the mess down in the parking lot."
"You're a star."
"I know. What would you do without me?"
"…Well, I'd probably go for a drive in my shiny, whole, undestroyed car."
"Oh, shut up and go meet with Leo."
"Oh, and Josh?"
"I – uhm – you were right about me."
"About you doing what?"
"Everything. For you."
"No, Josh, I meant – "
"I know what you meant."
"I'm going to be late – take care of my murdered car, will you?"
"Sure, Josh. Anything."