Scene 1; Outside the Szalinski's house [The postman passes and presses a button on the Szalinski mailbox. The mailbox doesn't open, and the mailman gets very frustrated - he then goes up to the front door, and knocks. Diane Szalinski answers]
DIANE Hello ? MAILMAN Hi, DIANE And who may you be ? MAILMAN Erm…I'm your mailman. DIANE Oh, hi. Do you need us to sign anything ? MAILMAN No. DIANE Do you have something you need us to keep for next door while they're on holiday ? MAILMAN No. DIANE Then, what do you need ? MAILMAN Nothing. It's just that your mailbox doesn't work. DIANE Oh. I'm sorry about that.
[He gives her the mail]
MAILMAN Have a nice day. DIANE Sure. [Closes the door]. MAILMAN [To himself, in disbelief as he walks away] Your mailbox doesn't work ?!
Cut to; [Inside the Szalinski house. Diane has just closed the door and walks into the kitchen]
DIANE [Shouting] Wayne. The mailbox doesn't work. WAYNE [Entering the kitchen] I'll fix it later, Honey. DIANE So, have you decided which inventions you're taking to this meeting tomorrow. WAYNE First of all it is not a meeting, it's a thing where you do stuff and show stuff. DIANE You just described a Circus. WAYNE It's kind of like the science fairs we used to take Nick to. Although there are other things apart from scientific inventions on display. Isn't it a pity Adam isn't more scientifically experimental like Nick was ? DIANE Wayne, honey. Nick and Adam are nothing alike. Don't you think... WAYNE And secondly, No. I haven't decided which inventions I should take. I don't really want to go. DIANE You will go. WAYNE Why ? DIANE Because I said so. And you need to decide which inventions you're taking. This circus-type thing is tomorrow. WAYNE Yeah, but I have so many good inventions. DIANE Some that don't work. WAYNE Sure there are some that don't work, but there's nothing wrong with that. DIANE Are you taking the shrink ray. WAYNE I'm not sure. DIANE Isn't that why you brought it home from the smith-sonium for the weekend ? WAYNE No. I brought it home to fix it. They've been having some problems. The laser density is... DIANE Wayne, I don't want a scientific explanation. 'It doesn't work right' would be fine.
[Adam enters. He is already dressed and looks as if he is ready to go out to play baseball.]
DIANE Adam honey, isn't it a bit early to be playing baseball ? ADAM We're all going out to finish yesterday's game. DIANE This early ? ADAM You're the one who told me to be home for when Amy and Russ get here. DIANE Oh of course. Amy and Russ are coming down for the weekend. WAYNE You didn't tell me. DIANE I'm sorry honey, but I forgot myself. There's no problem, is there ? WAYNE [Guilty] No. DIANE Wayne... WAYNE It's just that...I invited Nick here. DIANE What ?! Why do you never think of telling me ?! ADAM Can I...erm...go now ? WAYNE Sure. DIANE Wayne. I am waiting for an answer.
[Adam exits, avoiding Wayne and Diane - she keeps shouting at Wayne]
Scene 2; Later that day in the Szalinski living room
[Diane is watching Tv, and Wayne is working on a small invention. Adam enters]
DIANE And where have you been, young man ? ADAM Playing baseball, I've already told you. Aren't they here yet ?! DIANE No. Neither Nick nor Amy and Russ. WAYNE Don't worry, honey. They will be here soon. DIANE Adam, go and change out of your play-clothes. ADAM But mom... DIANE Adam. WAYNE Adam, son, I think you'd better do as your mom tells you. Nick would have straight away. ADAM Stop comparing me to Nick, dad. We're two different people.
[Adam exits upstairs quite upset. Diane looks at him, worrying]
WAYNE What was that all about ?! DIANE Wayne, I think we need to talk about Adam. You keep comparing him...
[The doorbell rings]
WAYNE I'll get it. DIANE And he's gone again.
[Wayne goes to answer the door. Diane follows him. Wayne opens the door - Amy, Russ Thompson and Nick are stood there with cases]
DIANE Amy, Nicky ! NICK So you're still calling me Nicky. DIANE You're still my little boy, Nick. AMY Hi, mom.
[They start hugging]
DIANE [Shouts up the stairs] Adam, it's your brother and your sister with her boyfriend ! WAYNE Hey Russ. How are both of you keeping. RUSS We're great, Mr. Szalinski. AMY We're fine, dad. Don't worry. NICK Hey Dad. WAYNE Nicky. My number one son !
[Adam arrives at the bottom of the stairs just in time to hear this. He looks disappointed and starts running back up]
DIANE Adam, honey. WAYNE Hey Adam, it's just something I say. I didn't mean it like that. ADAM Really ? WAYNE Sure. You're both my sons.
[Adam walks back down the stairs gladly]
ADAM Hey Amy, Nick. WAYNE So Nick. I'm working on this new invention...
[As Wayne starts walking Nick through to the living room, Adam looks a bit disappointed]
AMY [To Adam] Don't sweat. At least you're into cool stuff like baseball and music. ADAM Yeah. DIANE So, come through.
[They all grab a suitcase, and walk to join Nick and Wayne in the living room]
DIANE So, why are all of you arriving together ? RUSS Well we we're going quite close to Nick's college dorm. And since we were all coming here, we decided to pick him up on the way. AMY We weren't sure if you had room for all of us. WAYNE Of course we do. DIANE Adam, show them to their rooms. ADAM Sure. Come on you guys.
[Ad. Lib talking]
[Adam takes the others upstairs - leaving Wayne and Diane alone]
DIANE Wayne, try to take more notice of Adam even though Nick and Amy...even though Nick is here. WAYNE Sure honey. Now what are we having for dinner tonight. DIANE [Sigh] I don't know. Just a take away or something I guess. WAYNE You know, I still don't want to go to this thing tomorrow...
[Ad. Lib talking]
[Between both scenes, zoom into a window as Wayne and Diane exit. Show it getting darker, and then lighter again (and the moon etc.)]
Scene 3 The morning after - Outside the Szalinski house
[The mailman knocks on the door with mail in his hand] DIANE [Opening the door] Hello ? Oh, hello. MAILMAN Hello again. I'm... DIANE We were introduced yesterday. MAILMAN Of course. Erm...Your mailbox isn't working again. DIANE Again ?! I though Wayne fixed it. I'm sorry. [Closes the door] MAILMAN [Stopping the door from closing] Here's your mail. DIANE Of course. Thanks.
[She takes the mail and enters the house]
MAILMAN [To himself] I need another job. Or another neighborhood.
Cut to; The inside of the house
[Diane walks through to the kitchen]
DIANE [Shouting] Wayne, the mailbox isn't working again. WAYNE [Voice] Sure thing, honey.
[Diane starts making breakfast using some weird gadgets. Adam enters while Diane is just about to pour some milk]
ADAM Mom, did you know that there are ten million bacteria in a litre of milk ? DIANE How do you know that honey ? [Puts the milk carton in the bin] ADAM Nick told me yesterday. DIANE Nick. Of course. Where's your father ? [She starts eating her cereal dry] ADAM [Looks at Diane in amazement] I don't know. I haven't seen him this morning. Maybe he's gone to work early. DIANE Or maybe he's still asleep. WAYNE!
[Amy enters. Looking very tired - still in her pyjamas]
AMY Gee, mom. What's all the noise about ? DIANE I'm sorry honey, did I wake you ? AMY Well, actually yes. DIANE WAYNE!!! ADAM I don't know what's up with her. AMY She's probably hung up about having to go to gran and granddad's party tonight. DIANE That's tonight ? I wasn't even thinking about that! WAYNE!!!!!!! WAYNE [Voice] Sure thing, dear. DIANE Well at least he's up. AMY Mom, I've only been home a week, and I can smell that rat before you. ADAM Yeah Mom, don't you think you should go and wake dad up ? DIANE But he's already… AMY Just check. DIANE Why ? ADAM DAD! WAYNE [Voice] Sure thing dear. AMY HOW ARE YOU, DAD ? WAYNE [Voice] Sure thing, dear. DIANE The scheming…[Runs up the stairs] AMY We told her so. ADAM Yeah.
