Title: Your Mother Wears Combat Boots

Author: Dr. Dredd

Spoilers: None

Season: 1

Genre: Humor, challenge fic

Rating: K+

Disclaimer: Stargate Atlantis, characters, concept, etc, aren't mine.

Summary: One more reason that Rodney's a cat person!

Response to the SGAHC challenge to write a story that includes the line "At least I've got my boots on."



"Your mother wears combat boots," snarled Rodney as he walked through the field leading up to the gate.

"Hey, at least I have my boots on," John smirked. "Yours seem to be... missing." Ford, bringing up the rear, snickered at that, but schooled his face into a more neutral expression when Rodney turned around to glare at him.

Teyla shook her head in exasperation at yet another Earth inside joke. "Your statement makes no sense," she said, trying to keep the irritation out of her voice. That only set Ford off again.

"It's just an expression, Teyla" said John. "It means... it means... Ford, what the hell does it mean?"

Ford looked thoughtful. "I'm not sure, sir. Something like 'your mother's ugly and dresses funny'."

"No, that's 'you're ugly and your mother dresses you funny'," snapped Rodney. "Go ahead, mock the barefoot scientist. I know this is all your fault, not mine!"

John attempted a conciliatory tone. "Look, Rodney, I had no idea that the people on this planet kept those giant dog-things as pets."

"You mean the giant doghouses didn't give it away?"

"Well, I didn't know they were doghouses! I thought they were... I don't know... sheds?"

"Sheds." Rodney repeated disbelievingly. "So because you didn't take any architecture classes, I'm trapped in a... shed with the largest alien dog I've ever seen."

"How many alien dogs have you seen, McKay?" Ford asked innocently. Rodney made a face at him in response.

"At least the dog was friendly!" John protested.

"Oh yes, so friendly that it decided it would be fun to chew on my boots. While they were still on my feet!"

Even John couldn't help laughing at the image. They'd responded to Rodney's screams to find him flat on his back with a puppy-like creature trying to lick his face. Disappointed when Rodney wouldn't let him, the dog consoled himself by slobbering on a nice leather chew toy -- Rodney's boots. John had helped Rodney remove them before he was injured, but the boots were a lost cause.

Rodney's face turned so red that John became mildly concerned the scientist's head would explode. "All right, all right," he held up a hand. "Let's get Shoeless Joe here back to Atlantis, and then we'll get him the finest pair of footware in the Pegasus galaxy."

"Shoeless Joe?" asked Teyla.

John groaned. "Forget it, just go." Just before they stepped through the gate, though, he fired off one parting shot. "Hey Rodney, you know you squish when you walk?"