DIANE [Voice] WAYNE!!! WAYNE [Voice] All right dear. [At the same time] Sure thing, dear. DIANE [Voice] Come on, honey. You have to show your machine at some place this morning. WAYNE [Voice] I know, honey. [At the same time] Sure thing, dear. DIANE [Voice] And would you turn that thing OFF!!! WAYNE [Voice] Sure thing dear. [In the middle of 'Dear', the voice slows down, and stops]
[Diane enters this room, and carries on eating and cooking]
NICK [Entering looking v. v. tired] What's all the noise ? AMY Don't worry, Nick. It's just Mom and Dad. NICK Oh. Gran and Granddad's party. DIANE Why does everyone keep commenting on that ? NICK Mom, what is with your eating dry cereal ? ADAM Yeah mom. Was it something we said ?
[Wayne enters and looks guilty at Diane]
WAYNE Sorry honey. DIANE Wayne, you have a very important meeting today. It could make you famous. And you're already LATE! AMY I think dad's already famous after shrinking us, blowing Adam up, and shrinking you mom. DIANE Speaking of shrinking you, where's that boyfriend of yours ? He's coming too isn't he ? AMY I'll get Russ now. [Exit] NICK So dad, are you nervous ?
[Wayne has fallen to sleep in his chair]
NICK Dad ? Dad ? DIANE Let me be of assistance. WAYNE!!! WAYNE [Waking up] Sure thing, sorry honey. DIANE March into the bedroom, and change. WAYNE But I haven't had my breakfast yet. DIANE So ?!
[Diane exits pushing Wayne with her]
ADAM So, you see Nicky, That's what I've been living with all these years. NICK You poor guy. I thought they were bad when I lived with them.
[Amy enters with Little Russ Thompson]
AMY Where's mom gone now ? NICK Upstairs. AMY She told me to get Russ. And now she's not here! RUSS Not to worry, I need some breakfast anyway. [Goes to get some] NICK So, can he whistle yet ? AMY Nicky! ADAM Whistle ? He can't whistle ? Somebody answer me! RUSS Any milk here ? ADAM Check the bin.
[Russ Looks in astonishment and then starts eating his cereal dry, without a spoon]
RUSS So, what's everyone up to today ? NICK Nothing I guess. I just want a break from college. ADAM I'm off school for another week. RUSS So me and Amy both got time off work to come and visit, and nobody's got anything planned ?! NICK+ADAM Yeah. AMY Well Russ, dad's got this very important meeting today and... ADAM May I remind everyone that it is not a meeting ? NICK It's a kind of school science fair.
[Ad. Lib asking what that is]
NICK Oh of course. I'm the only one who's ever been in a science fair. RUSS Just answer the question, Nick. NICK It's just that everyone has a stand, a stall, whatever you want to call it, where they show off some of their inventions, and they give a speech about it later. AMY Oh yeah. I remember you winning with your 'let a robot take your dog for a walk' experiment. NICK I was eleven. ADAM When was that ?! AMY Russ, why are you eating your cereal dry ? ADAM Excuse me, does anyone hear me ?! RUSS I couldn't find any milk.
[Cross-fade to scene two]
Scene 4; Szalinski living room [Russ is sat on the couch, Amy is lying down with her head on his lap, reading. Adam is on the floor, playing a computer game against Russ.]
ADAM And guess who won it again ! RUSS I'm tired of this game. ADAM You mean your tired of losing. RUSS Hey, does anyone want to go to the mall ? AMY [Jumps up] I'll have a piece of that action. RUSS I should have known. Adam ? ADAM I've promised to meet Heidi at the cinema later. AMY A date ? You have a date ! ADAM It's not a date, it's just two people...you know... RUSS Going on a date. ADAM No, we're just...
NICK Hey you guys, dad wants our help to carry some of his weird inventions to the…erm…car ?
[Ad lib. Groans - Adam mimes 'thank you' to him]
DIANE [Carrying a huge heavy box past the door] Come on you guys. WAYNE [Passing with a small 'toaster' type thing] Yeah, give us a hand.
[They all look at each other, and in the end head upstairs into the attic]
Cut To; The Attic [Amy, Russ, Nick and Adam enter and look around. The place is full of heavy boxes, but the shrinking machine is in the middle of the room, with an empty box beside it]
AMY How are we gonna get all these boxes downstairs and into the car ?! RUSS I have no idea. NICK How many things has Dad invented ? ADAM Look around the house. Have you seen those things in a shop window display ? RUSS Your oven came from a shop. ADAM But now it's unique - Dad has made it an oven and a dryer in one ! AMY Yeah. But somehow, I don't think we'll ever see that in a shop. RUSS So he still invents in the attic ?! NICK And at work. ADAM He makes the prototypes here - if they don't work correctly, he leaves them around the house. AMY Things like the mailbox. NICK And anything else in the house. RUSS The shrink ray works. How come he isn't mass producing that ?! NICK Excuse me ? Every household in America owning a shrink ray ? Think of the consequences. RUSS Yeah, I guess. But still, how are we ever going to get all these Huge boxes through the door ? Not to mention down the stairs and into the car type thing your dad owns ? AMY I think that's one of the inventions which didn't quite work. RUSS But how do your parents expect to do it ?!
[Nick and Adam look at each other (They both have the same idea)]
NICK Are you thinking what I'm thinking ? ADAM If you're thinking what I'm thinking, I am.
AMY Nick ? Adam ? RUSS What's wrong ? NICK You did say that the boxes were too big to be carried downstairs didn't you ? RUSS Yeah, but what...You're not thinking of using the shrinking machine ? NICK This is what it was designed for. Dad wouldn't mind. [He starts to fire her up] AMY Adam, do something. ADAM Sure. If you insist. [He helps Nick] AMY We can't do this…[Sees Russ going to help]…I might aswell [Goes to help]
[Ad. Lib talking to each other]
[Play some music, and show them firing the machine up, and then start to shrink stuff - Nick controlling the machine]
ADAM This one next. AMY Are you sure we should be doing this ? RUSS Come on Amy. Your dad will be glad of the help.
[They carry on with their work, but then Russ and Amy set a box down in front of the machine. Russ gets out of the way, but Amy kneels down to tie her shoelaces behind the box. Nick counts up to three, and then fires. Russ sees Amy, shouts and runs to get her out of the way. Amy hears him shout. She lifts up her head to see what's going on. They both + the box get shrunk]
ADAM Oh my god. Nick do something. NICK Aaaaaaa! ADAM Something else! NICK Ok. [He runs towards where they were shrunk] Come here Adam. ADAM The machine isn't going to fire, is it ? NICK No. There's no-one to press the button.
[Adam walks to Nick]
NICK Watch your feet ! [They both start looking for Amy and Russ. The machine fires up, and shrinks them. As it does, it overpowers and falls into the box, while it does, it pulls it's plug out of the wall]
ADAM Oh my god. NICK Aaaaaaa! ADAM I still don't want you to do that. But that's how I'm feeling ! AMY [Running towards them] Adam! Nick! RUSS [Running with her] Not again, please not again! AMY Nick. This is all your fault! NICK No, it was your fault tying your shoelaces. RUSS Someone should have warned her sooner. ADAM Why didn't you ?
[They all start shouting at each other]
Cut To; [Outside the house. Diane is struggling to get a box into the solar-van. Wayne is empty-handed]
WAYNE Where are the kids with those boxes ? DIANE [Still struggling with the box] Wayne, these boxes are heavy. You can't expect Adam and Amy to carry them WAYNE They could have brought some of the smaller inventions down.
[Diane gives him a look]
WAYNE I'll go and get some more boxes from the attic. [Goes inside] DIANE But first could you just help me with… He's gone again.
[She gives the box a huge shove into the van. There is a crashing sound as it goes in. Diane looks around, but walks into the house]
Cut To; [Up in the attic. They are all still fighting. Then Wayne enters, they stop when he talks]
WAYNE Kids ?
[They all start shouting at him]
WAYNE Anyone here ? DIANE [Entering] Where are they ? WAYNE Typical I guess. They knew there was work to be done, so they chickened out. DIANE Well there aren't many boxes left. They must have done some work. WAYNE Yeah, I guess. Let's get the rest of them down.
[Wayne and Diane carry 2 of the remaining 4 boxes down - one each. The kids dodge their feet]
RUSS I'm getting Deja-vu. AMY You're not the only one. NICK [To himself] I don't understand. No-one pressed the button… ADAM Nick ?! NICK ?! NICK Yeah ? ADAM It's almost as impossible to get your attention as it is to get mom and dad's. AMY What are we going to do ? Dad thinks we've just gone out to dodge working. RUSS While we're here dodging their feet. NICK Wait. They're going out to this meeting. Let's get into one of these boxes so we may get their attention there. RUSS Yeah. I mean. How big can this meeting place be ? ADAM Sounds good to me. Amy ? AMY I can't believe I let you guys talk me into this stuff ! RUSS The shrinking machine. The lid's still not on. They'll have to put the lid on. ADAM So ? RUSS So we should climb up on the lid, it's easier and closer.
[They all agree, and start towards the lid of the box. Wayne and Diane enter. The kids climb on to the lid (It's not high)]
AMY Right. So now all we have to do is sit here, and wait. NICK I guess so.
[They do so]
DIANE Wayne ? WAYNE Yeah ? DIANE Wouldn't it have been easier to just use your shrinking machine and shrink all those boxes ? WAYNE Usually yes. But the machine's been playing up lately. It shoots without anyone pushing the button.
NICK Hey you guys. It wasn't my fault. Dad's the reason we're shrunk.
WAYNE Only one box left. DIANE One ? There are two boxes here. WAYNE Yeah, I know. I'm only taking the shrinking machine.
RUSS A quick change of plan everyone. AMY What can we do ? ADAM There's no other way there. RUSS Just grab on to his shoe.
[They all run after him as he starts to walk out of the room with the other box. They all [except Amy] jump onto the shoe. Amy is screaming after them, and barely keeping up. Russ holds his hands out. She grabs them, and is 'flying' in the air as Wayne lifts his foot to walk. Then Nick and Russ pull her onto the shoe - Fade out]
Scene 5; In the Solar-van [Fade in. Wayne is driving, Diane in the passenger seat. The kids are still on Wayne's shoe]
WAYNE Do you think we should have locked the house ? The kids may not have a key. DIANE Amy can always drive them somewhere. So can Nick and Russ. And there's always the Thompsons' house. WAYNE Yeah, I guess.
NICK Maybe we should make our way to the back of the van. AMY Why ? NICK 'Cause dad won't notice us here. If we climb on top of one of the boxes, we'll be easier to find. ADAM Yeah I guess. RUSS Let's do it.
[They get off the shoe, but have to battle not to be squashed when Wayne puts his foot down on one of the pedals as they try to pass it. They then see a clear run towards the boxes]
RUSS I'll race you. ADAM You're on. NICK Hang on a sec. AMY I don't want to… RUSS One, Two… AMY [Starts running] RUSS Hey, I thought you weren't racing. AMY [Shouting back] I changed my mind.
[They all start running to the back. They get to the middle of the boxes]
ADAM Now what should we do ? NICK We need to get to the top of one of the boxes. RUSS The one right by the back door would be best. When your dad opens it up, we'll be staring in his face.
[Ad. Lib agreeing]
NICK And look. There's some string coming out of the top of it. We could climb it easier. ADAM Cool.
[They all look at Amy]
AMY Let's go.
[They run towards the box right at the back of the van. Zoom out so we see Wayne and Diane in the front]
DIANE So what exactly do you have to do today ? WAYNE Show my stuff. Show people how it works. Look at other scientists' work…
[Cut to the back box. The kids are nearly at the top. Russ is leading. He arrives at the top]
RUSS Not far to go now Amy. AMY Don't worry. I'll be fine. I should be used to this by now. But I'll be fine.
[Cut to Wayne and Diane]
WAYNE …And give a speech. Oh my god. My speech. I've left it at home!
[Wayne breaks suddenly. Nick, Adam and Amy are still on the string, it swings violently. They shout. Russ is thrown forward, but stays on the box. Wayne puts the gearbox in 'Reverse' and v. quickly reverses onto the grass by the side of the road.]
[Wayne breaks unexpectedly. The back doors are flung open. The kids are thrown out of the car onto the grass along with a few smaller boxes and one larger one which opens, and Wayne's invention shatters and pieces go flying everywhere]
DIANE I've got the speech in my bag.
[Fade out, and fade back in on a car pile-up behind Wayne. Not including Wayne's Solar-Van. Cut to the kids stuck in the overgrown grass with nails and other stuff from Wayne's invention surrounding them]
AMY Is everyone all right ? RUSS Sure. We're lucky you're a trained nurse huh ? AMY Yeah. But I'm lucky I didn't have to use any of the stuff I learnt on you guys. ADAM Where's Nicky ? AMY Nick ?! NICK [Running towards them] There you are. I've been looking for you. What happened ? RUSS Gee, for once boy genius here can't find an answer. AMY Is everyone all right ? RUSS Everyone's fine Amy, don't worry. AMY Well, if everyone is OK, then we have to make our way back to the van. Or we'll be lost here forever. ADAM Yeah. You're right. But how ? This grass is really thick, we don't know which way to go. RUSS It kinda reminds me of something. NICK Look. How about we follow the trail of nuts and bolts. They should lead us to the van. ADAM Yeah, and it can't be that far away. RUSS Let's go. AMY Yeah, let's. This is like something out of a fairy tale.
[They start walking, but they soon change to running. Zoom out, showing the whole trail of nuts and bolts (It's not very long) leading to the broken box. Zoom back in on Wayne - Picking up some smaller inventions that flew out of the back]
WAYNE Why me ? Why me ? Why me ?! DIANE Wayne ? The policeman has said that we're free to go. WAYNE Really ? DIANE Yeah. He remembered us from when Adam was blown up. WAYNE Oh. Well, We'll have to pick up all this mess… DIANE No, just what we need. Here, I'll help you.
[They start walking near to the nuts and bolts. Picking up a few things. A Policeman walks up to them]
POLICEMAN Are, erm, you Wayne Szalinski ? WAYNE Yeah. What can I do for you, officer ? POLICEMAN I'm just gonna need your sequence of events. WAYNE Erm…sure. Ask away. DIANE Will you need me, officer ? POLICEMAN I think you should stay. Just in case you can remember something that he might have forgotten. DIANE Like his speech. POLICEMAN I'm sorry ? WAYNE Long story. Let me tell you all about it. You see, I'm on my way to a very important meeting and…
[Wayne keeps on telling the story as it happened, Diane adding a few points sometimes. As this happens, zoom in on the grass, and on the kids. You can still hear Wayne, Diane and the Policeman talking in the background]
AMY Wait up you guys. Let's take a break. I'm out of breath. ADAM Good idea. I'm exhausted. RUSS Do you think we'll make it to the van before they drive off ? NICK With all these people about do you think we'll make it to the van without being trampled ? AMY I hope so. I don't want to miss my favourite soap opera. RUSS You can watch the re-runs. NICK If we're big in time. ADAM Wait a second. AMY What's up, Adam ? ADAM Is that dad's voice, or am I imagining things ? NICK I don't think you could… ADAM Listen. [They all listen to Wayne and Diane talking to the policeman] And mom. They're close by somewhere. RUSS Let's follow their voices. We can get up on one of their shoes again, and get carried back to the solar-van. AMY I don't want to do that again. ADAM It's either that or being stuck here all your life. AMY We can catch tomorrow's episode, right ? NICK Yeah. I think so.
[Ad. Lib talking on the way]
[They start walking, following the voices. Asking each other sometimes if they're not sure. After a while, Adam looks up]
ADAM Look. There they are. Don't they look big ? AMY Scary really.
[They look at each other, and shake their shoulders (As if they had a cold shiver)]
RUSS Hey, come one.
[Ad. Lib talking]
[They all start running towards Wayne and Diane, and then get on Wayne's shoe when they reach]
RUSS Well Amy, you made it this time. AMY Yeah Russ. And thanks for last time. [They kiss passionately] NICK Amy ? AMY [Breaks the kiss] Yeah Nick ? NICK Don't thank me. Don't ever thank me again. ADAM Me neither. AMY Sure. I'll just give all my thanks to Russ. [They kiss again] ADAM [Obviously making conversation] So Nick. How are you ?
[Move up from the shoe, up Wayne's body to his face]
WAYNE …and that's where we are now officer. Picking up the pieces, you might say. POLICEMAN Well thanks for your time Mr. and Mrs. Stalensky. DIANE You might find that that's Szalinki. POLICEMAN Whatever. [Walks towards some other people] DIANE Do you still want to go through with today, Wayne ? Maybe we should just go home. WAYNE You're the one who told me to be confident Diane. Have you lost all your confidence in me ? DIANE I just thought that the kids may be worried and… WAYNE They've grown up Diane. They'll be fine. DIANE But Adam's only fifteen. WAYNE He's sixteen next month. Besides, the others can look after him. DIANE Of course. You're right. I worry too much. My mother always worried too much. Maybe it's in the genes.
[As they start walking, cut to the kids on Wayne's shoe. The shoe is moving (In walking motion).]
AMY Are you sure this thing is safe ? How do you know it's safe ? No-one's ever tested it out before us. RUSS Stop worrying Amy. NICK It's perfectly safe if we hold on tight enough.
[Amy grabs Russ' hand. He is obviously in pain, and finds it hard to speak]
RUSS Not to me. AMY Oh, sorry. [Lets go] ADAM Let's just hope we get dad's attention this time. NICK We will somehow. Don't worry.
[Cut to Wayne and Diane walking towards the van, zoom out slowly, they enter the van and drive off, cross-fade to scene 4]
Scene 6; Later in The Solar-Van [Wayne is still driving, Diane in the passenger seat. The kids are in the middle, by the gear-stick]
AMY Do you think, if we get out of here alive, we'll get dad's attention ? ADAM I sure hope so. I don't wanna be small all my life ! RUSS Do you think any of us do ?! NICK Look. If we want to get big again, we have to work together. Not disagree and fight. RUSS Yeah, sure. Sorry Adam.
WAYNE Do you think, if I get out of here alive, I'll be able to go through with today ? DIANE I sure hope so. I don't want you to be a laughing stock all my life. WAYNE Oh ? DIANE Sorry Honey. You'll do fine. Hey, wasn't that the turning for the University ? WAYNE I don't know… Why do you want the University ? DIANE That's where this thing of yours is. Honestly.
ADAM Hear that ? We're almost there ! RUSS Right. Now we'll put our plan to get their attention to work. AMY What plan ?! NICK We don't have a plan. RUSS I know. So how will we get their attention ?
[Wayne stops the van, and steps out. He goes to the back to open the back door. Zoom out to see a big University behind him. During his and Diane's conversation, the kids climb on Diane's shoe, before she steps out of the van]
WAYNE Honey, come and help me here. DIANE Do I have to ? I carried a load of stuff into the van, and now I have to take it all back out again. Life isn't fair. I'll have to put them all back in again in the minute ! WAYNE Please Honey. I haven't shrunk anyone for two years. DIANE And may I remind you that I'm still not over the time you shrunk us ?! WAYNE That was ages ago. Please ?! DIANE I give up.
[Diane gets out of the van to help Wayne unload it. The kids stay on her shoe as she carries one of the boxes into the University and into a huge hall full of experiments, inventions and other Science stuff. She puts the box down by a tray of bottles on the floor]
AMY Do we have to stay here all day ? RUSS You mean on her shoe ? Nick ?! NICK I vote we get off. ADAM The ride is too bumpy ! AMY But what if somebody stands on us ?! NICK We'll get on that tray over there. No-one will stand on all those bottles. And it's close to dad's booth. [He points up to a table with 'Szalinski inventions' written on it]. RUSS Yeah great. AMY Let's go then.
[As they walk towards the tray, Wayne and Diane go to get a couple more inventions. The kids climb up on the Tray Ad. Lib talking on the way]
RUSS So. ADAM So now what ? AMY Yeah Nick. You're the Genius who brought us here. What are we going to do here ? NICK I'll think of something now. Hey, what if we…
[He is broken off in the middle of his sentence when someone lifts the tray that they are standing on up. They all fall down. Ad. Lib panicking]
AMY We'll never find our way back to mom and dad now. This is great. NICK Don't worry. We'll find them. Look, it's not that full here. ADAM Yeah. I guess it's not like the public is here.
[Just as Adam finishes his sentence, cut to a woman by the front doors. (not the same ones that Wayne and Diane came in through)]
WOMAN Right. Let's go then. [Opens the doors] Hello. Welcome to the North California Science University. We have many local scientists here today, and we hope you'll be interested in their work.
[She lets loads of people into the hall. Cut to the kids]
RUSS Adam, I think you spoke a few seconds too soon…
ADAM There are loads of people here. How are we ever going to find mom and dad ! AMY We could. If we're lucky. NICK Well we have to find them. Otherwise we're going to be tiny all our lives. RUSS I vote for finding them. I don't really fancy being bird food all my life. NICK Well we can't do it standing here. AMY Will we dare step off this tray into a world of giants. ADAM I'm sixteen. This is not a fairy tale.
[They get off the tray, and start to walk across a high shelf. The shelf comes to an end.]
RUSS Uh-oh. Now where do we go ?!
[They all look at Nick]
NICK I don't know ! You think of something. RUSS If we had a stepladder, we could use it. AMY If we had ice cream, we could eat it. ADAM We can jump. NICK You want to die ?! ADAM No. But if you look down, there's a rail of test tubes. RUSS So, we're going to jump into some unknown substance ?! NICK It is a bit 50-50 Adam. AMY Yeah. But there's one of those things you press to get water in and let water out on the rail. We could jump on that, and land safely. NICK You mean jump onto a pipette ? AMY If that's the correct term. NICK I guess that's a good idea. RUSS Then who goes first ? ADAM Not me. RUSS Why not ? ADAM I'm the youngest… Erm… There has to be someone waiting at the bottom for me. AMY I'm the woman. I'm not going first.
[Nick and Russ both look at each other]
NICK You're the eldest. RUSS You're the wisest.
[Amy and Adam just push both of them down onto a big Pipette. They land on the soft, squishy part, bounce, and then get off onto the rail]
RUSS [To Adam and Amy] Ha ha. You've had your joke. Now come on Amy. Get down here.
AMY Well, they made it. ADAM Have a soft landing. AMY Ooh!
[She closes her eyes, and then jumps. She too lands on the soft squishy part, bounces, and gets off onto the rail.]
AMY Hey, that was fun. NICK [To Adam] Hey Adam! Everyone else is down here waiting. And if you ever want to be big again…
ADAM Ok. I'm coming…
[As he goes to jump, he slips. Ad. Lib panicking etc. He falls down towards a test tube labelled 'Acid'. The others run towards the tube. Adam has managed to hold on to the side of the tube with one hand, and is struggling to hold on. The others come right up to him and look down]
ADAM Help me you guys. I can't hold on… AMY Adam, don't worry. Russ ? RUSS Yeah. Don't worry Adam. AMY I meant for you to pull him up. RUSS But I… Ok. I'll try. ADAM Hurry!
[Ad. Lib more panics and 'stay calm' etc.]
[Russ holds out his hand for Adam to hold it. Adam does so, but almost slips while doing so. They all really panic. Russ reassures Adam, and slowly pulls him up. Amy hugs him after]
AMY Don't worry Adam. Nothing would have happened to you. NICK Are you kidding ?! That's hydrochloric acid. He would have been dissolved. ADAM Oh my god. AMY Nick! NICK But…erm…you would have been fine ? ADAM Thanks Russ. RUSS It's all right. I'm used to saving your family when we're shrunk. AMY That was really brave Russ. NICK Considering that you could have been dissolved too. AMY Nick ?!
[Cut to Wayne showing off some of his inventions. Diane holding a mobile phone to her ear and looking frustrated in the background. After a while, she puts the phone off and joins Wayne]
DIANE Wayne, the kids aren't home. WAYNE They're probably at Russ and Amy or Nick's college dorm. DIANE No, I checked. They've not been there at all this week, since they were staying with us. But they're still not back. WAYNE Don't worry Diane. Wherever they are, they're bound to be safe. DIANE But I am worried. Last time any of our kids went lost, you'd shrunk them…
[Show the kids walking right by the wall on the floor. Loads of huge feet passing them]
DIANE I sure hope they're Ok. WAYNE Don't worry. MR. BERN Wayne ? WAYNE Mr. Bernstein. How are you. Diane, Mr. Bernstein was in college with me. MR. BERN I sure was. You've married a loser, Diane. DIANE [She hasn't been paying attention] I just can't imagine where they could be. I'm gonna call the Thompsons.
[Diane goes, leaving Wayne and Mr. Bernstein talking. Cut to the kids still dodging feet on the floor.]
AMY Where is dad's stall ? RUSS Where's the roof ? I can't see anything there are so many people here. NICK I'm getting chlostrophobic.
[Adam, who's at the front of the group stops. The others all go into him. Zoom out, and see a mouse/rat in front of them, it's looking at them]
RUSS What was that all about ?! NICK What was the point of stopping ?! ADAM Don't look up ahead !
[Amy screams v. loudly. Cut to a man at a booth with 'I can hear bats' written above him.]
MAN There are bats calling in the building. I can hear them.
[Cut back to the kids. Amy stops screaming. They look at the rat, It's looking at them.]
RUSS Amy. I think that rat heard what you said. AMY What did I say that it could have heard ?
[The rat starts running towards them. They all start shouting and screaming. They run into a small room and towards a plug in the wall, with the wire in it leading upwards to a photocopier on a desk with loads of paper ( with print on it). They climb up the wire, as the rat starts to chew it]
AMY Hurry up and climb, Adam. ADAM I'm going as fast as I can. NICK [the last of them] Hurry up! There's no grip on this wire, and I can't hold on much longer!
[Nick starts to slip down. Ad. Lib panics. He then let's go and falls. (Show in slow motion) He lands on the rat's tail. It squirms and runs away]
AMY Nicky, are you all right ? NICK Yeah. Except that I almost got eaten by an enormous rat! RUSS [Arriving at the top of the desk, standing on some papers] Hurry up and join us here where it's safe, Nick! ADAM Whoa! I never want to be shrunk again. RUSS You might be shrunk for the rest of your life if we can't find your dad. AMY We will find dad. We can't stay small forever. He'll figure it out somehow.
[Nick arrives at the top and stands on the papers with the rest of them Ad. Lib 'hello's' and 'how are you's'.]
NICK So. What are we doing here ? RUSS I think it's a bit safer than being on the floor with rats and feet, don't you ?! NICK But now how can we get dad's attention ?
[Just then, Wayne walks through the door]
AMY Well look at that. ADAM Speak of the devil who shrinks people.
[Wayne walks towards the photocopier, the kids all start to shout at him. He puts the photocopier on in the mains. Kids are still screaming at him. He then presses so that the photocopier will make two copies. He goes to grab the paper the kids are sitting on. Ad. Lib uh-oh's and they all hold on to each other. Wayne lifts up the paper slowly and steadily, still typing something on the photocopier. Show him with the 'Zooming in' button - changing it to 150%. The kids are screaming at him to stop. Wayne flips the paper over, the kids fall onto the glass on the photocopier. He puts the printed side down on top of the kids, closes the lid and presses 'Copy' on the machine. Show the kids under the lid with the bright lights etc. Diane enters.]
DIANE Wayne, I still can't get hold of the kids. They're still not at our house. WAYNE Don't worry. May I please ask who's looking after my stand ? DIANE I get you. I'm still worried, though.
[She exits, and Wayne picks up the lid to make another photocopy. He removes the paper that was in it, and the kids run off the glass, and onto the button area of the machine. They think they're safe until Wayne starts pressing the buttons again. They all, in a panic, slide down the wire they climbed up. As Wayne starts making the new copies, he lifts the two copies he made earlier. He looks terrified. Show the paper - with a quite clear, black and white, picture of the kids on it - and the printed text in the background.]
NICK Dad's looking a bit weird, isn't he ? ADAM No more than he usually does. RUSS No, wait. We were in the photocopier when that copy was made. Our pictures must be on it. AMY We're going to be saved.
[Wayne runs out of the room, the kids look quite surprised. Cut to the stand, Wayne runs towards Diane]
WAYNE Diane. I have something really important to tell you. DIANE Can it wait ? Since you're here, I don't have to look after the stand anymore, and I'd really like to try and find the kids. WAYNE This involves the kids. DIANE Do you know where they are ?! WAYNE Yeah. Ish. DIANE Well where ? I was getting almost as worried as when you shrunk them.
[Wayne looks guilty]
DIANE Don't worry. You know I've almost forgiven you about that by now. WAYNE Then what I say isn't that important. DIANE Yes it is. I want to know where the kids are NOW! WAYNE Ok, honey. But don't worry. DIANE I won't. If you don't give me any reason to worry. WAYNE Oh well… DIANE Wayne. WAYNE All right. I didn't try. I kind of…I shrunk the kids. Again.
[Diane just stares at him in shock]
WAYNE But you have to remember, they're older and wiser than last time. And they're a franction of a millemeter taller..
[Diane faints in her usual style, with her legs following after. Wayne looks around, there are loads of people watching]
WAYNE [Nervously] She's…erm…She's…She's very tired. I have to close the stand down now.
[He puts a 'closed' sign up, and drags Diane through the crowd, and towards the photocopy Room.]
RUSS [In the doorway] Do you think your dad has told your mom yet ?
[They see him dragging her]
SZALINSKIS [Together] Yes.
[Wayne drags Diane into the room. The rat is there again, and someone's dog. Wayne looks at Diane in a panic and, dropping her, starts running towards the dog. He stops, looks down at his feet, runs back, and gets on a sofa. He looks down at his feet again and runs out of the room. Looking back after him. Two Policemen walk towards him. Show the kids looking from time to time]
POLICE 1 Excuse me sir, but could we take a look in there. WAYNE Don't step on the floor.
[They see Diane's body, Policeman one checks if she's breathing, and gives the Ok to Policeman 2]
POLICE 2 So. What's this. You were just going to leave her there, right ?! WAYNE No…She's my wife, officer. POLICE 2 Your wife, really ?! WAYNE Yeah. She fainted when I told her that I shrunk our kids again. POLICE 1 Shrunk your kids ? Of course. I do it all the time.
ADAM He Did! NICK Believe him, why don't you !
POLICE 1 I believe that we're going to have to take him down to the station. POLICE 2 I believe so. WAYNE But I'm telling the truth. Look.
[Wayne shows them the photocopy with the kids on it. The officers look in disbelief. The shrunk kids start screaming at them. The crowd which has gathered around them giggle amongst themselves.]
POLICE 2 Did you try to kill your wife, Mr…I'm sorry, what was your name ? WAYNE Wayne Szalinski. POLICE 1 Well, Mr. Slitzedsky, You might want to call your lawyer. WAYNE But my wife has fainted. Look, ask her!
[Diane is coming to herself by now. Wayne goes towards her]
WAYNE Diane. Tell them I didn't… DIANE I hate you, Wayne Szalinski! I can't believe you did this again! WAYNE Look at them, they're all right. [He shows her the photocopy, she faints again] POLICE 1 So, Mr. Slitzedsky, you've done this before ?! WAYNE No…I… POLICE 2 Wayne Slitzedsky, I am arresting you on suspicion of attempted murder, you do no have to say anything…
[As the policeman carries out the rest of the speech, show all the kids, just staring up at them in disbelief, zoom out slowly. Then The policemen escort Wayne out of the building, he still pleads his innocence. Loads of people come to tend on Diane, The kids try to dodge their feet.]
PERSON 1 Mrs. Slimbendsky, Are you all right ? DIANE I'm fine. PERSON 2 Do you need a drink or something ? PERSON 3 Here Darling, sip this water.
[Diane sees the photocopy Wayne showed her by her side. She picks it up.]
DIANE If you all don't mind. All I really want now is to be by myself. PERSON 1 Of course. [She / He gets everyone out and closes the door behind her / himself] DIANE Wayne! Why did you have to do this again ?! Nick ? Amy ? Adam ? Russ ?
AMY Over here ! ADAM Mom !
DIANE If you're in this room, stay here. I'm going to get your Dad's magnifying glass.
[She exits. As she does, the rat in the room starts to walk slowly towards the kids. They all look terrified and start to scream]
AMY Wait. Do you remember last time we were shrunk ? Quark saved us. NICK We have to whistle at the dog.
[They all except Russell start to whistle. The dog comes, and chases the rat out of the room. Just as the kids believe their troubles are over, the cleaner enters the room with a Hoover]
RUSS Uh-oh. You guys, where can we go that's Hoover proof ?! ADAM I don't know, but we have to hide somewhere.
CLEANER [Sighs] Let's see what rubbish I clean up today.
[She switches the Hoover on - it's one of the Hoovers with a lead coming out of it. The kids all get sucked towards the lead a little but battle, and soon are running the opposite way. The cleaner keeps moving the Hoover lead closer and closer, until Amy gets sucked. Russ grabs hold of her, but gets sucked up himself. Nick and Adam stop, and look at each other, then start running faster. Adam gets sucked up first, and then Nick gets sucked up shortly after - Diane enters]
DIANE Nooooo!!!!!! [Switches the Hoover off in the mains] CLEANER I'm sorry. I was tidying up. It's my job. DIANE Just please don't. CLEANER I'll go now. [Goes to get the Hoover] DIANE Leave the Hoover . CLEANER Whatever you want. [Exit] DIANE Nick ? Amy ? Adam ? Russ ?!
[Cut to the inside of the Hoover. It is very dark, but you can still see the kids, with dust and stuff that could be sucked up by a Hoover around them everywhere]
AMY Is everyone alive ? ADAM I hope they are. NICK I certainly am…I think. RUSS How do know ? How do you know you're not dead ?! NICK Check your pulse.
[They all check their pulses]
AMY This is stupid.
AMY Adam, are you all right ? You're not allergic to dust are you ? ADAM I don't think so. But I've never been surrounded by so much dust before. NICK Someone find something sharp. RUSS Why ? NICK So that we can cut this bag, and get out of here. RUSS Maybe this will do. AMY That's my arm ! ADAM Will this do ? NICK What is it ? ADAM I don't know. I can't really identify huge small objects all that well.
[Nick takes the object [A piece of glass maybe - it's not important] and cuts through the side of the paper bag with it. They all get out]
AMY It's nice to be in a dust-free zone again. DIANE [Voice echoing] Nick ? Amy ? Adam ? Russ ? ADAM That sounds like mom. RUSS We have to get out of this Hoover, she probably doesn't know that we're in here. NICK The only way out is the way we came in. So… AMY I am not getting in that dust bath again. NICK It's the only way out. RUSS Follow me.
[Ad. Lib talking and sneezing]
[They all get back into the dust, and into a hole at the bottom (they have to dig through loads of dust to get into it]
Cut To; Outside the Hoover
DIANE Oh my god. How could I have let this happen ?! I must be the most incapable mother in the World. I thought the one on 'Home Alone' was bad.
[Zoom in on the Hoover lead. The kids are almost out of it. It is like a tunnel to them]
RUSS Thank god. I thought we'd never get out of there. AMY I'm getting chlostrophobic. ADAM I'm tired of sneezing. NICK I spy with my little eye, something beginning with 'M'. AMY Mfood ? RUSS I could do with some food ! ADAM Mom ! NICK Yeah. ADAM No. Look. It's mom !
[They all run towards her screaming and shouting at her, she is looking around with the magnifying glass]
DIANE Amy ? Nick ? Adam ? Russ ?
[They shout even louder. After a while, she spots them]
DIANE Amy ! Nicky ! Adam ! Russ ! You're alive.
[They all hug. Diane reaches down towards them with the magnifying glass, and puts it straight on the floor]
DIANE Here. Climb on. I'll get you big again.
NICK What about dad ?
[They all start shouting at her again. She puzzles at what they're saying for a while, so she puts the magnifying glass really close to her ear]
NICK [Shouting] What about dad ? AMY [Shouting] Yeah. The police took him in.
DIANE Oh my god. Your father. Hold on.
[She runs out of the building. The kids skid around the glass on the way. Diane gets into the Solar-Van, puts the kids on the dashboard, and starts to try and drive the van (very dangerously) out of the car park, and away down the road]
Scene 7; The police station (outside) [The solar van drives and parks (very hurriedly) in front of the police station. Diane gets out and slams the door. She then opens the door again after realising that she forgot the kids. She lifts them up off the dashboard, checks if they're all there, and runs into the police station - the kids having a very dangerous ride again. Nick falls off, grabbing the sides, Russ pulls him up]
Scene 8; The Police Station (Inside) [Diane rushes in with the magnifying glass and goes to the reception desk]
DIANE I urgently need to see my husband. RECEPTION Hello. DIANE My husband ? RECEPTION Oh yes. What is his name please ? DIANE Wayne Szalinski. RECEPTION Starlensky ? DIANE Szalinski. RECEPTION Szalensky ?
[Diane is about to say it again when she sees Wayne through a couple of glass doors with handcuffs on, and being put in a cell by a policeman - She runs through while the Receptionist protests]
DIANE Excuse me officer. That's my husband. POLICE 1/2 Oh, Mrs. Stalenskie. Have you come to give a statement against him ? DIANE No. I want you to free him. POLICE 1/2 You want to free your husband after he tried to murder you ?! DIANE He didn't. POLICE 1/2 I think you'd better talk to our sergeant.
[Cross-fade to scene 7.]
Scene 9; The Sergeant's office [Diane is sat by a desk with the sergeant opposite. Diane is still holding her hand straight to keep the kids on it. The Sergeant is drinking coffee from a mug - he puts it down on the desk sometimes]
DIANE So you see sergeant, my husband was only trying to save our kids. SERGEANT By leaving you unconscious in an empty room ? DIANE The room wasn't empty, our kids were there.
RUSS And one of your kids' boyfriend.
SERGEANT Our officers stated that there was no-one in the room apart from you, Mrs. I'm sorry ? DIANE Szalinski, and your sergeants wouldn't have seen our kids. SERGEANT Why not ? DIANE Because they're smaller than an inch tall. SERGEANT I'm sorry ?! DIANE I think my husband's machine shrinks people to a quarter of an inch tall. SERGEANT Mrs. Szaliensky, are you on any medicine ?
AMY How dare he. ADAM Doesn't he remember the blown up baby ?!
DIANE Don't you believe me ?! SERGEANT Well frankly, no. [He puts the coffee mug down on the middle of the desk] But I would however like to know why you hold your hand up like that all the time. DIANE I've been trying to tell you.
[She stands up in a rage - and holds her head in both hands. As she does this, Amy, Adam and Russ hold on to one of her fingers (The hand is pointing down vertically) but Nick falls down into the coffee mug. Diane hurriedly straightens her hand again]
SERGEANT Mrs Szalienki. Please !
AMY Nick ! RUSS Don't worry. [He jumps down to save Nick]
DIANE You didn't even call the Ambulance to see if I was all right. You're the one who just left me there !
ADAM Oh my god. MOM !
DIANE [To her hand] Are you all alright ?! SERGEANT Erm...Mrs. Szaliensky ?! [He looks unbelievingly at her]
ADAM Mom, Nick and Russ are in the sergeant's drink !
DIANE What are you trying to say ?
[The sergeant looks at her very odly. He goes to start drinking his coffee]
RUSS Here Nick, don't worry. NICK This thing is no hot. RUSS Don't worry. We'll be alright. NICK It's like swimming in...something hot.
[They see that the sergeant is about to drink them. They start shouting in panic]
AMY [While Adam is trying to explain to Diane] The sergeant's going to drink Nick and Russ !
DIANE I can't make out what you're saying.
ADAM Oh my god ! Amy, help me.
[They both start screaming at Diane about the coffee. She gets the magnifying glass, and realizes that Nick and Russ are missing]
DIANE [In a more serious tone] Nicky ? Russ ? Adam, Amy where are they ?! SERGEANT No-one there after all ? DIANE Only two. Answer me Amy, where is Nick ?!
[She brings her hand right up to her ear]
AMY Nick and Russ are in the sergeant's drink... ADAM And he's going to eat them !
DIANE But...[Sees the sergeant about to take a sip] No !
[In slow motion, show Diane running towards the sergeant, and just as he is about to take a sip of him coffee, she pushes him. The drink goes all over him, Adam and Amy fall on the sergeant's desk - along with Nick and Russ, and some of the coffee]
SERGEANT What are you doing woman ?! DIANE You were about to drink my son, and my daughter's boyfriend ! SERGEANT Right. I've had enough of this. [Storms out of the room] DIANE Oh my god. Kids, where are you ?!
[They all start shouting at her. But she doesn't hear them - she starts looking for them on the floor. The sergeant enters with Wayne]
SERGEANT Right. You talk some sense into her. You talk some sense into him. [Exit]
WAYNE [Starts walking forward] Honey, are you mad at me... DIANE Don't stand on the floor - the kids are here somewhere !
[Wayne jumps on to the desk - very narrowly missing the kids]
DIANE And they might be on the desk aswell.
[Wayne jumps onto the floor. And then onto a chair]
WAYNE Is this safe ? DIANE I think so. But help me look for the kids why don't you ?! WAYNE But... DIANE May I remind you that you're the reason they're shrunk ? WAYNE No, I... DIANE You invented the machine, didn't you ?! WAYNE Yeah, but... DIANE So it's your fault they're shrunk, isn't it ?! WAYNE Yeah, I guess.
[Wayne starts to help Diane to look for the kids]
ADAM They're looking on the floor. We're not on the floor. AMY Don't worry. There must be some way to get to them. RUSS Nick, any ideas ? NICK We just need to get a message down to them. If we could get closer to their ears... ADAM We could... NICK We could give them the message. But how ?... ADAM I was going to say... RUSS Is it safe to jump ? AMY I don't want to chance that again. You remember what happened to Adam last time we tried that. He nearly got dissolved. ADAM How about we... RUSS Is the side of the desk safe enough to climb down ? NICK I don't know. We would still have to find a way up to Dad or mom's ear. We want something that will take us straight down... ADAM HELLO ?! I know how we could do it. AMY Tell us, Adam. ADAM Finally. We could use those... NICK Those paper-clips.
[Nick points to a pile of paper-clips on a file]
NICK We could make them into a paper-clip chain and climb down it. RUSS Excellent idea, Nick. AMY We're lucky you're here. ADAM [Disappointed] But, that's what I was going to... RUSS Come on, Adam. We need to start on the work.
[Ad. Lib. Conversation]
[Adam pauses for a while, while the others go to start working. He is disappointed. But he decides to join them. The paper-clips are huge, but between the four of them, they manage to start a chain]
DIANE Any luck, Wayne ? WAYNE No. Are you mad at me, honey ? DIANE What do you think ?! WAYNE That's what I thought.
AMY How many paper clips are there left. ADAM Only all those over there.
[Adam points to a huge pile of paper clips on a file]
RUSS Yeah. So let's get working. AMY Won't that much make it down ? NICK It might. But we need to be safe. Just a couple more.
[They carry on with the chain]
DIANE This is hopeless. How can we find them ?! WAYNE Well, we found them in thick grass once. I'm sure we can find them here. DIANE We didn't find them. They found us. WAYNE Yeah, but still...
[The sergeant enters with a fresh cup of coffee]
SERGEANT Did either of you come to your senses yet ? [he sees them on their knees on the floor] Obviously not. WAYNE Don't stand on the floor ! SERGEANT Where else should I stand ?! On the roof ?!
[Wayne looks at Diane]
DIANE No, Wayne. We don't have time to get your sticky shoes from the University. SERGEANT Look... DIANE Get out of this office ! SERGEANT I'm sorry ?! DIANE You have to get out. You can't walk about on the floor in case... WAYNE In case you stand on the... DIANE Worms ! SERGEANT Worms ?! WAYNE Worms ? Yeah, Wood worms. You have a wood-worm problem. SERGEANT Oh. Urgh ! I'll get out. [Exit] DIANE Wayne... WAYNE Let's just find the kids.
NICK That should hopefully reach dad's back. AMY His back ?! NICK They're kneeled down, looking for us. RUSS Then what are we waiting for ?! ADAM Yeah. Let's get big !
[Ad. Lib talking]
[They start dragging the paper-clip at the end of the chain towards the edge of the desk. They drop it on the count of three. It all falls down the edge of the desk]
ADAM Whoops. RUSS Great. Nick, we forgot to tie it down somewhere ! AMY That's just great. NICK We'll have to just make another one.
[There is a knock at the door. The sergeant enters]
SERGEANT I'm sorry, it's just that I wanted to... DIANE Do anything. Just don't stand on the floor. SERGEANT Can I just grab something off my desk ?! WAYNE Just try not to stand on the floor.
[The sergeant grabs the file off his desk, Amy falls off with a couple of paper-clips. Ad. Lib panics]
SERGEANT I'll be back later.
RUSS Oh my god. AMY !!! NICK We were this close. ADAM Now how can we get big again ?! RUSS And even if we do. Amy isn't here.
[The sergeant exits with the file (he holds it straight to keep the paper-clips on it]
AMY HELP ! DAD ! MOM !
[Amy starts crying. She pushes one of the paper-clips down off the desk - it lands on Wayne's head]
WAYNE What was that ?! DIANE What ?! WAYNE [Seeing the pile of paper-clips on the floor] Were those there earlier ?! DIANE Amy ?! Nick ?! Adam ?! Russ ?! WANE These must have fallen off the... DIANE The desk !!!
[They both stand up and look on the desk - Wayne sees a few paper clips]
WAYNE Diane, honey. Pass me the magnifying glass. DIANE But I'm looking. WAYNE Please. DIANE Here you go. Why ?! WAYNE Amy ! DIANE Where ?! [Grabs the magnifying glass] Amy honey. Hi !
AMY Mom ! Dad ! Thank god.
WAYNE Where are the others, honey ?!
AMY THE SERGEANT TOOK THEM !
DIANE What are you trying to say ? WAYNE Shout louder, honey. DIANE WHAT ARE YOU TRYING... WAYNE Not you honey. Amy.
AMY [As loud as she can] THEY'RE WITH THE SERGEANT !!!
WAYNE What ? DIANE Climb on to my finger, Amy.
[Diane holds her finger down to Amy. Amy climbs onto it.]
WAYNE What use is that going to do, honey ?!
[Diane holds her finger to her ear]
AMY Mom, the sergeant came through and took his file. The others were on the file.
DIANE [Screams] WAYNE Honey ?
Scene 10; The Reception [Adam, Nick and Russ are on the Sergeant's file]
SERGEANT I'm going out for a bit, while they're in my office. Keep any of my messages ? RECEPITON Sure, sergeant. SERGEANT And make sure those two in my office don't go anywhere until I get back. RECEPTION Sure, Sergeant.
RUSS He can't go out ! ADAM Oh no ! NICK We were almost big again. ADAM We're going to be this big all our lives, aren't we.
[The sergeant gets into his car, and puts the file on the dashboard. Just as he drives off, Wayne and Diane burst through the station door - followed by the Receptionist.]
WAYNE Wait ! No ! DIANE Wayne, get in the car. [she goes] WAYNE We don't have a car. DIANE Hurry up, Wayne ! RECEPTION Wait. You can't go. I can't let you go.
[The solar-van drives off - Diane Driving - The receptionist panics and runs back inside. She gets into the sergeant's office and puts his radio on. She grabs the handset.]
RECEPTION Erm...Calling all cars. Calling all cars. VOICE Hello ? RECEPTION You have to follow a weird looking van that's... VOICE Who is this ? RECEPTION Shut up and listen. Just follow a gray, weird van. It's heading for the town center.
Cut To : [The chase between the Solar van, and the sergeant's car. Diane is pressing the car horn all the time]
SERGEANT What are those people doing ?
WAYNE Hurry up, honey. DIANE Wayne, he's a cop. I can't speed up. WAYNE Well hurry up within the limits then. DIANE [Keeping her eye on the road] Is Amy all right ? WAYNE I don't know. DIANE Well check !
[Wayne opens up a small ice cream tub - It's empty except for two sandwiches]
WAYNE Are you OK, Amy honey ? AMY [In the box] Sure. Just, couldn't you have left some chocolate, not these jelly and cream sandwiches ? WAYNE So you're all right ? AMY Apart from the bumpiness of this ride !
[Diane turns a corner, Amy gets thrown all over the place]
WAYNE Hold on.
[Closes the lid, and puts the box down on his lap. It's darker inside the box now]
AMY Hold on to what ?
[Two police-cars join the chase. Chasing after the Solar-van]
DIANE Oh, no. Now what do I do ? WAYNE Don't worry. Just keep on going.
SERGEANT Police cars ? Maybe I should stop.
[The chase keeps going for a while]
ADAM [Looking out of the windscreen] Wow ! This is better than a flight-simulator ! RUSS That's because this is real. NICK Be quiet. We have to think of a way to get mom and dad.
[They are thrown to the side]
NICK Before we die. RUSS Hey. I've read about these cars. They have the horns on the steering wheel. ADAM So ? RUSS Don't you get it ?! We could get on it... NICK And jump on the horn. RUSS Hey ! ADAM Now you see what I have to go through. NICK Excellent idea. ADAM But I never get credit for the idea. RUSS Let's go.
[They start walking up the dashboard. Show the chase, then zoom up to show a police helicopter following the chase]
DIANE Wayne, I don't like running from the law this way. WAYNE We have to go this way. This is the way the sergeant is going.
[Diane looks annoyed. The chase still goes on for a while. Russ, Adam and Nick reach right by the steering wheel]
[Ad. Lib Yeah ! We made it etc.]
RUSS Thank god. Now all we have to do is... NICK Put the plan to the test. RUSS [To Adam] I pity you.
[They walk towards the horn sign on the steering wheel.]
ADAM Let's go then. NICK After three... One... Two... RUSS+ADAM THREE ! NICK Hey.
[Russ and Adam jump. The horn blows when they land. They 'high five' each other after they land. They all keep on jumping - and the horn keeps on blowing]
SERGEANT What the...?!
WAYNE What is he doing ?!
[Ad. Lib panics etc. in the next bit]
[The sergeant breaks suddenly. The tires screech, Nick and Adam are thrown against the windscreen, Russ grabs hold of the steering wheel. Diane breaks, the solar-van stops just before colliding with the sergeant. The box Amy is in is thrown off the seat, and lands upside down on the floor]
ADAM My back. NICK My arm. RUSS My god.
[They can see through the rear window. There is a huge pile-up behind them. Wayne gets out of the solar-van and walks towards the sergeant's car]
WAYNE Where are the kids ?! SERGEANT You ?! WAYNE Where are our kids ?! SERGEANT I don't know. I'm with the murder squad, not the missing-children squad. WAYNE There were a load of paper-clips on your desk. And...Where are they ?! SERGEANT Look around.
[Wayne looks around the car, the paper-clips have flown everywhere]
WAYNE Get out of the car. SERGEANT You have no right to... WAYNE Get out !
[Policeman 1 (From the Meeting) walks towards Wayne]
POLICE 1 May I see your driving license please...
[Wayne turns around]
BOTH You ?! POLICE 1 And, Sir. SERGEANT Get this man away from me. WAYNE No, wait. My kids are in his car, I... POLICE 1 I don't see any kids in the car, Sir. And I don't see your wife either. WAYNE My wife is over there
[He points to Diane, she is holding the box containing Amy, she waves]
POLICE 1 But how on earth... WAYNE And my kids...are half an inch tall. POLICE 1 Half an inch ?! WAYNE Diane, honey. Come here. And bring Amy with you.
[Diane walks towards him]
WAYNE Diane, honey. These gentlemen don't believe that we have kids half an inch tall. DIANE We don't usually. Sometimes they're a quarter of an inch tall. SERGEANT Excuse me...? WAYNE Show them Amy. POLICE 1 Is Amy a lizard ?!
[Diane opens the lid and shows Amy to the officers]
AMY Urgh! Bright lights !
DIANE With all due respect officer. Amy is our daughter.
[Policeman 1 faints. The sergeant looks in astonishment]
SERGEANT All right. Everyone, you may forget about Mr. and Mrs. Szalinski here.
[The sergeant's car horn blows. Wayne and Diane turn around, and run towards it]
SERGEANT [Walking off] I need a vacation...
DIANE Adam ? Russ ? Nicky ?! Are you there ?! WAYNE I knew this thing would come in handy.
[Wayne gets out a mini-magnifying glass out of his pocket]
DIANE What else do you have in your pockets ?! WAYNE You'd be surprised.
[Wayne looks through the magnifying glass - after a bit of looking, he spots them all by the horn sign on the steering wheel.]
WAYNE There they are ! DIANE Let me see. Hi guys !
RUSS We're saved again ! NICK Thank god ! ADAM Woo-Hoo !
DIANE Here, get in this box. There are some sandwiches there.
[Diane holds the ice-cream tub to them. They all jump in]
AMY Russ ! RUSS Hi Amy ! ADAM We're going to get big again. NICK Thank you. ADAM What for ? RUSS I need food. Are these sarnies nice, Ames ?! AMY If you like Jelly, cream and soggy bread. ADAM Dad's sandwiches ? AMY You guessed it.
[Show Diane and Wayne getting into the solar-van, and driving off. Leaving all the cars and police behind them]
POLICE 2 They're getting away ! SERGEANT Believe me. You don't want to mess with them.
Scene 11; Outside the Szalinki house [The solar-van drives up, and parks on the driveway]
WAYNE So, we're home. You're not too mad are you, honey ? DIANE Let's get these kids big, and then we'll talk about it.
[They get out of the solar-van, and walk into the house]
Scene 12; The Szalinski Attic [Wayne enters, gets the Shrink Machine out of the box on the floor, and sets it up. While Diane enters, and puts the kids down on the floor in front of the machine]
RUSS Amy ? AMY Yeah Russ ? RUSS If we would have been stuck small forever, I wouldn't care. As long as you were there. ADAM I'm sorry about being so hotheaded, Nick. NICK Forget about it. I'll be gone in a week, you'll be the only son. Until Christmas, that is.
WAYNE Well, here we go honey. DIANE Let me get out of the way.
[Diane goes up to Wayne and puts her arm around him]
DIANE I love you really, honey.
[Wayne presses the button, and the kids are blown up again]
NICK Yeah ! ADAM Alright !
[Amy and Russ hug, Nick and Wayne hug, and Adam and Diane hug]
ADAM Dad... DAD Yeah Adam ? ADAM I'm sorry about being so hotheaded this weekend. I should have realized that Nick and Amy are your kids too, and that I'm no different to them. DAD You are different. You're our youngest son. I should have realized that you and Nick were two totally different people. But whatever you like, science or sports, you're still my son.
[Adam and Wayne hug]
RUSS Amy, I've been trying to do this for a long time, and I think this is about the best time. Amy, will you marry me ? AMY Russ, I...Of course I will.
[They hug and kiss]
DIANE I've so been waiting for this. NICK What's that, mom ? DIANE It's an excuse to have a big do. WAYNE Why do you want a big do ?! DIANE Well my birthday was a month ago, and there are nine months to go 'til Christmas...
Scene 12; The Szalinski living room (Christmas Day) [Show the decorations etc. then Adam, looking out through the window]
ADAM Mom, they're here. DIANE Wayne, Nick. Russ and Amy are here. WAYNE [Voice] I'll be down now, I'm just finishing this, honey. NICK Where are they ? ADAM Outside, duh.
[Diane, Nick and Adam go outside. Amy is there with a pram (the baby in it is very young). Russ is struggling with loads of luggage in their car]
DIANE And how's little Timmy ?! [She fondles the baby] AMY He's fine, grandma. DIANE Amy, don't !
NICK Hey Amy. I guess we'll go and help Russ. ADAM Yeah, I'm not very good at baby talk. [Ad. Lib] [They go to help Russ]
NICK Do you need a hand, Russ ? RUSS Thanks a lot you guys. ADAM How's fatherhood ?! RUSS Tiring, Smelly and did I mention tiring ?! NICK I'm not doing it for a good couple of years. ADAM I'm not doing it for a long time. RUSS So, are we in a wing of the house that's sound proof ? ADAM You're in the same room as last time. Dad's just clearing his inventions from there. NICK He uses it as storage space. Oh, and you'll be glad to know that he's set up a Szalinski sound-buster bubble around the room. ADAM The Szalinski mark stands for 'Not yet tested but it probably doesn't work'. [Wayne comes through the front door with the shrink machine]
WAYNE Honey, where should I put this ?...Oh Hi Amy.
[As he says hello to Amy, the shrink machine slips, and zaps the baby and blows him up into a huge size. Nick, Adam and Russ drop what they are carrying, and they, Amy and Wayne stare in amazement. Diane doesn't realize, as she is looking at Wayne.]
DIANE Just put it with the rest of your inventions...oh no, you shrunk them, didn't you ?...Just put them anywhere for now. Wayne, what's wrong ? WAYNE Don't get mad, honey. DIANE What ?!
[Diane turns around to see what he's looking at, she has to look up to see the baby]
WAYNE I Blew up the baby.
[As Diane faints, cut to the titles]